Doug licked the envelope.. The letter that sealed his future.. The letter with a cheque to Pamela Sweeney.. Hooker with a heart of gold.. Married to a Periodontist named Fred. They had another kid now, Mindy.. White picket fence, dog named Buddy and a cat named Twinkles.. Perfect little family.. But.. Ray.. That bastard. He was probably telling her lies.. Telling the kid lies.. Telling them what a drunken mess he was.
A cheque would fix it.. A cheque - and a good shot of vodka. Doug reasoned. She had stability.. She had his old man fixing things for Brendan. He'd go to a good school.. Private school probably, but he had to do this.. He had to do this so he could put it behind him. Put the kid behind him and forget about it.
Was he crazy to think that a few thousand would fix everything? That Pam wouldn't start the cryptic messages on his answering machine again. Once a year, on what Doug had finally ascertained was little Brendan's birthday. Once a year.. Breathing on the other line.. Once a year, the sound of a kid chattering away in the background.. The sound of laughter.. Then nothing. No message..
Doug finally got his number changed and unlisted. The calls stopped a few years ago. Now the cheque with an unfinished old address sat on his dashboard. Pam was back..
He wasn't going to ask Ray for the address.. That would be admitting that he'd been wrong, he wasn't wrong. The kid wasn't his responsibility. He'd told her to get rid of it.. He hadn't even known her damn name until the bitch had the baby nine months later and sued for support. Now there was a cheque with an unfinished old address on his dashboard, staring at him. Telling him that Pam was winning anyway. Pam had won. Pam had the happy family.. Pam had the loving family and kids and a white picket house.. Or was it a fence? Doug glared at the bottle in his hand. White picket house.. and an aluminum sided fence with a dog named Cuddles.. Or Doodles.. Or whatever..
He put the car in drive and careened up the street and plowed into a telephone booth. Stumbling out, Doug climbed into the booth and dialed information. "Yeah.. I need a listing for a Pam.." He winced, looking at the name on the envelope. The new name of Dr.Fred's wife. "P-pam.. Porter..."
*******
It had taken Mark an hour to quiet down the screaming Suzie and another hour to quiet down the frantically yelling Susan. "You drop my kid and you still want me in the sack! You're a sick bastard!" She'd yelled as she slammed the door in his face and locked the dead bolt.
Staring down at the smear on his shirt, Mark wiped at it and sullenly walked downstairs to his car. I didn't even get paid for baby sitting! Mark thought angrily as he turned over the engine and squealed away to his empty apartment.
******
"Carol.. Is the sign okay?" Doug murmured to his sleeping wife. "Carol?"
"Mmmm??" She murmured back, tossing in the uncomfortable chair before sitting up suddenly. "DOUG!?"
"Is the sign okay? I was trying to fix it and..." He trailed off, his brow wrinkled with thought.
"Shhh.... The sign's fine.. Really.. It's good. Are you okay?" Carol said worriedly as she extricated herself from the chair and walked to his side. A shaking hand went to his brow as she touched the clumped hair.. Filled with blood and other natural substances. "I'm so sorry honey.. We were just horsing around.. I didn't mean for anything like this to happen.."
*****
Dave slumped on the table, staring at his coffee as Luka worriedly puttered around the house.. "Are you okay, Malucci? What happened at the hospital?" Luka said as he paused over the man with a pink feather duster.
"Seri died.. Seri lost the baby.." Dave muttered in response, his heart taking over his lips, and his eyes and expression glazed over.
"Dave?? Are you okay?"
The radio that Luka had turned on low during his cleaning spree started
to spew forth.
"I'd swim the ocean in a suit of lead, you'd stand there, throw rocks
at my head.
Cut me open, watch me bleed is this what you really need?
Beat me senseless you gotta beat me senseless twist my arms, break my bones make me lie on burning coals twist my legs, punch my nose break my will don't ...
Take my soul, hey, i'm okay, c'mon do it again rocks my brain,
drivin' me insane i'm a man on my knees now i'm hurt, now i'm cryin' swallow
, walk on glass throw me to the lions i want to..." - Circle Jerks 1987
"Dave?" Luka repeated again as he watched Dave's pale form rocking slowly at the table.
His trembling body, raw with pain and sweat and fear, suddenly bolted from the kitchen and flew out the front door, volting across the slick grass on the front lawn and disappearing out into the fields.
"Dave?!!!" Luka yelled at the man, absurdly waving his feather duster at the fleeting form.
***
Collapsing in a panting heap of sticky t-shirt and churning guts, Dave lay on the dying grass of the vast field, and started to scream. Tears coursed forth, his throat raw and scratchy as his vocal chords gave out and the pain in his chest increased.
Doubled over, Dave stared at the ground before covering it in vending machine Doritos and Twinkies. The bitter taste, burned his mouth, lips and throat and his hand wiped across his face and scratched across the ground. The heel of his hand covered in small stones and dirt as the man doubled over in pain and started to sob again.
Seri... Was dead.. Was never coming back.. Seri hadn't died in his arms.
**
"We want you to come home Dave.. Enough of this saving the world business. I'm sick of having to explain myself to the hospital.. Explain myself to your school. Do you want to throw your life away for some girl!"
Dave stared at the phone. His mother.. So blunt.. So demanding.. So.. Mom.. "But.."
"But nothing.." She'd sniped back.
"She was my wife.. I can't just leave her out there.. She's pregnant with my son or daughter.." Dave stammered, his hands clammy and gripped around the receiver.
"She left you David.. I'm sorry.. But she's gone.. She's not coming back. Come back to New York.. Your brothers and I miss you.. Stop sitting around in Europe and moping.. It's time to get on with your life."
Dave stared at the phone and before he could form a reasonable response, the line went dead. His mother had hung up on him.
****
"Dr.Malucci.. We would like your assistance down at the hospital here in Zagreb.. Your wife has been in an accident."
That was all that the doctor had said on the phone, but as soon as Dave was physically able to hang up the phone, he knew.. He KNEW..
Biking.. Two wheels... Spokes.. Gears.. Handlebars.. It was really more
his thing.. Something he could hande.. Something he had control over. But
as Dave climbed into the rental car Seri had rented for the two of them,
months ago.. Months back when they'd gotten off the plane and made love
in the hotel room. Back when he knew things were strained, he never
would have guessed that she'd throw a pregnancy test in his face and then
walk out.. Walk out the door and never come back. The car seemed to make
him whole.. Seemed to make him fit.. Made him comfortable.. As Dave careened
down the street, Dave knew. Seri was dead.