I wait alone in the darkness, trying to staunch my bleeding.

I am being hunted, pursued by a ruthless Assassin. An ambitious man who craves power. A man reminiscent of Pa-Kur, that Master Assassin who aimed to conquer glorious Ar.

And my mind is racing, scrutinizing the myriad facts and falsehoods that have recently plagued me, causing this predicament.

An Earth poet once stated, “O what a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive.”

He was pointing out the complexities involved in maintaining a deception, how a single lie often leads to further lies. And unless you have a perfect recall, it can be easy to forget which lies you have previously told. Eventually, the more complex the deception becomes, the chances of being revealed as a deceiver increase exponentially.

In the short time, it is easy to deceive others. In the long time, it is far more difficult.

I am but a lowly Scribe, a Historian. I spend much of my time researching and writing, unraveling the twisted skein of the past. Any money I earn goes to the purchase of ancient scrolls. I live very simply.

Many would consider it a boring life but it suits me quite well. I do not crave adventure or danger. I am happy just to sit in the library, lost within the words of some ancient author discussing the first Ubarate of Ar or the founding of Brundisium.

Even my dreams are mundane.  

Maybe I was naïve, living such a sheltered life. Maybe I was the perfect fish, waiting for some shark to come by and devour me.

All I know is that I never saw it coming. I was hooked from the start.

And now I am paying the price, being pursued by a man who wishes to kill me, who cannot be reasoned with.

Though I wondered still, as frightening as he may be, was the Assassin but a pawn as well?

I did not understand the attention at first. Why did this Free Woman want me?

At first, I did not notice her attraction. She came to the library often, always finding a little question to ask me. And over a short time, we began conversing at more length, discussing a plethora of topics.

At first, I saw only a kindred spirit, a woman of intelligence who enjoyed stimulating conversation and debate. But then, I noticed that this woman wanted more than that. She desired a closer connection to me.

I began to notice her subtle flirtations, ambiguous yet clear. And the subtlety eventually became more bold when I failed to act on her initial subtle ways.

Her boldness was so contrary to the other Free Women I knew, those women so concerned with their reputations. This woman was straddling the edge of proper behavior, almost crossing that line over to slave-like behavior. It is even possible that she crossed that line a few times.

Her generous compliments and flattering attention eventually broke through my normal reserved self. And I began to see her in a new light. I allowed myself to be attracted to her.

Her name was Lilith and she was of the Builder’s Caste, though she did no actual Caste work. She also had a Free Companion, a man with whom she had spent the last twelve years.

She was a lonely woman, as her Companion cared more for his slaves than her. Yet, Lilith did not want the Companionship to end as she did not wish to lose her station in life. And she had grown accustomed to her comfortable lifestyle. Her Companion was an expert Builder and earned great monies for his work.

And her Companion would not permit her a male slave either.

Her concern over maintaining her elevated lifestyle should have hinted at her inner nature. It should have indicated her primary concern for material objects.

Though I felt sorry for her lonely plight, there was nothing that I thought I could do. She had made the decision to remain with him.

And I did not want to dishonor her Companion either. So that is how it should have remained.

But, I must admit to my weakness. I must admit to my mistake. And maybe my punishment will be my death.

But, I could not resist her advances for too long. I grew to crave her, to desire her closeness, to long for her intimacy.

I did fend off her advances for several weeks, hoping she might simply give up. But one night, in my private study, Lilith came to visit me to return a couple scrolls. And I finally surrendered to her.

In the light by the hearth, Lilith disrobed and I stared in awe at the perfection of her naked body. Rational thought vanished, to be replaced by lust. There were deeper feelings there as well, feelings I had tried to suppress due to her relationship. And everything came together this night.

We made love until the sun rose.

And during the periods between our lovemaking, as we relaxed in the glow of our intimacy, we spoke of matters of the heart, of love and desire.

Though I was racked with guilt, I could not stop myself. Our affair blossomed and I fell madly in love with her. And she too reciprocated those feelings, often and enthusiastically.

It was a glorious time, one of immeasurable happiness. We met as frequently as possible, spending much of that time in the furs.

How could I have known that it was all a lie?

How could I have seen the blackness within her heart?

Lilith must have been rushed one night when she returned an armful of scrolls to me. The scrolls contained books of poetry that I thought Lilith might enjoy.

And I had been correct.

We made love fervently that evening as she had only a couple of Ahns available.

When she left, I went to reshelve the poetry scrolls. Keeping my scrolls in a proper order within my library was very important. Without organization, I might never find a certain scroll that I desired.

But I found too many scrolls in Lilith’s pile.

I had loaned her seven scrolls but she had returned eight. And that eighth scroll did not have an identifying tag on it, as all my others did.

Curiously, I opened the odd scroll to determine its contents. I never expected what I would find on that parchment.

That scroll shattered my world, annihilating my happiness.

I had been completely betrayed.

It was a lengthy letter to Lilith, in some ways a love letter. In other ways, it detailed a heinous plot of seduction, murder, and illicit profit.

I was being used by Lilith. She did not truly love me. It had all been a lie, a carefully planned seduction to gain my confidences. Her love belonged to an Assassin, a cold-hearted killer.

Maybe that was appropriate because it was clear that she possessed a heart of ice as well.

Her Free Companion was to be killed so that Lilith could inherit his wealth.

From the date of this letter, it seemed that his murder would be soon, within the next couple Hands.

And I was to be blamed for his murder, framed by his widow. She would claim that I had actively pursued her, despite her protestations. She would claim that she had sought my assistance only in scholarly matters, to explain all the time she had spent with me.

And my death would follow soon on the heels of her Companion’s death. I could not be left alive to contradict her lies. And the Assassin would ensure my death.

I was but a pawn in her game of death and gold.

Two Ahns later, I was still trying to determine everything that I should do. I was frightened of the Assassin. And very angry at being betrayed by Lilith. And as I sat at my desk, I heard the door open into the library. The library had been closed for some time. But I had given a key to Lilith.

And I heard her voice then call out to me. She must have realized that she had mistakenly given me the letter. I am sure the Assassin could not be far behind. I had to act to save myself.

I went to my study door and saw Lilith ascending the stairs. She was alone.

Likely the Assassin was sneaking into the library through another entrance.

I was never a good liar. Lilith looked at me and I saw a cloud pass over her face, a cold front that hardened her features. She could read my face, and she knew I had read her letter.

Her smiled returned though and she tried to act as if nothing had changed. I met her in the hall and stepped back when she tried to embrace me.

She questioned my reticence, trying to appear confused and innocent. So I mentioned the letter to her.

She then spun a new fabrication, claiming to be the innocent victim of the Assassin. She alleged that he was blackmailing her and that she did not know what to do. Her lies never ended.

But this time, I was not accepting any of them. I looked into her eyes and saw her deceit. I told her that I believed nothing she said. I accused her of using me, of deceiving me for her own personal gain.

Even her smile vanished at that point and she drew a dagger from a hidden sheath. I stepped back in astonishment.

I had severely underestimated the ruthlessness of this greedy woman. She would have made an excellent Assassin if they had permitted women into their ranks.

She said nothing as she neared me, her blade pointed toward me. I could only back up so far before I would reach the wall. My only path of escape was past her.

So I choose to stand my ground and wait for her.

As soon as she reached striking distance of me, I feinted to the left and then rushed past her on the right.

She sliced out with her blade, catching my left forearm and slicing deeply into it. She then screamed for her lover, the Assassin, to get there immediately.

I fled down the stairs, racing for the door and ran off into the night.

I ran in a random direction, turning down narrow streets and alleyways, trying to lose any pursuers.

I finally stopped, stepping back into the shadows and tried to bind my wound.

I needed to staunch the bleeding because the blood drops were leaving a trail in my wake, a trail I am sure an Assassin could easily follow.

It took me several Ehn, but I was able to create a makeshift bandage for my arm and stop the blood from dripping. I then moved back out of the shadows to continue my flight, to get away from where my blood trail would lead.

But I was not alone. I saw the silhouette of man in the narrow alley. I could discern nothing as he was all in black. But I knew he had to be the Assassin.

I could see the weapon in his silhouette, a crossbow. The weapon of choice of the Assassin.

And I could see my imminent death. I could not outrun a quarrel. And I am sure the Assassin would not miss.

The Assassin slowly walked toward me, the crossbow still aimed in my direction. I just waited. I could do nothing else. To move was to die.  And I did not want to die due to the lies of a mere woman.

I had been foolish with Lilith but that had ended upon my discovery of her letter. And that letter was the only reason why the Assassin had not yet killed me.

And when the Assassin spoke to me, I knew his first question. Where is the letter? He could not kill me before locating that incriminating evidence. Such matters could be forged but it would still raise doubts, especially if collaborating evidence was found as well.

The Assassin led me back to the library so that I could give him the letter. I knew that I would die as soon as that happened.

The letter was important to the Assassin for far more than its description of the plot of murder the Companion of Lilith. It had also detailed some of the Assassin’s own plans once Lilith inherited all of her wealth.

The Assassin wanted to take complete control over his Caste, and he needed financing for his plan, a plan that included the death of several top Assassins.

Lilith was to provide him with the monies he needed.

That letter could not surface or he would soon be dead at the hands of his Caste brethren. So, the Assassin would do anything to protect himself.

Murder, torture, whatever.

Back at the library, Lilith was waiting for our return in my study. She had been searching for the letter and my study was now an absolute mess. She grinned when she saw me, the look of a larl who has just eaten a baby verr.

I then told the Assassin there was a condition to me turning over the scroll. Lilith’s Companion could not die. He would need to find another source of financial backing for his insidious plot. He readily agreed to my condition.

But then I wanted a guarantee. And the only possible guarantee required a murder.

I told him that Lilith had to die so that she could not inherit her Companion’s money. Unless the Assassin killed Lilith right now, I would go to the Cities of Dust without revealing the location of the scroll.

Maybe there was some false bravado there. Under sustained torture I probably would confess all. But then again, maybe not.

Lilith of course protested vehemently, stating that I should just be killed and that they could search the library themselves.

I then swore to the Assassin that the scroll was no longer within the library.

The Assassin knew his time was limited. When the library opened in the morning, he would need to be gone. That did not leave too many Ahns left for searching. Even torturing me properly would take much valuable time.

He was a practical man, one familiar with expedient decisions. And his training had made him cold, very cold.

How could a man who has killed his own best friend ever love another person?

Did not such a murder destroy one’s soul?

With Lilith still droning on about searching the library, the Assassin turned his crossbow toward her. Lilith’s eyes widened in shock and as she opened her mouth to protest, he shot her. A quarrel transfixed her dark heart.

She was dead almost instantly.

I then told the Assassin that I had given the letter to an apprentice Scribe. I told him where that boy resided. I was slightly worried that the Assassin would kill me now that I had spoken. But then again, he needed to verify what I had told him.

He simply left, ignoring Lilith’s body.

And that was the last time I ever saw that Assassin again. He retrieved the scroll and vanished.

The investigation into Lilith’s death was futile. They could see that she had been assassinated but no one understood why. And I said nothing about the matter. I claimed ignorance and though some were suspicious, they did not follow up on it.

Justice had been served.

But I would pay a penalty for her murder, despite the fact I had been the true victim.

Part of my soul died the night when I learned of her betrayal. There was now a tinge of cynicism in my heart, a bit of my own coldness. It is difficult to trust again after such a betrayal. We worry too much that it will occur again.

How can we determine who is trustworthy? Can it even be done? Or are we forever doomed to take chances in life, to risk betrayal if we wish love?