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STUPID QUESTIONS | ||||||||||||||
When you come out or try to explain yourself to the people in your life, you will find yourself meeting with the same pattern of questions time and time again. Some of these are legitimate questions that are understandable, and you'll find it easier to answer them patiently and sincerely. Others, however, will show only the ignorance, selfishness and laziness of the person who asks them. These are what we call Stupid Questions. Here I intend to take some of the most common ones and give my response to them. | ||||||||||||||
GROUP 1 - THE "IF YOU'RE A MAN...." QUESTIONS. | ||||||||||||||
Q1: If you have always thought of yourself as male, then why did you date men? A1: Because I fancy men. Gay men happen, deal with it. Trans people can have any one of a variety of sexual orientations, just like non-trans people can. Sexual identity is not the same as sexual orientation, learn the difference. [See Primer on Homepage] A2: Because although I was curious about and attracted towards women, I didn't have the courage to go against my upbringing or background and experiment with what would've been seen as a lesbian relationship. A3: Because I thought that there was something horribly wrong with me and that being transsexual was a terrible, sinful thing to be, so I tried to 'cure' myself by attempting to have a normal heterosexual relationship with a man. A4: Because everyone in my life pressured me so much that even though I didn't fancy men at all, I tried dating them just to get people off my back about being a lesbian. A5: I didn't, you're making that up as a false memory to try and discredit or invalidate my male identity. Q2: If you have always thought of yourself as male, then why did you have children? A1: See A3 to above question and adapt accordingly. A2: Because all my life I was never able to get along or fit in with women, and since I thought that's what I was, I did my best to be like them. One thing I thought would fix me and make me have something in common with women was having a baby. A3: Because at the time I had the baby, I hadn't yet fully realised my identity. A4: Because I wanted a baby and thought the only way of having one was by carrying it myself, and I wasn't fully awake to my male identity at the time. A5: I didn't. Q3: If you were a man then why did you wear dresses sometimes? A1: Because it was a formal occasion and since my appearance before hormones is that of a woman (albeit maybe an awkward one), I knew I'd just be laughed at if I wore a suit like I wanted to. A2: Because my parents/boss/friends made me wear them by means of physical or emotional pressure. A3: Because I was only a kid and didn't know the difference at that time. A4: Because I was trying to fix or cure my transsexuality by forcing myself into a female role (see Q1 & 2). A5: I didn't, you're just making up a memory of something that never happened because you don't want to believe I'm transsexual, because it'll turn your world upside down if it's true. |
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GROUP 2: THE "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST..." QUESTIONS. Q1: Why can't you just accept yourself the way you are? A1: See Primer on Homepage. Transsexual Syndrome is a congenital medical condition - it is the way I am. Think of other medical conditions and ask the sufferers of them if they can't just accept them and not seek a cure. A2: Because living in a female body makes me feel like I'm on a permanent bad trip combined with a really far out episode of Twin Peaks. The female hormones running my brain make me act strangely and do crazy things that I don't understand, and my mental body map means I keep feeling phantom body parts and it drives me insane. A3: Because nobody else will accept me as I am (that is, a person with a male soul and mind) unless I have a male appearance. Otherwise people will continue to treat me as if I were a normal female, and that's not something I can live with. A4: Why can't you stop being such a selfish arsehole and quit expecting people to live lives of lies and misery just so that you don't have to spend any of your precious TV time thinking about something other than your own endless quest to acquire more stuff? A5: Why can't you just get lost out of my life since you're obviously incapable of understanding my feelings or respecting my dignity, and clearly can't handle the idea that you might have your reputation tarnished by association with a freak like me? Q2: Why can't you compromise and just wear men's clothes? A1: Will that make anyone treat me as male? No, I don't think so. A2: Because this is a deeply ingrained part of my psyche that goes way beyond clothes and outward appearances; I want my brain to be running on the correct hormone so that I don't feel like I'm crazy half the time. A3: Because the world treats a woman in men's clothing very differently to the way it treats a man. A4: Because that would not be an accurate presentation of the person inside this body, and my voice would still be an iritating (to me) girly squeak and I'll always have to find some guy to read my poetry or sing my songs because when I do it myself it doesn't sound like it sounded to me inside my soul when I wrote them. A5: Because I would still know and feel that I have breasts and since my mental body map is of a male body this drives me up the wall. A6: I tell you what, when you go on your next holiday, why go to Spain? Why not just to go Bognor for a weekend and give the extra money to charity? A7: Because I'm longing for the day when I have the muscular structure of the average man of my size, so that I can knock your selfish, ignorant head clean off your shoulders. A8: When you get married to that woman your mother doesn't like, why don't you just compromise and marry the one next door who you like as a friend but don't fancy? Then we can both live miserable, fake lives for the sake of someone who's clearly too selfish to deserve the sacrifice. Q3: Why can't you just live as a woman until your kids grow up/your father and me die? A1: Because then I would have wasted half of my life on an act, a lie. A2: Let me get this straight, you're asking if I can't just live a miserable life, so that you don't have to risk living richer, more enlightened ones by accepting and respecting my condition? A3: So you mean, you'd rather keep me in chains and still consider yourselves loving parents, than have an honest relationship with the person I really am? A4: Because my kids will not suffer from my changing sex and neither do you have to. A5: Because this is my life ticking away, and I've wasted enough of it in the wrong body as it is, and I want to live what I have left of it as my true self. My life is my own to do with as I wish and the Victorian days of unquestioning filial duty to a derranged and sadistic parent are gone. Q4: Why can't you just be androgenous? A1: I'd love to, thanks, but I'm just not. A2: Why can't you? A3: Because it's not who I am. I'm male. A4: Why can't you just make more effort to understand the syndrome I have before you open your mouth with such stupid questions? A5: Same reason I can't be Chinese. I'm just not! |
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GROUP 3: THE "WHAT HAVE YOU GOT?" QUESTIONS. Q1: Do you have a penis? A1: Does an elephant have fins? No, but he can get them if he's very, very rich and lives near some very good surgeons. He probably won't be able to swim with them though. A2: Yes, I do. A3: No, I don't. A4: No, but I will have soon. A5: Since you're never going to be a sexual partner of mine, I don't consider you to be in the 'need to know' category. Q2: Do you have breasts? A1: Yes, unfortunately, for now. A2: No, they were removed just like hundreds of bodybuilders' bitch-tits are removed every day. A3: Mind your own business. A4: See A5 above. Q3: Are you stronger than average women? A1: Yes, of course I am, I've been on testosterone injections and going to the gym regularly, I have a male body. A2: No, I'm not. I have a female body, that's the moot point of my condition. A3: Yes, I am, because I work out a lot. A4: No, I'm just a wimp. Sorry, not all men can be Arnold Schwarzenegger! A5: Tell you what, why don't you come and find out? |
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GROUP 4: THE "HOW CAN YOU..." QUESTIONS. Q1: How can you be a male feminist? A1: Because after living with a female body, I know exactly what it's capable of. A2: Because after being on the receiving end of chauvenism for many years, I've no intention of joining the ranks of patronising sexist cretins. A3: Because I believe in equality for everyone. A4: I'm not, I hate women and think they should stay in the kitchen where they belong. A5: How can you be an ignorant student/secretary/mechanic/teacher/cashier (insert appropriate occupation of your tormentor)? Q2: How can you know you're doing the right thing? A1: How can anyone? How can you know I'm not doing the right thing? A2: Because when I think about living the rest of my life with a female body, I feel like puking and then breaking shit and burning stuff. Whereas when I think about living as male I feel tranquil, calm and at peace. A3: Because I've run out of other options. A4: I don't know, I'm just doing it on a whim because I thought it'd be a laugh to suffer years of torment and prejudice at the receiving end of mob mentality to altar my body, just for something to do. A5: How can you know before you open your mouth whether what you're going to say will be wise or foolish? A6: I don't know, I'm clearly insane. Please section me now and we'll see how quickly I'm discharged. Q3: How can you be so selfish? A1: Quite easy, really - the same way you pass by homeless people and pretend you didn't see them even when you're not in a hurry. A2: It's very difficult actually. I have to consciously stop myself from deliberately staying in a suicidally dysphoric state in order to stop other people from having to get used to calling me by a new name. Q3: How can you have sex? A1: How can you, with such obvious disadvantages? A2: Pretty much any one of a great number of ways. A3: Would you like me to show you? A4: I don't know, I guess I'll just have to be creative. A5: See A5 to Q2, Group 3. |
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Do you have a moronic question or a witty answer to add to this page? Use the link on the homepage to write to me with suggestions. |