| What To Expect When You're Expecting -- Part Two I can't stay asleep. I've tried. God knows I've tried! But it just isn't happening. I was always a bit of an erratic sleeper, mostly because I always had an early wake-up time lurking and I'd be so scared to sleep through it that I'd wake myself damn near every half hour. But this is getting ridiculous, with the peeing and all. If I change positions, I've gotta get up and take a leak. I wonder if this gets better. Probably not. I bought some books online and they got delivered today. That 'What To Expect When You're Expecting' is too full of information, and I feel like almost none of it applies to me. Because a pregnant Dad (in the form of the carrier and not the supporter) is rare, I guess I've gotta go underground or some shit to find a book that doesn't talk about vaginas and crap like that. I keep reading the chapter on breasts just for the fuck of it, and thank God we don't get them that bad! These poor women can grow three cup sizes--sometimes more! I won't grow much. Enough to get a little milk in in the beginning, but I'm not going to breastfeed so it'll go away pretty quickly. Thank God. Notice how I keep saying that a lot? I have a lot to thank Him for, I think. Regardless of the awkward situation, this baby is and will remain to be a blessing, no matter who the other Daddy is and what happens during this pregnancy. And also, I have to thank Him for making this a little less horrific than what women go through! Anyhow, I'm writing this in my new journal. It came with the 'Expecting' book, and it's got some pretty cool shit in it to read. I guess I should get used to constantly being reminded that I'm a little different than most others and actually have someone growing inside of me. For how long still remains unseen. I couldn't get an appointment with the specialist until next week, so I have no clue how far along I am, and obviously I can't identify who will share this baby with me until then. Every night I have a small dream with me holding the baby, and it's always Chris standing behind me, smiling. It looks like some fucked up kind of family picture, but at the same time, I feel comforted in the dream. Maybe it's a sign. Who knows. I have a lot to decide once I go for my appointment and this becomes a little more real. Like how I'll go into seclusion when I've got a solo project set to release in the fall. Or whether I want to remain open about it and share the happiness with the public and fans. I doubt all of them will understand, but it's not like I'm some kind of freak. This has happened before, after all. It's not common, but it's not beyond unheard of. I bet most of the fans would be pretty cool with it, actually. And the baby would get a ton of shit sent to it! Look at all that crap Brianna got! That baby was rolling in it before she was even born, like Joey and Kelly needed the help to begin with! I won't spoil, though. Okay, maybe I will. I'm so used to spoiling, what with Jon and Stevie and now with Brianna. But it's different, because this will be mine. I can't give it back when it cries too much or needs a diaper change, and I can't close the door and breathe freedom because I can go out and have a good time without limitations. Wow. This is going to take a lot of getting used to. I think I'm gonna give the ole lizard one more drain and try to get some sleep. All of these thoughts going through my head are really fucking me up, and if I stay awake any more, I'm going to scare myself to death. So, I'll end this now. Good night, Journal. Justin Next Back To Main Menu |