October 8, 1998 |
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I know that this is just going to make you roll your eyes, but I have to tell you anyway. This time I REALLY left Barron. I couldn't get him back even if I wanted to. (And I most definitely DON'T want to.) I think the whole reason I went back to Barron after I got into Seattle is for 2 reasons: Barron is physically attractive and I needed a place to stay. For 3 days we had it kind of good. I had some sex, not particularly great, but sex nonetheless. We didn't fight and the apartment was nice. I wasn't extraordinarily happy or anything. Then he started getting jealous of my friends, hiding the pot, leaving nasty notes around the apartment and becoming generally a solumn distant hermit. I have a great work life and my friends are fun loving and inspirational. It was just my home life that sucked so bad. I decided one night after Barron yelled at me from the bedroom while we were entertaining guests that I just wasn't attracted to his personality in any way. I would ask him to work on something like could you please respond to me with something more than a grunt? And he would say: If you don't like the way I am, then leave me. After hearing this so many times through the years, I figured he was right. I just didn't find his behavior attractive and it was time to get out of the kitchen. But that isn't it. His mental health is just a vision of decay. He acts like a hyperchondriac: persistent lung and nose problems, skin irritants, rashes, back aches and prolonged colds. I swear most of it was in his head. He solved this by covering himself from head to toe with hand lotion every day, showering 3 times a day and compulsive itching. And then there was his hyperglycemic side: deep dark anger or bitchiness that would go on for hours if he didn't eat. Of course he wasn't exactly cheery either if he was tired. Then he claimed recently that pot makes him turn angry. To top it off, he is going impotent. He said he couldn't even get it up himself. So my conclusion is, Barron is probably pretty damn depressed. Way beyond my help, and even if he was fixed, I don't like his personality anyway. So we had a few serious discussions about how I wanted to leave him and then just one day. Saturday I think, I just didn't bother to go back. I have been living out of a single napsack, sleeping on friend's couches. I got a roommate already. A 22 year old girl named Josie from Texas. I knew her boyfriend. But anyhow, don't worry about the blackhearted souless flacid bastard bothering you again. I didn't tell him shit about seducing you. Fuck him. I hope he DOES find out how much I was cheating on him. |
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