Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.

God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.

I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.

I drive this way to piss you off.

I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.

If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.

Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.

Keep honking while I reload.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her... or something like that.

Save the whales! Collect the whole set!

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

Taxation with representation isn't so hot, either.

Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?

Your child may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot.