Fellowship having a night in

MERRY: Shall we get a video out?

ALL: Yeah, good idea.

*pause*

PIPPIN: Hey, how about - no, that's not 'til August 6th... *to camera* When it'll be available in all good video stores!

FRODO: Well, what are we going for - comedy, thriller, Harry Potter?

SAM: I don't want to see no more magic...

*pause*

ARAGORN: Psycho?

*silence*

BOROMIR: Bond film?

*silence*

ARWEN: Armageddon?

*they all look at her*

FRODO: Don't you mean Deep Impact?

ARWEN: Armageddon.

FRODO: (dangerously) Deep. Impact.

ARWEN: Fine(!) I'm leaving. And by the way, *Estel* - that Psycho update was utter rubbish!

ARAGORN: But, but... weren't you frightened?

ARWEN: Not nearly frightened enough!

*she leaves*

GANDALF: Well, how about something more intellectually challenging?

MERRY: (sarcastically) What, like X-Men?

GANDALF: Do not take me for some conjuror of cheap tricks!!

MERRY: I'm not!

*pause*

GANDALF: Oh. Ok then. And I was refering to Richard III!

GIMLI: I've always preferred Macbeth, myself.

LEGOLAS: I though Dwarves didn't like Macbeth!

GIMLI: There is one dwarf yet in Moria who likes Macbeth!

*silence*

PIPPIN: How about.... A Beautiful Mind?

GANDALF: Fool of a Took!!

ARAGORN: Do not *speak* of such things!

*pause*

SAM: Hey, how about The Goonies?

FRODO: Only if you stop getting out that damn inhaler!

*others still in discussion*

LEGOLAS: Why not... Wilde?

PIPPIN: Oh no. We don't want this turning into slash fanfiction.

*everyone agrees, various people throw virtual bricks at the webmistress*

SAM: (to Frodo) Mr Frodo? What's 'slash'?

FRODO: *pause* Erm.... why don't you go and ask Gandalf.

SAM: (to Gandalf) Um... Mr Gandalf sir? What's 'slash'?

GANDALF: Do not take me for some conjuror of cheap tricks!!

SAM: I'm not!

GANDALF: *pause* Oh. Well in that case.... slash, eh? Erm... oh, look - the Fratelli brothers!

SAM: (panicked) Where? *looks around, ducks behind sofa*

*Meanwhile*

BOROMIR: It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing... such a little thing...

ARAGORN: Boromir! Have you got a suggestion, or are we going to have to watch Deep Impact again?

BOROMIR: How about a football film?

SAM: *popping up from behind the sofa* Rudy!

BOROMIR: No, I said *football*.

SAM: That *is* football!

BOROMIR: Yeah, yeah, whatever(!)

*pause*

ELROND: What about The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert?

HOBBITS: Who invited him??

ARAGORN: Erm.

*rolling of eyes, some mutterings of 'sucking up to future Father-in-Law'*

FRODO: Hey, I notice you two hobbits have been rather... quiet? *stifled laugh*

*Merry and Pippin look at each other*

MERRY: Well..

PIPPIN: I don't care what film we watch, as long as we get pizza with it! And popcorn, like we had last week. And those chocolates the week before...

MERRY: *Yes* Pippin!

*pause*

GIMLI: How about a nice adventure film? Maybe a Spielberg? He's always been a favourite of mine.

BOROMIR: It's not a mine, it's a tomb.

*three people throw arrows at him, he staggers out with gasps of "I'll.... go... get the.... pizza..."*

GIMLI: So, how about it then? A nice Spielberg adventure film?

SAM: The Goonies?

ALL: *No* Sam!

FRODO: And not Indiana Jones... *no more* Harrison Ford!

SARUMAN: Not even in Star Wars? I thought he was very good in Star Wars! Though I do prefer the modern ones better...

FRODO: NO! And would you please leave?!

*Saruman leaves*

FRODO: (incredulous) Are there any more non-Fellowship members, hiding behind chairs perhaps??!

*Bilbo, eight Orcs, two Nazgul, Rose Cotton, Tom Bombadil, Dale Winton and Barliman Butterbur all get out from various hiding places and start to leave*

TOM BOMBADIL: *muttering to himself* Peter didn't want me, you don't want me... nobody wants me....

SAM: (to Frodo) Can't Rosie stay?

FRODO: Sam, she is the bane of all slash fanfiction writers! She isn't supposed to be here until... Christmas 2003, you're too shy to talk to her, *and*, according to the Appendix, you have plenty of time to... *Dr Evil-eque* "get acquainted?" *pause*

SAM: So is that a 'no' then?

*The non-Fellowship have all left now*

*pause*

FRODO: So, do we know what we're going to watch yet?

*drunk from outside the Prancing Pony wanders past the window coughing loudly what sounds very much like "The Frighteners"*

MERRY: I'll check tonight's TV listings.

PIPPIN: *pause* I think I'll just have another ale...

SAM: HEY! That's my..! Oh, *fine* then, 'It comes in pints? I'm getting one!'

*Sam and Pippin glare at each other*

*silence*

ARAGORN: Well, isn't this fun? All men together.

ELROND: Men? Men are *weak*.

*awkward silence*

*drunk from outside the Prancing Pony wanders past again, now coughing what could be "Heavenly Creatures"*

FRODO: (carefully) You know... it looks quite..... cold out. Very, in fact.

*general murmurs of agreement*

FRODO: *pause* And it looks like it might ... rain. Quite heavily. *pause* So, very cold, and heavy raining.

*everyone now looking at him*

FRODO: Know what that means?

*pause*

FRODO: The Ice Storm. The *Ice* *Storm*!! Geddit?! Gedddit?!

*rolling of eyes, Sam looks confused*

*pause*

*more pausing*

PIPPIN: (quietly) You think we should -

FRODO: Give him a minute, he'll get it.

*pause*

*yet more pausing*

SAM: Oh. OH! Ahah! That's a good one, Mr Frodo!

*everyone looks relieved*

SAM: 'Cause you said it was cold, so that's ice, and heavy rain, and, that, haha, that's storm!!

FRODO: (smiling) *Ok*, Sam.

SAM: And, hahahahahh! And *you*, *you* were in that film, The Ice Storm!! Ahhahahahhahhah! Oh that's a good one Mr. Frodo...

*deadly silence*

SAM: *wipes tears from eyes* What? What is it? All I said was, that was *you* in that film... oh dear.

*loud explosion*

*from somewhere in the darkness*

PIPPIN: That's nice, ash on my tomatoes!