It had been a truly hellish day.

Morning had seen them lose the goodwill of their former Spanish allies and, by the end of the evening, Horatio Hornblower had also managed to lose the respect and goodwill of his much revered captain.

So, knowing that he would not be observed, Horatio indulged himself with a heavy sigh and not a little foreboding, as he wearily trudged to his sleeping berth. He and Captain Pellew would share the first watch tomorrow morning and Horatio had no doubt that his captain’s disapproval would make itself acutely felt. Not that Pellew was petty or vengeful, but there would be a subtle change in his manner, an extra stiffness and paucity of communication, which always managed to convey his displeasure most eloquently. And for his officers that, in itself, was punishment enough.

And Horatio knew that he had well and truly earned this censure. He knew that his current fall from grace was all the result of his own stubborn pride. Even though he had meant no disrespect, he had still disappointed his captain nonetheless. Clearly, diplomacy was not his forte.

The actions of the Spanish had already cast a pall over the captain’s mood earlier in the day, for it was soon all too evident that their “neutrality” would not prevent them from acting in an openly hostile manner. Indeed, from the moment that neutrality had been declared, their representative had also stated their intentions to fire upon the Indefatigable within a matter of hours. All in all, not an occasion worth celebrating.

However, as what Horatio had viewed to be a silver lining to the approaching stormclouds, the hostile actions of the Spaniards had also provided those aboard the Indefatigable with the company of another legendary captain. After a Spanish raider had sunk his vessel, the crew of the Indy had pulled the incomparable “Dreadnaught” Foster from the sea. And from the moment he had been brought on board, Horatio had eagerly anticipated gleaning some of the great captain’s wisdom. So much so that he had initially failed to appreciate Captain Pellew’s degree of antipathy towards the man.

In retrospect, he realised that the antagonism had been quite apparent from the moment they had discovered Captain Foster amongst the floating wreckage. When Horatio had quoted Foster’s popular sobriquet to his captain, the reply had been a curt explanation that Pellew did not care for “such overblown titles”.

The comment was somewhat to be expected. Captain Pellew did not overglorify the performance of one’s duty as naval officer. The performance of that duty to the utmost of one’s ability was something to be expected, not marvelled at.

Horatio understood that, and yet he had still been quite unable to contain his excitement at the prospect of conversing with another captain with such an outstanding reputation for performing his duty with courage and innovation. But Captain Pellew did not appear to share the popular perception of Foster’s exploits. And, even though Horatio did not understand it, he had detected the tone of distaste in Pellew’s voice as he greeted Foster, even before Mr Cleveland had offered his sotto voce advice.

Horatio couldn’t help wondering about the motivation that had precipitated that piece of advice. Cleveland had phrased it as a friendly word of warning, but still Horatio couldn’t help wondering. It was unworthy of him to suspect that his fellow officer would be doing anything other than alerting him to a situation where caution could be advisable, but still he couldn’t help wondering.

He had noticed that Cleveland, and indeed the majority of the other officers aboard the Indefatigable, had either surreptitiously or quite openly questioned Captain Foster’s well established record for courage in battle. And again, he couldn’t help but wonder.

None of them could have failed to realise that Captain Pellew did not rate Captain Foster very highly, but surely the captain did not expect his officers to unquestioningly base their opinions upon his own. He himself had told Horatio that he judged a man on his actions, not the opinions of others. Surely, he would not expect his officers to obsequiously agree with his every word and quote his opinions back to him like trained parrots.

Pellew may have good reason for his dislike of his fellow captain, but he had not given any indication of what it was. It may have been of a personal nature and it was quite possible for two capable men, or indeed two great men to sincerely dislike each other, or even be mortal enemies.

The example of Caesar and Pompey came to mind. To belittle Pompey’s achievements because he fell foul of a great general such as Julius Caesar would be a gross error of judgement, at least in Horatio’s opinion. No, the personal dislike of one distinguished and honourable commander did not confer dishonour or ignominy on the other.

So, he had been firmly resolved to form and hold his own opinions. And finding no evidence in what he’d been told to make him doubt Captain Foster’s competence, courage or honour, Horatio had quite looked forward to an edifying conversation with him over dinner.

He had been struck with admiration for Captain Foster’s tale of his defiance of the Spanish aggressor. He could appreciate that the captain had taken a calculated risk, but Foster had judged that denying the enemy was worth that risk and Horatio found himself in agreement with the decision. It had been an audacious move, but the alternative would have meant the British supplies falling into enemy hands.

Horatio looked to his own captain to gauge his approval, but Pellew’s expression clearly indicated that none would be forthcoming. He tersely inquired how many men the Spanish took from the sea. The Indefatigable had only picked up a handful of other survivors along with Captain Foster. If the Spanish had not also taken others aboard, the cost in lives must have been considerable. As usual, Captain Pellew had raised an issue that Horatio had not yet considered.

But despite the discomfort he felt, as he realised his own lack of insight, Horatio could not help being amused by Foster’s quick rejoinder about having more important things on his mind than arithmetic at the time.

Finally, Horatio’s sharp-witted captain was crossing swords with an equal in every way. It seemed that Foster was equally as adept at verbal sparring, as he was at naval strategy, and could match Pellew in such a contest.

That was something that Horatio had thus far been utterly unable to do. Any opposing suggestion or argument that he had ever put forward had always been swiftly cut down by the captain’s sharp acumen. And although Horatio hoped that he would be able to improve his skills and, one day, be able to match wits with his captain, here and now, he did take a certain delight in watching Captain Foster do so.

When Captain Pellew had tried to undercut Foster, his opponent had skillfully parried and riposted. And then Foster had attacked in force, retaliating against Pellew’s insinuation about his lack of concern for his crew, by asking if Pellew would have surrendered.

Horatio had found himself holding his breath. The implication of cowardice was unmistakable. And even though Horatio had never once doubted his captain’s courage and honour, he found himself fascinated by the interplay. He couldn’t wait to see how Pellew would reply to this challenge. The air was tense with anticipation.

Rather belatedly, he’d realised that the tension in the air was not entirely benign. Not only had the conversation obviously gone far beyond friendly repartee, but suddenly Horatio found himself caught in the crossfire.

Pellew had been on the back foot, claiming that it had not been the time nor place to discuss tactics. But Foster had pushed and, seeing that Pellew was not willing to respond, he had turned to Horatio and asked him how he would have reacted in the situation.

And thus he was trapped. He hadn’t wanted to offend either of the two captains, but he had been asked his opinion and clearly that implied siding with one over the other. Exactly the situation that he would have hoped to avoid, if he had foreseen it coming. That would teach him to be unwary. He searched desperately for the most diplomatic answer possible.

“I am pleased the Spanish have been deprived of our supplies, sir.”

He had hoped that it was an answer which might be impartial enough not to offend either side. Maybe there could have even been an outside chance that his captain might approve of his circumspect choice of words. But Foster took the words as full endorsement of his position and Pellew went dangerously quiet, his disapproval clear on his face. And immediately, Horatio knew that he’d managed to say the wrong thing once again.

If there was ever a man that Horatio did not want to offend or disappoint, it was Captain Pellew. But he most definitely had done so now.

The captain excused himself from the table and even the compliment offered by great Captain Foster could not ease Horatio’s discomfort (even though he took what solace from it he could). He had disappointed and possibly even insulted his captain.

And, within a few hours, they would be standing side by side on the quarterdeck. Usually, there was no place that Horatio would rather be. But not under these conditions.

He sighed again. There had to be some action he could take to rectify the situation. He needed to reassure Captain Pellew that he had his unwavering loyalty. There was no man alive that Horatio respected more.

Captain Pellew had already demonstrated considerable faith in Horatio, promoting him to acting lieutenant after such a relatively brief period of service and when there were other more experienced midshipmen aboard the Indefatigable. It cut Horatio deeply to think that he had disappointed him. It felt like he had somehow betrayed the captain’s trust.

Horatio knew that he owed everything to Captain Pellew. Not only his position of trust and the beginning of a promising career, but also his very life. When Horatio had once unwarily turned his back on a beaten foe, Captain Pellew had “dispensed justice as he saw it” and unquestionably saved his young officer from having a knife plunged into his back.

And Horatio knew, had never doubted, that his captain was no coward and no fool. He knew that Captain Pellew was a man of unsurpassed courage and honour. And he would have gladly proclaimed it to the world, if asked. But it was most definitely not his place to do so.

He could hardly raise such a topic of conversation with his captain. Pellew would disdain such a ridiculous display of maudlin sentiment. But Horatio knew that he could and should apologise to his captain for his words and actions earlier in the evening.

A simple apology. No fuss. It was clearly his only option.

He could only hope that it was enough.

Horatio watched the small boat row away from the Indefatigable, conveying Captain Foster to the port of Gilbraltar, from whence he would then return to his own ship, the Dreadnaught. And while Horatio regretted that there would be no further opportunities to discuss strategy and tactics with the illustrious captain, he was also conscious of a certain sense of relief. With Foster's departure, he hoped that there would be an easing of the tension that had seemed to strangle all conversation between the officers of the Indefatigable over the past two days.

Perhaps, it might even be possible for Horatio and his own captain to have an amicable conversation. They had not managed to conduct one since Foster's arrival. It was as if Horatio's ill-considered words during that unfortunate dinner had continued to linger in any subsequent conversations.

Not that Horatio hadn't made an endeavour to apologise. He had firmly resolved to do so during the watch he and Captain Pellew had shared that morning, although his efforts had been awkward and obviously inadequate.

It had taken Horatio almost the entire time to summon up enough courage to broach the subject and only when the captain began to walk away, did he finally force himself to speak up. Until that point, the watch had progressed with a minimum of conversation between them, as Horatio had endeavoured to conjure up some subtle way of introducing the subject. But in the end, he could think of no other way, but to approach the matter directly.

"Captain Pellew, sir," he'd said, taking his paltry courage in his hands. "I believe that I might have offended you earlier."

Pellew had not even looked back at him, a clear impatience in his tone of voice. "Yes, Mr Hornblower."

Mending the breach would obviously be no simple feat. After all, there really was no reason that Captain Pellew should be inclined to forgive the transgression. But having come thus far, Horatio's only logical course was to proceed as planned.

"Might I offer my apologies, sir?"

Still the captain had not looked back. "Your apology is noted," he had stated evenly before walking away.

Apology noted. He had said nothing about accepting the apology, only that he noted it.

There was nothing that Horatio could do except thank him for the acknowledgment, painfully aware that he remained unforgiven.

But now that Captain Foster had left the Indefatigable, there might be a chance that affairs would to return to normal.

Still, Horatio regretted that there would be no further chances to glean some of Foster's wisdom. He would have been keen to impart his knowledge, Horatio had no doubt of that. For he clearly perceived that Horatio would have been an enthusiastic pupil.

Even his parting words had been encouraging. As he had crossed the deck to disembark, he had taken the time to stop and speak to Horatio and expressed an expectation that when they next met, Horatio would have obtained his commission.

Despite his surprised pleasure at the great captain's opinion of his ability, this time, Horatio managed to answer more diplomatically and demur that it was his captain's prerogative as to whether or not he was put forward for the examination for lieutenant. Pleased as he was at Captain Foster's confidence in him, he was firmly resolved not to make the mistake of getting above himself in his opinion a second time.

Immediately he had sought the gaze of Captain Pellew, who had been standing at Foster's shoulder and could not have failed to have heard the exchange. Horatio certainly did not want to give the impression that he had any expectations of being put forward for the examination and yet he was still anxious to see Pellew's response - to see if he could detect any sign of agreement or disagreement with Foster's estimation.

But the Captain Pellew gave no indication of his thoughts on the matter in either word or countenance. He simply proceeded with escorting Foster off the Indefatigable. And so Horatio had tried to remain similarly inscrutable, as he watched "Dreadnaught" Foster depart for honours and glories yet unknown. But even as he did so, he knew he was failing miserably. He could not wish to serve on a finer ship or under a better commander than he already did, and yet, for just a moment, he found himself wondering what fortunes might be in store for an officer serving aboard the Dreadnaught.

"You're much taken with our famous Captain Foster and he with you."

Horatio turned to see Lieutenant Bracegirdle standing beside him. Like his predecessor, Lieutenant Eccleston, Bracegirdle was highly disciplined and very capable officer. However, Horatio had found that there was a warmth to Bracegirdle, a sense of underlying good humour, which Eccleston had distinctly lacked. Bracegirdle inspired not only respect from but also a sense of camaraderie with his junior officers. He seemed to consider himself one of them, not set apart from the rest. And Horatio certainly found him much easier to converse with.

But Bracegirdle's comment smacked of yet another warning against elevating Captain Foster's name too highly. Almost every other officer on the ship seemed determined to be against Captain Foster, as if there was some form of standing order against thinking well of the man. And Horatio still refused to follow that current fashion.

"He is a truly great man," he quietly told Bracegirdle. "To be half the man he is would see my life fulfilled."

Bracegirdle seemed unoffended but offered yet another warning.

"Careful, Mr Hornblower. Such greatness always has its price." And with that he turned away, clearly expecting no reply to the comment.

Horatio found himself irritated by this. He was still very wary of taking on his captain in any verbal tussle but, as yet, Bracegirdle was another matter entirely. After taking a short breath, Horatio deliberately spoke loudly enough to catch the First Lieutenant's attention.

"A fair price usually must be paid to achieve something of worth..." Bracegirdle stopped and turned back to face him. And somehow further emboldened, Horatio elaborated, "Unless one resorts to theft or piracy."

Bracegirdle regarded him contemplatively. This was clearly not the simple silent acceptance (perhaps even with a touch of chastened humility) that he had expected his comment to be greeted with. And Horatio could understand the man's surprise, for he had never offered even a hint of challenge to any advice that Bracegirdle had given him before.

After a moment the First Lieutenant spoke. He used tones that were still benign but also slightly more measured and forceful. Perhaps there was even a slight strain in his voice, an attempt to retain complete control of his reaction.

"There is nothing wrong with a naval officer possessing a degree of ambition, Mr Hornblower... provided that it is tempered with sound judgement."

Horatio found that statement disconcerting. He wanted to do well in His Majesty's Navy, to serve with honour and distinction and, truth be told, to make a name for himself. However, to have his ambition spoken of in such a way by a senior officer, as if it were a fact generally perceived and accepted by those around him... It made Horatio distinctly uncomfortable, even though he found the ambition itself impossible to deny.

Still, he felt a need to make an answer to this comment of Bracegirdle's.

"I hope that I might be capable of learning such judgement." To his chagrin, his voice sounded stiff and almost petulant, even to his own ears.

Bracegirdle suddenly laughed, as if, for him, any tension between them had suddenly dissipated.

"If you already perceive it to be something that you must learn and not some God-given quality already within you, then I would say that you have some hope."

And with a brief smile and a nod, he signalled to Horatio that the conversation had indeed ended now. But Horatio still found himself remarkably dissatisfied with its conclusion.

Certainly, Bracegirdle's last comment had been vaguely approving but Horatio had been left feeling that he had failed to adequately convey his message. He certainly hadn't defended Captain Foster's reputation as well as he had intended. His efforts had been diverted into the rather self-seeking objective of defending his own honour instead. It had not been his intention to do so. Once again, he had been completely outmanoeuvred.

He watched Bracegirdle walk across to Captain Pellew and exchange a few words before the pair headed below decks, the captain nodding thoughtfully. Horatio knew that it was irrational to be preoccupied with such matters, but he couldn't help thinking that it was probably his conduct that they were discussing.

It would hardly have been unusual for them to do so, he supposed. They were, after all, the two most senior officers aboard the Indefatigable and thus on numerous occasions would have had cause to discuss the activities of those serving under them. And both frequently asked for Horatio's own report on the division of men under his command. It was the natural order of things.

But Horatio rather suspected that any recently tendered report on his own performance was unlikely to be entirely favourable and perhaps some of his discomfiture stemmed from this. Although he hoped that he had not neglected his duty in any way, he knew that he had quite clearly indicated that his opinions contradicted those of his senior officers. He still had not changed in those opinions but neither had he changed in his loyalties. His first loyalty was to his captain and his ship. That had not changed and Horatio was certain that it never would.

Horatio cast one final glance towards the departing Captain Foster. The current tensions had undeniably arisen with his arrival. There was every possibility that they might dissipate with his departure.

"Goodbye and good luck, sir," Horatio murmured to the departing hero. "And may there be fairer seas for all of us, from this point on."

Horatio had once been advised, by the late Captain Keene, that solitude was a scarce commodity aboard a ship in His Majesty’s Navy. The advice was proving true indeed.

It was perhaps strange that he had never consciously sought quiet or solitude aboard the Indefatigable before this. But before this, the examination for lieutenant had been merely a vague possibility at some point in the future rather than a definite event in less than a month’s time. And there was so much to learn! He had not had his concentration taxed in this way, at any time since he had gone to sea. No previous lesson or task had even approached being as demanding as this.

Mathematics had always come easily to him. It was a logical subject and the concepts had always been simple for him to grasp. He realised that others did not grasp them quite so readily (although he’d never truly understood why they had this difficulty). But this examination encompassed so much more, most of which required learning by rote and not by concept, and Horatio had always found such learning much more difficult.

Now he found himself easily distracted. Every noise and every movement irritated him and disturbed his concentration. And there was simply too much to learn. He had to question whether he was truly ready for this.

Captain Pellew seemed to believe he was. Horatio remembered the small thrill that he had felt when the captain had informed him that he was recommending him for the examination. The conversation between them had been easier, indeed, the captain’s manner had been at its most genial since the incident with Captain Foster.

Horatio’s heart had lightened at the prospect of having all that awkwardness firmly behind them and he had immediately affirmed his readiness, slightly surprised but extremely pleased by this expression of confidence in him by his captain. For it was not until much later, that he the enormity of the task had dawned upon him.

He had been idly speculating about the possibility of taking the examination ever since Captain Foster had mentioned it. However, he had also noted Captain Pellew’s diffident reaction to the suggestion and thus Horatio had firmly decided not to raise false hopes, even within his own mind. But evidently Captain Pellew had merely wished to remain circumspect about the issue and not fuel unwarranted speculation, for he had indeed put Horatio’s name forward for next month’s round. That was surely the most telling indication of his true opinion.

Unless... Horatio quickly revisited the conversation in his mind and realised that he could not recall one instance of Captain Pellew expressing any expectation that Horatio would pass the examination. Indeed, he had, in fact, made a specific point of warning him about the consequences of failure. Perhaps this more accurately reflected his expectations of the outcome.

Horatio felt something go cold within him. During his short stay aboard the Indefatigable, Captain Foster had been quite liberal in his praise of Horatio’s potential. Had he allowed his head be turned by such praise?

Foster had voiced those opinions after seeing little or no demonstration of Horatio’s capabilities as an officer. Pellew was certainly more circumspect. He reserved his opinion until he saw evidence on which to base it on. His endorsement was not lightly given, which of course made it even more highly valued.

After their successful action against the Papillon, Captain Pellew had quietly, but with every appearance of sincerity, expressed a confidence in Horatio’s prospects of serving with distinction in His Majesty’s Navy. And Horatio could still recall the deep sense of pride that those quiet words had instilled within him.

Thus, Captain Pellew had definitely once believed that Horatio had the potential. But now Horatio found himself wondering if the captain’s opinion had changed.

The examination for lieutenant would be a chance to prove himself. If Captain Pellew believed him capable, then it would be a vindication of that faith. If his abilities were in doubt, then it would be a chance to regain the captain’s good opinion.

But there was also the potential for failure. And then what would be the consequences?

Better not to think on them.

Horatio returned his attention to his book and tried to concentrate on the study. Heavy footsteps approached and even though he was determined to ignore the sound, he could not pretend not to hear Styles’ politely questioning voice.

“Sir?”

Suppressing a sigh, Horatio looked up. “Yes, Styles?”

“Sorry, sir. I was a bit surprised t’see ye up on deck, sir. Y’re not on watch are ye?”

“No, Styles. I was actually trying to study for my examination for lieutenant. It was rather too boisterous below decks, so I came up here.”

“Oh, sorry, sir. Didn’t mean t’disturb ye.” Styles knuckled a quick salute and prepared to move away but then hesitated and turned back. With a tentative grin he offered, “Wouldn’t worry too much about that examination, sir. Me an’ the rest o’ the lads reckon you’ll have no trouble with it.”

Horatio stared at him momentarily. He was not surprised that the men had heard of his forthcoming examination nor that they were discussing it. But still, he had not expected to hear such words from Styles.

This was the man who, when he first laid eyes on Horatio, described him as “His Majesty’s latest bad bargain”. Horatio still remembered it distinctly. First impressions were often lasting ones.

He wondered if Styles remembered it as vividly. The burly seaman had, no doubt, watched many new midshipmen come aboard ship for the first time. The event was unlikely to have been the overwhelming experience for Styles that it had been for Horatio. But, then again, very few new midshipmen were likely to have looked as wretched as the wet, bedraggled and seasick Horatio. That may well have made a lasting impression.

There was no doubt that both of them had significantly revised their opinions of each other’s characters since that time and Horatio was truly glad of it. He was, in fact, rather proud of the fact but still he could not understand how Styles and, if what he said was true, the rest of the men could have this belief, this expectation that Horatio would be able to pass his examination.

Swallowing a sense of irritation he knew to be wholly unreasonable, Horatio asked, “And why would you think that?”

He must have successfully concealed his annoyance because Styles grinned again (although he wouldn’t have put it beyond Styles to be amused by his irritation).

“Well, sir. The lads all know y’re right good with them numbers and y’ve thought us out of a few tight scrapes and y’ve got a damn sight more sense than most officers. If anyone’d pass, it’d be you, sir.”

Horatio almost smiled. He was unsure how well “them numbers” would serve him. Captain Pellew would no doubt disagree that he possessed “more sense”. And as to the “tight scrapes”, well it was true that they had been through a few of those together. But they had probably prevailed more due to luck and the courage of the men, rather than any outstanding leadership on Horatio’s part.

But he was touched by their faith in him and smiled despite himself.

“Thank you, Styles. I shall do my best not to disappoint everyone.”

“Aye, sir.” The smile was returned, followed by another salute and this time, Styles did take his leave and then headed below decks.

Horatio watched him go and then shook his head slightly. They were good men, all of them. He really would hate to disappoint them.

Unfortunately, that was all too possible. He knew that Styles and the others were loyal and stout-hearted men but their faith in his abilities appeared to be rather exaggerated. In the past, one or two of his ideas had proved fruitful and he had been exceedingly lucky. The combination of these had brought him some success but they were hardly the foundation to build a career on. After all, one’s luck could always change at a moment’s notice.

It seemed to him, that his reputation among the men had now grown far beyond his actual capabilities.

But he was aware how some events had managed to fuel that reputation. He’d overheard Styles and some of the others talking, after they had all been rescued following the fiasco of the Marie Gallante.

They had seemed greatly impressed by the way he had dropped the compass overboard in defiance of the French captain. The showmanship and bravado of the act had obviously appealed to them and enabled them to forget how he’d lost the prize ship, in the first place. And he had to admit that he had rather enjoyed the gesture himself. It had been fully worth the bloody lip that he’d received as recompense for it. But it had not been the most prudent of actions and it was hardly the sort of strategy that would assist him in passing the examination for lieutenant.

Nonetheless, he found himself momentarily imagining the examiners posing the question. “Mr Hornblower, suppose that you and your men are being held hostage at gunpoint. The enemy commander demands that you hand over your charts and instruments. What would you do?”

“I would throw the compass overboard, sir.” Oh, yes. That answer would impress them all no end!

He almost smiled at the picture that formed in his mind. The examiners would probably be rendered completely speechless by such an impertinently frivolous remark (never mind that the statement actually reflected the truth). And after that, they would undoubtedly ensure that Horatio would have absolutely no further prospects of a career as an officer in His Majesty’s Navy. So much for the glories of past exploits!

No, much as he appreciated the men’s confidence in him, he feared that it was completely unfounded. He had no more chance at passing than any other candidate and, from what he had heard, the failure rate was high.

There was no answer for it but further study, even though there was too much to learn. He could only hope that when the time for the examination came, he would be ready for it. Otherwise, he would face the humiliation of failure and disappointment in the eyes of his captain. And Styles and the others would come to realise that he was not the capable officer that they had come to believe in, that the man they had followed all this time was merely an inadequate counterfeit of such.


To be continued
(Updated 19-Jun-01)

Looking for more Hornblower Fic?

I strongly suggest that you check out
The Horatio Hornblower Fan Fiction Archive

Happy Sailing!