Because The Night
by the diggler
Warnings: This fic is a YAOI lemon [has explicit boyxboy homosexual content, FOR ADULTS ONLY]
Disclaimers: Slam Dunk and related characters are the property of Inoue Takehiko et al. The title is from the Patti Smith song, lyrics from 10,000 Maniacs' MTV Unplugged version.
~
Take my hand, as
the sun descends
Hold me close, and try and understand
The way I feel under your command
It's dark in our bedroom. Cool. It must be late, because outside the night is still and silent, and the only thing I can hear is the sound of my own breathing.
And his.
Or maybe I just imagine that I can hear him, breathing in and out, making his chest rise and fall beneath mine while I lie across him.
Maybe I can hear his pulse too, beating strong underneath my hand, that's resting over his heart...
I lift my head from the pillow of his shoulder and check to see if he's awake. Pale blue shards of moonlight slice through the blinds, weakly illuminating the features of his face... but I can still see him well enough.
He's got that look again.
That thing in his eyes that's telling me that--
"I love you."
My breath falters imperceptibly.
"I love you so much." he says again, like he's done countless times before.
And like countless times before, all I can do is stare at him. Marvel at him. Amazed that this person, this thing of beauty, could feel this way for me. And as I get lost in the different flecks of blue in his eyes my chest starts to do funny things, like it's expanding and constricting at the same time, exploding and imploding. It's enough to make me look away.
So my eyes move elsewhere, maybe at the line of his jaw, up to where it meets his ear... his hair, the way it falls onto the pillow, framing his face... the bridge of his nose, crinkling as his brows furrow... his lips, full and pink, lower lip curving in as he bites down on it-- don't do that...
I lean forward and kiss him, pulling that lip away from his teeth and caressing the abused flesh with my tongue. He sighs and his hands slide up the bare skin of my back, sending shivers through my body as he holds me close. And my chest starts to do that thing again. And it's enough to make me pull away.
He protests at first, tries to restore the connection of our lips, but I barely even notice as I again get lost in those tiny flecks of blue. And so he gives up and rests back on the pillow, and with each tiny movement he unknowingly entrances me even further. Brows furrow once more, nose crinkles, and again he bites his lip. But it's all a little different this time. Well, it's different everytime... but this time there's something about it that makes me uneasy.
And just as I think that, his lips part and he takes in a quick breath, as if he's about to speak, but it's a second or two before he actually does.
"I..."
I look at him and wait. He turns away, suddenly unable to look me in the eye.
"I need to know..." His words trail off, as if there was more to the sentence, but maybe he just couldn't say it. Or maybe that really was all he wanted to say. I don't know. As well as we know each other, the fact is, we aren't psychic.
But then I look at him with his brow crinkling and his lip biting, and I know what it is. And I think he has to be the biggest idiot ever if he hasn't worked it out already. But then again, I said it myself, we aren't psychic.
"Please..." he whispers, the need in his voice screaming volumes to me.
I put my hand on his cheek and make him turn to look at me. And what I see in his eyes freezes me to my core. What could I possibly say to make that uncertainty, that fear, that doubt go away?
I find myself biting my own lip now, my own brows furrowing as I fall onto him and hold him tight. But this time he doesn't embrace me back. I find my breath coming shorter, more difficult as I feel panic spreading through me, and before I know what I'm doing I'm kissing him. All over his neck. And his ear. Little short kisses of panic all over his shoulder. And down his chest. He whimpers when my breath covers his nipple, and I feel his fingers in my hair as I bring my mouth close, my lips pressing down again and again. And then I slide over to the other side of his chest, and he moans when my mouth comes down again, this time more desperate, more thirsty. Another moan and I suddenly feel the urge to bite. Fingers tighten in my hair as he gasps, but I'm already apologizing with my tongue.
And that's when I feel him. Just a slight brush against my stomach, already hard, wet, waiting. I bring my hand down and close around him, and he arches his back with a gasp. I squeeze and he whimpers, and I watch as his eyes clench shut and he tosses his head. Beautiful.
But then those eyes open and he looks at me, questioningly, and I realize that I've stopped, mesmerized with watching him. Another moment passes between our locked eyes, and then I'm bending down, bringing my kisses lower and lower, until I'm parting his legs and tasting him. He groans and I take in more, slowly, moving, sliding.
I reach a hand out towards his voice and find wetness, pushing my fingers in his mouth, rubbing against his tongue. He seems to like it, because he makes little sounds deep in his throat as he responds, and when I pull my hand away he makes this complaining noise. But it turns into a gasp of surprise when he feels those fingers pressing below, in between his legs. I lift my eyes to meet with his again, and he opens his legs wider, inviting.
I push, and he stifles a cry. I suck and he relaxes. I push again and he squirms, but he's already getting used to it. Push once more and he cries out, this time with pleasure, and I stroke him there as I look up at his astonished face.
I reach down in between my own legs, and find myself ready. Funny I hadn't really noticed before, so busy I was with pleasing him. But I'm fully aware of my own desire now as I spread my own wetness over myself.
He whimpers with need as he watches me and soon I lean over him, pressing myself in between his legs. A slow push, a choked gasp, and I'm inside, and his tight soft heat is so unbelievable that I want to die right there. And when I finally regain my breath I lift my head to look at him. He smiles and wraps himself around me, taking more of me inside. And I begin to push. And I want to die again.
I look down at him with awe, that I could feel this way inside him, that he would give himself to me in this way, and all of a sudden I want to hold him forever, protect him from anything that might harm him, including me.
And I understand now, why he needs reassurance.
And I pray that as I thrust into him, he feels at least a fraction of what I feel when he's inside me, because then I know it'll be okay.
with doubt the vicious circle turns, and burns
But even as I hold myself back, fearful of tearing him, he pulls me close, urging me on, just as I did the first time he took me. And so I obey his cries for more, and I let myself go, and all he can do is cling to me, hang on to me like it's the end of the world. And as he screams my name over and over amidst incoherent cries for more, I know... I know he's at that place where there is only me, thrusting inside him, making him feel like nothing he's ever felt before... only me, the center of his universe, the completion of his fragmented soul, the meaning of the word forever. Only me... the way I feel when he's inside me.
Come on now, try and understand
The way I feel under your command
He screams my name one last time and I feel him tightening around me, his release spraying against my stomach, and I come. I come and I come and I come, filling him with everything I have, every last piece of myself, all for him.
Without you, oh I cannot live,
forgive the yearning burning
I believe it's time to heal, to feel
Afterwards, I open my eyes, and notice the change in the room, the clear blue light of dawn.
I look down and see him, hair spread against the pillow, framing his face, smiling, glowing...
Again I'm in awe, amazed, marveling at him. And again it's all different and new.
My lips part to find the breath I've suddenly lost, but instead I find myself speaking, shaking...
"Akira..."
And so now I'm the one asking, with furrowed eyebrows and searching eyes, if he knows how much I--
"It's okay Kaede. You don't have to say it, and I don't have to hear it anymore, because now... I know."
He smiles at me, and kisses me, and I sigh, falling asleep in his arms as a new sun rises, bathing us in its warmth.
Love is an
angel, disguised as lust
Here in our bed until the morning comes
Hold me close, and try and understand
The way I feel under your command
~ owari
Because The Night
Take me now,
baby, here as I am
Hold me close, and try and understand
Desire is hunger is the fire I breathe
Love is a banquet on which we feed
Come on now, try
and understand
The way I feel under your command
Take my hand, as the sun descends
They can't hurt you now, can't hurt you now, can't hurt you
now...
Because the
night belongs to lovers
Because the night belongs to us
Because the night belongs to lovers
Because the night belongs to us
Have I a doubt,
baby, when I'm alone
Love is a ring, a telephone
Love is an angel, disguised as lust
Here in our bed 'til the morning comes
Come on now, try
and understand
The way I feel under your command
Take my hand, as the sun descends
They can't hurt you now, can't hurt you now, can't hurt you
now...
Because the
night belongs to lovers
Because the night belongs to us
Because the night belongs to lovers
Because the night belongs to us
With love we
sleep,
with doubt the vicious circle turns, and burns
Without you, oh I cannot live,
forgive the yearning burning
I believe it's time to heal, to feel,
so take me now, take me now, take me now
Because the
night belongs to lovers
Because the night belongs to us
Because the night belongs to lovers
Because the night belongs to us
Dedicated to Aki, Cheeky, and Sapphi. RuSen love from me to you ^_^
A/N Dec 30 '06: I feel I have to add a note here since this was kind of a risky fic for me when I wrote it. In a lot of what I write the character’s personalities and the dynamics of their relationships can change from fic to fic. Sometimes I also try to mess with the reader and keep them guessing about who is who. In this fic I tried to mess things up by giving Rukawa a more ‘dominant’ personality and Sendoh the weaker uke-ish personality, at a time when most of the fics I’d read (and written) had Rukawa as the uke and Sendoh taking control. I don’t know how effective I was at achieving this though. In any case, this fic was all about getting into the other person’s head, and I hope at least that theme was accomplished.
completed May 19 '03