Monday, 6 September 1999
Dear No one In particular,
I’ve been having that dream again. I’m sitting on my bed in my old room in SoHo and someone comes up behind me and covers my eyes. I already know who it is. It’s the same person every time. I smile and turn around to see Gabriel looking down at me with those piercing gray eyes. He takes my hands and we start dancing, spinning around and around. It feels like I’m flying. Its almost like I have him back again for that one brief moment before the dream changes. We keep spinning but all of a sudden we’re standing in a place that this recurring dream has made so familiar to me, I feel like I could go find it in real life. This place is rocky and barren. The flat orangey earth contrasts with the bluest sky I’ve ever seen. We’re still dancing but on the edge of a cliff, moving closer and closer to the edge. We’re spinning and spinning and even though I know how the dream will end, it feels as though either of us could be the one to spin around that last time and fly off the edge. It’s always him. It’s always him. I just keep waiting every time I have this dream for it to be me. I feel like, in some sick way, that once it’s me whose body is flung off the edge by the force of our dance, that things will have somehow been set right. I feel so selfish in thinking this, though. If it had been me to go, to die, Gabriel would be here, feeling this pain… dealing with his illness. His way was the easy way and every so often I want to escape the same way. Maybe I want it to be me in my dream to make things even. Maybe I want him to feel the pain I’ve been feeling for almost a year. I don’t know… It’s all moot anyway. He relapsed and killed himself. Not me. Why have I gotten better and he couldn’t get out of that same dark place? Is it just pointless to wonder about these things? I can’t change any of it. But at the same time, I don’t know what to do with any of it either. It’s been almost a year and I still can’t seem to get close to anyone in that way. I’ll love Gabriel forever. But, now I have all these conflicting feelings. Before, every part of me felt that to let anyone else in would be a betrayal. Now, I still feel that way but I’m also starting to miss how it feels to have a touch send shivers throughout your body; how it feels to be held, kissed; how it feels when a man’s arms completely engulf you in that way that makes you feel protected from everything. I want to fall in love again. Still, there’s that other side of me that can’t let Gabriel go. It keeps shutting me down whenever I meet someone new. I have to go to class.
Sincerely,
Kitty
“Why did you choose that particular entry to share today?” asked Dr. Sheridan, pen and pad in hand.
“Because out of all my entries this past week, this was when I was the most emotional,” Kat said shutting her journal and bringing her legs up into an Indian-style perch on the big arm chair that resided in her therapist’s office. “It’s what my thoughts have been mostly preoccupied with lately and I wrote it right after I woke up Monday morning. Right after the dream…” she drifted off as she began to work the corner of her journal between her fingers, picking at the felt covering that was already starting to come undone.
“I see,” Sheridan said jotting some notes down. “You said you waiting for it to be your turn in your dream. Have you been thinking about suicide again?” she continued looking at Kat over the frames of her glasses that rested on her nose.
“I don’t want to die,” Kat stated meeting Sheridan’s gaze. “The girl who tried to kill herself four years ago wasn’t me. My head was so clouded. I couldn’t control myself. The highs and lows were so extreme; I just wanted to be in control of something. So I decided to be in control of my death. Clearly, I couldn’t even control that, ‘cus here I am. I don’t want to die anymore because I’m in control. All I meant was that it might even things up” Kat explained becoming slightly disturbed at the accusation.
“Explain that,” Sheridan pushed.
“Like I wrote in my journal, why me and not him? I may be in control but he couldn’t get that control over his own life. Why did I get better? It just seems so unbalanced,” Kat said lowering her eyes and shaking her head.
“Well, maybe that imbalance merely comes from his absence and not from his recovery, or lack thereof.” Sheridan reasoned.
“What do you mean?”
“Gabriel provided a certain balance for you. You shared similar experiences. You shared an illness that destroys so many lives. You were kindred spirits of a sort. Now that he’s gone you’re missing a piece that you’re not sure how to fill yet. Maybe that’s why you feel askew. Not because you lived and he chose to die, but because you’ve lost a bit of yourself.”
“Jeeze, you should be a therapist or something,” Kat laughed.
“I get that a lot,” Sheridan smiled.
“So what do you think I should do?”
“Try to open yourself to new people and experiences. You have to find something to fill that void or you’ll always be off kilter. You have to consciously tell yourself to stay calm in situations where you’re prone to clam up.”
“Sounds like a plan…” Kat smirked, “in theory.”
“Well try it. And keep up with that journal. In my personal opinion think you can thank that little book for a good part of your recovery.” The alarm rang on Sheridan’s session timer.
“Well, thank you, once again, for the exceptional therapy,” Kat nodded as she gathered her things.
“Anything exciting going on this week?” Sheridan asked as she walked Kat out.
“Well we started rehearsals for Hamlet last night, Rush for the newbies is starting soon, I’m going up to see Renee this weekend, and the most dreaded of all dreaded anythings, Sunday brunch with dad and the Nordic Ice Princess.”
“That’s quite a week you have going. Are you seriously still calling your step-mother the ‘Nordic Ice Princess’?”
“Yes.”
“You really need to get past all this anger.”
“I don’t have anger. Distaste. I have distaste. I don’t even know why she requires my presence at these things every week.”
“Perhaps she’s making an effort.”
“Perhaps she just wants to feel better about her own daughters and seeing me is a big step in that direction. Now there are four girls who will be in therapy in no time. I’ll be sure to give them your card.”
“Ha, ha. I’ll see you next week. We’ll talk more about this then. I’ve got a patient and, if I’m not mistaken, you have classes.”
“Yeah, Yeah. See you next week.”
True to form, Kat, once on the train uptown, took out her books to do the homework she’d forgone the night before in the name of sleep. She’d have just enough time to do her reading on the train and grab a tea at Beth’s, the café she frequented, before her Development of Europe class. Also true to form, she couldn’t concentrate on her reading because she was thinking about the session she’d just had with Dr. Sheridan. “Have you been thinking about suicide again?” Kat had only told Sheridan the half-truth. She didn’t want to die but she did think about it. Every time she had the dream she thought about it. But she’d be jolted back to earth by the reality of it.
Kat sat cross-legged on her bed in the room she shared with Jordan Mahoney working on her midterm Expository Writing paper. “I hate Expos!!” she cried stabbing the pages with her trusty Bic ballpoint.
“Do you have a problem with expos or something?” teased Jordan from her own bed where Pre-Calculus was the culprit.
“Only with its existence,” Kat said hurling a wad of crumpled paper against the wall.
“So, you’re going to pledge with me next semester, right?” Jordan said switching the conversation to the only thing Kat wanted to talk about less.
“I dunno, Jordan. It’s really not me.”
“I swear, Kat, it’ll be soooooo much fun. It’ll be something fun we can do together.”
“I’ll tell you what,” Kat said preparing for negotiation. “I’ll go to rush and if I get a bid, I’ll give it some serious thought, ok?”
“If you get a bid, I’m making you take it.”
“That’s my offer. Take it or leave it.”
“Ok, ok. I won’t bring it up again until spring.”
“If you can stick to that then I’ll definitely pledge if I get a bid!”
“What? You think I can’t keep my mouth shut about it ‘til then?”
“Not a chance in hell.”
The phone rang as negotiations continued. “I got it. Its probably Greg,” Jordan said bouncing to her feet. Kat turned her attention back to her mutilated paper. “Hello? Oh… Yeah, sure. Kat, it’s Gabriel,” Jordan said tossing the cordless onto Kat’s bed.
“Hey, you,” Kat smiled.
“Kat, I need to see you,” the voice on the other end said anxiously.
“Gabe, what’s the matter?” Kat said, her muscles tightening at the tone in his voice.
“Please come over.” His voice had an emotion behind it the Kat had never heard come from him before- only from herself.
He’s relapsing. Her heart pounded viciously against her chest. “Listen to me Gabriel. I’ll be right there. Don’t do anything until I get there, please,” she pleaded, not sure he was even still on the line. “Gabriel?”
“Alright. Just hurry, Kat. I really need to see you.”
“I’ll be there as soon as possible,” Kat pledged as she heard the dial tone blare in her ear. I can’t lose him. Stay calm. Maybe you should call Sheridan. No time. He’ll be ok if you can just talk to him.
“What’s wrong, hon?” Jordan inquired as Kat pulled on sneakers and threw a hooded sweatshirt over the T and mesh shorts she’d been lounging around in for the past two days.
“Gabriel wants me to come over. He sounded upset.”
“I hope everything’s ok,” Jordan called after Kat who was already halfway out the door.
“Me too,” she muttered almost inaudibly as the door shut behind her.
She usually walked the 10 blocks to Gabriel’s apartment but, due to the circumstances, she opted to hail a cab this time. “94th and Lexington,” she told the cabby distractedly.
“You got it,” the heavy-set, balding man said flipping on the meter and pulling away.
“I’m in a rush too, so please… it’s important,” she said through the glass partition that separated the two.
“I’ll do the best I can, lady,” replied the cabby, revealing a thick New York accent.
God, hurry. What if I’m not enough? What if I’m not enough?
Ten minutes later they pulled up to the corner of 94th street and Lexington Avenue. She tossed a twenty-dollar bill up front, not waiting for change as she bolted out of the car and across the street to Gabriel’s building. She flung open the front door to find herself confronted by another door and the massive panel of doorbells accompanied by tiny plaques with names and apartment numbers. Her hand flew instinctively to “Sullivan C7”.
“C’mon, Gabriel, buzz me in,” she muttered.
Seconds later a woman came through the door and Kat jutted through and up the stairs not even bothering with the elevators. She sprinted up the three flights of stairs and took a second to compose herself before pulling open the heavy “Floor C” door and making a beeline straight to his door at the end of the hallway.
She knocked furiously before trying the doorknob that had been left unlocked. “Gabriel?!” she called out as she slipped through door. Panic rose up through her body as no one answered in the eerily silent apartment. “Gabriel?! Its Kat!”
“Kat?”
She breathed a sigh of relief at the reply. “Where are you?”
“I’m out on the fire escape.”
Kat made her way into the bedroom and out the already open window. “Hey you. You scared me half to death,” she said as he pulled her into his arms.
“I’m sorry, Kitty,” he breathed into her shoulder. “I just really needed to see you.”
“So you said,” she sighed attempting to pull away and look him in the eye. He held her tightly not allowing her to. “Gabe, what’s wrong?” she pleaded against his chest. He loosened his embrace allowing her to look up at him. His hand moved up to her neck and rested, gently stroking with each thumb.
“Nothing now that you’re here,” he smiled softly. “Everything’s in order now.”
“I swear I’m gonna kill you,” she mumbled lightly pushing him. “I thought you were on the brink.” His only reply was to lean down and lightly kiss her as he led her back through the window and into the bedroom.
The next morning, as light flooded the room, Kat woke up to find only a note on the pillow next to her in place of her love’s head and Gabriel’s body on the bathroom floor with a syringe still lodged in his arm.
“What can I get you today, Kat?”
Kat had daydreamed her way off the bus and all the way to Beth’s Café. Autopilot is a scary thing. She thought as she plopped her bag on the counter. “Uh, large ginger tea, milk, no sugar, please, Grace,” she told the apron-clad server.
“What a surprise,” the waitress giggled. “To go?”
“Yeah, thanks,” Kat replied not noticing the sarcastic remark.
Kat rummaged through her bag, collecting stray dollar bills as Grace concocted her usual order. “We’re going to have to name this after you pretty soon. I can see it on the menu now, Kit-Kat’s Drink of Choice,” Grace laughed as she placed Kat’s order on the counter.
“I’m sorry. Did you say something?” Kat said with a weary, distracted look in her eyes.
“Nothing important. Just babbling,” Grace said shaking her head. “Something wrong today?”
“No, just tired I guess,” Kat replied handing over the money.
“I see,” Grace said counting out the change. “I’m ready for a nap, too.” Grace looked up to see another customer in Kat’s place and Kat making her way out the door. “Your change!” she called out.
“Keep it!” Kat called over her shoulder as the door closed behind her.
“So what’s the story for tonight, again?” JC said, opening the Hard Rock Café menu in front of him. He and Joey had slipped into the popular restaurant undetected for a little mid-afternoon lunch.
“We’ll probably leave around 10:30 tonight, we’ll go pick up Ethan at this theater- the name of which will come back to me eventually-, and we’ll head out to Fahrenheit, and from there we’ll see what other places are supposed to be happening tonight,” Joey told his friend, counting off the events of the evening on his hand.
“I can’t believe you forgot the name of the theater,” JC laughed.
“I told you. It’ll come back to me. I know its near Ethan’s old dorm, Ruggles,” Joe said with his thinking face on.
“Ruggles, huh? Gotta love the Ivy League,” JC chuckled.
“Hi, I’m Liz and I’ll be your server. Can I get you something to drink?” the waitress smiled.
“Yeah I’ll just have some water,” JC replied still reading the menu.
“Well, Liz…” Joe started, “That’s a pretty name, Liz.” The waitress giggled, a bit embarrassed. “I’ll have a Pepsi. We just need a minute to decide on the rest.”
“Sure. I’ll be right back with your drinks,” the waitress replied, blushing.
“Thanks,” Joe said his eyes following her away.
“Man, you’re gonna end up in jail some time really soon, I think,” JC smirked from underneath his baseball cap.
“Nah,” was Joe’s only reply for a moment. “You think she was younger than eighteen?” he said with a face of perfect seriousness.
“I fear you,” JC said stone faced as well. “Seriously.”
The two broke into soft chuckles.
“So when are you gonna get back in the saddle, so to speak?” Joe said lifting an eyebrow.
JC sighed rubbing his eyes. He simply shook his head, a look of defeat evident in his gray eyes.
“C’mon, man. You can’t let one chick keep you from all the other fish in the sea.”
“Stop mixing your metaphors.”
“Whatever. I may be a flirt but I’m no where near as sad as you, my friend.”
“Sad, am I?”
“Absolutely. You are adored by a good chunk of the female population of the world between the ages of 10 and 30,” Joe said emphasizing his words by subsequently pounding his fist on the wooden table.
“Dude, your attracting attention,” JC said looking around and slouching further down in his seat in his seat.
Joe continued as if he hadn’t heard his friend’s interruption, “And here you are. Moping around like you’d lost the love of your life.” JC looked up to say something but Joe stopped him before he could get a syllable out. “And she was NOT the love of your life.”
“How do you know?”
“Because no girl can cheat and still be qualified for that title,” Joe said matter-of-factly.
“I know,” JC admonished. “But I just don’t want to open up like that again yet. Besides, I have my career to concentrate on. I don’t need it right now. I’m done with drama for a long time.”
“I understand but all that means is that you’re not looking for anything serious. Doesn’t mean you can’t have fun,” Joe laughed with a twinkle in his eye.
“I can always count on you for my daily intake of innuendo, Joe.” JC laughed, dismissing his friend’s counter, yet silently acknowledging the truth of Joe’s words. Fun… what a concept.
“You two, ready to order?” the waitress smiled.
“Absolutely, Liz,” Joe smiled, eliciting a blush from the waitress and a knowing chuckle from JC.
“Sorry about this, kid,” JC all but whispered into his cell phone. “This is just really important.”
“I completely understand, Josh,” said the voice on the other end. “I knew what I was getting into before we started going out.” She was probably smiling somewhere in her apartment across town. That sad smile that always made his heart break.
“Thanks for understanding, Jac. You know I’ll make it up to you somehow.”
“I know,” Jaclyn replied revealing nothing in the tone of her voice.
“I have to go. Should I call you when we’re finished here? It might be really late.”
“Who are you kidding, babe?” she laughed. “You’ll definitely be really late.”
“True.”
“I’ll probably be asleep so why don’t you just call me tomorrow?’
“You got it, kid. Good night. I love you.”
“Love you, too.”
The dial tone screeched in his ear.
“Jaclyn?” Chris asked, sitting down on the couch next to his younger friend.
“Yeah,” JC confirmed, his tone heavy.
“Well, I got something that’ll make you buck up,” Chris smiled knowingly.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
JC waited expectantly for the older man to elaborate. “Well?”
“Well, what?” the older man teased.
“You can be a real-“
“Let me stop you before you say something you’ll regret, my friend.”
“Oh, I promise that I won’t regret it.”
“Ha. Ha. Anyway, Dave says the equipment is on the fritz. Guess that’s what we get for buying AmWay,” Chris chuckled.
“That so?” JC said lifting an eyebrow.
“Affirmative.,” Chris said patting his friend on the back. “Go get her, tiger.”
“Thanks, man.” JC rose to his feet and tucked his cell phone into his pocket. When he got to the door he turned around as if he forgotten something. “Oh, and Chris?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t call me ‘tiger’.”
With that JC ducked out of the room. He smiled absently as he strode down the hall and out of the studio. Not even the realization that it had started to pour outside dampened his spirit. He dug his car keys out of his pocket at he looked up and blinked at the gray sky spilling rain onto his face. As he settled into the driver’s seat he took a deep breath and turned the ignition. Within fifteen minutes he be seeing Jaclyn’s surprised, but smiling, face. For a brief moment he regretted he hadn’t planned the whole thing. He smirked to himself as he reached over and pressed the play button on the CD player.
As I watch you move, across the moonlit room
So raise your hands to heaven and pray
Tonight, I need your sweet caress
As we move to embrace, tears run down your face
So raise your hands to heaven and pray
Tonight, I need your sweet caress
Morning has come, another day
The song’s final notes dwindled as JC pulled up to a red light not far from Jaclyn’s apartment building. The changer clicked signaling a move to the next CD and as the soft tones of Sade crept from the speakers… he saw them. Jaclyn’s arms wrapped around Matt, a friend of her from her childhood who JC had met many times. Her eyes looked up into his. Her lips touched his as they walked down towards the restaurant JC would have brought her to that night. Before all the emotions running around in his head could conjure up a course of action, they had disappeared into the restaurant. He sat amazed and half-numb until a car horn blared from behind him.
Three hours later he sat in her apartment, lights off, and waited for them. It wasn’t the surprise he’d been hoping to give her earlier that evening but it would have to do. He’d had three hours to mull it all over in his head. He’d gone from numb to hurt to angry and now stood at a precipice, about to go over the edge into rage. If there was one thing JC needed from the people in his life it was trust. His success made it nearly impossible to trust people who came into his life after it all started happening for him and the others. He clung to those he’d known and trusted before- his family, the group, a few close friends, and Jaclyn. Something like this happening had never even occurred to him. He thought she was the one. The love of his life.
He could hear them coming halfway down the hall. Her laughter, usually as infectious as her smile, pierced his ears like nails on a chalkboard. Matt had made her laugh. His deep breaths began to quicken as she jingled her keys in the lock. As the door opened, the two stumbled in, kicking the door closed behind them as they kissed. The sight of his hands on her neck and the small of her back tore into JC’s heart. He reached out to the lamp beside the chair he’d been simmering in and switched it on.
“Josh!”
“Surprise,” JC said calmly, his stoic expression not betraying the fact that underneath it, he was at the boiling point. “Hiya, Matt,” he continued almost deceptively pleasant. He stood up and moved toward the couple who backed up instinctively, still amazed.
“Listen, JC,” Matt started, a nervous tick coming to life in his right eye.
“I think you should say goodnight, Matt,” JC said staring intently at Jaclyn.
“Uh, I think I’ll just let you two talk,” Matt stammered, backing up towards the door and quickly exiting. Jaclyn was still speechless.
“H-How did you know?” Jaclyn started with a quiver in her voice.
“Does it matter?” said JC, his eyes, usually warm, now cold as ice. “How could you?!”
Jaclyn suddenly stiffened, holding back tears. “What do you mean ‘how could I’? Isn’t it obvious?!” she cried throwing down her purse. “You are never here! You don’t have time for me. All you care about is your music and your fans- all those little girls who want to marry you! Little do they know what they’d be getting into!” Her words cut him like nothing he’d ever felt.
“I love you, Jaclyn! And, you said it, yourself, tonight. You knew you what you were getting into!” He raked his hand through his hair trying to compose himself. “I know it’s hard. It’s hard for me, too. Don’t you think that I would love to just lock us in a room and stay there forever? But music is a part of me, too. This may be my only moment. I have to take it.”
She sat down, unable to look at him. He kneeled down in front of her and brought her face up to meet his eyes. “All I ever wanted for you was happiness. If you said that this was making you unhappy; that Matt could make you happy- it would’ve hurt, but I would have let you go- because I love you.” His expression that had softened for a moment began to freeze over, again. “But you never told me that you were unhappy. Every time I asked you said everything was ok- that you understood. You never said that there was something you needed that I couldn’t give you. So you got it from someone else and kept us both. I may be selfish when it comes to my career but at least I’m honest about it. You knew the deal before we ever decided to take our friendship to the next level. Your selfish and you lied. I trust the people I love to tell me the truth. In my business, I have people who lie to me everyday. I don’t need it from the people I trust. I don’t need it and I don’t need you.” As soon as the last four words left his mouth he regretted saying them. His head said that she deserved it but his heart said it was a lie.
Jaclyn sat frozen, unable to speak. JC picked up his jacket and walked to the door. “I hope you treat Matt better. I hope he makes you happy.” With that he was gone.
Kat rushed through the busy city streets quickly making apologies to those she bumped into along the way. She was twenty minutes late meeting Jordan and she knew she wouldn’t hear the end of it. As she turned up 57th Street she spotted the giant illuminated sign of the Hard Rock Café where Jordan worked as a waitress. She pulled open the heavy windowed doors to see Jordan sitting on a stool beside the bar drumming the manicured nails of her right hand on its glossy surface. As Kat managed to catch her displeased friend’s eye she grinned innocently as though she were right on time.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Jordan said ominously as she hopped off her perch and swung her bag over her shoulder.
“What?”
“Where have you been?!”
“Am I late?” Kat said, her expression dissolving into mock concern.
“Uh, about a half an hour, Kat,” replied her friend with growing impatience.
“Uh, try 20 minutes, Jordan,” Kat countered dropping her clueless façade. “The train was twenty minutes late. Not my fault.”
“Whatever, lets just go eat.”
“Dost my ears deceive me?” Kat teased. “Jordan Mahoney? Dropping something without running it into the ground?” Jordan scowled, none too pleased as Kat fained thoughtfulness, looking at her friend with a face of utter confusion. “Did I miss the apocalypse?”
“Listen-“ Jordan started before noticing two very amused young men who, it would seem, had caught the bulk of the girls’ conversation. She looked over Kat’s shoulder at the pair who sat only a few feet away with as much venom as she’d shown her friend a few minutes earlier. “Can we help you?” she asked incredulously.
Kat only half turned in the pair’s direction and giggled only a bit embarrassed that they’d been overheard.
“Sorry we didn’t mean to…” the goateed man replied with his hands up defensively.
“Whatever,” Jordan shot back. “Can we just go?” she directed to Kat, though still looking at the guys who still looked too amused for her liking.
“Yeah-“ Kat replied just when a man knocked into her from behind causing her shoulder bag to fall, spilling her books everywhere. As she bent down to pick them up, she saw an extra pair of legs knelt down in front of her.
“Let me help you,” said the other man who’d been so entertained by her performance a few moments earlier.
“Its ok, thanks,” she stammered as she grabbed her journal before the other pair of hands could pick it up. She looked up startled to see a ghost’s eyes looking back at her. The same gray intensity she’d been seeing only in her dreams.
“Are you ok?” he said responding to the drastic change in her facial expression. Her eyes managed to pull back from his and focus on his face. It wasn’t the face that belonged to the eyes she knew so well. It was the face of a stranger.
“A, yeah, I’m sorry,” she said as she finished collecting her things. “You just reminded me of someone I haven’t seen in a long time.”
They stood as she composed herself; nervously combing her fingers through her dark, wavy locks and twisting them into a bun before letting them fall out again.
“Hamlet, huh?” he said bending down to pick up a stray book. She nodded as he handed it back to her. “I’m an ‘As You Like It’ kinda guy,” he smiled sincerely.
“Well I like all of them, really,” she said not able to take her eyes away from his. “Shakespeare is the only place I can take the poetical excess of words,” she stopped herself as she realized she was babbling. He laughed softly as he dug his hands into his pockets.
“Can we go, please?” Jordan pleaded, her impatience having reached a head.
“Yeah,” Kat said stuffing her beaten copy of Hamlet into the front pouch of her bag. “Thanks,” she smiled softly at the young man, pushing a bit of her thick hair behind her left ear.
“No problem,” he smiled back.
“So what was that all about?” Jordan prodded when they got outside.
“His eyes looked right through me,” was the all Kat could manage; her face the image of perfect seriousness. This made Jordan nervous. Very rarely did she see Kat serious about anything of late. Jordan decided to break the loaded silence in pure “Kat” fashion.
“Kit-Kat’s got a boyfriend!” she teased loudly enough for the passing pedestrians to acknowledge with their choice of chuckle or visible contempt.
“Stop that!” Kat laughed, elbowing her friend playfully. “Besides, I don’t even know his name. When will I ever see him again?” With that she dismissed the second accusation made towards her love life in 24 hours. “Let’s eat quick. I have one more class and then I have to meet the team to go up to the field by six.
“Can we get the check when you have a chance, Liz?” Joey smiled as JC sat back down. “What was that all about?” he grinned at his stupefied friend.
“She looked at me like she’s known me forever, Joe,” JC replied, his face the image of perfect seriousness.
“Well she said you reminded her of someone.”
“It more than that, I think.”
“JC’s got a girlfriend!” Joey teased like a little boy in a schoolyard.
“Knock it off. I don’t even know her name.”
“I’ll take this whenever you’re ready, boys,” Liz smiled placing the check on the table between Joey and JC.
“Wait, here you go,” Joe smiled pulling a bill from his wallet and handing it and the check to Liz. “Keep the change,” he winked. Liz’s eyes widened at the sizable tip she’d just received.
“Thank you,” she stammered, her voice revealing her level of amazement.
JC and Joey rose to leave as Liz still stood in a daze. “I’m sure you’ll see us again,” Joe grinned as they left the restaurant.
“A whole meal unrecognized,” JC said as they walked back to the hotel a few blocks away. “That unprecedented.”
“Yeah,” Joe said thoughtfully. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”
“I’m not too sure,” JC laughed under his breath. “Wasn’t someone talking about Hamlet earlier?” he said reminded of the book the Hard Rock mystery girl had missed.
“Yeah, I was,” Joe nodded. “That’s the play the Ethan has rehearsal for tonight.”
“Oh, that’s right.” JC said, his mind mulling a thought over. “You don’t think that she’s in it?”
“You think?” Joe said a bit skeptical. “Nah. Do you know how many people are in this city? How many colleges, let alone high schools that could be studying or performing that play? Odds are pretty slim my friend,” Joe said patting his friends on the back.
“But what if? I mean, you’re the one saying I have to get back on the horse!” JC said gesturing to his friend passionately.
“Yeah, but I meant you should have fun with some random chick in a club not set out on a hopeless search for some girl who looked into your soul at the Hard Rock Café!”
“What can it hurt, Joe? Why don’t we just check out this rehearsal? Catch a little Shakespeare; see your buddy, Ethan, in action,” JC prodded, left eyebrow lifted hopefully. “And see if the girl who looked into my soul at the Hard Rock Café is playing Gertrude.”
Kat masterfully handled the ball weaving and invisible web on the soccer field, blowing off defenders left and right. After swift pass to her left wing, Kat bolted to the net, careful to stay onsides. The stadium roared its approval as the ball was vollied to Kat who headed the it into Harvard’s goal. The scoreboard’s updated version read “Lions 1: Visitor 0” with less than a minute to go in Overtime. Harvard’s offense kicked off the ball and pushed hard and fast on the Lion defense but it was too late. The ref blew the three-whistle signal, and the game was over.
Hands shaken and backs patted, the Columbia Lady Lions exited the stadium having begun the season with an Ivy League win. Kat was the last out of the locker room as usual.
“C’mon, Kit-Kat! We’re all waiting on you!” called Waldo from the steps of the team bus. “We’re going to Mondellos’s for a ‘We-Kicked-Harvard’s-Ass’ dinner!”
“No can do, Waldo! I have rehearsal in 10 minutes!”
“Awww! C’mon!”
“I can’t!” Kat called over her should as she walked toward where Erin, Jordan, and Lisa were all waiting for her. “Shotty!” she called over them, claiming her seat up front. She rolled her eyes, seeing Erin checking her watch, propped up against the hood of her car. “I’ll see you at practice tomorrow!” she called back to Waldo.
“Fine, fine! Just don’t forget we have a 6 mile run tomorrow morning at 6 AM!”
Kat’s shoulders slumped under her overstuffed team bag as she heard the reminder. “Aw, man!” she mumbled as she shuffled over to Erin’s car, now clad in plaid Columbia boxers, a white Alpha Chi Omega T-shirt, and flip-flops.
“Move your ass, McBride!” Jordan shouted, imitating Waldo perfectly.
“I’m beat,” Kat said flatly as she reached her friends. “We’d better jet if we’re gonna make it to rehearsal on time,” she continued, nodding to Erin, and stretching her arms before climbing into the coveted shotgun position. “Damn overtime,” she mumbled pulling the seatbelt over her shoulder.
“You kicked ass,” Erin beamed, starting the car.
“1-0 does not a kicked ass make. 10-0? Now that ass would be pretty damn kicked,” Kat said chuckling under her breath.
“Still…” Jordan said reassuringly from behind her.
“Yeah, still…” Kat shrugged, breathing onto the window and drawing a little smiley face in the fogged up area. “It feels pretty good to take those Harvard amazons down a notch. Did you see that one girl!?” Kat said whipping around in her seat to face all three of her friends. “She almost took my knee out!”
“Yeah! We saw! I said to Lees that we were going to have to rumble in the parking lot after the game!” Jordan laughed.
“I was thinking the same thing only I wasn’t about to wait until after the game,” Kat laughed. “But I saw Waldo give me his “Please-Don’t-Get-A Red-Card” face and I decided there was a better way to get the bitch back. It felt a lot better to get the win then it would have to beat that chick’s face in.”
As they rode back Ruggles, silently listening to Jordan’s favorite CD, Eminem, Kat thought about the conversation they’d just had. Kat talked big but in all her years playing soccer, she’d only been red-carded once. Then she thought about Jordan and Lisa “rumbling” with Harvard’s “She-Ra”. Lisa looked like she’d shatter if you blew on her and Jordan, despite her mastery of the fine art of hair-pulling, couldn’t have gone 3 minutes with the brute of a girl who’d taken Kat down in the middle of a break-away. She smiled ruefully at her thoughts but then cringed at some of Mr. Mathers’ more violent lyrics. “People with that kind of talent should use their powers for good not evil,” Kat stated matter-of-factly.
“He’s so cute,” Jordan said absent-mindedly while flying her hand out the window. Within a few minutes they reached the Ruggles parking lot.
“Ok, guys. We’ll see you later,” Erin called to Jordan and Lisa and they made their way toward the dorm.
“Bye!” they called back in unison.
A few minutes later they climbed the steps to the door of the Dean Pierce Theater. “We’re really late,” Kat said, mostly to herself. She pulled the door open and allowed Erin to go in first. “Damn overtime.”
Chapter Two
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October 17, 1998
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June 1999
There's so much tenderness in your loving
Tomorrow I must leave, the dawn knows no reprieve
God give me strength when I am leaving...
That we'll be back together someday
Hold me in the darkness
Tonight, you calm my restlessness
Who'll relieve my sadness
I whisper words of love, so softly
I can't believe this pain, it's driving me insane
Without your touch, life will be lonely
That we'll be back together someday
Hold me in the darkness
Tonight, you calm my restlessness
Who'll relieve my sadness
I must pack my bags and say goodbye...*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
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