In the summer of 1998, my ex-wife and I decided to get a divorce due to the fact that we could no longer see eye to eye on anything. The marriage had been over long before this, but the timing had never been right and neither of us wanted to put the kids through it. This would be my second divorce and I knew the hardships that it would bring.

Soon after we separated, things were fine. I was still taking care of the kids at her house while she worked (as I did for the last 10 years) and everything was fine. At first we decided to use the same lawyer. BIG MISTAKE! DO NOT EVER DO THIS!! Always have your own lawyer to back you up, otherwise you could get railroaded like I did. Her attorney drew up papers that had me paying her house payment (and the second mortgage too), her car payment, and all the utilities on the house that I no longer lived in and I was stupid enough to sign them. Imagine my surprise when I obtained my own lawyer and he told me that had we went in for a preliminary hearing that I probably wouldn’t have been stuck with all these bills. To make a long story short, she dragged the separation/divorce out for 8 months and I ended up declaring bankruptcy from trying to maintain 2 households for my children. Why do the courts think that me living in a "studio" apartment is ok for when the kids come to visit? Do they not realize that non-custodial parents have to have a place for the children to sleep too?

The worst part about the divorce were the situations that the kids went through. Although we had to attend a "divorced parenting" class through the courts (as is mandated in Indiana), I really wish my ex would have listened to what they were saying. In it, they talk about how to co-parent after divorce and how you should never put your kids in the middle. There are many bad situations that the kids have had to endure thanks to her,but here are the highlights:

1. One night when my ex came to pick up the kids from my apartment, she brought her new boyfriend who I happened to know and didn’t like (he was our next door neighbor). Without any provocation, he threatened me right in front of the kids with bodily harm, literally scaring the kids to death. They had to go home and face him knowing how he felt about me.
2. On numerous occasions, she would call me up at the last minute and tell me that I couldn’t get the kids because she had other plans.
3. When I went to pick up the rest of my personal belongings from her house (that the court had to order her to give to me), her boyfriend once again threatened me in front of the kids and actually came after me. Luckily, the moderator (also my ex's brother) shoved him away just as he was bearing down on me with his fists. Once again, why do my kids have to be subjected to this loser?
4. My ex never spends time with the kids. They are always at her moms house. Don’t get me wrong, her mom is a sweetheart, but don’t tell me I cant see my kids and then take them somewhere else.
5. My ex STOLE a bike and a bank account from my oldest daughter from my first marriage. What kind of woman steals things from a 10 year old child?
6. Why is it that in Indiana (and most other states I gather too) that a man can be prosecuted for non-payment of support, but the moms don’t get prosecuted for not letting the non-custodial father see his kids?
7. My ex wants my new wife to not be a part of the kids' life at all. She has told me not to bring her to school functions and such. Why NOT bring her? She is my wife and she takes care of the kids when I have to work on weekends and treats them as if they were her own, knowing that she would never replace their bio-mom. To be a step-parent takes a TON of dedication, hardship, and sacrifice. I don’t know how my wife does it to be real honest. We never have the money to do things that I feel couples should do (Going out to dinner, movies, etc.) and I know that this sometimes puts a strain on our relationship, but she loves me and the kids, and I know that the love we have can overcome any obstacle.