"You do realize, Doug.. We are on a very isolated piece of land.. With plenty of places to hide a body." Kerry replied frankly. "What in the hell did you think you were doing?! She sputtered, wiping the water from her face and stooping to pick up her cane which had fallen during the sudden wet surprise of being drenched with the ice cold jetstream from a hose.
"I hope you weren't very hungry, you two.. That was your lunch." Kerry growled, pulling her wet clothes away from her body as they clung tightly like a staticky sock on the back of a suit that you never know is there till you get to work and people start nicknaming you sock-puppet..
"Lunch? I thought Luka said there was probably nothing around that would be edible!?" Carol said pitifully, still reeking, but now slightly cleaner and laying in the mucky water.
Dave stood in the hall watching the way that Kerry's wet jeans slid smoothly over her small perfect round bum, how the fabric clung perfectly in all the right places. He marveled at her fine bone structure; her shoulder blades, the curve of the back of her neck and the small knots of her spine sticking out against the very wet, white t-shirt.
He finally got the courage, and the ability to keep 'Dr.Stud' under control, and entered the front porch. "It really depends on whether you consider SPAM and corned beef on Wonderbread, edible really." Dave said with a slight smirk.
****
"Well it does not matter now.. I have food enough for everyone.. Even the smelly, wet ones.." Luka said proudly as he appeared in the front doorway.
The group drooled happily and followed Luka and Abby into the kitchen, like a cannibals at a fat camp.
"What did you get, Luka?? Beer?!" Dave asked, rifling through a grocery sack before Abby could snatch it away from him.
"No!! No beer!" Abby growled. "I got you guys some wine from a local vineyard.. and some sparkling apple juice for myself. Besides.. It doesn't look like YOU were outside helping with the chores.. What makes you think you deserve beer if any of this food at all?!"
"Well, Abby.. He was helping.. He did make the sandwiches, and everything was okay, till those two.." Kerry nodded angrily at Doug and Carol.
"It's not my fault!" Protested Doug, innocently. "Carol had the hose not me.. I was trying to clean her off that's all.. I didn't think it'd be nice to track.. uh.. mud, through the house.."
Kerry wrinkled her nose. "I know mud, that does NOT smell like mud, Ross.. You two go upstairs and take a shower.. That's an order.."
"We're HUNGRY!!!!" They protested in unison.
"You should have thought of that BEFORE you decided to get me wet." Kerry grumbled, rooting out a tub of cookie-dough icecream and tucking into it.
"HEY! THAT'S MINE!!!!!" Abby squealed angrily as she watched the ER chief eat her icecream. She grabbed the carton out of Kerry's hands and held it tight to her bosom.
Luka shook his head. "No.. Actually those were my dinars.. So technically it's MY icecream." He said, a twinkle in his eye and a smirk on his face as he grabbed the icecream.
"HEY!!!!!!" Abby and Kerry glared at him evilly, Elizabeth and Carol joining the fray as they circled Luka and closed in.
Luka trembled as the women circled him, closing in and making him feel very claustrophobic. "Ungh.. Please.. A little space." He muttered uneasily.
"We give you space, when you give us cookie dough, Kovac.." Elizabeth threatened, cracking her knuckles.
"Men.. A little help here!!" Luka called out nervously as the women had started to drool like hungry wild dogs. "GUYS?!"
********
"You're not getting any help from me Kovac.." Doug and Benton growled, still angry at him as they rifled through the bags of food.
Dave shrugged. "I'm not idiot enough to get between a woman and her Haagen-dasz, you're on your own."
Carter grunted in agreement. "Not gonna get beat up over ice cream neither.."
"Mark!?" Luka stammered nervously as the women closed in, crowding him.
"Nope.. Sorry.. Get between my wife and cookie dough? You must think they took out ALL my brain.. I am NOT helping you.." Mark crossed his arms shook his head before scrounging around in the groceries with Kerry.
"SPAM!! ALRIGHT!!!!!!" Mark crowed, holding the little tin over his head like a prized trophy as his colleagues all gave him funny looks and backed away slowly.
"Yeah.. Mark.. You can have that ALL to yourself." Doug smiled uneasily and looked over at Benton who snickered.
"Cool! Can I have the anchovies too!!??" Mark grinned, happy as a weird kid in a candy store.
"Abby.. What exactly DID you spend my groceries on? Spam? Anchovies and cookie dough icecream?? You're not pregnant are you??" Luka looked stricken and about to pass out.
"Well... Now that you mention it, I am late on my period.." Abby mumbled, watching Luka pass out cold on the floor.
Abby grinned.. "Good.. Now that he's out.. I found a great recipe book in the store.. Traditional Croatian recipes.." She smirked good naturedly and held the book upside down.. "Anybody here besides Daddy over there read Croatian by chance??"
"Croatian? Are you kidding me? Kerry said, still sodden and now sticky from the struggle for icecream. Drzislav's bassett hound waddled in and won the tussle as it was dropped by the screaming Luka. Screaming because, during the little brawl, some kind woman's hand had found not the carton of ice-cream but something more valuable to Luka.. Something much more valuable, and in retrospect it was wondrous that, THAT hadn't made him pass out instead.
"Well you speak Swahili and German and French.. Why not Croatian?!" Mark muttered irritably.
"BECAUSE I DON'T!" Kerry yelled, pitching the cook-book across the room.
Abby ran across the kitchen after it, glaring at them. "It's in ENGLISH
you idiots!!! I was TEASING!!!.. It's called a JOKE!! You know... Ha ha
ha?? Here.. here's a recipe for this lamb thing... Anybody know how to
cook?!"
********