| What To Expect When You're Expecting Part 3 So, I have a confession. Nobody knows this. Not Mom, Dad, Trace, none of the guys, Britney...nobody. I always hid it because, well, it's embarrassing. Today was the first day that I actually *voiced* this to someone else. I mean, I've said it out loud to myself plenty of times before, usually while yelling and/or throwing something, or just sitting in amazement. But I've never told another person, and to my knowledge, I never got 'found out' either. I had to tell the doctor today though. And it turns out that this was one of the purest signs that I carried the gene that would allow me to get pregnant later on in maturity. It started when I was about 12. Don't ask me how in hell I figured out that I could do this, but I did, and when I first saw it, I literally pissed my pants. See? I'm even having a hard time talking about it now, and you're a fucking journal. Okay, okay, I'll say it... I can lactate. Really! I'm not shitting you! You squeeze a nipple in the right spot, and I will give milk. It's not like this big, gushing rush or anything, but it beads up and everything. It's actually kinda cool, in a pretty fucking nasty way. But it isn't just random or anything, I guess it's during what I've now known to be my 'peak' time of the month. (I'm shaking my head as I write this. I'm fucking living it, and I still can't believe how ridiculous this shit sounds!) Anyhow, so, more about the doctor's appointment. I'm 12 weeks, 3 days. That's fucking insane! We have to wait until I'm about 16 weeks to get an UltraSound, because they're so inaccurate this early on in the pregnancy, and don't show much unless they're done trans- vaginally. And since I don't have a god damned vagina, I have to wait. Which means that my due-date can be changed, but we'll get to that when it comes. After I'm done logging in this entry, I'm going to my "Fuck Diary" and looking up who I was with around the time that I got knocked up. The Chris dreams stopped, so maybe it's not him after all. The doctor was awesome, though. A really caring lady, which made me uneasy at first. I figured a woman wouldn't be able to understand where I'm coming from as a guy with this condition, but she's a specialist, so I was pretty comfortable with her after a couple of minutes. She did a lot more talking than I thought she would, and she didn't try to, ya know, dumb it down or anything. She talked to me like a normal person, and seemed really concerned with what I'd do career- wise. That shit's still all up in the air. First thing was first, I needed to make sure that this was real and not some big figment of my imagination or some cruel joke. But it's very real and I'm kinda getting used to the idea. I go back next month to see Dr. Ramsey and then I go twice a month after that, until I am in my last month. This is just all so strange and amazing and scary all at once. I'm trying to think of what else was said...She asked if I'll keep the baby after it's born. It's not even something I thought about. It hadn't crossed my mind once. What will I do? I mean, it's not just my kid, so whoever the other Daddy is has just as much say as I do, but what kind of life can I give to a baby with the career I have? That just depressed me to no end. I think I'm gonna close this out, go get some cheetos and green olives, and watch ESPNEWS. 'Till next time, Journal. Justin Next Back To Main Menu |