"Put the body in the morgue.. Leave it there.. Let them deal with it.."
The group was agape at Abby's morbid and highly illegal idea.
"Abby, honey.. Are you okay?" replied Luka in pained, soothing tones. He brushed the hair from her face and swept it off her neck.
"Uhh.. Luka.. What are you doing?"
She ducked her head and got out of Luka's morbid embrace.. "Enough, Lugosi... Later.. We have to figure out how to get this body from the house and back into the trunk and past Elwy."
"ELWY?"
They all stared at her.
"Yes.. Elwy.. He's the guy at the morgue.. If I distract him... We can sneak him in.."
"And how do you propose we do that??!" Mark sighed staring at Doe again and poking him with his toe. He was quite stiff.. Not like Mark had remembered corpses from Medical school.. But then again. The corpses he'd worked on weren't found wrapped up in oriental carpeting.
"I could distract him..." Abby said sheepishly.
There was a horrid gasp from Luka once he'd discovered what 'distract' meant. "ABBY! You're with me!"
Abby sighed, walked up to him and grasped his shoulder lovingly and pulled him into an embrace. "Oh Luka... I AM with you... I am also with Dave.. And Elwy... and Carter... I never said I was exclusive.."
"But.. But... I gave you little itty-bitty bottles of cognac from my mini-bar!"
Abby snickered. "That wasn't the only thing that was itty-bitty.."
"HEY!!!!!!!!"
"You two... Leave the smudgy talk for later. We have a body to dispose of!" Snapped Elizabeth..
Slowly she paled, then flushed and she giggled. "Oooh.. Did I just say that?! Ooh.. Where's Sean Connery when you need him!"
Mark pouted(He always dreamed of being Sean Connery, practiced his Connery voice in the mirror at night "Green... Mark Green" But it never did sound right.. and in the end it was the full head of hair that got the ladies.. Not the sexy Scottish voice.) and poked Doe with his shoe again. "He's dead right??"
Elizabeth stooped and took Doe's stiff wrist and took his pulse. "Yes, Mark.. He's dead.." She replied, dripping with sarcasm.
"What about identification?!" Said Luka, still smarting from the fact that Abby was 'nursing back to health' half the staff at County.
"Identification!?" Scoffed Mark incredulously. "The man is in boxer shorts! Where do you suppose he KEEPS his identification?!"
"In his boxershorts perhaps.." said Luka, simply.
Everyone turned away and winced as Luka stooped beside the body and stuck his hand....
"Oh god! Luka! Why did you have to do THAT!?" Cried Mark, still facing the wall.
"It was in his pocket.. They're shorts... Not boxershorts.. Cute though.. Might want a pair for myself actually. Ducks... Hmm.."
"LUKA!!!" Abby gave him a firm swat on the arm.
"Oh.." He flipped open the wallet and found it empty except for a punch card at Second Cup. "Says here.. Le-.. Ler.. Leo.. Lar-" Luka sighed and handed it to Abby.
"Lawrence Havelock.." She replied proudly, ruffling Luka's hair.. "It's okay hon.. I only need you for sex anyhow.." Abby chided.
"I know.." Luka said sadly, staring at Larry Havelock. Thing was.. It didn't matter to him really that he only wanted her for sex. He only wanted her for sex... So it didn't really matter in the long run.. They could both have sex till their brains squished out thier ears and they'd never have to 'pillow talk' afterwards. It was brilliant.. But...
"I know you only want me for sex, Abby.. But I want you for more than that.. I want you to want me for more than that. I want you for the way your head tilts when you laugh.. The crinkling of your eyes when you smile.. The way you..." Aww shit.. He couldn't do it.. Being the emotional male, was emotionally draining.. "Forget it.. I want you for sex too.. Want to go upstairs??"
They looked at Elizabeth and Mark pleadingly, hopping from foot to foot, maddeningly as if they had to pee really badly.. But there was only one thing they wanted really badly.
Elizabeth sighed. "Mark..."
Mark shrugged. "Ehh. What ever.. Don't wake Tony.. Change his diaper and feed him.. We gotta get rid of Larry here.."
"Larry?? Oh Mark.. That does sound so crude.. Can we not call him Lawrence?!" Elizabeth pleaded and kicked the edge of the carpeting, covering Lawrence slightly.
"We can call him the toothfairy if we want Elizabeth.. He's dead."
"Toothfairy Havelock... No.. It doesn't have the same ring as Lawrence.. I think we should call him Lawrence, Mark.."
"What ever... What I call him is stuck in the middle of my damn livingroom! Can we move him please?"
While Mark and Elizabeth were arguing, Luka and Abby had retired to Mark and Elizabeth's bedroom and were currently playing Good Doctor/Bad Nurse..
"OH LUKA!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Oh.. Abby.. Ow.. Hey! What are you doing! Ow! Hey! Abby!? That doesn't go in THERE! That's gross misuse of County Property!! Oh Abby... Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Abby.."
"Mark you silly twit... We can't both get through the door at the same
time! You'll have to go first.."
"Okay.. OKAY! *UNGH*!" Mark pushed himself out and had stumbled backward
with his half of Larry "Lawrence-Toothfairy" Havelock.
"Let's get this bastard back into the trunk."
"Mark.. Have some respect for the dead!!"
"I do.. I used to be a big Grateful Dead fan.. Now help me dump him
into the trunk.."
"What about my rug Mark?!"
"What do you mean, 'what about your rug?!' It's got a body in it!"
"Mark!"
"Now, is not the time Elizabeth, I have my arms around a dead guy's
butt.. NOW is not the time.."
"When is the time?! and what if we can't get him into the morgue!?"
Mark shrugged, grunting slightly as he heaved his end into the trunk.
"If we can't get him into the morgue.. It's simple.. We bury Larry in the
back yard.."
"MARK! I am NOT burying Lawrence in our back yard!!"
"Fertilizer!"
"ILLEGAL!"
"And what we're doing now isn't illegal!?"
"Well.. I just don't want Lawrence in my backyard. What about Luka's??"
"He lives in a hotel, honey.. He can't bury bodies in his backyard.."
Mark said patronizingly.
"AND WE CAN!!??" Elizabeth threw down her end of the rug and stormed
back into the house.
"That is it! I'm phoning the Bobbies!"
"THE WHAT!!!!!?????" Mark sighed heavily. Why would she be phoning old
boyfriends at this time of night?
Scolded Elizabeth, as they'd wedged themselves and 'Toothfairy' Havelock
into the doorframe. That was another thing that bugged Mark, the way she
said can't.. It wasn't C-O-N-T.. It was C-A-N-T.. and he wasn't even going
to get started on the pronunciation of roof and the spelling of neighbor.
(which is neighbour by the way but I digress)