AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks to EHursh.. The woman who coined the phrase
everyone uses now to discuss our favourite Italian Stallion. Baby Duck...
****************
"You want me to do what?!" Dave started at the costume, Dr.Weaver was holding out to him.
"I want you to wear this Malucci. And wear it with pride. I'm sticking you in the children's ward upstairs for a bit. They're stuck for staff and nobody else down here fits the suit."
"And why again do I have to wear the suit?"
"Malucci.." Kerry’s tone turned threatening and her eyes narrowed. "Put
it on, or I’m sticking you with boils and warts for a month."
Dave grinned. "You can't do that.. You already have me doing the boils
and warts."
She sighed heavily. "Okay then. You don't do it and you’re suspended?
Got that?!"
His face fell and he stared at the suit. At least it wasn't a clown.
"But Chief! You can’t do that!"
Kerry snorted, "Want to try me? I don’t think so. Put it on.. Or I'm
going to go get your papers."
"Weaver... I could go to Romano about this..." Dave said sullenly.
She nodded. "You could. But I doubt he would listen. It was his idea.
Romano’s the one who rented the suit. I think he’d be terribly upset and
disappointed that you didn’t want to cheer up little children and support
his idea."
"Chief.. Please..."
Dr.Weaver shook her head and stuffed the outfit in his hands and pointed
to the washrooms.
"Go! Put that on.. You're late starting your shift. If you're a minute
later getting into that bathroom, I’m docking you an hour's pay. Now go!"
"Chief!!!"
"Malucci!!"
"Okay.. Okay.. I’m going.. See.. I’m going.."
**
In the small, dark, and extremely cramped stall, Dave cursed and swore as he struggled into the suit. Bashing an elbow, he swore loudly. "Jesus CHRIST!"
He stumbled out of the stall, hopping on one foot, shirt less with the hat, half cocked on his head.
"Cute, Malucci.. Having a little trouble getting dressed without your Mother?? Want me to go get Weaver?"
Dave peered at him from underneath the hat which he quickly flipped
off his head. "No. I don’t actually. I'm fine." He replied nervously.
Carter laughed. "What did Weaver do to get you into that outfit? Boils
and warts again??"
Malucci sighed heavily.. "No.. She already has me doing that.. A few weeks ago.. I punched out this guy.. I thought he was hurting his wife.. She was choking.. He was doing the Heimlich.." He groaned. "But he wasn’t doin’ it right. How the hell was I supposed to know?! She was kicking him in the shins, trying to get him to stop.."
Dave shrugged and his face brightened slightly. "Doesn’t matter.. He
broke a few of her ribs.. I got to tape them up.." He grinned. "After I
saved her life and all, Chief couldn’t suspend me.. But I got another warning..
I guess this is the last straw.. Do this or else.. It’s not that bad is
it?"
Dave pulled on the rest of the suit, and craned his neck back, trying
to get the back zipper.
Carter sighed and zipped it up for him. "Not bad if you don’t mind fowl
humour.." He quipped.
Dave glared at him. "Very funny.. Hand me my head."
He handed Malucci the grossly large duck head and snickered as Dave
stuffed it on angrily. "Quack quack quack.. Very funny right?"
Carter shook his head nervously, shaking and trying not to laugh. "No.. You look.. Very.. Quack-tacular.. A Bird among men.."
"Stop it, John.. It’s bad enough.." Putting his stethascope around his
neck, Dave pulled on the duck feet and flapped loudly out of the bathroom.
Dave winced listening to the catcalls as he walked through the halls
and upstairs to the pediatric long-term care unit.
"Hey Donald! Gimme some of that tail!" "Hey.. I thought doctors were quacks but I never knew some took the term so literal!"
Dave was halfway up the stairs when he heard somebody call out to him.
"Dave.. You forgot this.."
Fearing the worse, he turned around slowly. "Yes?"
Chief was standing at the foot of the staircase with a package. "I forgot
to give this to you."
He looked at it warily. "What is it?"
"It’s the last thing to complete your costume. Don’t forget David. You
screw this up, you’re suspended."
Dave took the package and sighed. "Gotcha Chief.. I won’t screw up.. You can count on me.."
Kerry smiled at him. "I knew I could Dave.. and.. Have fun.. It’s a children’s ward.. Smile."
Dave stared at her through the mesh eyeholes of the large yellow duck.
"How did you-"
She smiled at him and turned back down the staircase, limping slightly
on her cane. "I know Dave.. I know everything. Smile.. Smiles are contagious.
Have fun.."
He nodded glumly and stuck the box under his wing which had started
to vibrate strangely.
After several near falls down the stairs thanks to his large webbed feet, Dave stumbled in through the door of the children’s ward and dropped the box, which skittered across the floor and hit the admit desk with a thump and a quack. A quack?!
Toddling stunned out of the box was a large white duck. Dave sighed heavily. Goddammit. It weaved unsteadily and glared at him as he walked towards it and tried to pick it up with his large yellow feathered wings.
The duck quacked indignantly and flapped down the hall away from Dave as he hurried after it, his web feet slapping on the floor loudly.
Nurses and Doctors stuck their heads out doors watching this spectacle of a duck being chased by an even larger and foul mouthed duck with an County ID tag pinned to his feathers.
"GODDAMMIT! GET BACK HERE! You walking feather duster!!!" Screamed Malucci
as he dove in for a tackle and ran head first into a wall.
A hand held out before him and Dave waved a wing out in front of him
trying to grasp it. Finally he stood and he pulled off his head.
"Chief?!"
Kerry nodded smiling. "Are you okay?? Maybe we should take you up to
CT, get a scan.. Did you have a LOC?"
Dave shook his head, rubbing the back of it with a wing. "No.. I’m fine..
What are you doing up here?"
Dr.Kerry Weaver grinned and pulled out a camera. "Oh.. Nothing really..
Just *THIS*"
She snapped half a dozen shots of a stunned and surprised Resident in
a duck suit and a feathered ass the size of Wisconsin.
He rubbed his eyes wearily, "Why?? Why am I up here??"
Kerry turned and walked down the hall towards the elevator, a slight smirk on her lips. "Oh nothing.. Happy birthday Malucci. I think your present went down the E -corridor.. Have fun getting the suit off.. The zipper sticks.."