METAL RULES

It's been a long, long ass time since I found a drama on regular television that I thought was consistently good weekly. I've watched many shows and they have their ups and downs but the last show I really enjoyed every week was Hill Street Blues. Yup, we're talking about a long ass time. I know Joe is going to disagree greatly and insist that NYPD Blue and ER are the nuts but I don't see it. They seem okay but it's okay to disagree with friends. Being different is what makes Joe and I good friends and not clones.

As far as I'm concerned, for drama shows HBO is the place to be. That's why we had features on The Sopranos (issue #8) and OZ (lssue #11). Now there is finally a show again on regular IV that's worthy of a weekly visit. That show is CS.I. (Crime Scene Investigation) and for once the public has my back. This is the #1 watched show in America.

I knew we had to feature the show because it's so d**n cool. If you've never seen it, watch it the next time you have a chance, If you want to know what it's about then you're stupid. What's the name of the show, you big dummy? Anyway, I was going to get two of the cast to do interviews, those being the hot chick and the funny dude. The hot chick didn't want to do it so we got just the funny dude. Hopefully, after seeing how cool an interview in this mag is, the hot chick will follow suit!

Oh, I need to introduce the funny dude to you. Eric Szmanda is his name. He plays forensic analyst Greg Sanders. You'll learn all about him in this interview and his surprising connection to the Metal scene as well. Read on and enjoy.


Metal Rules! Magazine: Metal Rules! Magazine. Jeff speaking.

Eric Szmanda: Hey Jeff, this is Eric Szmanda calling.

MR: Hey man, how's it going?

ES: Pretty good, how are you?

MR: Great, thanks for doing the interview.

ES: Hey, no problem. Thanks for having me.

MR: Very cool. I always wondered something. When you guys are waiting around thinking, "I got to call this guy at a certain time." What do you do with yourself?

ES: What do you mean?

MR: How do you keep busy... because I'm always like, "He's calling in five minutes. I got to get ready."

ES: I usually just leave everything up into the last minute. That way I can run around for, like, a hall hour until I make the call. This morning I was just running around the house taking care of things. Getting my pile of things to do ready.

MR: First question I want to ask you about is your name.

ES [nervous]: Okay.

MR: Did you ever think that maybe that wasn't a right name for Hollywood?

ES: No, not really. My first movie the producer I was working with requested that I change it and I thought about it at the time and decided there wasn't anything! really was interested in. There is a lot of people with strange names out there. Although I think it makes it a little harder, I think I got the good match.

MR: How do you pronounce it, actually?

ES: Like "Amanda" with a "z". "Szmanda."

MR: When I called up to do the interview I got the message machine and I was thinking: "Let me hope that I pronounced this right." I didn't want them to think I was an idiot calling for an interview. (Even though I am.)

ES: If we were in Germany or Poland you might pronounce it "Shmunda. "But here in America it's "Szmanda."

MR: It always gets more difficult when you have a "z" in your name.

ES: Yeah, yeah. Three consonants in a row is killer.

MR: Yeah, it gets rough. So how do you feel? What's it like being on a show being seen by 30 million people?

ES: It's pretty f**king great, man.

MR: (Both Iaugh), l would think.

ES: I would say it's surreal and at the same time every week I'm amazed that we stay at the #1 spot but I'm going to keep doing what I do and I hope everyone else keeps doing the same and see how long it lasts.

MR: It's actually the first drama that I've seen since Hill Street Blues that I really liked outside of what's on HBO.

ES: Well, it's the first show that I've been on that I can really be proud of. And it's a good feeling.

MR: You weren't proud of The Net?

ES: It was my first job and I was definitely excited to go to work with Brooke Langton everyday, But at the same time the credibility wasn't really there. We were like looking at the Nielsen ratings every week hoping that we broke a million to stay on the air. I knew that I was destined for better things [laughs] but I learned a lot on The Net. The people I worked with were great. They were very patient with me. It was my first TV job really so it was basic training for me but now I'm getting a chance to utilize everything that I learned there.

MR: I remember seeing it advertised but I didn't watch it because I didn't like the movie. (Laughs) It's hard to get motivated with the show.

ES: Yeah. The show definitely changed a lot from the original kind of state. It really didn't have a whole lot to do with the movie but I did not like (stutters something)... (At the time I thought he said "The movie" so I kind of laughed but now I have no idea what he said. Hopefully Eric will till us in so we can know, dammitl-Jeff) It was about computers and in that sense it was ahead of it's time but it's kind of, like, old news now.

MR: It's getting to be a Flintstones show now. How big do you think the blooper reel is of you trying to repeat all those medical terms?

ES: You know, somedays are better than others. It depends what I'm doing alongside the verbal part of things. Sometimes I have physical processes to work through and it takes a few runs to try and get it coordinated. But I'm really not bad... it's not that hard. We do everything in short little increments so I can say the word 200 times before they say "action."

MR: (Laughing) I figured you got to be practicing because I was thinking, "How can he remember all that nuts, man?"

ES: (Laughing) Yeah, you would be surprised of where we keep our notes. (Laughing)

MR: Where do you keep them?

ES: Anywhere where the camera won't see them. It depends...

MR: You make it sound like it's up somebody's ass or something.

ES: (Laughing) Well that depends, that may be in the autopsy room.

MR: There was that one episode that I saw, maybe four episodes ago, and they showed a lot of nipple on there!

ES: They did, yeah.

MR: There was a lot of nippleage going on.

ES: I know. I don't know, I guess if it's a fake nipple it's okay. I don't know, I don't know what to think.

MR: (Surprised and raising my voice) Was it fake?

ES: I don't know, maybe. Did it look real to you?

MR: Yeah, I think so. I've seen quite a few. It looked pretty good.

ES: I guess I haven't seen very many dead nipples so...

MR: No, not dead ones. (Both laugh) I'm talking about the one where Grissom did this autopsy on this chick and she was just, like, naked for most of the time. I was thinking, "What's going on with this?"

ES: Yeah, did you notice the music that was playing in the background there?

MR: I'm trying to remember what it was but it was something Metalish.

ES: FIGUR ROS. It's a really cool Icelandic band, which is actually one of my favorites. It's been on the top of my list for a long time and I was really happy that they licensed it for the show. Apparently the only reason that they did was the band is actually a fan of the show so that scene was... that scene was...

MR(Rudely interrupting) That's actually another question for you. I know one week you were playing BLACK FLAG on the show. (Eric laughs) Do you have any influence on what the music is or does that just happen? They just happen to do that.

ES: Fortunately, the guys that are in charge of the music and stuff share a lot of the same tastes as me so I trust them. I came in a few months after seeing FIGUR ROS and told one of the producers about it and he went out and got the CD. The next time we worked together he told me that he liked it. It just came up. He told me he was looking for a song to place in thai scene. Between Marg and Gary and George and a couple of the producers and! are always talking about music on that aol know where they're at and I feel safe with them.

MR: Okay, where are we now? I threw myself oft with that. I uh. . (long pause) (Nervous laugh) What the hell am I going to do? (Suddenly coming back to Earth) Ohl When William Petersen does those scenes with you and he says something totally serious and you say something insane to him do you guys ever just start cracking up?

ES: (Laughing) A lot of times we do. A lot of times Idon't even know if the scene is really written that way but Billy always pushes me to come up with a new way of challenging him. Sometimes it really freaks me out because it's not in the words at all but we'll do stuff and play around and sometimes it makes it in and sometimes it doesn 't. But yeah, we have a good time. I always have a great time when I work with him.

MR: Are they going to continue your attempt to hook up with Sarah (Jorja Fox)?

ES: I don't know. That kind of came up out of nowhere. I had actually kind of suggested it to one of the producers. I was greatly surprised when I saw it written Into the script. I don't know. I hope so. I have a huge crush on her on and off the screen.

MR: (Excited) Do you?

ES: I'm just a big admirer of hers so it was fun to play that and getaway with it.

MR: Well, just for a little bit of trivia for you, and this is something you can talk to her about. I tried to get both of you for this issue and she didn't want to do it.

ES: (Surprised) Really?

MR: Yeah, so you might want to tell her how much fun it is. When you see her.

ES: I will. I will.

MR: Tell her what she missed. I asked you about her and I was going to ask her about you. You know, a little back and forth, It would have been kind of fun. (Eric laughs) But...

ES: Well, who knows, maybe we'll call her three way. (Laughs) (If there has ever been an opportunity for a possible comment or joke, it would have to be right there! -Jeff)

MR: That would be fun. Actually you live with George, right? (See. I'm pathetic. I turn away from a conversation of a possible three way with Jorja Fox - who is totally hotl - to talk about him possibly living with George Eads, "Nick Stokes". I'm not Jeremy. What the heck is wrong with me? -Jeff)

ES: Actually, I lived in his guest quarters for a couple months. He was out of town.

MR: (Rudely interrupting again. Bad Jeffrey!) Guest quarters? What are you like Kato Kaelin?

ES: He's got a downstairs and a guest room separate from the rest of the house.

MR: Oh, I thought it was Kato Kaelin. (Now I'm repeating the same lame joke twice. I'm falling apart here-Jeff)

ES: (Laughs) (Hey, maybe it was funny? -Jeff) Right. No O.J. stuff going on there. He was nice enough to let me stay there and I kind of house sat for him and tookcare of his dog while he was out of town and! ended up moving into my own place a couple of months later and actually, since then, I've actually bought a house and moved in about a month ago.

MR: I was very fascinated when I was looking stuff up that he (George) is exactly two weeks younger than me. (Why do I tell people nuts like this? Nobody but me cares about nuts like this.)

ES: Oh really? (Polite laugh)

MR: (Realizing that was stupid) That was fascinating, right?

ES: Yeah.

MR: (Hammering the point home) Made your day doesn't it? (Both laugh) When did you actually get bumped up to full-time cast member? Because all of a sudden you were just on the show a LOT more.

ES: I had done about 13 episodes as a guest star and I think we were in the middle of a new pilot season or it was the mid-season casting period and I'd been getting offers to do other shows and my representative kind of put some pressure on CS.I. to either keep me or not and I'm very happy that they did. I never, not even from the first day of my first audition for the show, I never expected that! would continue with it beyond, like, four episodes. I was only written in the beginning as a guest star. Luckily I filled a gap that was open in the cast and they recognized itso I was happy to jump aboard.

MR: It does put a nice little touch on it. You're like the Tabasco sauce of the show, you know?

ES: (Laughing) I like that. I've never heard that one yet.

MR: I just made that up actually. (Both laugh) I'm very quick sometimes. Even in the morning.

ES: Yeah, I try. (Read his answer. I think he's ignoring me at this point. d**n, just when I was getting witty too-Jeff)

MR: Do you realize what a sex symbol you are? Well, not to me anyway.

ES: (Laughing) Really? To a bunch of Mid-Western housewives?

MR: I don't know. When I started doing some research, there are so many sites... actually I mean shrines - that's the word for it - shrines for Eric Szmanda on the 'net. (In case you don't believe me, here's one to check out: http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Theater/742O/eric_start.html -Jeff)

ES: That's all my mom.

MR: Is it really?

ES: (Joking) Yeah.

MR: Are you aware of this? You must have looked at them at least once.

ES: A lot of it started when I was on The Net. The nature of the show having to do with computers and stuff, it peaks an interest from a lot of young girls (laughs) that are into computers and making homepages and websites and I haven't checked them out for awhile but...

MR: (Loudly interrupting) C'mon! You have to!

ES: I usually let my Mom do it. She does all the Internet correspondence for me but I don't know. Who knows? I'm glad that it's there. It can only help, I guess, huh?

MR: You have more sites than anybody else on the cast. (Eric cracks up) Honest to God. Have you been approached by Teen Beat or anything to do something yet?

ES: I recently did a pseudo-fashion shoot for Teen People that should be coming out in the next few weeks. That was fun. (Laughs) It was actually a photo shoot as well as an interview. I kept biting my tongue in the interview because they would ask me questions about music and fashion and I pretty much contradicted everything Teen People stands for. (Laughs) But I felt good afterwards. I got a lot off my chest. I just don't know how comfortable I feel in that market but I'll do what I got to do.

MR: What, being in Teen People?

ES: Yeah, yeah. I feel I only got, like, another year or two before they boot me out.

MR: Then you'll have to go to People. It's much more respectable.

ES: (Both laugh) I don't know about that.

MR: Or you could go to that Teen People. Spanish one. (Eric laughs) That would be pretty good for you. (Eric says something in Spanish) I don't know what you said. I just hear taco when you say that. (Eric laughs) Where was I at here? Okay, what's the creepiest thing that's ever happened to you?

ES: (Pause) Uh... I stumbled over a dead kid at a party once.

MR: (Surprised) You did?

ES: That was kind of creepy and it was weird because in a way it kind of mimicked what we had done in an episode of C.S.I., which I found happens quite often actually. I actually find myself either hearing about things that's somehow associated with something that we touch on, on the show. But within recent memories at least, that was it. It was a kid that apparently overdosed and my brother and! were walking around and found the kid.

MR: (Being a concerned Dad) What were you doing at that kind of party?

ES: It was miserable. There was so many people there and it was dark out and I guess the police and security people hadn't noticed it first. That was pretty weird and it was actually a big reality check for me. Working on the show you get so desensitized to dealing with corpses and bodily fluids but when you actually see it in real life and you see someone's skin turning blueish to purple in a matter of minutes, it's a total shock to the system.

MR: I'm sure that wasn't a fun experience. It would be creepy. And this is recently?

ES: Yeah, it was over Labor Day.

MR: Oh really? Yeah, I know sometimes things on CS.I. seem sort of familiar or something I've heard about. I'm really into news and I watch a lot of news shows so sometimes I think it looks kind of similar but it's not exactly ripped from the headlines. You know what I'm saying. It's not the EXACT same thing.

ES: Just enough. It's based in reality but I think we're able to add some kind of creative tinges in them.

MR: Well, here's our Teen People question. When did you lose your virginity?

ES: Umm... 16. I was a late bloomer I think. Compared to Don Johnson anyway.

MR: What, did he start at 8 or something?

ES: I think I remember him saying in an interview once that he lost his virginity at age 9. Ever since then I've held that over my shoulders.

MR: Do you believe that?

ES: I don't know. I don't know what to believe when it comes to him.

MR: Okay, that was the Teen People question. Here is the Metal Rules! question. Have you got to bang any famous chicks yet?

ES: (Laughing) No comment. (Both laugh) I don't know if any of them would be actually reading this but it's probably safer just to leave it bare.

MR: You don't have to mention any names, A simple yes or no would be good.

ES: Yeah. Before they were famous maybe.

MR: Okay... yeah... now you can tell me their names if you want.

ES: (Both laugh) Okay, off the record though.

MR: You can tell me off the record.

ES: I don't trust you. (Laughs)

MR: You can tell me, I love good stuff like that. I got this one guy, I'm not going to tell you who he is (Because can keep stuff off the record. Honest.), but he's an actor that I stayed in touch with after the interview and he always tells me stories off the record and it's, like, the craziest nuts I ever heard.

ES: (Laughs) Yeah, I have a few of those stories.

MR: I was wondering if I come to L.A. will you pick me up at the airport and take me to that Waffle Chicken place?

ES: Roscoe's? Yeah. Yeah. I'd be happy to. I've actually done that before. One of my friends, who's a director that came in from N. Y., it's all he wanted to do when he came here. It was the first time! had been there actually. It was pretty cool. I don't necessarily like waffles or syrup or anything so it was more about the chicken for me but the chicken was good.

MR: I lived in L.A. for a short period of time and I don't know if it was there when I was there but I always hear people talking about getting waffles and chicken and it just sounds like the most awful combination.

ES: It's strange but once you see a whole room full of people digging into it you think that there must be something good about it. And then there's always a line of about 20 people standing outside. I think they put crack in it or something.

MR: Do you think? They always go there. Whenever you go to watch Love Connection or one of those shows, You know, when they go on those dates? They always go there. (Eric laughs) How long can a guy hug you before you become uncomfortable?

ES: I don't know. It depends on who they guy is, I think. (Laughs)

MR: Really?

ES: (Laughs) It depends on how they're squeezing me. (Laughs) No. No. No. I don't know, maybe two, three minutes. (Starts laughing again)

MR: Wow! That's a long time!

ES: I'm kidding.

MR: You're a very warm person.

ES: Yeah, that's what I've been told.

MR: (Laughing) What's the most Metal thing you've ever done and I mean as in Heavy Metal. You know what I mean.

ES: I celebrated Marilyn Manson's birthday on Friday.

MR: You actually celebrated it? Like, you had a party?

ES: With him.

MR: Oh, with him.

ES: Yeah, that's pretty Metal.

MR: That is very Metal.

ES: One of the RAMONES was there and the rest of the Manson band was there. I felt pretty Rock Star.

MR: Was Twiggy picking his nose?

ES: I didn't see him picking his nose. But he was picking little dingleberries out of his beard.

MR: Whaaat? Ewww... Why were they in his beard? (Both laugh) Who's ass was he eating to get dingleberries in his beard? (Both crack up) God, that's awful. Did you see him picking his nose on Stern?

ES: No, I didn't.

MR: It was Twiggy. They were showing him picking his nose over and over and over again for, like, weeks. (Eric cracks up) He was just, like, digging into it like there was a treasure in there.

ES: (Laughs) There might have been leftovers.

MR: Now what kind of people show up at a party like that because I remember Corey Feldman was on Stern too one time and he was saying that he went to a party there and he was mad at Marilyn Manson because he felt he was made to be like a show piece. Like, they brought him to the party just to make fun of him.

ES: (Laughing) What do you think he should have expected going on? There's always a few novelty items floating around but it's pretty low key. It's low key.

MR: And what does he do to celebrate his party?

ES: He opens presents and has a big cake.

MR: Really, is there, like, clowns and stuff there?

ES: Little midgets serving hors d'oeuvres?

MR: You had to have something like that.

ES: No, not this time around.

MR: It was pretty normal, huh? He strikes me as a pretty normal guy. You can see kind of through it that he's pretty normal. When it comes down to it. Am I right?

ES: Well, I guess you have to define normalcy. Normal like suburban Oklahoma, probably not but normal compared to John Wayne Gacy, MRybe.

MR: Well, I do a magazine called Metal Rules! Magazine. That's my normalcy. (Eric laughs)

ES: We're all pretty normal when it all boils down to it, we all kind of have the same emotions and things. Feelings.

MR: You actually started off working at BMG, if I'm correct. Now did you, like, geek out a lot when you first started meeting the people and stuff?

ES: Yeah, I did. I was always escited to run back stage and stuff. I got used to it after a while because I was working in L.A. and it was kind of the headquarters where all the bands passed through. It really depended what band it was. I got used to hanging out in a room with Maynard from TOOL but when SLAUGHTER came to visit I just, like, reverted back to the age 0113.

MR: (Laughing and surprised) SLAUGHTER? Really?

ES: Yeah. I remember hanging out in my office and one of the SLAUGHTER guys had quit smoking or drinking or something like that and he picked up polishing wood-stone. I just remember seeing him sitting there and obsessively rubbing this stone with a piece of cloth.

MR: Really?

ES: Yeah, it was kind of weird.

MR: You get to see all these weird things, huh?

ES: Yeah. That definitely wasn't the weirdest bull got the chance to hang out with a lot of bands and kind of play the vicarious Rock star role.

MR: What kind of things kick into gear for you now? There must be people that you would meet now that you would still geek out.

ES: I recently was in the same room as Mick Jagger, which is kind of numbing. ft was pretty cool and! wasn't expecting to see him either and all of a sudden he's standing right in front of me and I just kind of froze. Let's see who else... I suppose Bowie would probably have that same effect on me. That's the old. The younger ones don't do that much for me but when they have that legacy behind them and years and years of experience or I've watched documentaries on them growing up.

MR: Do you also find that even if they're really, really, famous and you're not into them at all then it's not really that exciting?

ES: Yeah, yeah, I wouldn't be very impressed at all, especially if you see them all the time. If I see another cast member of 90210 while eating breakfast I would lose my appetite.

MR: Whaat... you see them all the time?

ES: I do. I don't know why. I don't think they have anything else to do.

MR: Well, I went to the set of Oz (Just call me Mr. Showbiz.) and Luke Perry wasn't there that day and I was very disappointed.

ES: (Laughing) I auditioned for Luke Perry once. Like, way back when I first started out here. I had no idea he had anything to do with this TVshow but apparently It was a pilot he was working on. I walked into the room and all of a sudden he stood up out of the shadows and I was like, "Whoah." It was fun.

MR: (Laughing) Luke Perry. He weighs, like, sixty pounds wet doesn't he?

ES: I know. He's really small. I didn't suspect that. I don't know how he pulls off that role as a cowboy rodeo (laughing) whatever he did...

MR: I know what you're talking about, too.

ES: I have no idea how he pulled that off.

MR: (Being totally serious) I actually think he's pretty good, though.

ES: (Pause) Yeah... he's probably the best part 90210.

MR: I think the worst was that Ian Ziering dude (Steve Sanders). He got on my nerves.

ES: Yeah, I see him all the time.

MR: Yeah? (Laughs) He's probably really like that in real life.

ES: He looks exactly the same.

MR: He was just annoying. There were so many people like that in high school. So, he was, like, perfect for that. Okay, enough of 90210, let's talk about you some more. (Laughs) So, do you get a lot of fan mail?

ES: (Trying to find the right words) Actually, I don't know if this has anything to do with all the anthrax mail but I haven't got anything for a few months now but there was a lime when I got maybe six letters and I answered them all. (Laughs)

MR: Six letters? That's all that you got? Really?

ES: I don't know what the hold up is. I'm not, like, begging for it or anything. I thought that I'd get more but probably a lot of mail doesn't find its way to the people it's being sent to.

MR: Well, I'll print your phone number and your home address and everything in here so that everybody can get in touch with you.

ES: I appreciate that. I always get weird fan mail too.

MR: Yeah? I always like hearing that stuff. What kind of stuff do you get?

ES: Retired Army generals... single parents... I don't know.

MR: Retired Army generals?

ES: Yeah, I got a couple of those actually. It looked like whoever wrote it recently had a stroke or something because the handwriting was all scrambled and stuff. Then obviously little teenage girls and stuff growing up in a trailer park somewhere.

MR: (Laughing) You got quite a fan base. (Both crack up) I can't believe that I'm lumped in with that. That makes me feel really bad. (Eric cracks up) Yeah, I'm hanging out with old Army stroke victims (Eric still laughing) and 16-year-old girls that live in a trailer. Great. Thanks a lot, man. Have you ever gotten one of those letters that just makes you cry, like, I'm dying in the hospital or something like that? My arm's falling off if you don't come visit me.

ES: (Pause) No, not yet but one of my friends just did a Make-A-Wish visit to a kid that was dying of cancer out in Arizona and that was, like, if there was ever a time that I could bring joy to somebody that's on their death bed and they're on their last wish, I would be happy to make a visit. But no. I never had any death bed fans yet. I've heard a couple in some of the letters that I've gotten some sorry ass stories but I kind of read through the bullnuts. Especially when they're asking for an autographed picture. (Laughs)

MR: Do you personalize them so they can't sell them on eBay?

ES: Well that's another thing. I've gotten a few that I could tell was from autograph hounds that were going to save mem until they're worth something. They'll be waiting a long time.

MR: (Laughing) You don't have a lot of self confidence in yourself, do you?

ES: I think I have a pretty practical perspective on things. (Laughs)

MR: What kinds of things make you giggle like a school girl?

ES: Umm... farting sounds.

MR: Still?

ES: Still. I don't think that will ever go away. I actually bought one of those fart makers where you stick your fingers in this kind of sludge and the air escapes and makes fart noise. My friends and I have been known to go into public places and mess with people and I can never keep a straight face. They always expect that I would be able to because I make a living at keeping a straight face but I can't. Whenever I hear the rip I bust out laughing.

MR: Do you ever see those foreign videos where they pretend they're farting?

ES: (Laughing) No.

MR: It's called Now That's Funny or something like that. I'll have to get back to you and tell you what they're called but if's, like, these foreign videos, they're not even in American. People sit next to other people and they just fart really loud and they film them. It's pretty funny.

ES: (Laughing) Well, we've actually made our own video like that.

MR: Really? You'll have to send me one of them.

ES: I will. I will. I'll Internet e-mall one to you. (Nope, didn't get it. Very rarely does anybody ever come through on sending me nuts except for Daniel Roebuck and Michael Madsen. -Jeff)

MR: d**n, you are a computer buff.

ES: Yeah, especially with CDs.

MR: Have people ever geeked out on you? It had to have happened at least once. Maybe not the way you make it sound.

ES: I don't know. It's flattering, always. I don't know. I'll get back to you. When I go home or something back to Wisconsin it happens a little more often. I'm not quite comfortable with it yet. It still feels fresh and new. I hope that never wears off. I can't imagine what it would be like where you would be used to people just fawning over you. I'm not quite there yet.

MR: I think you're there. You're just pretending. (Both laugh) I see from your bio that you are very into traveling. So, what was the coolest trip and what was the crappiest?

ES: The best trip lever had was when I went on the road for a month with one of my best friends and we just kind of toured through Europe with no set schedule. I got to stop and visit friends of mine that lived abroad. That was great. The only downfall was that I got called back early to start rehearsal for this movie I was in and it turned out that I really didn't need to do that. I have friends in London and Italy that was able to see. I was enamored wim al/the architecture that I got to see. The art. The worst trip is when I was about 17 and I went to Russia. I was doing A Midsummer's Night Dream and it was with a theater troupe of semi-professionals that were a lot older than me and probably a lot more traveled and I had never really been anywhere so I was constantly complaining about all the borscht and vodka we were forced to consume.

MR: My mother said that the food over there is hideous. And she's not picky.

ES: Oh yeah. I'm not thrilled with it. I wasn't really picky either. I just wasn't used to being away from home for so long and being under certain circumstances. It was a lot of fun but at the same time I don't think I appreciated it as much as I should have.

MR: Going back to where you said you had a friend that did the Make-A-Wish Foundation. I was going to ask you if you have any famous friends? I guess you have at least one.

ES: Yeah. There's a few of them. Some are more acquaintances and others are friends but generally I like to stay in the company of my friends from back home and if they become famous that's great. I think a lot of them will actually.

MR: Keeps you grounded too.

ES: Yeah, it does. Sometimes you're out here and to focus on what's real... (cell phone rings) That's one of my famous, soon-to-be-famous friends now calling on my cell phone. I think it's important and it always takes me a week or so after the holidays to acclimate myself to me Los Angeles way of life. When I'm back home a lot of things that matter here are worthless back home and vice versa.

MR: So, what famous people do you hang out with out?

ES: You know, I've been asked that before and I was telling my friends that I don't know how to answer that question. He said, whenever anybody asks just tell him that your friends with Marilyn Manson.

MR: I got a better one for you actually. Have you ever ran into somebody that was kind of famous and you maybe exchanged numbers and they never called you back or something like that? Somebody you tried to be friends with but it didn't work out.

ES: I can tell you that I did a movie recently and one of my lines referenced Ron Jeremy and I said his name probably 100 times that day. I went home and was sitting mere for a few minutes before I decided to go to the store. I pulled into the parking lot at the grocery store, which was empty, and just as I stepped out of my car Ron Jeremy pulled up right next to me. So, I had to tell him what I had just done and it turns out the reason his name is mentioned in the movie is that he's good friends with the director and he had just gotten off the phone with the producer. We just talked about the movie and he knew that his name had been mentioned in the movie. So, it was really weird how that one happened and it all played out within the course of about twelve hours. But he never called me back. (Laughs) I told him I wanted to get in one of his movies but...

MR: (Interrupting) You couldn't get Ron Jeremy to call you back? (Both crack up) Even famous people get dissed too.

ES: Oh yeah, definitely.

MR: I know one thing you really want to talk about is "Doop". I just wanted to get all my other questions out of the way first. I wanted to know about what it is and everything because I'm not really familiar with it and we should all know about.

ES: Yes, urn.. - there really is no reason you should know about it yet but "Doop" was the name of a club in Hollywood that I used to do in between jobs actually just as C.S.I. was starting to come together. I promoted, like, a Sunday night club and I had a lot of 045 so I just became the resident and it lasted for, like, 6 or 7 months before I called it quits as CS.I. started because it took up too much time. But I've always stayed involved in music and the club scene and concert promotion. A lot of my friends still do it. I decided to kind of take it to the next level and have more less a stamp of the name "loop". I made a logo and attached it to whatever else I do. It became the name of my production company that I started with my best friend from Chicago, Jonathan Pavesi, who is personal assistant to Jonathan Davis of KORN. He works for KORN now after working for Marilyn Manson for Iwo years. That's how I know Marilyn Manson as well. Our first job was working as musical consultants on the movie Life As A House, which came up only because the producers also produced The Net and they knew I was into music. When I started on The Net I was running the US office for two British record labels and I was constantly pushing my music on the music supervisor of The Net and apparently that stuck in the mind of the producers and they asked me to come onboard and pick out music for Hayden Christensen.

MR: He was a kind of Goth kid, wasn't he? I didn't see it.

ES: Ironically he had Marilyn Manson posters all over his wall. We ended up getting a Marilyn Manson song in there and RADIOHEAD and one of my favorite artists, he's from me band FAILURE, Ken Andrews. We got his song in there. And there was a few other ones. Not as MRny as we would have liked to and ironically when I went and saw Vanilla Skye few weeks ago there was about five or six tunes that were left out of Life As A House and somehow got picked up by Cameron Crowe. So, Iknew we were on me right track as far influences and music tastes and stuff like that. Now we're working on another soundtrack on which we're just getting geared up on now that the holidays have passed and we are also overseeing a couple of other projects, one being a TV show loosely based on our adventures in the music business. These kids that are barely legal to drink going to shows and partying with Rock stars and stuff. It's just kind of our skew perspective on business and and then also there's a couple of other things. Pretty much any idea that we have has a chance at being but our focus is mainly on music supervision and the TV show.

MR: Cool. So, you have a lot of stuff in the works.

ES: Well, I have a lot of lime on my hands and I don't have nearly as many things to worry about as I used to in terms of money and stuff. But still I can't sit around and become complacent. I like to stay busy and who knows how long I'll actually have a platform to stand on. As long as I'm on C.S.I. and has long as things are going well I might as well take advantage of it.

MR: Hell yeah! Ride the train. So, I guess when you were approached to do Metal Rules! Magazine you must of gotten really, really excited about it.

ES: I am. I mean, I love music and I probably wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for my love of music and my involvement with music. This is weird how different turnstiles in life has kind of led me to this moment but it's always special because of my respect for this music and my appreciation for everything if has to offer. I want to find a way to bring both my interests from acting and music into the same field and that's what I'm working on right now.

MR: That's cool. You were kind of perfect because I didn't even know that you were involved in the music thing because it's perfect. I don't know if you've read the magazine and I'm hoping you have many times but we do incorporate a lot of music, mainly, and then I interview what I think are cool actors. You know, people that are on cool shows and cool movies.

ES: Yeah. I'm glad to be in there. Who's on the cover of this one?

MR: This one? That we're doing right now?

ES: Yeah.

MR: Well, we're going to put you on there somewhere.

ES: (Laughing and obviously excited) Playing air guitar?

MR: Have you seen the magazine or not?

ES: I have not to be honest with you. This just came up fairly recently but I'll go check it out at the news-stand.

MR: You should go to Tower and buy one today.

ES: I will. It's in Tower for sure?

MR: Oh yeah, definitely. We're right in the middle of a new issue coming out so I don't know what the stock is. Issue #12 is on its way back from the printers now. Issue #11 has Oz on the cover. Do you watch Oz?

ES: Oh, the show Oz?

MR: Yeah, it's a green cover and it's got Beecher and Said on the cover. That's what you look for.

ES: Okay, I'll keep my eyes open.

MR: So, the question is are you honored to appear in Metal Rules! Magazine and why?

ES: I grew up in Wisconsin and Metal music was probably the main influence on any young person's life. I'll never forget my roots. So, yeah, I'm honored to be in there. I love the title and I agree with it. (Laughs)

MR: Exactly, even though you made a movie with Slick Aick and Mac Davis.

ES: (Laughs) How did you know that?

MR: C'mon, man, I'm a journalist. I know everything.

ES: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Sticky Fingaz is also in there. (The movie is True Vinyl if you're interested. -Jeff)

MR: What do you call him?

ES: Sticky.

MR: You actually call him Sticky?

ES: Stick. (Laughs)

MR: Stick. Stickmeister.

ES: (Laughs) Yeah, but he did that BIOHAZARD duo.

MR: Who, Sticky Fingaz? Yeah, on that Judgment Night soundtrack. Yeah, that's a great soundtrack.

ES: Yeah. That's as Metal as it gets.

MR: Yeah, that was pretty cool. Actually, did you hear that thing that Ice-T just did with SIX FEET UNDER? That's pretty cool, you should check it out. It's on the new SIX FEET UNDER record.

ES: I will.

MR: He does a cool duet with them. I think that ever since he got involved with acting that his street credibility has gone down but his stuff doesn't sound as powerful as it used to. But on this it does.

ES: Yeah, well I'll check it out. Wait till you see the next C.S.I. CD.

MR: Really?

ES: Well, I don't know. I'm working on it.

MR: Trying to hook it up?

ES: I'm trying to hook it up. Only if I get to pick the artists.

MR: Where were you on January 5th, 1992?

ES: Do you even know?

MR: No, I just wanted to be a cop, so, I thought I'd try it out.

ES: I was probably skipping class.

MR: Okay, we're almost wrapped up. I think we're starting to lose you here. (Both laugh) So, would you like to make a message for the Metal Rules! Magazine answering machine?

ES: What do you want me to say?

MR: Anything you like. As long as you mention Metal Rules! Magazine you can say whatever you want. Introduce yourself and you can make up any message you want. This is where your credibility comes into factor.

ES: (Horrified) Oh... man. That's tough. It always takes me, like, twenty minutes to get satisfied with the greeting mail or something. Sometimes I just leave it up to one of my many OVOs and some of my favorite lines. (Uh-oh... we got Joe Jr. on our hands-Jeff) Or one of my CDs but that will take me along time I don't know if you want to wait. Let me find something good and I'll cail you back. (He never did. Waahhh.-Jeff)

MR: I got Bruce thingyinson on there now and I'm still trying to find somebody to top that.

ES: Who do you have on there?

MR: Bruce thingyinson.

ES: Who's that?

MR: The singer for IRON MAIDEN.

ES: (Laughs) The new one.

MR: He was the second one but was with the band for the main course... c'mon, you don't know who Bruce thingyinson is?

ES: I know who IRON MAIDEN is.

MR: Oh man, you're losing your Metal credibility really quick now.

ES: I'd better go now.

MR: I shouldn't have asked you that. (Eric laughs) Now the question is where can the kids send you mail? If they want to contact you or stuff?

ES: I don't know. I guess they can send it to CBS. of CBS. Beverly Boulevard.

MR: What if I have them send it to your PR? Is that okay? Will you get it there?

ES: Yeah, I guess so. Because I have an address there.

(Just now there is a knock at my front door. No, they couldn't have waited ten more minutes. It has to be at the last few seconds of my interview-Jeff)

MR: Can you hold on a minute, there's someone at the office door.

ES: Sure.

MR: I'm sorry. Who is it? (Screams)

Mailman: Mailman.

ES(Grunts for no apparent reason)

(Now remember, this is my house. At this moment, I am in my underwear. That's it I wasn't expecting this. I have nothing to cover myself up with handy except my son's little tiny jacket-Jeff) MR: Sorry, sorry, I don't have any pants on. (Apologizing to the mailman for looking naked except for a two-year-old's coat.)

Mailman: You have a postage due for $1.33.

MR: Can I get it to you later or something? I don't have any pockets here.

Mailman: Sure, I'il just put it in your postage box.

Incidentally, he never did and I never saw that package again whatever it may have been. f**k it, the person should have used the right postage-Jeff)

MR: Thanks a lot.

Mailman: See you later.

I close the door, and my pride, and march back to the interview. Now the reason I printed all this stuff out is because it's on the tape which means that Eric heard it. How sad is that? -Jeff) (That's the funniest thing I have ever read -JOE, and no, I don't watch ER.)

MR: Sorry, that was totally unprofessional. Somebody was at the door.

ES: (Matter of factly) You got to answer your door.

MR: What else you going to do? He was knocking loud, too. So, do you have any last words for the kids?

ES:I think I can sum it up in two words. Rock Hard.

MR: Yes! Or not at all.

ES: Or not at all.

MR: So, do you have any fun C.S.I. things that you can send me for fun?

ES: What size are you? Are you a large? I have a large C.S.I. polar fleece that I'll send ye.

MR: Now, you're not going to just tell me this and not do it are you? So many people disappoint me.

ES: No, I'm going to put it out right here.

MR: I'm going to send you a fun pack. (And I did.) What size are you?

ES: I'm a medium. It depends on what it is. A t-shirt medium.

MR: You're going to have to have a large because that's all I got. Either that or XX?

ES: No, I'll take large.

MR: I'll send you a long-sleeve Metal Rules! t-shirt. How would that be? And I'll send you some issues, too.

ES: That would be awesome. That's reaily great, man.

MR: I really appreciate you doing the interview.

ES: No problem. Where do I send your shirt to?(Takes my address and YUP, I NEVER got it-Jeff)

MR: I love treats. I'm one of the few PA people.., what am I saying... one of the few people that aren't afraid to ask.

ES: Squeaky wheel gets the oil. (Then I should get a f**king car.-Jeff)

MR: (Telling that famous story again) My grandmother told me once, 'They can't put you in jail for asking."

ES: I really don't have the power to put anybody in Jail yet.

MR: Maybe soon. (Eric laughs) Well, thanks again, man.

ES: You're welcome. Thanks again for doing this and if I ever have anything good to share with you, I'll give you a call.

MR: That's cool. If you think of a message that would be cool.

ES: Yeah, I'm going to think one up and find some good quote to play along with it.

MR: Excellent. Thanks again, man. Bye.

ES: You too, Jeff. Bye.

You can write Eric fan mail at:

Eric Szmanda
c/o Krista Himelson
B/W/R Public Relations
9100 Wilshire Blvd.
6th Floor, West Tower
Beverly Hills, CA 90212 USA

(Let's get him more than 6 letters and I know some of you aren't teenybopper girls that live in trailer parks or old retired Army generals that had a stroke. Let's prove that to him. Trailer trash and old army codgers are still welcome to write though and keep watching C.S.I.!)

--"Metal Rules! Magazine."