FULL MONTY PYTHON

Doug looked at his best friend. “Don’t worry Mark.. You’ll be fine.. You’re getting married next week.. And let me tell you.. It is as great as they say it is.. No.. It’s better than great.. It’s fantastic..”

Mark sighed. “Yeah.. It’s great.. I even have everything planned.. The caterer.. The church.. The entertainment.. I got my cousin, I booked him for the entertainment, how’s that that for good luck!?”

Doug chuckled. “Your cousin?! Oh god.. Not... You don’t mean Eddie... The guy who juggles knives and simultaneously plays the piano with his toes??!!”

Mark smiled and nodded, not exactly thinking about what was wrong with this. “Yeah!! And I don’t have to hire an organist, he said he’d throw in a wedding march for free and then he-”

Doug swallowed and tried to stop from laughing his head off. “Mark..”

“Aunt Myrtle said she’d do the cake.. But man.. This is great.. Entertainment and the wedding march in one go. Isn’t this gr-”

“MARK!” Doug laughed.

The balding doctor returned to earth and looked over at his friend. “What?”

Doug grinned. “Have you informed Elizabeth about your cousin?”

Mark shook his head.. “No..... Why? Should I? I wanted to surprise her. Show her what a wonderful wedding we can have on a budget.”

Doug held back a snicker. “A surprise eh? Well... It certainly will be. Carol was talking to Elizabeth a few weeks ago.. She’s expecting string quartets and brass bands and a Wedding singer.. Not your crazy cousin Merle..”

“Eddie..” Mark corrected him.

“Eddie.. Whatever. I have an idea for the stag party.. Infact Carol and I do.. Since she’s the Maid of Honor and I’m the Best Man..” Doug grinned. “We sort of combined the two parties. But I have to clear it with the guys first okay? You stay here..”

Doug left the lounge and found Carol. They trolled the halls finding each of the men invited to the stag. “Malucci... Carter.. Edson.. Benton.. Frank.”

The fat cop turned clerk looked up. “What?! Who are you?!”

Doug rolled  his eyes.. “Not you.. Frank.” The handsome nurse looked up and grinned. “Yeah?” “All of you meet me in the lounge in five..”
 

“What’s this all about, Mark?”

“Does that guy even work here?”

“Shut up Malucci..”

Doug chuckled. A fine bunch of guys. “Take off your shirts.” He said seriously. They all exchanged strange looks and did nothing. “I’m serious.. Take off your shirts.” They all looked at each other again as they pulled off their scrub tops. Doug looked them over. Edson was a little pudgy. Carter had a few ugly scars from last February.. But they were all pretty fine. “Okay.. Good. How many of you are coming to Mark’s stag?” Everyone including Mark put up their hand. Doug rolled his eyes. “Yes, Mark. You are coming to the stag.. It would just be a pointless party filled with drinking and women if you didn’t show.. Anyway...”

Doug slowly fished something out of his pocket and held it between his fingers. Malucci snickered. “This, men.. Is a G-string. and this is what you will be wearing to the stag.. In fact this is what you will be wearing to the bridal shower.”

There was some collective snorts of disbelief..

“No fucking way am I wearing *that* thing..”

“Don’t be such a pussy, Carter..”

After they’d settled down, Doug sighed.. “Okay.. Thank you..  I’ve settled this with Carol, who’s Elizabeth’s Maid of Honour. We, gentlemen are going to be the entertainment.”

Malucci grinned. “Okay, count me in, you can just call me ‘The Full Monty Python.’ ”

Edson rolled his eyes “Yeah right Malucci.. and I’m the Queen of fucking England..”

Dave laughed and stared at Edson’s almost non-existent bulge in his pants. “Oh and is that your Corgi? He must have been the runt of the litter...”

Dave snickered as Dale turned bright red. He pulled back and was about to pop Dave in the nose, when Benton grabbed his hand. “Look, I know it’s *REALLY* tempting.. But don’t.. Cool it..”

Doug rolled his eyes at the whole scene. “Okay.. About next week...”
 

Elizabeth sat on the couch drinking shooters and playing ‘Pin the Penis on the Man..’  when the doorbell rang. Anna stood up drunkenly.. “Iwullgitit!!” She slurred stumbling across the room.

Carol got up and caught her by the arm. “Anna.. Just sit.. I’ll get it..” Anna laughed and fell into the arms of Abby and Chen who stared at her briefly before dumping her drunken butt back on the carpeting.

There was a knock on the door again and Angela Hicks bellowed drunkenly. “Hooooooooo! ENTERTAINMENT’S HERE!! PARTY!!!!!!!!!”

Carol rolled her eyes and opened the door to find her husband and the rest of the men of County wearing labcoats and scrubs with buttoned scrub tops. “Let us in already! It’s cold!!  The merchandise is shrinking!”

Romano snorted. “Speak for yourself, Dale.. Oscar is larger than life!!”

Dave snickered aloud while everyone else tactfully did it in their heads. “You named your shlong?!”

Romano’s eyes narrowed.  “I wouldn’t say anything if I were you... Python!”

Carol rolled her eyes. “What are you doing here Robert?”

Romano nodded to her and smiled sweetly.  “When I heard there was festivities involving entertaining beautiful ladies like yourself, Elizabeth included, I just *had* to join in the fun.”  Romano purred phonily.

Carol shot Doug a look, who shrugged guiltily in response. “I didn’t tell him!! I swear!”

She shrugged and lead the men into the apartment one by one, as Carol grabbed the boombox from Carter and pressed play.

'Oh five little ducklings I once knew.. Short ones, fat ones, skinny ones too-'

  Carter blushed beet red and pulled a cassette from his labcoat. “Wrong tape..” He muttered,embarrassed as the drunken women all laughed hysterically.

“FUCK THE MUSIC! TAKE IT OFF!! TAKE IT ALL OFF!” Somebody screamed wildly in the back. They all turned and looked as Kerry smiled. “What?”

Carol bit her lip, amusedly as she stuck in the other tape.

At the second chorus, the doctors, in turn doffed their lab coats, pumping and gyrating to the heavy jazzy “Saturday Night Fever” type beat.

One by one they unbuttoned their scrub top and flung the shirts into the screaming throng of happy women. Carol popped, *FEVER* into the tape deck and Dave ‘Full Monty Python’ Malucci, slid across the floor a la Tom Cruise in Risky Business.

Carter glared at him. “It’s real. 100% Carter genes..”

Frank rolled his eyes. “Man.. Your gene pool is dried up.. That is sick..”

As they hopped and danced and thrusted around on Elizabeth’s clean, hardwood floor, they all grinned. The handsome docs and nurse of County were naked except for the small green scrubs coloured g-strings.

Carol grinned and put *Let’s Get It On* into the tape deck.
 

As the men danced in unison, shaking their stuff to the beat. Doug grinned and looked at his friends and colleagues. “ONE.... TWO... THREE!!” He hissed at them, as they all simultaneously pulled off that little green g-string...........
 

THE END

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