"Abby!" Carter yelled, "come back!"
She
glanced back to see his pained face but continued running up the stairs until
she hit the roof. Snow was softly falling blanketing the quiet city and it all
seemed peaceful. But she knew better as she clutched her flimsy lab coat around
her body trying to warm herself. Abby walked towards the edge and sat down
burying her face in her hands as a sob escaped. "I can't do this
again," she thought, wiping the fast falling tears from her cheeks. The
door to the roof opened again and Abby tried to gain some composure for whoever
had come up.
"Abby?"
Carter asked, "Are you up here?"
"I'm
over here," she said softly.
He
ran over carrying her jacket and wrapping it around her shoulders. "I'm so
sorry," he said, "I should never have done that, it's not right."
"It's
not only you, this day has been really hard," she tried to force a smile,
"things were just starting to go really good in my life, and then it just
took a wrong turn. It was first that little boy and then..." She trailed
off as tears started to fall again, carving sharp rivers down her pale cheeks.
"He lost both of his parents because some jerk had too much to drink and we
didn't even realize that he could see us while they crashed," she
explained, "we were all just too busy to make sure that he was okay, he
watched as his mother and father passed on."
"Abby, horrible things happen down there, things that you never forget about," Carter said, taking her in his arms, "working in the ER shows you the good and the bad, maybe the bad more often."
She
pulled back violently, "But we should've watched out for him, he never
should've seen that, he is still just a little boy."
"It's
true, it was slow today, we got sloppy and there is no excuse for what
happened," Carter explained, "he's going to be okay, his older sister
picked him up."
Her knees gave out and Abby fell to the ground. Carter ran over to her, gathering her crumpled form. "I just don't know if I can do this," she mumbled.
"Everyone
feels like that at some point, especially after a case like that," he said
brushing her hair off of her face, "but we all have something special,
something that makes us wake up everyday and come to work. Abby, you can do
this, I know you can." He looked at her unsure face, "What else is
wrong?"
"John,
as stupid and cliche as this sounds, but I think I might be falling for
you," she said softly, "and when you kissed me in the lounge and I
ran, it wasn't cause I didn't want that, but for a whole other reason."
"I'm
here to listen, because I've had far too many of my relationships be destroyed,
far too many," he softly chuckled, "but its different with you, I
almost didn't want to say anything to you about how I felt so I wouldn't hurt
you."
"That's
sweet, but trust me, you wouldn't be the first to hurt me," Abby said sadly
walking back over to the ledge and sitting down. "I was married once
before, it was right after I graduated from college and I was starting med
school. His name was David, and he was an amazing guy. He had a great job at
this company and was making good money. I was gone a lot during my first year,
since being a doctor was always my dream. But he supported me at first. Well,
one day I came home early since a class had been canceled and he wasn't at work.
I asked him why he was home and he got angry and hit me. I was horrified, but
also really scared since I wanted the marriage to work out and because I needed
his support since I'd just started school."
"So
you stayed?" Carter asked in disbelief.
"Yeah,
I stayed," she explain, "I was too scared not to, he apologized to me
and just said that he had been sent home early since his boss thought he looked
sick. I actually bought his story, but then the next day while I was studying
and he had supposedly gone to work, some people came saying that he owed them
money and that they were going to take the car. I couldn't stop them, but I
called Dave's work and they said that he'd been fired weeks ago over suspicion
that he was stealing from the company. I didn't know what to expect when I
confronted him on it. David was a junkie and he'd wasted all of the money we'd
saved. I had to stop school and I took a job as a nurse to pay off rehab bills.
But every time I sent him away and he'd come back supposedly cure, within a week
he'd be getting calls from his dealers. I left him after the third time, since
no matter how much I loved him and cared for him, he didn't stay clean. I got a
call last week, he OD'd."
"I'm
so sorry," Carter said trying to comfort her.
"I
really like you John, but I just don't know," Abby said softly, "I
could never go through that again. So after you returned from rehab I told
myself that I'd ignore any feelings I felt."
"Abby,
this past year has been hell for me, and you were one of the few high
points," he tried to explain, "I need you in my life, watching you
from afar isn't the same as the happiness I felt when I first held you in my
arms. It wasn't right of me to just grab you and kiss you, but I had to, just to
know what it felt like."
"It's just so hard, after watching one man I loved destroyed, standing by another who could travel down the same path," she whispered turning away.
"I would never, if you were in my life," he said pulling her to him and he leaned in kissing her hard on the lips. She moaned softly, running her hands through his hair, deepening the kiss.
Carter
broke it off abruptly, standing up and grabbing the beeper from the belt around
his waist. "Damn it," he mumbled, "Kerry's looking for us."
"I'll
be right down," she said, "I need to think some things through."
"I'll
be there for you, no matter what choice you make," he said running out the
door.