CHAPTER TWO

SUPPORTING PARENTS IS A SUPREME BLESSING

According to the Buddha’s teachings, taking care of one’s parents is performing meritorious deeds, because parents do many things for their children with enormous love and endless compassion from the time they are born. They bring up their children with great care and affection. Parents possess four great qualities - Metta (loving-kindness), Karuna (compassion), Mudita (sympathetic joy) and Upekkha (equanimity) for their own children.

Therefore, the Lord Buddha likens parents to Brahmas i.e. gods (celestial beings) who are always endowed with these four great qualities. Parents do not only look after their children but are also their first teachers (pubbacariyas), because they teach the right things such as language, behaviour and right action to their children. The children who are born in a civilised society should repay great debts of gratitude that they owe to their parents. That is why the Buddha said, “Supporting parents is one of the supreme blessings.” Though we cannot compare parents’ compassion with the Lord Buddha’s (because the Buddha’s compassion extends to all beings), parents’ compassion towards their own children is also incomparable.  However, they may not feel the same compassion towards others.

Their children bring whatever troubles upon them, parents endure them, bear them and forget them. We cannot find anyone in this world, whose compassion and affection are greater than our parents’. If we compare gratitude that we should feel towards our parents with Mount Meru, the mountain will be too small. Parents are wonderful beings for the children because of their endless compassion. That is why we should have sympathy for them. And also we should have empathy with them before they die. After our parents’ death, please do not say, “I am so sorry because I haven’t repaid great debts of gratitude to my parents.” That will be too late. Parents’ compassion and affection for their children are incomparable. They can do anything for their own children. We clearly see that parents can bring up ten children but the ten cannot afford to look after their two parents.
 

THE WAY TO REPAIR

Children need to repay the debt of gratitude to parents in a proper way Otherwise, we can never repay the debt of gratitude to them. How can we repay? The following is the Buddha’s way.

"O' Monks, one can never repay two persons, I declare. What two? Mother and Father. Even if one should carry about his mother on one shoulder and his father on the other for a hundred years; and if he should support them, anointing them with unguents, kneading, bathing and rubbing their limbs, and they meanwhile should even void their excrements upon him, - even so could he not repay his parents.

Moreover, monks, if he should establish his parents in the supreme authority, in the absolute rule over this mighty earth abounding in the seven treasures, - not even thus could he repay his parents".

What is the cause of that?
 

"Monks, parents do much for their children; they bring them up, they nourish  them, they introduce them to this world. Moreover, monks, whoever incites his unbelieving parents, settles and establishes them in the faith; whoever incites his immoral parents, settles and establishes them in morality; whoever incites his stingy parents, settles and establishes them in liberality; whoever incites his foolish parents, settles and establishes them in wisdom, - such a one, just by so doing, does repay, does more than repay what is due to his parents."
 

The Buddha very often encouraged his followers to look after their parents. Meanwhile, he also did the same thing. This was because the Buddha did not want them to regret that they did not care to fulfil this duty towards their parents after their parents’ death, for instance, King Ajatasattu, who killed his own father after associating with a bad man.  Even the Buddha allowed his monks, to take care of their parents. Here is a story that comes from Jataka (No. 540).
 

A GRATEFUL MONK

Once the Buddha was dwelling at Jetavana monastery There was a wealthy merchant at Savatthi, who was worth eighteen crores. He had a son. The son was dear and winning to his father and mother. One day the son saw a great crowd going to Jetavana monastery with perfumes and garlands in their hands to listen to a discourse given by the Buddha.  Seeing thus, he also went to the monastery.

After listening to the teaching of the Buddha, he asked the Buddha for ordination. The Buddha told him, “I do not ordain anyone who has not obtained his parents’ permission.” He went back home and asked his parents for permission. However, the parents did not allow him. So he was so disappointed that he lived a week without food. Finally he got their permission and returned to the Buddha begging for ordination.

After ordination, he studied the monks’ rules and regulations for five years under his preceptor and teachers. Then he thought to himself, “It is not suitable for me to live here to reach the goal of insight.” So having obtained instruction in meditation from the Buddha, he departed to a frontier village and dwelt in the forest. He strove there for twelve years to attain spiritual insight. During this time, his parents became poor, for those who rented their land and carried merchandise for them found out that there was no son in the family to enforce the payment.

They then seized what they could lay their hands upon and ran away. The servants and labourers in the house also seized the gold and coins and ran away. At last they sold their house. Eventually they wandered around begging for food, carrying potsherds in their hands. They were in extreme misery.  At that time, a bhikkhu from Savatthi came to his place. He asked him about the health of the teacher and disciples. And then he asked for news of his parents.

“Tell me, Sir, about the welfare of such and such a merchant’s family in Savatthi.”
“Oh friend, don’t ask for news of that family.”

“Why not, sir?”

“They say that there was one son in that family, but he has become a monk. Since he left the world, that family has gone to ruin. Now the two old parents beg for alms and sleep on the bare earth. I am deeply sorry for them, my friend.”

When he heard the visitor’s words, he could not remain unmoved and began to weep. The visiting monk asked him:

“Oh friend, why do you weep?”
“Oh Sir” he replied, “They are my parents, I am their son.”
“Oh friend, your father and mother have become poor because of you.
Why don’t you go and take care of them?”

The Bhikkhu thought to himself,

“For twelve years, I have striven but have never been able to attain the path and fruition knowledges; I must be incompetent; what am I doing with monkhood? I will become a householder and will support my parents again. I will thus eventually become destined for heaven.”

Having so determined, he gave up his abode in the forest to the elder and the next day, he departed for Jetavana monastery which was not far from Savatthi. There he found two roads, one leading to Jetavana, the other to Savatthi. As he stood there, he thought, “Shall I see my parents first or the Buddha?”

Then he said to himself,

“In the old days I saw my parents for a long time, from henceforth I shall rarely have the chance of seeing the Buddha; I will see the Buddha today and listen to his teaching. And then tomorrow morning, I will see my parents.”

He then went to Jetavana monastery. That very day at daybreak, the Buddha, as he looked upon the world, had seen the potentialities of this young monk. So when the monk came to see him, the Buddha praised the virtues of parents. The monk thought, “The Buddha said, ‘A son who has become a monk can support his parents even while remaining as a monk.’ “ “I will now support my parents as a monk.”

So he took his ticket which he could exchange for food and gruel (this was a custom for monks in the olden days). In the morning, he went to Savatthi and he thought to himself, “Shall I first get the gruel or see my parents?”

He reflected that it would not be right to visit them in their poverty empty-handed; so he first got the gruel and then went to the door of their old house. When he saw his parents sitting by the opposite wall, he stood not far from them feeling a sudden burst of sorrow with his eyes full of tears.

They saw him but knew him not. His mother, thinking that it was someone waiting for food, said to him, “Oh sir, we having nothing to give to you, be pleased to pass on.” When he heard his mother, he repressed the grief, which filled his heart and remained standing as before, with his eyes full of tears. Though they told him to leave a second and a third time, he continued standing. At last the father said to the mother, “Oh my dear, go to him; can this be your son?” She rose and went to him. Recognising him, she fell at his feet and cried.

The father also cried. There was a loud outburst of sorrow. Seeing his parents, he could not control himself and burst into tears. After yielding to his feelings, he said, “Oh mother, cry no longer; today onwards, I will support both of you.” After having comforted them, he made them drink some gruel and sat down on one side. He then went out again and begged for some food and gave it to them. And then he went again and asked for alms for himself.  Having finished his meal, he went back to the monastery.

From that day onwards, he watched over his parents in this manner.  He gave them all the alms he received. When he sometimes got very little food, he gave them all. On these days, he had nothing left to eat. As he looked after his parents, he gradually grew very pale and thin. His friends said to him, “My friend, in older days your complexion was bright, but now you have become very pale. Has some illness come upon you?” He replied, “No illness has come upon me, but a hindrance has befallen me,” and told them the story “Sir” they replied, “The Buddha does not allow us to waste the offering of the faithful; you are doing an unlawful act in giving to the laymen the offerings of the faithful.”

When he heard this, he was ashamed. But not satisfied with this, they went and told all to the Buddha, saying, "Such and such, he did, sir".

The Buddha sent for the monk and said to him,

“Is it true that you take the offerings of the faithful and support laymen with them?”
“Yes, I do, venerable Sir", he confessed.
“Who are they?”
“My parents, Sir.”

Then the Buddha, wishing to praise him, said,
“Well done, well done, well done, my son; you are on the path which I have gone before.”

Then the Buddha revealed the Jataka Story (No: 540 ), “Once upon a time.... “

After listening to the teaching, the monk attained the first stage of the path and fruition knowledge.
 

"Oh monks, these two persons are hard to find in this world, What two?  The one who is first to do a favour (pubbakari) and the one who is grateful for what is done (katannuta-katavedi)."
 
 

WHO IS AN ENEMY?

Sometimes parents might become enemies of their children if they do not teach them to have good attitudes from young. It is the parents’ duty to take care of the welfare of their own children who have not fully grown.  Parents are responsible for them to have a better education and to teach them how to behave in a good manner. If the parents do nothing for them, their children will censure them. For example, a son may censure his mother, because she did not give him a good education and did not bestow on him a good attitude.
 

FIVE DUTIES OF PARENTS

1. Restrain children from evil.
2. Support them in doing good.
3. Give them good education or some skills.
4. Hand over their inheritance to them at a proper time.
5. Arrange a suitable marriage. 

FIVE DUTIES OF CHILDREN

1. Support parents in return (when they have income).
2. Manage affairs on their behalf.
3. Maintain the tradition of the family.
4. Make oneself worthy of the inheritance.
5. Give alms on behalf of the departed parents.
 

WE LEARN IT FROM TEACHERS

According to the Buddha’s teachings, parents and teachers are very important people because children and students learn many things from them. First of all, children learn “Mama, Papa” from the parents. We have already learnt that parents are our first teachers. We learn many things from our parents and then we also learn from teachers in schools. We are dependent on our teachers to get a better education. Most teachers kindly give education to us.

We divide teachers into two groups: secular teachers (who give us education) and spiritual teachers (who give us instruction for liberation).

The Buddha and his disciples are spiritual teachers. Of these the Buddha is the most supreme teacher. It doesn’t matter whether they are secular teachers or spiritual teachers, both are beneficial to us. Of course, spiritual teachers are higher than others because of their virtues. We should repay our gratitude to both teachers for their education and compassion.  However, some students instead of repaying gratitude, are ungrateful to their teachers. If our attitude is always against the guidance of teachers, we will get into trouble. So we should not have ill will towards those who take care of our welfare out of their compassion. There is a Jataka Story (No. 252) that teaches us a good lesson.
 

ANIMOSITY OVER A HANDFUL SESAMUM SEEDS

Once upon a time, Brahmadatta, the king of Benares, had a son named Prince Brahmadatta. (In the olden days, though there were famous teachers living in their own countries, kings used to send their sons to foreign countries to complete their education and to learn the ways of life ‘ in the world.) Calling his son, who was sixteen years old, to him, the king gave him a thousand pieces of money, saying these words:

“My son, go to Takkasila and study there.” The prince obeyed and went to Takkasila (University). There he inquired for the teacher’s dwelling, and reached it at the time when the teacher had finished his lecture and was walking up and down in his house. He welcomed the newcomer. When the prince stood respectfully by him, he asked, “Where have you come from?”

“From Benares.”

“Whose son are you?”

“I am the son of the king of Benares.”

“What brings you here?”

“I come to learn.”

“Well, have you brought a teacher’s fee? Or do you wish to attend on me in return for teaching you?”
“I have brought a fee with me.”

And he laid at the teacher’s feet his purse of a thousand pieces. Then the teacher taught the prince.

One day, the prince went to bathe along with his teacher. There was an old woman, who was parching some sesamum seeds. When the prince saw the seeds, he desired to eat them. So he picked up a handful of seeds and ate them.
“You must be hungry,” thought the old woman, but she said nothing and sat silently.

The same thing happened the next day. Again the woman said nothing to him. On the third day, he did it again.

Lifting her arms in lamentation, the old woman cried out,

“The great teacher is letting his pupils rob me!”

The teacher turned back.

“What is it mother?” he asked.

“Master, I have been parching some sesamum seeds and your pupil took a handful and ate them! This he has done today, he did it yesterday, and he did it the day before. Surely he will eat all and then even my home!”

“Don't cry, mother: I will pay you for that.”

"Oh, I want no payment, master: only teach your pupil not to do it again."

“Then, see here, mother,” said he.

He asked two pupils to take the prince by his two hands and beat him thrice upon the back with a bamboo stick, telling him not to do it again.

The prince was very angry with his teacher. With a furious glare, he eyed the teacher from head to foot. The teacher observed how angry the prince was.

The prince applied himself to his work and finished his courses. But the offence he hid away in his heart and was determined to murder his teacher. When the time came for him to go back to his country, he said to his teacher:

“Oh my teacher, when I receive the kingdom of Benares, I will send for you. Please come to me. I will repay the great debt of gratitude to you.” He then returned to Benares. He visited his parents and showed proof of what he had learnt. Seeing the magnificence of his performance, the king was satisfied and made his son king in his stead.  As the prince enjoyed the splendour of royalty, he remembered his grudge and anger arose within him. “I will kill him in revenge for beating me,” he thought and sent a messenger to fetch his teacher.  The teacher came. Seeing his teacher, the King at first was glad. Then his anger rose and his eyes grew red. He beckoned to those around him and said to them:

“0 courtiers, the place where my teacher struck still hurts me. He has come here with death written upon his forehead. His life must end today” Hearing the threat of death, the teacher explained to him the true conditions.

“Great King, understand this yourself.

There is no just cause for anger. Indeed, if you had not been taught this lesson by me, you would have gone on taking cakes and sweets, fruits or the like, until you become covetous through these acts of theft. Then by degrees you would commit crimes; house-breaking, robbery and murder about the villages and towns.

At the end, you would have become a public enemy. So the king would have to say, ‘Take this man, and punish him according to his crimes.’ 0 great king, you should understand this yourself. If you had done so, how could you get this prosperity which you now enjoy. How could you get such magnificence if not through me?”

After the teacher had finished speaking, the courtiers who stood around said, “In truth, my lord, all your .magnificence really belongs to your teacher.”

At once the king recognised the goodness of his teacher and said to him, “O my teacher, please receive the kingdom.”

“No, my lord king; I have no wish for the kingdom,” the teacher replied.

The king then sent for the teacher’s wife and family. He treated his teacher like a father and obeyed his admonitions thereafter.
 

"One should first establish oneself in what is proper, and then instruct others.
Such a wise man will never be blamed".
 

FIVE DUTIES OF A TEACHER

1. Give students thorough instructions.
2. Train them in moral disciplines.
3. Teach them generously all arts, sciences and skills that the teacher has learnt.
4. Provide security for the students.
5. Introduce them to his friends (teachers) who can give them further education.

FIVE DUTIES OF A PUPIL

1. Greet or salute the teachers rising from the seat (when the teachers come in).
2. Attend or wait upon the teachers.
3. Obey the words of the teachers.
4. Offer personal service to the teachers.
5. Study the teachers' instruction thoroughly.