I’m not going to cry, she ordered herself, uncrossing and re-crossing her legs. She sat on the edge of her bed, the calm adorning her face being nothing but the lull between the heaves of a storm. She battled inwardly not to scream and rage and break every picture frame in the room. At another time in her life, the entire house would have been rubble thirty seconds after she crossed the threshold. She’d since learned the value of a clear head in situations with the potential for disaster.

She had to remind herself to breath. In and out. In and out. The mantra helped to keep her head concentrated on herself rather than him. Him. Him and her. In and out. Him and her. In and out. Her. Her. Her.

She flew off the bed snatching one of the ill-fated frames from the dresser. She was faltering and she knew it. As soon as the first tear drop hit the glass, she knew it. Her eyes trailed over their happy faces. His green eyes focused on her. His sanguine smile a product of her presence. Those were my eyes, my smile. And now they belonged to her. Her. Her.

She raised the frame over her head with a jerk, the tears now flowing freely as she hesitated a moment before hurling it into the opposite wall. She grabbed her next victim before the glass from the first hit the floor. The picture from the Central Park petting zoo was staring back at her as she moved to subject it to the same fate as the first. Just then, she felt a hand grab her wrist and another wrap around her waist from behind.

“Jen, calm down,” he whispered into her hair and she slumped back against his chest, her body racked with sobs.

“Shhhh, baby.”

With that she snapped whirling around, arms flailing. “Never call me that again! You don’t get to call me baby anymore!”

He warded off her pitiful blows as best he could as she backed him up against the wall. He was talking, she knew that much. What he was saying was completely lost on her as she steadied herself enough to deliver a solid slap to his left cheek.

They both stood in shock a moment, catching their breath and staring at each other in disbelief.

“Why?” was the only thing she could manage, her voice hoarse from crying.

“Jen, I’m sorry.”

His voice, the one which once made her feel so safe now made her wretch. “I don’t want to hear ‘I’m sorry.’ I want to know why. Why now? Why her?”

“I can’t explain it, Jen. I love her.”

The only three words that could have devastated her more were now ringing in her ears. He loved her. It wasn’t just a slip. It wasn’t just a physical thing. He loved her. Jen’s knees buckled and she fell to the floor, not able nor wanting to comprehend what was happening any further.

“You love her?” Her voice was barely audible as she looked up to see Lance’s face only inches from her own.

“Yes. I didn’t know how to tell you. I never wanted to hurt you. You have to believe me.”

“What did I do wrong?”

“Jen, you didn’t do anything wrong. I love you. I’m just not in love with you.”

“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” she shot back, finding her voice as well as her rage.

“What we have isn’t forever, you must’ve known that, Jen”

“No I didn’t know that. I guess I was absent the day they taught you how to spot when the person you’re in love with loves you but isn’t in love with you.”

The bitterness in her voice was understandable but still cut into him. “I’m sorry, Jen.”

“I thought I told you I didn’t want to hear that. You’re sorry? That’s the band-aid you want to put on the hole in my heart?” Her voice was shaky as were her hands and she couldn’t believe she’d just uttered the phrase ‘hole in my heart’. The sad part was that it was the only thing that felt right to say. She shuttered as she realized that was exactly what had just happened. She was missing a piece of herself.

“Jen, I know there’s nothing I can say to make this better, right now. But you have to know that no one wanted you to get hurt. No me. Not Gina.”

“How long?”

“What?”

“I thought I was pretty clear, but how about this? How long have you two been screwing?”

“Jen—”

“No, I want to know. Since she started working for you guys? Since me and her became friends? Since before you gave me this damn ring? This pieces of shit, this god damn, meaningless hunk of tin,” she forced the diamond off her shaking hand and flung it at the speechless man across from her.

“No, I proposed long before anything ever happened,” he insisted.

“Oh! Well, thank God for small favors, eh Bass? Let me ask you a question. If you didn’t think this was forever, then why the hell did you give me that ring in the first place?”

“I thought it was at the time.”

“Or maybe I was convenient. Maybe I was the only person in your life that gave a damn about before you were “Lance” that’s not a member of your family. What I want to know is, how do you know she’s for real? I mean, she had me pretty damn fooled. She’s been looking me in the face for how long has it been? Weeks? Months? She been looking me in the face like she was my best friend and I never suspected a thing. She didn’t hesitate to stab me in the back like it was nothing.”

“I don’t know what to tell you Jen. You couldn’t under—”

“Understand? I couldn’t understand love that makes everything else secondary, expendable? I gave up everything for you. But I’m going to tell you something right now. When you find out what betrayal feels like don’t come to me to cry and swap notes because just about anything in my life from now on will supercede you.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Don’t I? James, the way I’m feeling right now, if you had a heart attack in my presence I’d call my voice mail to check my messages before I’d call 911.”

“I think we should talk when you’ve calmed down.”

“I think I’ve said all I have to say to you.”

He nodded solemnly before moving to the door.

“Oh, and one more thing,” she said her tone even icier, if that were possible. “I’ll be out by tonight. You can sleep with her in our bed guilt-free now cus I won’t spend another night here. Never again.”

“Hello?”

“JC?”

“Jenny? What’s wrong sweetie?”

“Can I use your couch tonight?”

“You know you’re always welcome here, Jenny. Something happen with you and Lance?”

“Its over. I don’t want to get into it over the phone. Can you please come pick me up?”

“Sure, stay put.”

“I’ll be here.”

JC hung up the phone and leaned back in his chair, a smug smile creeping over his face. His plan had worked out better than he’d hoped.