Life as a vaccume sucks!
~The vaccume in my closet
This isnt school, Its hell with floresent lighting.
~Anonymous
You guys line up alphabetically by height.
~Bill Peterson, Florida State Football coach
The internet is a great way to get on the net.
~Bob Dole
I get to go to a lot of overseas places... like Canada.
~Brittany Spears
If it werent for electricity, we would be watching television by candle light.
~George Gobel
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when its hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
~Woody Allen
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infants life without even concidering if there are men on base.
~Dave Barry
People think it must be fun being a super genius, but they dont realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
~Calvin
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to build bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
~Richard Cook
One of the greatest pieces of advise i've ever gotten in my life was from my mom.when i was a little kid,there was a kid who was bugging me in school. And she said, "Ok, I'm going to tell you what to do." She said, "The kid's bugging you. He puts his hand on you, you pick up the nearest rock, or whatever you can get your hands on, and you lay him out." And I did! And I felt better. And it worked, so for me that was a great lesson because someone had invaded my space; invaded my being, you know, and was doing something against me that I didnt want to be done. So I tool control of the situation and ran with it.
~Jonny Depp
Lady Astor says to Winston Churchhill- Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
Churchill says to her- Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they will be when you kill them.
~William Clayton
Once when I was lost... I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents.I said to him... do you think we'll ever find them? He said... I dont know kid... there are so many places they could hide.
~Rodney Dangerfield
A lady came up to my in the street and pointed at my suede jackey and said, "you know a cow was murdered for that jacket!". And I replied in a psychotic tone, " I didnt know there were any whitnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."
~Jake Johanse
I invented the internet.
~Al Gore
Sure, there have been injuries and death in boxing-but nothing serious.
~Alan Minter-boxer