"Hi you've reached Jordan and Kat. We're both away till Sunday so if you are calling here you probably didn't know that and therefore you probably don't know us. Logic would deduce that you probably have the wrong number, k?"

BEEP:Cute message. Listen, Kat, if you're screening this message I think you should turn on Z100 right now, ok? Are you there? I know you're back in the city. Are you there? Ok, well, you're listening for entertainment news and they said it was coming up after the commercials. They are rerunning a spot from an hour ago and I really think you should hear it. In case you're really not there, I'm gonna tape it so CALL ME BACK! Later kiddo.

Kevin's agitated voice sent chills up and down Kat's spine. She walked slowly over to her stereo and flipped on the tuner, switching it from KTU to Z100.

"Welcome back. Coming up this hour we've got Amber, Edwin McCain, Bare Naked Ladies, and *Nsync right after Entertainment Sleaze with Danielle Monaro."

"Thanks Scotty! Speaking of *Nsync- you've all heard rumors about Justin and Brittany, Lance and Danielle… Well now the love mill seems to be turning for none other than JC Chasez. We've been getting calls all morning about some pictures that were posted on the Internet last night and are spreading like wildfire over the information superhighway. They are of our boy, JC, and an unidentified young woman wearing a Columbia University jacket. Apparently, rumors have been flying around since right after the VMAs about JC and a certain unnamed brunette. Well, kiddies, we've got the scoop for ya! A caller this morning identified the young woman in the pictures as a Kathryn McBride. The caller faxed in an article and picture from Columbia's school paper that confirms the University's soccer star as the girl who's been painting the town with a supposedly single JC. So what everyone who is calling in wants to know is if we know what that deal is. Well there is no comment as yet from JC or *Nsync but you girls might want to watch who you're throwing your underwear at the next time you see the boys 'cus it would appear Mr. Chasez is taken. Scotty B.?"

"Thanks Danielle. Alright we have some callers here just dying to put their two cents in about JC's love life. Linzie, line 7, you there?"

"Yeah! Hey Scotty B.! I love your show!"

"Thanks Linzie. So what do you think about this whole mess?"

"I don't think its true. I mean the pics just went up last night and JC is allowed to have friends, ya know? Its not like those picture are of them kissing or anything. Until I hear him say he's got a girlfriend, I'm not going to take it seriously."

"Well, keep hope alive, Linzie. Buh bye. Lauren, line 3? What do you think?"

"I think that girl is probably just using him. Look how much attention she's getting, like, over night. I just think he could do soooooo much better!"

"Anyone in mind, Laur?"

"Yeah! Its all me, baby!"

"I thought so. Take care. Rachel, line 5. Hit me, kiddo."

"Hey, Scotty! I think this girl is just after him cus he's, like, JC from *Nsync. I mean, where did he meet her, anyway? A pep rally?"

"I can't answer that cus I dunno! Well, we've got the board lit up like a Christmas tree with calls but unfortunately we have to play some music. Rachel, you still there?"

"Yeah!"

"Would you introduce the next song?"

"This is Rachel from Secaucus, New Jersey and you are listening to *Nsync's I Want You Back on New York's Number 1 Hit Music Station, Z100!"

Kat's knees had given way somewhere around when she was named on the most listened to radio station in the Metropolitan Area as the girl who stole "JC from *Nsync's" heart from his loyal fans and future brides. She sat on the floor, her jaw practically scrapping the carpeting. It was one thing when it was just her face on the Internet but now they had her name. Anyone could easily get their hands on her address and phone number. Suddenly there was a knock on the door and Kat was shaken slightly out of her daze.

"Kat?"

"Yeah?" she called out distractedly.

Kimmy opened the door tentatively and took a deep breath as she heard I Want You Back playing softly. She knew Kat had heard what she had. "So you heard it?" Kimmy started, kneeling down next to Kat. Her face contorted with concern as she saw the tears start to stream down Kat's face. "Shhh, sweetie," Kimmy consoled, rubbing Kat's back gently. "Look on the bright side! At least you have JC."

JC. I've got JC, huh? God, how could I do this to him? If I let this go any further, I could destroy his life. I remember what its like to be a fickle twelve-year-old. Besides, its so obvious that even if I did try to have something with him that it couldn't last. Could it? Oh stop thinking in terms of fairy tales. The odds are too high that I'll blow it. Everyone leaves me eventually. First my father, then my mother, then Gabriel, then Sylvia and Rey, and now when I finally meet someone who almost makes me feel normal, someone who I know could make me feel safe if I let him, he happens to be the antithesis of normal. And in the end I'll loose him, too. Who am I kidding? It is the end.

Kat was so frustrated, her wanted to scream but all she could force out was a whisper. "I don't have anyone."

Kimmy didn't know what to say. She didn't know Kat any better than the other girls on their floor but she'd never seen Kat's face so eerily emotionless.

If she had known Kat the year before, she would recognize this face very well. Even when Gabriel died, she fought so hard to deal with everything herself that the hurt and anger and fear had only left its mark on the inside. The only way to tell she was feeling anything was when what emotion she couldn't hold in overflowed in sobbless streams down her cheeks.

"Do you want to be alone, Kat?"

Alone?! Do I want to be alone? I'm already alone. I'm so alone right now it hurts to breath in this vacuum.

"Kat?"

"Yea, please." Kat's voice was a whisper of a sound.

Kimmy rose and left Kat still in the same position she'd collapsed into earlier. She turned off the stereo and shut the door quietly behind her but not before tossing one more pitying look in Kat's direction. Kat didn't see it but knew the reality of it. The look burned into her as if it was as tangible as a branding iron.

As soon as she heard the door click, Kat scrambled to her feet and went to the bathroom to wash her face. No way will I let this happen again. I just got rid of those looks. I will not fall apart again. Everything I touch falls apart and I won't let it happen to this poor guy. I'll just go and get my stuff back and say good bye. He probably wont put up much of a fight, especially if he read my journal. He's probably been snapped back into reality by this whole mess and is wondering how he let this get so out of hand. That's what I'd be wondering in his position. Hell, that's what I'm wondering in my position. He seems stubborn though. But if he doesn't know now he'll know later that its in his best interest to not get involved with me. He'll understand. The question is... will I?

"So what am I supposed to do James? Just forget about her?" JC ground out, pushing his chair away form table and jumping to his feet.

"JC, calm down. That's not what I'm saying but you just told me that it wasn't serious and your fans are up in arms overnight."

JC stood, arms crossed, glancing helplessly around the room which was now empty of everyone except himself, the guys, and James. "I am an adult, James. I'm not saying that I want to rub Kat or any other girl that I might want to see socially in the future in the fans' faces but I cannot live my life in fear of a group of people that could turn on me just as easily if I got a bad hair cut as if I'd committed murder. I need something that isn't a part of all this or I'm going to crack up." He paused before adding, "And I didn't say it wasn't serious. I said I just met her."

"JC," Lance started. "You know this girl isn't exactly-"

"Lance, I don't want to hear it," JC put up a hand silencing what he knew was coming. Lance would say that a relationship with Kat wouldn't exactly be a vacation from stress and tension. He'd say that JC didn't even know if this girl would speak to him again. He'd say not to fight a battle over someone he wasn't even sure wanted to be fought over. He'd say to think about what really counts, right at that moment. And he'd be right. But JC didn't care.

"This girl isn't exactly what?" James questioned JC, eyebrows raised in anticipation.

"I'm not going to talk about her with you in any significant sense until I talk to her first."

"Why do I feel like we missed something?" Chris stated absently.

"Maybe because the only two people in this room who know what the hell is going on are JC and Lance," Justin grumbled.

"Justin's right, boys," Joey nodded. "It's share time."

"No," JC said, his eyes downcast. "I'm not going to discuss her as if she'd some issue to be resolved." He raised his eyes and locked James in a stare. "And I'm not going to discuss her at all until I talk to her first."

"JC, at least-" James started when his cell phone began to ring. "Excuse me a moment." James rose and moved across the room to take the call.

"Well?" Joey asked turning to JC.

"I already told you-"

"C, we just want the basics. We're completely in the dark here," Chris interrupted.

"The basics? There's a girl. Her name is Kat. I really like her. I hope to get to know her better. She's not really cooperating and now, her face is plastered on the Internet so she's probably not going to cooperate anytime soon. Clear it up any?"

"Well I don't think it could get any vaugue-er so that's a step in the right direction," Chris smirked.

"Guys, I promise we will talk about this, but I seriously need to speak to Kat first," JC replied as he eyed a somber James walking back towards the five.

"You might want to talk to her right away because we're going to have to make some kind of statement as soon as possible," James declared, grasping the back of one of the empty chairs and the boys' table.

"What? Why?" JC questioned, concern plastered on his face.

"Z100 released Kat's name this morning."

"How the hell did that happen already?" JC demanded.

"Calm down, JC. Apparently your girlfriend is a very well known athlete at Columbia. Someone faxed the station a picture from the school newspaper."

"Dammit," JC mumbled, raking a hand through his hair.

"Also, they've been running the spot since about 10 this morning so chances are that Ms. McBride knows by now if she didn't before."

"Jesus, I have to call her," JC stated, striding for the door.

"JC! We're taping the 'Regis' spot at 1 so be ready to leave in a half hour!"

JC waved back distractedly as he exited the dining room, while James once again retreated to the other side of the room to make a phone call.

"Wow," Chris exhaled. "What was that?"

"Yeah, I feel like we were just given a whole lot of information but were told nothing," Joey said, scratching his head.

"Seriously, my head hurts, man," Justin added, the confusion plain on his face.

"Lance?" all three questioned turning to look at their better-informed friend.

"What?" Lance shifted in his seat. He knew what they were after but it wasn't his business to share.

"C'mon, Lansten!" Joey whined. "Don't leave us hanging!"

"I don't know any more about what just happened here than you do," Lance stated, referred to the Internet/radio fiasco.

"You suck," Chris blurted out.

"Hey!" Lance objected. "Whatever he told me you should hear from him, and I'm sure you will. All I can say is that it would appear this girl is battling some serious demons."

"Jeeze, PooFoo, you tell us that and now you expect us to wait for the rest?" Justin complained.

"I don't know anything else that would answer your questions. I don't even think JC knows enough to answer your questions. I hope for his sake that she tells him before he drives himself crazy."

"I lie awake, I dr-" Chris began to sing before getting nailed in the head with a mini corn muffin compliments of Joey.

"I dunno, guys," Justin started shaking his head. "Its hard to believe its only been a couple of days the way Jace is acting. I guess this would be as good a time as any to cross our fingers."

Kat managed to calm herself down considerably by the time she'd showered and dressed. She now had a mission and nothing gave Kat a sense of control in her life more than when she had a purpose. That's why she kept herself so busy; soccer, the plays, the sororiety school, volunteering. The only thing sleep brought her was a sense of uselessness and some nerve wracking nightmares. Control was a feeling she sorely needed at this particular moment. She refused to be broken. She refused to give up the control she'd fought tooth and nail to get over the last four years. Even if it was for the perfect guy.

Perfect, sure. Except for the whole millions of preteen girls stalking me thing. That's one mighty big "except".

Her phone had been ringing off the hook, starting not fifteen minutes after she'd heard the radio announce her name. She knew she was getting some of her wits back as she started wondering if there was any way she could sue the radio station and then proceeded to imagine what her own radio show would be like and what her cool DJ name would be.

She couldn't help but laugh as she listened to some of the messages being left on her machine.

BEEP: Kat! It's Kara. I can't believe you didn't tell me! Call me later, we have to talk! He is so hott!

BEEP: Nice message, bitch. Stay away from him.

BEEP: Kat, its Kevin again. Stop screening your messages, dammit. Are you there? Are you ok? Please call me! Later.

BEEP: Kat, its Ethan. I just heard the radio. I guess you guys hit it off, huh? I have to admit I'm surprised that I haven't been castrated yet for giving out your number. Anyway, you're probably feeling really exposed right now. I hope Prince Charming at least prepared you for this. Ok, call me back! Let me know if you want me to get in touch with Joey for any reason. Ok kid? Later, babes.

BEEP: Kathryn! What do you mean knowing *Nysnc, let alone dating one of them without telling your own sister! Did I ever mention how close to you I feel? Is Justin really with Brittany? This is Abigail by the way.

BEEP: Hi. You better treat him right or I swear you'll get slammed.

BEEP: Listen, little miss "I'm dating a pop star"! I do not believe I took a message from JC Chasez yesterday! Anyway, me, Erin, and Lees will be back tomorrow morning. Don't have sex with the jail-bait magnet 'till we're there to spill to! Later, porn star!

BEEP: Ms. McBride, my name is James Campion. I'm a representative of *Nsync's management team and I really need to speak with you about your, uh, relationship with Mr. Chasez. If you could just get back to me when-

"Hello?"

"Kathryn McBride?"

"Yes, that's me."

"I'm James Camp-"

"Yeah, I heard the message. Did JC ask you to call me?"

"No, as a matter of fact I'm pretty much going behind his back on this."

"Why should I talk to you then? For that matter, why should I even believe you are who you say you are. I heard the radio and I'm sure there are lots of eager DJs or whoever by this point just itching to 'speak to me about my, uh, relationship with Mr. Chasez.'"

"Miss McBride, I can't think of any way to convince you other than explaining the finer points of haggling with venue managers or the rules of cell phone tag. You'll just have to trust me."

Trust. "Yeah, well, Mr. Campion, trust isn't exactly my strong suit these days. Never really was."

"Listen, Miss McBride, if JC hasn't called you yet, he's about to. We just heard about z100 and what I need from you is to try and clear whatever is going on between you two up. We need to make a statement as soon as possible and JC isn't exactly thinking straight so its up to you. I'm sure you can appreciate the position we're all in over here."

"He's not the only one who's confused, here, Mr. Campion."

"Can I ask you what exactly it is that you want from JC?"

"That is definitely a question you ask of someone who trusts you and if I'm not mistaken we've already determined that we have the opposite of that going on here."

"Miss McBride, JC and the rest of the guys are very special to me. Not as *Nsync, not as music industry commodities, and not as teenybopper fodder. They're like family to me. I've been with them since the beginning. But it is my job to protect the interests of *Nsync."

"Well, if you are who you say you are, then I really respect what you just said. Believe me, I understand that what happened this morning may not be destroying my career but in the span of one night and a couple of hours I've been called everything from a bitch to a whore. Who is going to protect my interests."

"JC, if you'll let him."

The words that came over the phone line rocked Kat straight to the core. "What are you saying?"

"Hear me out. You may think that someone in my position has an invested interest in keeping the boys of *Nsync single. Well, I do. Yes, I absolutely do. In my ideal *Nsync universe they would all be single and robotic. They'd never need sleep or food or human companionship. That would make my life one big deep-muscle massage. But we live in reality, don't we, Miss McBride?"

"I suppose," Kat interjected, answering James' rhetorical question.

"Well, as long as we agree," James smirked. "May I continue?"

"By all means," Kat sighed.

I like this girl, James thought as he chuckled under his breath and continued. "What would also make my life easier would be if I were some asshole who didn't care about the guys except how much money I was making off of them. Unfortunately and contrary to popular belief, I am not an asshole. I've been with these guys far to long not to see them as human beings and eventually as family. And as human beings and as family, I can't help but care about their happiness."

"Mr. Campion, I know where this is going. I'll take care of it. I was about to call JC anyway."

"Let me just tell you this. JC is awfully passionate about whatever he's developed with you in the past few days. He's not willing to let it go without a fight and believe me when I say he is one stubborn bastard. It's clear he hasn't been sleeping lately or eating much for that matter. This isn't him happy to have found someone. You have got him spun out of orbit and only you can give him the piece of mind to set him back."

"You sound like my shrink."

"I don't quite know how to take that. Anyway, talk to him- face to face. We have a taping this afternoon and a charity ball tonight. He'll tell you all this, I'm sure, but if you can just set it up so you can meet sometime in between, I'll be very grateful. I need to get a statement out by Monday morning and since we're leaving tomorrow-"

"I want this over with as much as you do." Kat spoke confidently but inside she could help but feel a tinge of pain when James said that JC would be gone tomorrow.

James didn't know quite what she meant by "over with" but his music industry escapades left him with an uncanny ability to read people and there was no way he was about to push the strained voice on the other end of his cell phone any more than he already had. "All right, Miss McBride. I'll leave yo to it, then."

"Goodbye, Mr. Campion."

"Goodbye, Miss McBride."

Kat tossed the cordless back onto her bed and walked over to the mirror hanging on the back of her door. She smoothed the thighs of her gray slacks and brought her dark wavy locks up into a sloppy twist, securing it with a barrette. He face was the picture of perfect calm. Not a tear, not a twitch betraying the emotional storm in her head. It has to be this way. Both our lives can be twisted into God knows what if I let this continue. What's worth this kind of confusion and hurt, anyway?

The phone rang, muffled slightly by her bedspread. Kat moved to get it but thought better of it. She assumed it would be JC but judging from the flashing "15" on her answering machine, she realized that it could be just about anyone.

"Hi you've reached Jordan and Kat. We're both away till Sunday so if you are calling here you probably didn't know that and therefore you probably don't know us. Logic would deduce that you probably have the wrong number, k?"

BEEP: Kat, its JC. Are you there? I just wanted to-

"JC?"

"Hey! Are you ok?"

"O and K are such strong letters," Kat laughed, the bitterness lacing her voice almost undetectable. "JC, I'm so sorry about last night, but I really need to talk to you."

"Yeah," JC agreed, nervous as to why she wanted to talk.

"When can I see you?"

"We have to tape a spot for Monday's Regis and Kathy Lee at 1 but we should be done by four, I think."

"If I had a nickel for every time I heard the Old "I have to tape a spot for Regis and Kathy Lee" Excuse..." Kat chuckled, her voice trailing off. "Should I come to your hotel?"

"Yeah, that should be ok. I told you we were at the Plaza, right?"

"Yeah, you mentioned it."

"Well at the desk, ask for Jason Capel."

"Jason Capel?"

"Yeah, he plays basketball for UNC. Don't ask, it was Justin's turn to pick our cover name." JC chuckled, amazed at how her voice made his nervousness and confusion vanish if only for a moment.

"Ok, Jason Capel. Got it. I'll be there by four."

"Sounds good. Kat?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry about all this. I know its a little late for apologies but I dunno. I wasn't even thinking. Its like you made me forget how public my life is. As nice as that feeling is, it can be dangerous."

"I'm sorry, too."

"Please, don't be."

"I'll see you at four."

"All right. I'll see you then, bye."

"Bye."

JC sighed, sitting down on the edge of his bed. He'd been pacing for the bulk of his conversation with Kat and his knees weren't feeling too steady. He was glad that Kat seemed to want to talk but he had a bad feeling about why.

Talking to Kat wasn't exactly pulling teeth- the farthest thing from it as a matter of fact. When they spoke, everything seemed to flow. She was articulate and spunky. He felt at ease and even surprised himself at how he opened up to her the night before.

At the same time, he felt frustrated that she only allowed him to scrape the surface. Sure, she'd talked about her family but she was holding back. To be fair, it wasn't as though he'd offered a full disclosure. He'd said nothing about Jaclyn or the damaged she'd caused or the hurt he'd inflicted on those around him because of her. He could tell that Kat was hurting, too, but it was amplified.

Besides all that, it had become far too easy to forget that he'd only known her a few short days. He wrestled with himself over why he'd even expected her to trust him so quickly. Maybe he didn't. Maybe it was his own frustration with knowing that there was something wrong from the beginning. He was frustrated, impatient, and worst of all, curious. He just wanted to know.

He looked up and stared intently at the notebook sitting on top of his dresser. He shook his head ruefully at what had transpired the night before.

"Don't do it, C. If you really want to have something with this girl this is the worst move you could make."

"Relax, I'm not going to read it. I just find it ironic that all the answers to my questions probably lie in this little book but if I do anything about it, I could pretty much kiss Kat goodbye… only without the kissing part."

"It could only happen to you, buddy." Lance said standing up and stretching. "I'm gonna hit the sack. G'night. And do not read it." Lance eyed his friend warily as he headed to his room.

"G'night," JC called to his friend's back. He looked down at the notebook in his hands. The felt at the top right corner was fraying. He ran his fingers over the spot thinking of how much it reminded him of her. The book was a beautiful green, perfect in every way except for that one fraying edge.

He desperately tried to quell the urge to open it and drink in every word she'd written. His mind tugged at him. Just see what her handwriting looks like. You won't read anything. The temptation was too great to hold it without peeking. He put it down on the side table to the left of his chair.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" he mumbled to himself, raking a hand through his spiky brown locks. "You're turning into some drooling, obsessed lunatic."

He shoved out of his chair, wanting to gain as much distance from the temptation at his side as possible. However with the rushed movement, the chair knocked into the side table sending the book to the floor with a light thud.

JC's head snapped around to see the book laying on the floor. At that moment he regretted that he couldn't slap himself upside the head with any degree of efficiency. From where he stood he couldn't make out any of the writing but it was her very writing that drew his attention. On just the two pages exposed, there were spots where the writing was bubbly, some spots that looking like hastily made brush strokes and at other spots the handwriting, itself, dissolved into printing.

He shook himself out of his daze and decided to avert his attention from the words, pick the book up, close it and return it safely to Kat's bag. However the plan was shot as his conscious mind lost all control of his eyes and they fell upon one simple phrase before he regained composure and slapped the book closed quickly. His mind was swimming.

He wouldn't want me if he knew.

JC shook himself out of his reverie as he heard a knock at the door.

"Jace? Time to go!"

"Yeah, I'm coming!"

Ok, McBride. In the past three days you've met the man of your dreams, managed to not only lie to him but alienate him as well, been placed on the altar of teenybopper hell for sacrifice, spiraled from all kinds of hope to all kinds of despair, and yet have managed to NOT attempt suicide. GO you! Score one for the home team. Just get through this afternoon and you just might get out of this alive.

It was twenty minutes to four and Kat was sitting in the middle of her bed in a meditative position, trying to give herself some last minute coaching. All she had to do was go down there, collect her things, say her peace, and say goodbye.

The guys had finished up their obligations ahead of schedule and JC cursed under his breath for it. As long as they were working, his mind didn't dwell on what might happen when he spoke to Kat. He was scared. He was scared that she'd say goodbye and he'd never get the chance to know what could've been. He sat on the sofa in their suite, flipping through channels trying to find something to take his mind off the fact that he had at least ten more minutes before Kat would show. He'd been back for almost a half an hour already and it was becoming torturous. The guys had all retreated to other activities knowing that, while they desperately wanted to know what was going to happen, the Plaza might not want to be somewhere they'd like to be at four o'clock.

As Kat turned from paying the cabbie, she looked up at the Plaza Hotel in awe. She'd been there before and couldn't for the life of her figure out why she was so nervous this time. Perhaps it was just the fact that JC was inside it somewhere that made it seem taller, more intimidating. She took a deep breath and shook herself out of the moment, realizing she looked like a tourist.

When she looked inside, she was loath to find too many teenaged girls in the lobby for her own comfort. Aren't they supposed to keep these chicks outside, behind police barracks or something, Kat wondered rolling her eyes. She didn't bother removing her sunglasses inside, thinking that they'd somehow help disguise her. She breathed a short sigh of relief that she hadn't decided to wear her team jacket, like an idiot, today. Kat strode through the lobby toward the desk as if she owned the place.

"Can I help you Miss?" the desk clerk inquired as pleasantly as someone with an obvious contempt for the world could muster.

"Uh, yes. I'm here to see Jason Capel."

"Yes, well lots of people are here to see Jason Capel," he replied motioning to the rest of the girls in the lobby.

"Do I look like a groupie to you?" Kat asked incredulously, having become irritated by this man the moment he opened his mouth.

"I don't know Miss, what do groupies look like?"

"Listen, Jeeves, my name is Kathryn McBride and I have a meeting with Jason Capel and if you don't tell me what I need to know I can assure you that you'll be doling out your bad attitude at the DMV by the end of the business day." Kat's voice was slow and menacing but not very convincing.

"Well we'll see about that, Miss, but in the meantime why don't you take a seat I the lobby with the rest of the little girls."

"Ok, you smarmie little bastard," Kat mumbled audible enough for him to hear. She dug her cell phone out of her pocket, thanking God that she hadn't brought it with her the night before, lest it would have been in the fateful bag. "I'm going to call Mr. Chas... Mr. Capel and then you are going to apologize... a lot."

The clerk rolled his eyes as Kat dialed.

"Hello?"

"JC?"

"Kat! Where are you? You're still coming right?"

"Yeah, actually I'm downstairs, doing battle with this glorified bell hop. Think you could help me out here?"

JC chuckled at Kat's frustrated voice. "Yeah, kiddo. Just give the phone to the clerk."

"Here you go, Jeeves," Kat smirked handing him the phone.

"Hello?" the rolled his eyes, confirming it as his favorite facial expression.

"Yes, this is JC Chasez and I'd be very grateful if you'd have someone escort Miss McBride to my room."

"JC Chasez, sure you are. Sorry I just have to send some room service up to Ghandi first. You do understand."

"Hang up the phone."

"Excuse me?"

"Hang up the phone and call up to suite 411." Click.

The clerks eyes widened as he realize the level of crap he could be in. "This isn't happening," he mumbled causing Kat to grin. He picked up the desk phone and made the call to suite 411.

"Hello, if you'd be so kind as to have someone escort Miss McBride to my room, now?"

"Yes, of course." The clerk could barely get the words out as he realized that his job was in the hands of a smart ass and a boy band member. He hung up the phone and smiled his best phony smile at Kat who returned the expression. "Geoffrey!"

"Yes, Sir?" a bell hop replied, rushing over to the desk.

"Please show Miss McBride up to the Capel suite."

"Yes Sir."

"Oh well thank you so much," Kat grinned, winking at the flustered desk clerk.

JC expected the knock at the door but still jumped when he heard it. This is it, he thought as he rose from his chair and made his way to the door. He opened it to reveal a sight that took his breath away. There Kat stood, her hair tied back from her face but loose, still framing it, bringing out her incredible water-blue eyes.

She looked up at him, causing his heart to catch in his throat. "Hi." Her voice was steady and full of something neither one of them could quite place.

"Hi," he smiled down at her.

"Can I, uh, come in?" Kat asked fidgeting with her jacket sleeves.

"Yes, yes, sorry, come in," JC stammered, moving out of the door way so allow her to pass. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, I'm fine. Thanks. Wow, this is really beautiful," Kat smiled, motioning to the room.

"Yeah, who'd have thought it?"

"What?"

"That I'd ever end up here," JC shrugged.

"You must have. Otherwise you wouldn't be here," Kat said thoughtfully as she moved to look out the window.

"I guess you're right," JC said, smiling to himself.

Kat stared out the window for a moment, trying to get up the courage to do what she came to do. "So what was that about down there? I thought 'Jason Capel' was a cover name," Kat questioned turning around.

"Yeah, well, sometimes things leak or in Justin's case, he picked a name associated with a team everyone knows he likes. I'm sorry, I should have left word down there that you were coming. But I bet you had fun," JC smiled slyly.

"There you go thinking you know me again," Kat smirked. JC raised his eyebrows accusingly. "Ok, so you happened to be right. That was the first time in the past few days that I haven't felt..." She drifted off, casting her eyes downward.

"Kat, I..." JC started, not knowing what he wanted to say let alone how to say it.

"JC, I just wanted to come and get my bag. There is something very important to me in it."

"Your journal?"

"Yeah. So you did look through it." Kat's eyes were more pleading than accusing.

"No, Kat, it wasn't like that," JC started moving towards her. He inhaled deeply as she took a step back. "I dropped your bag and it fell out. I didn't read it. I swear."

"I believe you," she murmured softly, darning to meet his eye for the first time since she walked in. "You don't have the pity in your eyes you would have if you had read it."

"Kat, please talk to me. I know this thing with the fans must have you spooked but I haven't changed my mind about this... about you." By now they were standing face to face. JC could feel her begin to tense as his mind raced to find something he could say to make it ok. "I don't want to scare you. I just want the chance to see if what I'm feeling is real. I have so little left that's real and if I can find it somewhere else than I have to go for it. You feel right to me."

"You don't even know me," Kat said, not able to hold back a solitary tear that fell from her right eye, traveling down her cheek to the corner of her mouth. JC was a whisper away and she wanted to touch him so badly but she couldn't bring herself to. She almost stopped breathing as he did what she couldn't, tracing the trail the tear left with his finger tips. His touch was searing and everything she ever wanted it to be. It was the one thing that was real in the room at that moment. The only expression of what they both wanted but were to afraid to go for.

"I want to know you, though. I want to know everything about you. I want to be there for you."

"First of all," Kat ground out stepping away, "you do not want to know everything about me. And second of all, what do you mean be there for me? You said on the phone that I made you forget how public your life is but this is pushing the envelope. Just how often do you plan on being in New York? You are leaving tomorrow. Its not enough time and you know that as well as I do. Even if I were the kind of girl you would want, this is the worst timing known to man." Kat was on the verge of letting JC see what no one else ever had. Her true emotions.

"Kat, I don't want to pretend that I'm the kind of guy that can be here physically every time you want to see me. I made that mistake once and it almost destroyed everything. I wouldn't expect that you should drop your life here and follow me around no matter how well we knew each other. But I will be back very soon. I'm willing to take whatever time I can to get to know you because I feel that strongly about this. I will come here whenever I can plus we are going to be recording up her for a while and besides that I'd be willing to fly you where ever I am for a weekend when its possible. I have thought about this, believe it or not and I'm willing to do anything I can to find out what we've got here. I know you've felt it too so don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about."

"JC, you do not know what you're asking me," Kat stammered not knowing how much longer she could hang on.

"Yes I do. All I'm asking of you is to trust me. I just want to know what is going on with you because I know its more than you're letting on."

It became too much with the tone of his voice. He was genuinely concerned for her. The rage at the situation and the just plain wanting to tell him everything exploded in storm of words and tears that she could no longer hold back.

"What do you want to hear JC? That I'm mentally unstable, that I tried to kill myself four years ago? Or how about that my mother is an alcoholic that moved across the Atlantic Ocean to get away from me? Or how about that my father barely acknowledges my existence beyond paying my tuition bills and that he wishes I were never born? Oh wait, you'll love this one! How about that my boyfriend committed suicide last year and that I could have stopped him? You don't want to hear that shit! I don't even want to hear it but I don't have a choice. I carry it with me constantly and I can't get away from it. But you can. Get out while you still can."

She strode for the door with every intent of leaving and never seeing him again. She thought he'd be too shocked to make a move or that after he'd heard all that he wouldn't want to anyway. She was wrong. She didn't even see him coming but he cut into her path to the door quicker than her mind could wrap around the fact that he was even there. He grabbed her gently by the shoulders to stop her advance.

"Kat, please don't go." He voice was pleading and sincere. He still wanted her there. She couldn't even fathom it.

"If this is pity, I don't want it," Kat whispered, knowing full well that pity was one emotion absent from his eyes.

"I don't pity you. I just want to show you that you don't have to suffer alone. You don't have to be alone."

Kat being able to form coherent sentences was a physical impossibility at this point. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. He was supposed to leave and never turn back, just like everyone else. He wasn't supposed to care.

To JC, she didn't have to speak because her eyes did all the talking. He was lost in their expressiveness. The clear blue was so beautiful it took his breath away every time he looked into them, but what really fascinated him was their ability to communicate without her ever saying a word. It made him wonder if he was the only one who could read them. If he was, what did that mean? He thought back to the night at the theater when she came into the light at the front of the stage. He'd thought that a coincidence like this might be just meant to be. Then he'd chided himself for thinking such a thing after he'd only spoken to her once. He wasn't about to chide himself now. It was too much. This was meant to be. "You've been alone for so long, haven't you?"

Kat's eyes looked down, falling on his left hand that had drifted down her arm. How did he read her mind like that? She looked at his hand, strong and gentle on her arm, and knew that she wanted nothing more than to be held by him. She began to sob uncontrollably for possibly the first time since she was an infant. He pulled her close, his heart breaking at the sound of her pain but soaring at the same time as she relaxed into his arms. She allowed him to hold her and that meant everything to him at that moment.

"You don't have to be so damn strong all the time. You need someone to care about that will care about you, too," he whispered into the hair that fell loose from her barrette and over her right ear. "Please, Kat. I want to be that person."

Kat pulled away only enough to look up into JC's cobalt eyes. "Why me? What is it that makes you think I'm worth this kind of effort? Why any of this?"

Her voice was hoarse with emotion and her eyes were red with tears but she was still the most beautiful thing JC had ever seen. The look in his eyes sent electricity throughout her entire body. He bowed his head down closer to her own as her arms, once folded between their bodies as he held her, now snaking their way around his neck. They knew it was stupid and that the possibility of disaster was practically imminent. Neither one cared at that moment as their lips enveloped one another's. The feeling was one neither had ever felt as JC pulled her as close as possible, finally closing the distance she'd once fought so hard to gain. He pulled back just long enough to whisper his answer against her lips.

"Because the alternative is unthinkable."