"Davey?? Wanna touch my Easter goodies?!"
Even in ill health, Dave's sister was a quick wit, and he sighed, smiling sadly.
"No.. Raine.. I don't want to touch your Easter goodies.." He said softly, stroking her hand which contained an IV.. The oncologists had given her three months.. She'd lived six so far.. But now they said it was only a matter of hours.. His sister was dying, and even as a doctor, there was nothing he could do.
He never thought he could feel so powerless. As a trauma doctor, he was at the height of excitement, of adrenaline, had his hands in people's chests and had done so many chest tubes and thorocotomies lately, he'd lost count. But this wasn't Trauma two.. This wasn't some stupid gangbanger who had his brains blown out his ears. This was his little sister. His twenty year old sister, who would never finish med school and become another Dr.Malucci.. His sister who would never get married, never have kids or grand kids or nieces and nephews. He'd never be an uncle, she'd never be an Aunt.. She'd never... Raine would just be 'never'.. She'd cease to exist.
Dave started to cry and the hand in his trembling fingers, tensed. "Dave... Davey.. Don't cry.. Damnit.. Don't.. Please.. I never wanted to make you sad." Raine said, her voice slurred from the pain medication. "I'll be with God.. I'll be an angel Dave..."
He stood up sharply and grabbed a large vase of flowers off the desk and pitched it across the room. It hit the far wall and exploded into shards of ceramic glass and greenery. "FUCK GOD! There isn't a god! He wouldn't do this to my little sister if there was a GOD! He wouldn't let her get diagnosed with osteosarcoma during a damn student lab! Goddamnit Raine! Angels? There is no heaven.. You die.. We stick you in a box and you rot.. That's it.. That's all.."
"Well shit Dave.. That's a pretty blunt way of putting it.. Thank you.." His sister said acridly, glaring at him, tears shimmering in her brown eyes and falling down her gaunt cheeks. "So all this pain.. All this suffering I'm going through.. It's for nothing.. I'm not going to see Mama.. Or Pop.. Or little Taco in heaven.. I'm gonna be stuck in a box to rot. Thanks alot Dave.. I knew you could cheer me up."
"WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK ABOUT THE DOG RAINIE!? YOU'RE DYING!! YOU'RE ALL I HAVE LEFT AND YOU'RE WONDERING ABOUT THE GODDAMNED DOG!? JESUS CHRIST!!" Dave stared at her, his eyes red rimmed, his hands trembling from the handfuls of caffeine pills he'd been popping to stay awake at her bedside and pull his shifts downstairs. He glanced at the calendar on his watch, he'd been awake for about eighty-four hours straight now.. Dave couldn't sleep though.. What if something happened. What if something happened and he'd fallen asleep?? Dave shook his head. No.. He wouldn't sleep.. He wouldn't leave his sister alone..
She stared dully at the brightly wrapped giant Easter basket stuck at the foot of her bed and her stomach churned. Somehow she had figured, having chemo and radiation up till her last day, would produce some sort of miracle.. All it did was make her sick as a dog. "Did you get any uhh..." Raine bit her lip and smiled faintly, as another shock of pain, shuddered through her thin body. She'd gotten used to the pain ages ago.. All she wanted to do now was eat. Even prisoners on death row got to eat. "Did you get it Dave?"
He nodded slowly and produced a small baggy from his pocket. "I did.. You want it??"
"Yes... Yes please.." She murmured, watching her big brother roll a joint for her. "All your lectures.. I never figured you'd do this for me.." Raine whispered, almost to herself.
Dave blinked back tears and rolled the ends. "I'd do anything for you.. I'd kill for you.. Getting you a bag of weed is the least I can do.. I can't cure you.. I can't make you better.." He said hoarsely, pulling a lighter from his pocket. "At least I can make you feel better.."
He stooped in close to the bed and lit it, breathing it in and blowing it into her mouth. Their lips brushed, and Raine smiled. "I-"
Dave shook his head. "Breathe it in.. Hold it... Breathe it in like you're swallowing a breath... Hold it.. You get a better hit that way.. Inhale it, Rainie.."
She smirked.. Her brother the pot head.. Raine, leaned back on the pillows and closed her eyes, exhaling slowly. "Thank you Dave.." She murmured.
***
"You're welcome.. Raine..." He replied softly, growing slightly stoned from the cloud of smoke that hovered around his sister.
With Dave's help, Raine finished the joint and he took her hand in his. "Here..."
"Here.. What?" Raine said confused.
"My roach clip.. Or.. Yours.. I.. I don't know.. I bought it.. Here.." He placed it in her palm and closed her fingers over it.
Raine laughed softly. "Dave.. You bought me a roach clip?"
He shrugged and wiped his eyes on the back of his hand. "Yeah.. I did.. I got you a bag of weed too.. Rolling papers.. You're an expensive date.."
"Dave... You know I am legal to have the stuff.. You don't have to hobnobbing with Chicago's finest.. I have a scrip for pills. They.. They don't work like weed.. But.. I have a scrip.." Raine said quietly, staring at the roach clip in her hand.
"That's why I got you the pot, Raine.. I'm not stupid.. I've watched you over the past year.. I know what works.. What doesn't.. I know the pain you're in.. You have to eat.. You gotta..."
She sighed and the cart of inedible hospital food was wheeled into the room. "If I gotta eat Dave.. Why do I have to eat that??" Raine muttered.
"You don't. What do you want? I'll get you what ever you want.." Dave looked out the door and saw a colleague pass.
"Carter!! Hey! Come here!"
John Carter paused in the hall. Dave... God.. He'd never thought of the guy the same when he found out that his little sister had osteosarcoma.. Bobby had died when he was so young.. Now Dave's sister. Life was so unfair. "Hey, Dave.. How's Raine doing?"
Dave walked into the hall, and shut the door behind him. "Not great.. The whole room smells like weed.. Raine wants something to eat.. But.. I don't want to leave her.. Could you? Please?"
Carter looked at his pager. It wasn't a 911.. Friends were more important than work. "Sure Dave.. Anything.. Can I see her?"
Dave shrugged and glanced in the window where the nurse was trying to force-feed Raine some disgusting green sludge. "Yeah.. HEY!!!!!"
Dave slammed into the room and glared at the nurse, who had pinned Raine down and was forcing a spoon into her mouth. "LET HER GO!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"
"Your sister has to eat. I'm trying to feed her!" The nurse growled indignantly, turning back to Raine, who had now started to sob and struggle weakly.
"She WILL eat.. You stop that!! Carter.. Help me get her off.."
The two men grabbed the nurse roughly, knocking her to the ground. "Get out..." Dave growled.
The nurse hobbled out with her cart. "I'm going to tell Dr. Weaver about you two.. See if you have jobs at the end of the day.. You won't I can guarantee that!" She snapped, scurrying down the hall to the next room.
***
Dave sighed heavily and looked at Carter. "Sorry man.."
Carter shrugged. "No problem Dave.. That woman's a bitch.. She shouldn't have been doing that anyway.. I'm glad to help friends."
Raine smiled and wiped her eyes. "Thanks John."
He blushed, she always called him John. It made him feel weird. "You can always call me Carter if you want.."
"No.. I like John.. Can't I call you John?" Raine, said hurt.
Carter shrugged and glanced at Dave who had sunk into the chair and stared at her. Man.. This was so hard.. That guy.. He had nobody.. Both parents dead.. His only sister dying.. Shit.. Even after Bobby had died, Carter had Barbara, had Gamma.. Dave.. Had nobody..
"Sure you can call me John.. So.. What do you Raine squeezed Carter's hand and sighed. Two men.. Two men crying at
her bedside. This would have been great if one of them had been Brad Pitt
and the other had been Keanu Reeves.. But it was her brother and Carter..
This wasn't fair. "Anything but strained peas.." She quipped, trying to
make a joke out of her near death by hospital produce. "A hamburger from
McD's would be good.. I'm starved.."
Carter smiled and stood, leaning over the bed and giving her a hug.
"I'll be right back, Rainie.. Don't pick on your brother too much.." He
smiled and kissed her on the cheek, walking out of the room.
Dave watched him go and smiled. He was a good guy. Dave's eyelids fluttered,
he nodded off, sleeping for the first time in almost a week. He was asleep
only a small moment in time when Dave was awakened by somebody shaking
him. The sound of blaring monitors filled his cob webbed head and he burst
into tears.
"Oh god, Raine.. Oh Rainie, oh god.. I love you.. Don't die on me..
Don't give up. You're all I have left!" The hands shook him harder and
Dave opened his eyes to find his sister alive. "I.. I thought you were
crashing.." Dave whimpered.
"I'm very much alive, honey. The person across the hall isn't. John
brought us something to eat.. Eat Dave, Please.." Raine said tearfully.
Dave stared at the Big Mac that they'd unwrapped for him. "This is yours..
You eat.. You need your strength.." He pleaded as Raine pushed it into
his hands.
"John got me one. He got one for himself.. He got one for you.. Eat
Davey.."
Dave tucked into the burger as if he hadn't seen food in ages, which
he hadn't. Between work and Raine, there hadn't been time to eat or sleep.
Halfway through his food, Dave looked at his sister who still hadn't
touched her burger. "Raine?"
Raine trembled, and swallowed over and over staring at the hamburger.
"I.. I can't eat it Dave.. It's too much.. I can't.." She said hushed,
staring at the hamburger as if it was a mountain that couldn't be climbed,
a dragon that couldn't be slain.
He moved closer to her and bent over the greasy wrapper, tearing the
burger and bun into bite sized manageable pieces. Carter watched painfully
as Dave fed the small morsels into her mouth, as she chewed slowly, savouring
every bite. When half of it was gone, Raine lay back on the pillows exhausted
and Dave looked like he was on the verge of tears, vomiting, passing out,
or all three.
"Dave. Maybe you should get some sleep before your shift. I'll watch
her. Oh.. If you run into Weaver.. Tell her I had a family emergency."
Dave stared at him in disbelief, tears of sorrow, relief, and pain coursed
down his cheeks. "You mean it Carter?"
"Yes I mean it. Go sleep." Carter replied sternly. "I'll stay with my
girl Raine.." He winked at her and Dave sighed.
"What is it with you and young girls.. At least she's older than Rena
was.."
Raine grinned. "Rena? Who's Rena?!"
Carter looked from Malucci to Malucci in horror. Oh crap.
"I think that's my cue to leave.." laughed Dave sadly.
******
Carter shifted uncomfortably in his seat and glanced around the room.
"Nice digs...."
"Who's Rena??"
"You get cable on this thing?" Carter stammered nervously, walking to
the tv. "She was an intern.." He said, his voice cracking and his cheeks
reddening.
"An intern younger than me? That either makes her Doogie Howser or she
was starting her internship hours as a stu-" Raine laughed. "You slept
with a college student!? God! What was she seventeen?"
"No! She was legal! Nineteen!" Yelped Carter, who had walked over to
the broken vase and had started to clean it up. "Think I should call housekeeping?"
"Don't change the subject, John. Don't pick that up like that either,
you're going to-" Her motherly rant was interrupted by Carter cursing at
the top of his lungs.
"JESUS!!!!!!"
"-cut yourself." Finished Raine, with a sigh. "So.. Did Weaver have
your ass in a sling?"
"Yes.. Which is why I'd rather not discuss it." Mumbled Carter who was
staring at his cut hand.
"Fine.. If you don't want to talk, then why are you here?" She said
softly.
"Because your brother is killing himself and needed a break. Because
I like you Raine and I'd rather be up here with you than being downstairs.
Okay?!"
"Okay.. Hand me my CDs... I want to put something on.. I don't want
to listen to the monitors.." Raine murmured. "John, are you going to Gamma's
for Easter dinner tonight?"
Carter nodded flipping through the case. "Man.. You have the strangest
taste in music. Who in the hell are the Rainbow Butt Monkeys?! Yeah.. I'm
going to Gamma's.. Mandatory family thing.. Gotta pick up Chase from the
home and-"
Raine grabbed his hand and, pulled his head up so he was looking at
her. "Take Dave with you please.."
"Take him with me? He should be here with you.." He said softly.
"John... You know.. I know.. He knows.. I won't make it through the
night.. I don't want him here when that happens.. I don't want him to see
that.."
"Raine.."
"John.."
Carter sighed. "He won't want to come.. He won't want to leave you.."
Raine shook her head. "I have God.. I have my thoughts.. I know you
and Dave will be thinking about me.. I don't want you or him here.. I don't..
I don't want him to watch me die.. I want him to have happy memories..
I don't want his last memories of me to be watching th-them p-pull o-ver
a.. a sheet.." She burst into tears..
"Oh God... John.. I don't want to die.. I don't want to die John.. Oh
g-god.."
Carter pulled Raine into his arms and rocked her slowly, her tears soaked
his scrubs and he climbed onto the bed and held her close, brushing the
hair out of her eyes and kissing her head. "Shhh.. Raine.. It's okay..
It's okay... Shh..."
"I.. I don't want to die John.. I.. I want to go to school.. I.. I want
to become a doctor.. I.. I want.. kids.. and a.. husband.. and.. a pension..
I.. I don't want to die.." She sobbed quietly.
"I'm gonna tell Gamma I can't come.." Carter said simply. "I'm going
to be here.. Dave is going to be here.. Mark.. Luka.. We'll be here, honey..
We all care about you.. You're not going to die alone. We won't let you
die alone.."
*********
Raine's face was red, sticky and tight with tears. She sniffled and
wiped her eyes. "You mean it? Luka? Mark? Abby? What about Lucy? Will Lucy
be here?"
Carter pulled away and stared at the floor and looked back at her, a
vacant look in his eyes. "Lucy.. She's dead, honey. Remember? She's gone.
That stabbing two springs ago.." He said softly. Raine and Lucy had
been close, inseparable. Like sisters. It hadn't been uncommon for Lucy
to be helping Raine with homework or Raine taking Lucy to Raves and concerts.
Carter sighed, Raine was getting tired. She was forgetting things.. Important
things.. That familiar fogged, far away look was coming into her eyes.
He blinked back tears. It wouldn't be long now. The young woman shuddered
with pain and Carter leaned off the bed and pushed some buttons on the
PCA. A soft hushed hum emitted from the machine and slowly the tremors
stopped.
Raine closed her eyes and smiled gratefully, her resps shallow, she
furrowed her brow. Every breath was an effort. Carter picked up the call
button.
Ginny, the head of the ICU nurses, stuck her head in the door. "Yes
Dr. Carter?"
"Page Doctors; Kovac, Greene, Malucci, Weaver, Benton, Finch, Corday,
Nurses; Abby, Lydia, Haleh, Chuny, Malik, Yosh.."
"That's the whole ER Dr. Carter!" Exclaimed Ginny.
"Just do it.. It won't be long. Page Romano and Anspaugh too, while
you're at it. I want them here as well."
***
Dave stumbled in at first, his eyes red rimmed and blood shot, but he'd
made himself presentable. His face washed and shaved. Silently he walked
across the room and pulled up the chair beside the bed and kissed his sister
on the forehead.
Weaver walked to the bed and took Raine's hand in hers. "What's her
GCS, Carter?" She whispered hoarsely.
"Something like five or so, I think. It won't be long now." Carter whispered
back.
Dave sat on the other side of the bed, staring dully at his sister,
stroking her hand and whispering softly.
"I'm really sorry, man.." Muttered Peter Benton, staring at the emaciated
girl. She had been such a pain in the ass, even more so than Dave. But
she hadn't deserved this. She was a good kid. He swallowed, grimacing and
turned away. grateful when his pager suddenly went off. "I.. I gotta go
Malucci.. Sorry.. I.."
"Go Dr.Pete." Dave muttered, his lips barely moving as he licked them
slightly and swallowed. Benton nearly ran out of the room. Cutting people
open he could do. Sewing them back together, he could do. Cutting things
off, he could do. But ask him to actually stand and watch and comfort somebody
in pain, somebody who was sick, somebody.. who was dying. Peter shuddered
as he walked down the hall. He *hated* that stuff. He couldn't do it when
his mother was dying, and he sure as hell couldn't handle Malucci's sister.
Not when she was like THAT..
Luka moved closer to the bed. This girl had suffered so much, he and
nearly the whole hospital had watched her fade away, the cancer eating
her from the inside out, the chemotherapy and radiation doing more harm
than good. Her long thick dark curls, wisped away to an unrecognizable
grey fuzz. Tears sprang to Luka's eyes and he looked away. Abby Lockhart
came to his aid and wrapped her arms around his chest. "It's okay Luka..
She doesn't feel anything anymore. She's not in pain.."
He nodded and watched her chest slowly rise and fall. "She'll be with
God soon.." He murmured.
"God?? Luka? I thought you didn't..." Abby murmured into his chest,
watching Raine out of the corner of her eye.
"The Bishop..." He whispered back, and she nodded.
Elizabeth held Mark close and watched the young girl slowly dying on
the bed. She blinked back tears and thought of Amanda safe and asleep in
bed at home. Amanda could so easily be Raine.. Laying in the bed like that..
Dying with no hope left. She buried her face in Mark's shoulder and he
wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "Mandy's safe at home,
Bethie.." He whispered, reading her thoughts.
"Poor girl.." Elizabeth murmured back. "Poor thing.."
Raine's breathing slowed completely and the steady beep of the monitors
sounded. Everyone jumped by instinct and Finch ran from the room to find
a cart, stopping halfway down the hall and remembering that Raine was a
DNR.. It was over. She walked back to the room slowly, shuffling her feet
and standing in the doorway and watching the doctors crowd closer around
the bed, all wiping their eyes and rubbing Dave on the back.
Dave stood shakily and glanced at the clock. "T-... Time-" He swallowed
and started to shake, he bit his lip and stumbled from the chair and onto
the floor, shaking violently before blindly grabbing at the garbage can.
He shook all over, quaking as Weaver stood beside him and rubbed his back
as Dave vomited.. He sat on the floor, silently before grimacing and nodding
to Kerry.
"Time of death. 19:56.." She murmured, glancing at the wall clock.
Dave stood and grabbed the first thing with-in reach; Raine's Easter
basket. With an anguished scream he threw it across the room. The large
chocolate rabbit cracked open and the yellow icing spilling forth from
it's fractured bunny skull, like canary coloured blood. The doctors all
stared at the mess before backing away. Kerry Weaver, wrapped her arms
protectively around Dave, and lead him out of the room.
"You're staying with me tonight Malucci." She said hoarsely.
"But Chief.." Dave protested.
"Don't 'but Chief' me.. I'm doing you a favour.." Weaver scolded. "Come
on.. You can have some Easter ham, I've got a guest room as well. Which
you'll be sleeping in. Then in the morning we can hunt for Easter eggs
before going to work."
"Chief.."
"Malucci.."
"I'm not six anymore.." Dave sighed.
"I never said you were.." Weaver turned to Carter who was standing in
the doorway watching the ICU doctors doing the death kit. "You're coming
too, Carter."
"No.. I can't I have a family thing.." Carter said weakly.
"It wasn't a question. It was an order. Do you want a job to come into
tomorrow?" Weaver glared at him.
Carter nodded slowly. "Yeah..."
Kerry grabbed him roughly by the sleeve and pulled him into the hall.
"Well then.. Come on."
Weaver wrapped an arm around Dave and her knuckles whitened around her
cane as she walked down the halls to the garage.
Dave sighed and stared at his hands. "Chief?"
Kerry looked over at him, drawing small circles on his back with her
finger. "Yes Malucci?"
"I can't.. I have funeral arrangements and stuff.. Gotta call the funeral
home.." He stammered, trying not to cry again.
"Do that in the morning Malucci.." She said softly, her voice higher
in pitch and almost cracking.
Dave looked at her nervously. Chief wasn't going to cry was she? "But.."
"In the morning.. After the Easter egg hunt." Weaver said sternly.
"What about work?" He sighed.
"You're not working tomorrow. You're sick." She stated plainly.
"I'm fine." Dave protested, almost whining.
"You're sick Malucci.. You're having a sick day." Weaver growled.
"Chief?" Dave played with the ring on his finger.
"Yes Malucci?" She sighed and limped a little more noticeably.
"Thank you..." He whispered.
"For what, Malucci?" Her eyebrow cocked slightly and she smiled.
"For everything... For coming down.. For doing time of death.. For being
there.. She was my sister... My family.. You didn't have to be there.."
His voice hitched in his throat and he choked back a sob.
"She wasn't just your sister, Dave.." She murmured, hugging him close
as they advanced on her car and the loud beep of her turning off her alarm,
echoed noisily through the garage. "She was part of the family."
THE END
God.. She was right. He knew it. He knew as a doctor and even just
as a normal person that she wasn't going to make it through the night.
But to die alone. "You can't die here alone.. You should have Dave with
you."