My Beginning.
For me at all started at birth. I was born into a family that already had one son and nature gave me a penis and testicles when what the family realy wanted was the birth to be a little girl.
I was treated ok, it's hard to remember back to the baby stages. I have been told that my Mom used to treat me somewhat like a little baby girl at times, fawning over me as a mother would her daughter. In those days it was quite the acceptable dress code for children to wear nitie type clothing. Mine apparently were more on the frilly side than my brothers at that age. But so be it, I still had a cute disposition and was favoured as the "baby" of the family. I wonder if being transgendered often starts with the treatment of the child in the earliest stages of his or her life.
Now as time went on I got to wear boy clothes and I have a number of pictures that show me in shorts and sailor type tops, but the give away is the hair. I had the curliest of hair from day one and as I grew up I had a head of the most beautiful of curls a girl would ever want. ( maybe that was the start of my emotional transformation? )
It wasn't until I was 4 years old that I remember being fascinated with the opposite sex. I had a playmate ( Cathy ) she was the daughter of friends of my parents that use to come to play with me when they would visit. Cathy and I were the best of friends in those days and I always got to play with her things. She would bring over her dollies and we would play in the yard. I remember one afternoon when my Mother and her girlfriend told a visitor that Cathy and I played together all the time and were just like "sisters". I think that stuck in my mind as being the most emotional tie to the opposite sex.
From then on I seemed to be more interested in Cathy's things than the boy things that my family had for me. I just felt like Cathy's sister from then on.
My first experience with wanting to be more like Cathy came when I was left at home with a babysitter and put up to bed early. Bored, I decided to go into my mothers dressing table and look at what was there. I remember opening up her panty and slip drawer and running my hands and fingers through and over the satin and silk under things. I didn't try anything on that time, but the next opportunity came when we were visiting my Aunt. It was during the day and I was running around the house getting into mischief when I can upon her room. It was in the upstairs of the house and everyone was downstairs. I can still feel how my heart was beating as I went into her room and closed the door. Looking around I spotted a chest of drawers and opened the first drawer. Bingo, I hit the satin jackpot *S*. Inside the lower drawer was one of her slips, a nylon one I remember. I held it up to my body and I disappeared behind it. I put it on over my street clothes and walked over to the full length mirror. Something was missing....awh, where were the shoes? I proceeded to the closet were I found a pair of heels and slipped them on my small feet. So just like you see in the advertisements and commercials, there I was in "Aunties " lingerie.
Then to my horror the door opened and Auntie was standing in the doorway. I don't remember exactly how I felt, I can only guess that I was scared shitless, but my Aunt just started to laugh telling me that I looked cute but I better take the slip and shoes off before anyone saw me. She then ( and I can remember this as clear as it was yesterday ) told me that this would be our little secret. Phew I was off the hook.
That night when we got home and I went to bed it was all I could think about...being that girl in the mirror in my Aunts bedroom.
From then on I continued to explore my curiousity of being Cathy's sister and wanting so much to be a real little girl.
As I grew up and filled out a bit I was keeping pace with Cathy now. We grew closer in our friendship and one day when I was 12 and feeling my hormones popping, Cathy and I were playing Doctor and Patient. Cathy wanted to be the Doctor that day and I told her that I wanted to be a girl patient. She smiled and off we went to her bedroom. She told me to take off my boy clothes while she looked in her cupboard and dresser for the necessary clothing to make me into the girl patient.
Now just before all of this and only for several years, I had only tried on my mothers clothes, and mostly when I was in the bathroom with the door locked and pulling things out of the laundry hamper. Now I was really going to put on some clothing that actually would fit me *S*
Cathy put on her bed a summer dress a hairband and a pair of her school flats. I'm standing there now in just my underwear while she slips the dress over my head and tells me to slip into her shoes. This was the biggest moment in my life. I really felt that I was wearing the right clothes for a change. Cathy proceeded to tell me she wanted to play Doctor, but I didn't feel complete yet. Looking somewhat puzzled she remembered that she forgot to but the hairband in my hair. She put it on my head but that wasn't what I wanted. I told her that if we really were going to do this right I needed to have boobs and the correct underwear on. Cathy smiled in agreement and pulled out a clean pair of cotton panties for me and some rolled up socks. I pulled down my undershorts with the dress covering my activity and stepped into the panties. I was feeling so heavenly now all I need was the socks the make pretend boobs. Well you can imagine what happened, they looked so bumpy and fell through to the waist because there wasn't anything to hold them in. Cathy then got out one of her bras and I slipped out of the dress while she helped put the bra on and hooked it in the back She then stuffed the socks in, making my a set of breasts. I remember my first bra...white with a pink rose in the middle of the two cups, it was so right to be this way.
I slipped the dress back on and I was ready and so was Cathy.
That afternoon we played Doctor and I was the girl patent and I was feeling so good about what I was and what we were doing. When we finished playing I hated to take it all off.:-(
From that day on I wore (as often as I could) something that was female in nature. Cathy had given me a pair of her panties that I hide of course. I wore them till the elastic broke and I had to steal another pair off a neighbours clothesline.
Cathy and I drifted apart because her family moved away but I will never forget her. She was my sister and I was her sister. She helped me understand that gender was in ones mind, and she supported my desires to be just like her. My only regret was that she moved away and, as I got more into cross dressing and female impersonation, I didn't have her to guide me as and adult.
From age 13 on I dressed as often as I could and felt the guilt and anguish that most of us have felt as teen transvestites. But when the guilt wasn't there, it was so much fun and so satisfying to be what we always dreamt of being..."a woman"
Luv & hugs ...DEE