The bulletin board at County General Hospital was always littered with junk. 'Free Kitins two a gude hoam.' 'Earn $3,000 a week working from your home!'This week there was something a little more interesting. The flyer had a pocket at the bottom, holding a bunch of pamphlets. Dr. Dave Malucci had been looking to replace his bike. Maybe something that would run in winter. A motorcycle maybe. A Dickie Dee Ice-cream van or something... Work AND drive a cool car. But the flyer caught his eye.
*Test Subjects Needed: Northeastern University. Sexual Arousal Study.*
Putting down the cardboard box of things from his locker, Dave picked up the pamphlet, even becoming aroused as he read on.
'Subjects will be asked to watch a series of commercially available film clips, some of which will be sexually explicit, while we monitor your body's sexual arousal. In between the film clips you will complete a short questionnaire.'
Sweet! Dave chuckled. Now how much did this little venture pay? After Kerry had fucked him out of a job... He'd do anything, except bang Frank the desk clerk. No amount of money would make him do that. Dave shuddered.
'There are two components to the study. You will be paid $1,000 upon completion of both components.'
Okay.. This was awesome. Getting paid to watch porn. How exactly were they going to monitor his sexual arousal again?
'Measuring sexual arousal is done with a probe called a vaginal photo- plethysmograph or Geer gauge. The probe is about the size of a tampon and is made of acrylic plastic. You would insert this probe into your vagina and it would remain there while you watch the film clips. This entire procedure takes about 1-2 hours.'
Below the text was a picture of a Geer Gauge that looked like a dildo that had been wired for sound, the clear plastic showing the intricate wiring inside the probe which was attached to a long cable.
DAMN! Slowly Dave took a long look down at the spot between his legs. Vagina?? Insert it where?? Uhhmmm.. Fuck.. This was sounding sooooo sweet a minute ago.
Randi strolled up behind him, snatching up the pink accordion folded paper. "Whatcha got Dr. Dave?" She said with mild interest. The desk clerk had seen the flyer too. Dave wasn't the only interested party in the ER.. It sounded like a sweet deal indeed.
He glared at her, his face flushing with embarrassment. "Nothing.." He growled, grabbing the paper back and stuffing it in his jeans.
"You going to try out for the male arousal study, Malucci?" Luka said, amused as he emerged from the bathroom, wiping his hands on a paper towel. He stood, watching the man as he finished and stuffed the used paper in the garbage can underneath the bulletin board. "It sounds interesting, and it would be benefiting medical science." He said, a slight smirk on his exotic lips.
"M-male study?" Dave squeaked, scanning the board, finding an identical flyer like the pink one.. Except... This one was blue. Well... Fuck… He shrugged disinterestedly, and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I don't know. Probably not. Doesn't look like something that would interest me." He muttered.
"Oh.. So you're going to try out for the female study then, Dave.." Randi said arcastically, tugging at the pink paper that jutted from his jean's pocket. One swift yank, and the torn pamphlet was in her hands. "I didn't know you were THAT desperate for a job.. Did Weaver manage to blackball you at all the hospitals around here?"
"Give me that.." Dave snarled. "Don't be such a meddlesome bitch, Fronzcak!" It was embarrassing enough being here after the fact. People staring at him. Knowing what went on between him and Weaver. Knowing that he didn't work here anymore and was just merely picking up the fragments of his life that had been crammed in a locker and forgotten till Kerry decided to drag it all through the mud.
"Why? Just cuz you're so broke you're going to try out for female sexual arousal studies!?" Randi snapped back. "Just goes to show.. You really were a pussy in the sack, and I was more right about that than I thought. I mean.. Jesus.. I've seen more sexual prowess out of my dead dog."
"Ohh.. I always knew you liked the canine species.. Staying with your own kind.. Never knew you were into necrophilia though, Miranda!" Dave yelled back, as Luka put himself between the two.
"Okay.. That's enough you guys. Get back to work, Randi.." Luka reached up and grabbed a pamphlet from the blue flyer. "Here.. It sounds like good money. I know the professor running the study. If you have any questions at all. I can give you her number. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. Just.." Luka paused waiting for Randi to go back to work and out of earshot. "Don't let on that you work as a doctor or a medical professional for that matter.. They tend to like to pick civilians, so-to-speak. I don't know how they figure it would alter their studies, but they're touchy about that sort of thing. If you phone Maureen.. Tell her that you were a patient of mine."
Dave stared at the pamphlet that Luka had handed him, scanning the information, looking for that one certain paragraph.
'Penile pneumoplethysmograph: The penile pneumoplethysmograph (PPG) is a machine for measuring changes in the circumference of the penis. A stretchable band with mercury in it is fitted around the subject's penis. The band is connected to a machine with a video screen and data recorder. Any changes in penis size, even those not felt by the subject, are recorded while the subject views sexually suggestive or pornographic pictures, slides, or movies, or listens to audio tapes descriptions of couples having sexual intercourse. Computer software is used to develop graphs showing "the degree of arousal to each stimulus."'
Dave whimpered slightly as he watched Luka walk away, back to the admit desk. Leaving him alone with the pamphlet and his thoughts. A rubber band with a poisonous substance is going to be wrapped around his happy stick? That didn't sound so pleasurable at all. But the porn... All that free porn... Mercury.. He reminded himself.. It's just like a thermometer... But Dave shuddered again, remembering the old tales the girls in college used to threaten him with. That one night he'd wake up with a thermometer stuck in his happy stick.. Then SNAP. The thought made Dave tremble. A tear sliding lazily down his cheek as he struggled to get back to his reading.
'In a polygraph, galvanic skin responses are measured, and we have to make a leap of logic to think that galvanic skin response is related to anxiety, and therefore truthfulness. And it is that jump in logic that leads to a lack of reliability at times with that instrument.'
A penis lie detector test? He snickered, walking with the pamphlet to 'chairs' where he kicked at his box of belongings, pushing them along in front of him with his feet as he continued to read.
'We know when the penis becomes engorged, we are measuring sexual arousal. So it's much more akin to ... blood pressure measurement.'
As he sat in a chair beside a rheumy old man who coughed wetly and sounded like he probably had pneumonia. He should probably see a doctor before he drops dead. Dave thought smartly. But he no longer worked here. The patients were no longer his responsibility.
He read the pamphlet, ignoring the old man and smiled slightly, relaxing more to the idea. Okay... This didn't sound so bad after all. But... A blood pressure cuff around his... He shuddered. Ow.. Those things sorta.. Squeezed... Hard.. Uhh.. He read on, seeing that the study was very much like the one in the pink pamphlet. They'd both have to answer a questionnaire after each video and record their responses to questions, about how aroused they thought they felt, if they thought about sex during the clips or if had sensed an erection. The use of the pneumoplethysmograph was only part of the data recorded, his brain waves recorded using PET scans, his blood pressure and pulse monitored as well.
It didn't sound so bad... Didn't sound so bad at all. A thousand bucks... Same as the other study. He'd heard of these. These guys were paying quite well from the sounds of it. The last study he'd heard of at Northwestern only paid about $100 and the labs that tried it before them only paid the guinea pigs a mere $20-30. Yeah.... Dave smiled. This wasn't going to be so bad at all...