|
what's
perfect. Making her way through the thick fog that encompassed her, Jordan Thomas reached the door to the VIP box. She stood on her tiptoes, straining her neck to see past the group of people in the over-crowded loft, her eyes searching for one sign of familiarity. She saw nothing past the small circles of young adults drinking their alcohol and talking with everyone around them. She pulled on the neckline of her shirt, feeling the staleness of the room as she peered through the empty holes where no one stood. The stench of alcohol and sweat filled the VIP box of the newest club to hit NYC. Finding no sight of her pal Julia, she started to feel everyone closing in on her. She looked around uneasily, thinking unpleasant thoughts of the men who looked her way. In her head she was screaming for help, for recognition. Mingling
through her crowd of friends, Julia Ramone, an aspiring actor who moved
to New York some years ago to follow her dream, seemed to have forgotten
all about her new friend. She walked around the room, saying her hellos
to people she knew and people she didn't, until she saw him standing over
by the railing, looking out over the sea of dancing maniacs. "Hey JUSTIN!"
Julia yelled as loud as she could possibly manage. Turning at the sound
of his voice, Justin saw Julia dashing for him, thankful she hadn't grabbed
him from behind. She jumped in his arms and hugged him tightly as she
swung her legs around him. Mostly everyone looked her way, a little surprised
by her boldness. When she let go of him she smiled brightly, seeming drunk
if you didn't Julia.
Turning
slightly to her left, being side by side with Justin, she began to ask
him how he was doing when she caught sight of Jordan standing nervously
at the door. She looked at her for a moment, trying to signal her to come
over. "Justin, I have someone I want you to meet." She turned toward Jordan
and yelled as loud as she could. "JORDY!" Jordan still appeared oblivious
to the show going on at the other side of the room. "I'll be right back."
Julia took off for the door, leaving Justin less than surprised by her
behavior. Looking back out at the smoke filled room, watching the inhabitants
break moves, he sighed heavily. He knew exactly who Julia had brought.
It was yet another one of her model perfect boyfriends she often found
while flirting at her auditions or strutting her stuff on the street like
a paid prostitute would.
"J,
I'd like you to meet Jordan Thomas, the newest addition to our gang."
Justin turned around slowly, trying to prepare himself for the young man
he'd have to smile and shake hands with, when in his head he would feel
bad for the guy. He would feel like telling him to run for his life because
he was probably only going to last a week at the most. He knew his fanatical
friend too well it seemed. But turning toward the two, he wasn't prepared
for the fairly tall woman standing there, looking quite out of place.
Remembering the manners his momma taught him, he smiled and reached forward
to shake her hand properly. He watched her as she smiled politely and
grasped his hand with her much smaller one. Jumping in to be the focus
of the party, Julia started to say something to Justin when a new song
kicked into play over the sound system of the club. "I LOVE this song!"
Justin
smiled at his overzealous friend and grabbed her hand before holding it
over his shoulder as he walked. "Come on then girly! Show me your moves!"
Parting the small circles that were congregated in the minuscule loft,
they made their way downstairs to the dance floor. Jordan stood back and
watched as the crowd excitedly followed behind them, leaving her all by
herself in a room that once appeared small with so many people, but now
seemed like a waste of space it was so large.
After
several fast songs played through, Justin quietly exited the dance floor
before he was found leaving and headed back up toward the VIP box. He
strolled in, taking his leather jacket off, laying it on the first chair
he came across. He looked up, realizing that someone was there. Recognizing
the girl he had previously been introduced to, he spoke up. "Hey there."
Frightened beyond belief, she jerked her head around to see who it was
that had spoken. When she saw it was only Justin, she tried her best to
calm her electric nerves. Seeing that he startled her, Justin began to
apologize. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."
"No,
it's fine. I just didn't think anyone was up here." She touched her hand
to her chest, trying desperately to get her breathing back to normal.
"What are you doing up here anyway? I saw you guys down there, looked
like you were having fun." She held her hand to her stomach, feeling like
she was going to be sick. Evidently, he frightened her to the point of
making her physically ill.
"Oh,
I was having fun." He walked toward her as he spoke, unaware of her still
trembling hands. "I just got hot and wanted something to drink." He grabbed
her hand up as he watched her. "Come get a drink with me. It's a lot more
fun than standing up here by yourself." It wasn't a suggestion; it was
more like a demand. He pulled on her hand until she began to follow him.
She reluctantly allowed him to lead her downstairs.
Down
at the bar they both sat on the barstools as they ordered. "I'll have
a water and uh…" Justin held his hand out to her, questioning what it
was she wanted to drink.
"I'll
have the same." She looked up at Justin. "Not drink much?"
Justin
looked around the club as he was served his water. He turned back to her
with his answer. He spoke as though it was no big deal at all. "Actually,
never." He looked around once more, making Jordan feel like he didn't
exactly want to be there with her. Then he situated himself on the stool
more comfortably. "So how did you meet the hellion, Julia?" Justin smiled
brightly when he knew she agreed with the nickname.
"Well,
I just moved here from LA and I live in the apartment next to Julia."
She took a tiny sip of her water before continuing. "We met when I was
moving my stuff in. We talked for a while out in the hall. Then the next
day I saw her out in the hall again and we started talking, before long
she invited me to come along tonight and here I am." She smiled briefly
before taking a long gulp of her drink.
Justin
took a drink of his water as he watched Jordan. He could tell that she
felt out of place still. "That, in no way compares to how I met her."
He sat his glass down heavily. "About a year ago I met Julia at this club
that was just opening. I was dancing when I saw her jump up on the stage
and try to stage dive. It was insane. Later, I saw her at the bar and
started talking to her. From there it's history." He brushed his free
hand through his hair as he took another swallow from his glass.
Jordan
nodded her head up and down while she thought about it. "I've only known
Julia about a week but that definitely does sound like her. She's wild,
I'll give her that." Slowly she crossed her legs into a more comfortable
position.
Leaning
in to further their conversation, Justin thought about what to say next.
"So what made you decide to move to New York? I mean… come on. LA is gorgeous."
Nodding
her head, she had to agree with him there. "True, LA is beautiful, nothing
compares to it, but having controlling parents live in the same city with
you isn't fun. In your mind, that fact really begins to diminish the beauty
of the place. I just couldn't stand to be around them anymore. I moved
out and they still tried to control me. You know what I mean?" Justin
nodded as though he did understand; in truth he didn't know what that
was like at all. "You see… they're rich so they think they're better than
everyone. They get their kicks through controlling their daughter's life,
as if ruining their own lives wasn't enough. These past two years they
became so bad that I eventually got up the courage to move away from all
of it."
"Why
New York though? You could have gone anywhere." He shrugged his shoulders,
not quite understanding.
She
sighed quietly and thought about the best way to answer that. "Well, in
LA I worked with some well known hair stylists and makeup artists at different
salons. I was assured I would be able to find a job here with my qualifications."
She took another sip of her water, very thirsty now that she had felt
the nervousness in the pit of her stomach by holding a conversation about
her life and past.
"Do
you have a job yet?" When she shook her head no, he shrugged casually.
"I might be able to look around and find out where there are job openings
available." He saw her shocked statement and couldn't help but make it
seem less far-fetched. "You know… that way you don't have to apply to
thirty salons and find out that only five are hiring." He smiled when
he knew she was grateful. "It's really no problem at all."
"Thank
you." That's the only phrase she could muster at the moment. "That would
be great."
Seeing
that the conversation was at a dead end, Justin jumped right back in with
another question. "Do you at least have any family or friends here?" He
grabbed his glass up once more and began to drink the remnants of the
water.
"Uh…"
Jordan paused for a moment, not quite sure she wanted to admit it. "I
don't know anyone that lives here so it's just me and my eighteen month
old daughter." She could see the shock on Justin's face. Quite frankly,
she had gotten use to that reaction. It wasn't often that a girl her age
with a figure like hers had a baby. When Justin continued to have the
astonished look on his face, she began to smile at him, not only finding
his response humorous but also trying to snap him out of it. "Do you wanna
see a picture?"
Justin
managed a smile and a nod. He watched Jordan whip out her wallet from
her purse and open it to find her pictures. When she said one, she obviously
meant ten. He did understand her pride in her daughter though; she was
beautiful. Slowly his grin grew as he watched the baby smile back at him.
"She's beautiful. What's her name?"
He
flipped through the remaining pictures and handed it back while she answered.
"Kelsey."
Looking
down at her hand while he took a sip from his freshly filled glass, he
grabbed her ring finger. "Well, since there's no ring… is the father around?"
He smiled to show he was only joking.
She
could tell that Justin was oblivious to her stern face. It wasn't something
she really cared to talk about. "No, he's not around."
Justin,
still not getting the clue, joked further with her. "Wait a minute… this
wasn't one of those artificial insemination things, is it?" He smiled,
trying to receive at least a smirk from her.
"No."
She turned her head, trying to calm down a little. She was being too serious.
"It was nothing like that." She watched him closely, nothing being said
from him. "It was just one of those things… an accident."
Justin
dropped the subject easily. He had finally realized the sensitivity to
the situation. He wrapped his fingers around his glass as he kept his
eyes focused there. "She is beautiful though." His eyes shifted high enough
to catch her grin. "I'm pretty sure I know where she gets her looks from."
His smirk tugged as his lips while he watched her smile grow bigger. Shifting
in his seat to become a little more comfortable, Justin looked at his
hands once more as he talked. "You know… I thought you were a guy at first."
He realized how that sounded and looked up quickly. "I mean… not by your
looks, of course not by your looks. What I mean is that I was expecting
Julia to introduce me to the flavor of the week in her book. I heard her
yell Jordan and I just assumed. That's something you'll seriously learn.
She never carries on with a relationship for longer than a week. It's
her limit." Jordan's eyes widened. "Crazy, I know."
Jordan
looked down at her hands when a grin crept up on her face. She kept her
eyes on her fingers as she twisted them in the emptiness of her lap. She
looked up, a playful look on her features. "You thought I was a guy, huh?"
Justin laughed at her attempt at joking with him. He only managed a nod
that clearly meant he was having a great time.
As
they settled their laughter, Justin began thinking of another question
to keep the conversation rolling. "Do you date much?" The surprised look
on her face gave everything away. He could tell she was thinking he was
going to link that question to a proposal of a date. "I don't mean for
me, no. Not that I don't find you attractive or uh… oh man… please don't
take offense to that. You're really great and all, it's just that I have
a girlfriend." He hoped he didn't say too much. To him, he sounded like
a complete fool, which wasn't far from what he in truth sounded like.
Jordan
smiled at his obvious male stuttering. "No offense is taken. But no, I
don't date."
A look
of confusion lit Justin's face. "Don't you want to find a father for Kelsey?"
Nervousness
began to eat at her stomach once more. She was beginning to hate these
situations when she was put on the spot. "I'm uh… I'm just not interested
right now." Thankfully, he took that as a good answer and left the subject
alone.
Justin
set his elbow on the bar and relaxed his chin on his fist while he watched
Jordan more closely. Within seconds he made up his mind. He grabbed her
by the hand and jumped off the stool, heading for the dance floor. "Enough
talk, it's time to dance!"
Digging
her feet into the concrete floor, Jordan stopped his forward movement.
Swinging around to see what was wrong, Justin furrowed his eyebrows together,
awaiting an answer. Jordan spoke very quietly, trying not to be embarrassed.
"I can't dance."
Finding
the irony in the thought, he joked. "What are you doing in a dance club
then?" His sarcastic tone made her feel a little better.
Still
keeping her voice as low as possible, she explained. "I use to dance but
I don't remember how to anymore. You could say I lost my rhythm."
Justin
looked at her, a little confused about how someone could forget how to
dance over night. "Look, it's easy. I'll show you how." A slow song continued
to play over the speakers as he pulled her close to him. He could literally
feel her shaking when she was up against his body. He looked down, a little
worried about her. "What's wrong?"
Jordan
looked up at him; stunned he had noticed her shaking. "Nothing." She turned
away, keeping her eyes elsewhere. She started breathing in slow and steady
breaths, trying to ease her nerves and fears. Finally she thought of something
to say that would keep his mind off her shakes. "Do you know what all
teenage girls around the world would do to me if they knew I was dancing
this closely to THE Justin Timberlake?" She looked up at him, complete
elation written on her face. "They'd literally KILL me!" Her eyes widened
with the phrase, making her comment more humorous.
Looking
down at her big eyes, he threw his head back as he laughed. "They probably
would." He looked around as he thought about what she said. "You know…
you just ended a mystery with that comment. I've been wondering since
we first met if you had recognized me or not. You were treating me no
different so it made me question if you even knew who Justin Timberlake
was or looked like." He looked back down at her, his face glowing with
rapture.
Watching
different people look their way, Jordan's nerves began to flutter once
more. "I think everyone knows who you are. Females anyway. But I don't
really care about that fame thing. You're people too. There are only two
kinds of people, good people and bad people, not normal people and celebrities."
Justin
watched her look around, wondering how that thought came about. He never
tried to categorize people, but he was sure that he wouldn't just make
two categories and say good and bad. That discovery was a little odd but
he didn't have time to question her about it. Suddenly a fast song blared
through the speakers and he had to grab her arm before she could walk
away. "How about we find that rhythm again?" He turned her around so that
her back was to him and he put his hands on her hips as he tried to teach
them to move to the beat. His eyes were on his hands as he tried to teach
her so he didn't see the panic on Jordan's face. Her eyes searched around
frantically. When he realizes that she wasn't helping he responded. "Just
go with the flow of the music. Close your eyes and listen to the beats."
Jordan
wasn't listening as Justin tried to teach her to dance to the fast song.
Her eyes moved around hysterically. She could feel everyone's eyes on
her as they stood there, allowing her body to be an instrument in Justin's
hands. In reality, no one was watching. Her own craziness was making her
feel the eyes bearing into her. Finally she couldn't take anymore so she
broke free from Justin's grasp, yelling her apologizes as she rushed away.
Justin
watched her leave wondering what had gotten into her. He realized that
she was a little insecure, but this was crazy. He stood there for another
moment before taking off after her. He found her in the VIP box all alone
again, looking over the railing at all the people dancing on the floor
below. He walked up slowly, but noisily as not to startle her like he
had done before. He laid his hand on the railing and watched her. "There's
nothing to be embarrassed about Jordan. You were doing great down there."
His heart slumped when he saw her wipe away a few tears from her cheeks.
Clearing
her throat, she looked up at the ceiling, willing herself to be normal.
"That wasn't it."
A light
of confusion sparkled in Justin's eyes. "What do…"
"Can
you please just leave it alone?" The interruption was so sudden it showed
on Justin's features how shocked he was.
"Sure."
He couldn't refuse her that.
Suddenly
someone jumped on Justin's back before he had time to think about questioning
her when she asked him not to. Julia propped her head on Justin's shoulder
as he held her on his back for a piggyback ride. She began to laugh hysterically
when he dropped her on her butt. "Where have you been buddy?" Julia used
his legs as support as she rose to her feet. "What do you think Kate would
think if she knew that you were flirting with my new neighbor?" Julia's
smile was purely mischievous as her eyebrows rose and fell playfully.
Justin
looked at her seriously before laughing lightly. "She would definitely
kill me." He turned to the railing and laughed about the idea of Kate
cornering him and asking about that very night.
Before
they said anything else Jordan spoke up. "Well, I'm going to go ahead
and head back home." When she saw the shocked look being replaced by the
pouty lip, she had to explain if she was going to get out of there. "I'm
paying the babysitter by the hour and well, I don't know her so I'm a
little worried about her ability to get Kelsey to sleep. She's been having
problems sleeping lately anyway. So I should go home and check up on things.
Thanks for inviting me though." She looked to Justin and smiled appreciatively.
"Nice to meet you Mr. Pop Star."
Justin
grinned brightly, not quite sure why he felt so bad that she was leaving.
"It was nice talking to you. Hope everything's ok at home." He hugged
her briefly before releasing and stepping back.
Julia
stepped up and hugged her tightly. "All right. You be careful on your
way home. New York can be a dangerous place. I'll stop by when I get home,
ok?" Jordan nodded for a moment, then walked toward the door.
Watching
her leave, Justin and Julia yelled goodnight. When Julia looked at Justin
and saw him still looking at the door Jordan had just walked out of, she
nudged his shoulder to snap him out of it. "Don't go there J. She's got
a kid and you've got a girlfriend." Justin looked at her and shrugged,
trying to show that he didn't care one bit because it didn't matter.
(Later
that night)
A few
hours later Jordan sat in a rocking chair in Kelsey's room, holding her
slumbering daughter tightly. Once she had walked up to her door she could
hear the screaming coming from inside. She had quickly unlocked the door
to find that Kelsey's face was red and wet from tears. The babysitter
informed her that she had been like that all night, not wanting anything
but her momma.
Jordan
ended up rocking her to sleep as she spoke softly into her ear. It had
taken a while but she eventually stopped crying and fell asleep from exhaustion.
Jordan sat there now, running her fingers slowly across her daughter's
petal soft cheeks while she stared off into space. She loved her daughter
more than anything, no matter how she had become pregnant. This was an
innocent child, not a replica of the father. Jordan would do anything
and everything to keep her safe. Kelsey was all that she had and all that
mattered to her in the world. This tiny angel had been brought to her
especially, she was sure of that. She cursed herself now for ever hating
the baby that grew inside her. She was stupid then to think that she was
nothing but a mistake, nothing but a punishment.
She
rocked her slowly and kissed her forehead when she began to stir. This
tiny angel had grown from being nothing, to her everything. She wasn't
sure what the future held for them but she knew they would stick together.
She was going to do right by this child.
Suddenly,
a thought entered her mind that she wasn't quite sure of, maybe even afraid
of. Don't you want to find a father for Kelsey? Justin's voice replayed
in her mind, making her wonder about the things that were unsure in her
head. We don't need a man in our life to get us through this life. We'll
probably be happier without one, that's for sure. I barely had a father
while I was growing up, he was always gone on "business". I turned out
ok I think. There's no reason for Kelsey to have a father. It's not like
she's a boy that needs to be taught baseball by his father. Everything
she needs to know I can teach her. We'll take care of each other. Nothing
will go wrong because we have each other and men aren't going to ruin
our lives because we won't let them. Jordan closed her eyes tightly when
her mind started traveling down the wrong path. The past was just that,
the past. There was no need in always digging it up and reliving it. She
could move on with her life now, with Kelsey right by her side.
You
know if things were different you'd have been all over that boy tonight.
He wouldn't have stood a chance between you and your hormones. Jordan
shook her head furiously, upset that she was thinking such thoughts. Just
like she said before, she didn't need men. They only caused problems.
(A
week later)
The
sounds of screaming filled the small apartment as Kelsey stubbornly waited
for Jordan to pick her up. Settling her daughter on her left hip, Jordan
squatted down to pick up the remains of the spaghetti that had literally
flown from Kelsey's plate just moments before. Scrubbing fervently to
rid the carpet of any kind of red stain, Jordan patiently tried shushing
her crying infant. Just when she thought things couldn't possibly get
any more frustrating, the phone began to shrill where it sat on the table.
Letting out a long, flustered sigh, she reached up and answered the phone.
"Who could POSSIBLY be calling ME? Especially NOW!" She breathed heavily
into the phone as she waited to hear who the caller might be.
"Uh…
Jordan?" She almost stumbled forward when she heard a male voice answer
her. "This is Justin, from the club the other night. Remember? Well, uh…
I got your phone number from Julia the other day. I just… uh… is this
a bad time?" Justin could hear the loud screams coming from the other
line.
"Uh…
hang on." Jordan sat the phone down and finished scrubbing the mess while
she quieted Kelsey. Justin could hear every detail. "Kelsey… sweetheart…
someone is on the phone. We have to be extra quiet so Mommy can hear them.
Ok?" The intensity of the screaming seemed to lower with that being said.
"Calm down sweetie. Shhh." Justin smiled at the innocence of her sweet
voice as she spoke with her child. "Kelsey… quiet now. It's time to be
quiet." Kelsey whimpered softly as her mother continued to rock her in
her gentle arms. When she was finally settled down she lowered her to
her highchair. "Now I'm going to set you back down in your highchair so
you can finish your spaghetti. And I don't want to see you throwing it
on the floor anymore." Her voice had turned a little stern while she spoke
to Kelsey this time. It made Justin grin to hear her in the whole mother
scenario. Sighing heavily, she cleared her throat once more before returning
to talk to Justin. "I'm sorry about that. You were saying?"
Justin
laughed for a moment and then commented. "Uh… yeah. I was just saying
that I got your number from Julia. I did as I said I would and found about
four job openings at some of the most prestigious salons in New York."
He heard her sudden intake of air and knew she was shocked.
Jordan
looked down at the floor as she began to pace back and forth in the small
dining room. Kelsey started calling for her momma while lifting her hands
in the air, signaling that she wanted to be picked up. Jordan was oblivious
to the giggle that sounded over the phone from Justin's line. He was evidently
enjoying the sounds that were brought on by little Kelsey. Jordan picked
up Kelsey without a thought and continued her pacing. "Thank you. That's
all I can think to say. Thank you so much Justin. I don't know how to
ever repay you for your kindness toward…"
Interrupting
her airy tone, Justin sat up straight. "There's no need to repay me. It
was no problem at all. I have my connections you know." He looked out
the limo window before returning his attention to the person on the other
end of the connection. "I'm sorry but I really need to go now. I'm here
at the MTV studios. I'll talk to you soon though. I'll give you the names
of those salons. Bye." He hung up the phone, unable to wait for a reply.
Jordan
looked down at Kelsey and smiled brightly, making Kelsey's chubby cheeks
puff up in a huge grin. Jordan watched her and laughed as she sang her
next comment. "Mommy knows a pop star."
(Ten
minutes later)
Carefully
watching himself in the mirror as the makeup artist lightened the dark
circles under his eyes, Justin sighed deeply, a little impatient about
getting out of there. He looked around the room, discovering new things
about it he had never paid attention to before. Just then, a loud shrill
sounded in the room, muffled but loud. He reached into his pants pocket
and found his cell phone; looking at the blinking red button, he knew
that it was his that was ringing. He answered casually; pretty sure he
knew who it would be.
"Hey
Justin baby… you sound beat. When are you coming home, sweetie?" Justin
sighed with the pleasure of hearing Kate's voice on the other end of the
line. It seemed like forever since he last heard her voice.
Picking
at the hem of his jeans, Justin smiled brightly as he looked down at his
masterful fingers. "I have a flight in the morning. Are you going to come
pick me up at the airport?"
He
could tell that she had covered the phone as she spoke with someone else,
the voices were stifled, but he could tell. Finally, she was back on the
line, seeming in an excellent mood. "Oh no, I'm sorry, sweetie. My day
tomorrow is filling up quickly but I'm coming over at eight so you better
be home. I've got something special planned for tomorrow night."
A sneaky
grin grew rapidly on his face, making him wish the hours away so he could
see exactly what she had up her sleeve for tomorrow night. "That sounds
pretty interesting. Let me guess… you're going to leave me with no clues,
right?"
Kate
snickered evilly into the receiver, realizing how fun it was to torture
him. "You're not getting anything out of me buddy. You'll just have to
wait. What are you doing now anyway?"
Before
he could explain where he was, Chris walked up, letting him know they
were about to shoot. Hearing that his phone conversation was going to
get cut short, he sighed once again, knowing that his day was full of
desperate sighs of disappointment. "I've got to go baby, we're here at
the MTV studios and we're starting to shoot now. I'll talk to you later
though, right?"
Kate
hurried her goodbyes so that Justin could get off the phone. "Yeah, I'll
talk to you soon."
(The
next night, Justin's house in Orlando, Florida)
Storming
around his spacious two-story home, Justin felt his anger getting out
of hand. He had waited for Kate for two hours now. She hadn't called to
say she was going to be late and she definitely hadn't left him a message
because he had checked about twenty times. He'd already called her house,
her cell phone and every other possible place he could think of when suddenly,
a rather disturbing thought entered his brain. Grumbling senseless things
no one would be able to understand, he snatched up his phone and began
to dial a number he'd like to forget. "I better be wrong." His voice was
low and filled with anger as he waited for the rings to cease and a certain
voice to answer the phone. When the voice was on the line, he just about
snapped. "Is Kate there?" He tried to keep his cool.
The
voice, obviously male, thought about it for a moment before answering.
"She left about twenty minutes ago." He shuffled around for a moment before
continuing. "Who is this?"
Justin
let his anger carry him away into a blinding rage of thought. Desperately
trying to control his voice, he cleared his throat uneasily. "You know
exactly who this is Sean so didn't give me that bull."
Wincing
from the bitter laughter filling the line, Justin breathed in and out
steadily, trying to stabilize his breathing. When the laughter stopped,
the arrogant voice took its place. "Are you being paranoid again Justin?"
"Are
you sleeping with my girlfriend again?" His voice was lavished in challenge,
just begging him to tell him the truth.
Sean
didn't miss a beat though. "Whoa man… we've talked about this. Nothing
like that was happening then and nothing like that is happening now."
Obviously being very skilled at lying, Sean sounded very confident in
all that he said.
The
anger Justin felt was only increasing with every passing moment on the
phone with this idiot. "Then why don't you tell me what is happening now?"
The
harsh laughter echoed through the line once more. "Justin, I think you
need to talk to your girlfriend about this jealousy problem you keep on
relishing."
Justin
hung up the phone to stop the wall built around his anger from tumbling
to ruins. He needed to calm himself down because he knew; no doubt that
Kate was now on her way to see him. Waiting was the trouble in all of
this. True, he was taking that time to calm down, but he knew he was just
itching to blow on someone, preferably Kate.
An
hour later Kate came rushing through the door carrying several bags filled
with miscellaneous things and apologizing profusely. "I'm so so so so
sorry baby. I know I said I'd be here at eight but I couldn't get Jena
off the phone. She just broke up with Mark so she needed someone to talk
to. I couldn't just say 'Hey, I gotta go because I need to go see my boyfriend.'
After that I saw how late I was and rushed around trying to get everything.
I ended up having to turn back to go home three times to pick up different
things I had forgotten. It was a nightmare." She walked straight past
Justin; apparently thankful she was able to get out the rehearsed bit
without him interrupting.
Relieving
her arms of the weight of the bags, she rubbed them roughly while looking
up at Justin. For the first time she realized his face, the anger he was
trying so desperately to restrain. "We need to talk Kate." Nodding her
head up and down slowly, she walked over to the sofa where she sat down.
Justin remained standing. He hadn't been able to relax all night. He cut
straight to the chase. "I know where you were tonight."
Kate
lowered her head as she thought about what he meant. He definitely knew
the truth. "Justin, we're friends, that's it. Nothing is going on." She
leaned forward; begging him with her eyes to believe her.
"Then
why are you always lying about it?" Justin showed no mercy through his
severe gaze. He knew what was going on and he wanted her to admit it.
That would be the tough part though.
Looking
both hurt and confused she spoke softly this time. "I've never lied to
you."
Justin
looked away as he tried to control his anger once more. "Don't give me
that crap. You were lying when you walked in here and you're lying now."
He saw that she was still going to play dumb so he continued. "You came
in here telling me that the reason you were late was because Jena broke
up with Mark and you forgot some things, NUMBEROUS times. Now how much
you wanna bet that if I give Jena a call right now that Mark will be over
there, with absolutely no idea of what I'm talking about?" Justin stared
her down, wondering when her breaking point was. "So answer me again,
but truthfully. Why are you always lying?"
That
was clearly her breaking point. "ALL RIGHT! I slept with Sean." She opened
her eyes when she finally let the truth fly. She watched Justin walk over
to the window and look out, clearly trying to contain his anger. "I didn't
mean to hurt you again. I just… I just… I can't help myself." Justin laughed
bitterly and shook his head, not believing that was her big excuse. He
still wasn't prepared to look at her. "It's not like you gave me much
of a choice. This should all be your fault." Justin turned to face her,
not quite believing that she actually thought that. "You're the one who
rushed me into another man's arms, as the saying goes. If you're so set
on waiting till you're married, why wouldn't you marry me?"
Justin
walked over to where Kate was now standing and got in her face as to make
her understand him clearly. "Why wouldn't I marry you? Well just maybe
I wanted someone pure; someone who wasn't some used baggage. I want someone
chaste… someone who isn't tainted. I want someone who hasn't been touched
so tenderly and passionately by someone else that she never cared about
in the first place." He looked away for a moment before releasing his
anger back on her. "So you wanna know why I don't want to marry you?"
He laughed bitterly. "You're as dirty as they come sweetheart."
Watching
the tears fall down her cheeks didn't faze Justin at all. He knew it was
only an act. He turned away from her and began walking toward the door.
He opened it, but looked back at her when she began to laugh resentfully
through the tears. She grabbed her bags and walked to the door he held
open for her. "I'll tell you what… I wish you luck in finding her because
you're definitely going to need it." With that she whipped her hair around
and walked out of his house with the only dignity she had left.
(Two
weeks later)
"Let
me get this straight… she finally admitted to sleeping with the guy and
she tries to blame it on you?" Julia was just about as shocked as Justin
was. It had taken him a while to get use to the fact that he had finally
let her go. They had been together so long and been through so much that
he didn't think anything would ever tear them apart. Sure she had hurt
him before but he had forgiven her time and time again. Now, that had
all changed. All the lies had been called out into the open and settled
for good. "You're better off without her… but I guess you already knew
that." He turned to look at Julia once more, not quite interested in everything
she had to say. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
Justin
shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, trying to make her believe he was
over it. Truth be known, he was over it. He had stayed home for two weeks
instead of returning to New York right away. For two whole weeks he stayed
cooped up in his home, pondering everything that had happened. He had
thought through things so much that he was physically tired of thinking.
He wanted nothing more than to forget about it all and live a wild and
worry-free life. "Julia, I don't really want to talk about this anymore.
I'm gonna go get something to drink." He walked away before she could
say anything more. She watched him walk around with a great sense of pity
for his hurt feelings and pride. Then her attention was quickly stolen
by her friends that were laughing over something ridiculous. She jumped
into the conversation without another thought thrown in Justin's direction.
Justin
walked around, trying to appear invisible to those standing around talking
in Julia's apartment. He had seen every face, but not Jordan's. He slowly
inched his way toward the door, making sure no one saw his exit. When
he was safe in the hall he turned to his right and headed for the next
door. He knocked softly on the large oak door, noticing that a light was
on under the door. When Jordan came to the door, a look of utter surprise
lifted her tired features. "Hi. I was just…" He quickly shut his mouth
when she put her finger over her lips to shush him. She opened the door
wider to allow his entrance. As he entered, Justin looked down at her
arms where Kelsey lay sleeping. He smiled at her innocence, but kept his
mouth closed as he was told.
Justin
shut the door and watched Jordan walk down the hall to Kelsey's room.
He followed after a moment, not sure if she had wanted him to. He stood
at the door, studying Jordan in her maternal atmosphere. Gently laying
her daughter down in her crib, Jordan kissed her soft forehead and backed
away. When she turned she almost voiced her scream when she saw Justin
leaning against the doorframe. She had been oblivious to his following
her. Holding a hand over her heart, she motioned back toward the living
room with her free hand. Once they were in the clear, she kept her voice
low so they wouldn't disturb Kelsey's slumber. "What are you doing here?
Julia said that you were at home in Orlando visiting your girlfriend."
Justin
sat down beside Jordan on the well broken in couch as he thought about
how he wanted to answer the question. "I was. The thing is… we broke up
the first night back home. I guess you could say that I sulked for two
weeks." He smiled at her, trying to keep the conversation from getting
serious.
"Oh
I'm sorry. I know how difficult that can be." She stood up, motioning
for Justin to follow her.
Walking
toward the kitchen, Justin thought eagerly of a way to change the subject.
"Yeah well… I guess I'm going to be in New York for a while though. We
don't start recording again for another seven weeks. We're just doing
our thing till then." Justin held firmly onto the glass that Jordan was
pouring some cola into. "So how are things going for you? I hope Julia
got those names of the salons to you so you could apply."
Jordan
nodded her head up and down as she poured herself something to drink as
well. "Yeah, I put in my applications last week and I'm just waiting for
a call back to see if I get an interview." They walked back over to the
couch they were previously sitting on. "I'm not really worried about that
though. Kelsey has really been worrying me lately. I knew it would take
time to adjust, but this is becoming unbelievable. I can't leave her with
a babysitter because she just cries and cries. She's been really clingy
to me. She won't sleep for long in her crib because she wakes up numerous
times every night. She keeps asking me when we're going home." Jordan
crossed her legs comfortably and looked at her feet with a look of defeat
on her features.
"I'm
sure, given time, she'll get better. She probably just needs to be worked
into being around different people. She's always had just a few certain
people around her, right? That she was use to?" Jordan nodded her head
in agreement to that. "Well, now all she has is her mother so that's who
she's clinging to when everything has changed. She just doesn't understand
everything. Give her a little more time, it'll work out." Justin patted
Jordan's leg, showing his support, but wasn't oblivious to the obvious
discomfort it brought. "You know… I really admire you for your strength.
I could never do this on my own." He took a long sip of his drink and
looked around the small apartment, taking in his surroundings.
Realizing
the road that Justin was about to take, Jordan changed the subject, avoiding
talking about her past was what she wanted to do and had been doing for
some time now. "So uh… what caused the breakup, if you don't mind me asking?"
She looked to Justin curiously, hoping he'd share his life with her.
"Well…"
Justin slumped down on the couch, a little uneasy about the subject. "I
should have known it was coming. I guess I've just been in denial for
the past oh… say… year and a half?" He looked at his hands that held his
glass as he spoke. "I won't give you all the mushy details on how we got
together or the actual good times. It was great at first. Then, about
a year ago I found out that she had been going and seeing her ex-boyfriend
while I was gone on tour. I have to admit that it really upset me. The
thing is… I couldn't look past the tears and lies that she fed me. I eventually
forgave her and things got back to normal for the most part." He took
a long gulp of his glass as he thought, not wanting to look at her. "Every
now and then I heard a little something about them hanging out or so on.
I was gone so much that I didn't want to push her away by making her believe
that I didn't trust her. Numerous times I called and found her at his
house. But uh… this last time that I came home she told me she was going
to be at my place at eight, so by ten I was pretty upset. I called his
house and he told me that she had left twenty minutes ago. The arrogant…"
He took a long breath before continuing. "I finally fully confronted her
when she got home. I told her that I knew about her lies and she refused
to admit to it. I just kept pushing and pushing… in the end she admitted
to sleeping with him."
Justin
looked down at his arm when Jordan rubbed it soothingly. He took another
drink and finished. "I think the worst part was my comments at the end.
It was truthful but I'm sure it hurt." He looked around the room as he
spoke. "She tried to blame me for pushing her away, making her go to him."
He looked up at Jordan and knew she didn't understand what he meant. "You
see… I've always had the belief that nothing passionate, like sex, should
be done outside the bonds of marriage. It's a beautiful thing, something
you shouldn't just throw about carelessly. It's like she thought I should
have been in a hurry to get married so I could experience those things.
She basically asked me that since I was so stuck on waiting till marriage,
how come I wouldn't marry her." Justin closed his eyes as he remembered
exactly what he had said. "I sort of blew up at that moment. I told her
that I wanted someone pure, one that wasn't used baggage. I said that
I wanted someone who wasn't tainted. And I told her that she was as dirty
as they come." Justin looked over at Jordan, at the hand that was motionless
as it lay limp on his arm. He saw in Jordan's face exactly what he didn't
mean. He rushed to explain. "Oh I'm so sorry Jordan. I didn't mean that
you… I didn't mean it like that."
Looking
down at her hand as she retracted it from his arm, Jordan nodded her head
up and down, trying to dismiss the subject. "I don't think that of you
at all. It's just that Kate… I mean… I don't know your circumstances at
all. I wouldn't go and judge you like that."
Jordan
took in a large sum of air as she thought about what he said. "I know…
it's just that…" Knowing that she needed to tell someone, she looked to
Justin, wanting deeply to tell him all her secrets she kept hidden. "I
just…" She looked up at him again after fiddling with her fingers, she
saw the look on his face, the look of concern and she knew she could trust
him. "I haven't told anyone here about this and well… I guess I kind of
wanted to keep it that way because then it makes it seem more like it
didn't happen. It's stupid, I know… but it's embarrassing to know that
something like this happened to me."
Justin
looked directly at her eyes, not understanding a word she told him. "It's
ok Jordan, you don't have to tell me anything. I didn't need you to explain
anything to me."
Slowly
she nodded her head up and down, still looking at her small hands. Then
she looked up, more confident and persistent. "No, I want to tell you."
She looked around the seemingly empty living room and prepared herself.
"Almost three years ago… I was raped at a club in LA." Justin's eyes widened
as he sat up straight and brought his hand over toward hers instinctively
to comfort her. He was shocked that something like this could happen to
someone as special as her. He hadn't really thought about what her circumstances
were, but he never would have guessed this. "I have no idea who he is,
but to this day I remember that face… and those eyes." She took a steadying
breath as she shook her head to rid herself of the image that formed in
her mind.
Trying
his best to comfort her, he watched as she tried not to relive those awful
memories. "Remember how I told you that I use to dance?" She looked up
to see Justin nod his head. "Well, I use to love to dance." Tears began
to well up in her eyes as she smiled. "I went to all the clubs with my
friends. But now I can't even remember how to dance." She looked to Justin,
wanting him to understand. "The doctors that I've seen say that it's my
subconscious making me forget dancing and what all happened at the club
that night because I don't want to remember. You see… dancing was what
made him notice me and want me. And as for what happened that night, I'm
sure anyone would like to forget those details. To this day I only remember
certain things from that night. They come back to me in flashes." She
looked down again, recollecting the things that always seemed to haunt
her. She wiped her cheek when a tear escaped.
Justin
leaned back against the couch, wondering how all this could happen. "But
how? I don't understand. I mean… all those people… how could they not
have…" Justin shook his head, unable to understand everything.
"It
wasn't that difficult." She shifted in her seat, discomfort was the theme
of her life, so it seemed. She sniffled deeply and began again. "I went
to the bathroom and he followed me. He locked the door and no one could
hear my screams from the music." She sat looking at the rough carpet as
she remembered every detail as if it were yesterday. "He was just so…
so strong. His hands… they were… everywhere." Her hands went to her face
as she began to sob. Justin didn't have to question his move; he wrapped
his arms around her and hugged her to him. Justin felt himself being healed
in the same way he hoped that he was healing Jordan. He was grateful for
her trust him, allowing him to be that important to her. In truth, he
felt himself become more her protector and friend than anything. She needed
his support and he felt that she needed his protection. If things like
that could possibly happen to someone like Jordan, he knew that the world
was much more screwed up than he ever believed it to be.
He
sat there holding her, listening to her sob for some time before he heard
a word from her. In between her sobs she was able to make his gut drop
once more in complete and utter pity for what had happened to her. "The
dreams… if only the dreams would stop. I could… I could… forget." Justin
held on tight, wanting to provide her with any relief that he could. He
knew he couldn't do much, but he could be there for her.
Moments
later, once her cries were becoming softer, they heard a cry sound from
the back. Instinctively, Jordan rose to go see to her daughter, but Justin
stood. "It's all right. Just sit down, I'll take care of it." Jordan sat
back down and watched Justin retreat into the back room to tend to Kelsey.
After a few minutes she got up and walked back to Kelsey's room, hearing
that her crying had ceased. She stood in the doorway and saw Justin holding
Kelsey as he rocked her back off to sleep. His face was bent down close
to her ear as he sang to her. Kelsey looked up at him with sparkling eyes,
almost a glazed look about them. "… baby believe me… oh… it's not far
to Never-Never Land… no reason to pretend. And if the wind is right you
can find the joy… of innocence again. Oh… the canvas can do miracles…
just you wait and see… baby believe me. Sailing… takes me away to where
I've always heard it could be. Just a dream and a wind to carry me… soon
I will be free." Kelsey's eyes lowered bit by bit as she listened to the
voice that was both soft and soothing.
Justin
took that moment to look up at Jordan where she stood at the door. He
looked down at her daughter and knew life had to be perfect if you had
angel such as this to bless you after such a horrible trauma. "Is she
a… a result of what happened?" He looked up at Jordan who only nodded
her head with a bright smile plastered on her face, wiping away her tears
that had lingered on her reddened cheeks. Justin didn't ask anything else,
just kept right on singing. "Fantasy… it gets the best of me when I'm
sailing…" Jordan smiled as she watched her daughter and new friend bond
in such a way that was breath taking. "All the world in a reverie… every
word is a symphony… won't you believe me. Sailing… takes me away to where
I've always heard it could be. Just a dream and a wind to carry me… soon
I will be free. Soon I will be free…"
(A
few weeks later)
"I'm
going to GET YOU Kelsey!" Justin watched little Kelsey as she ran around
the small kitchen table. He lurked around the opposite leg of the table,
acting as a giant monster that was after her. All the while, Kelsey ran
away from him as fast as her little infant legs would carry her, screaming
no at the top of her lungs.
Jordan
was sure that the entire building had heard her screams but she dismissed
the idea of stopping the two from running around the table for the millionth
time. Instead, she stood in front of the couch folding laundry and enjoying
the entertainment of a tall man chasing her darling one year old. She
knew she must have laughed in the last three weeks more than she had laughed
in the past three years. Justin had come to visit them quite often, every
other day at the least and stayed from early morning breakfast till late
in the afternoon, if not after dinner. She was intrigued by his will to
stay and hang out. At times when he had shown up just as she was leaving,
he insisted that she go while he watched Kelsey. Truth be known, she enjoyed
the time that she was able to spend away from the worries of her day.
She had job interviews to go to, money to spend and hours to piddle away
doing nothing at all except staying away from the same old apartment she
was cooped up in all day.
"I
got you!" Jordan laughed heartily as she saw Justin get on his hands and
knees, holding Kelsey to the floor as he tickled her. Kelsey's screams
were louder now than they had been when he was chasing her. Her smile
and laughter around Justin was what Jordan loved the most. She had been
so happy the past three weeks that it was hard to tell that she had ever
spent her days screaming and crying. Not one night had she woken up from
her crib crying. And with a babysitter like Justin Timberlake who sung
you to sleep, who would spend their time throwing a fit?
Justin
stood up then, with his hands on his hips, looking around the place. He
seemed to be trying to catch his breath. "Has the big tall man gotten
tuckered out before the baby? Who would have thought?" Jordan smiled at
Justin, knowing he would say something.
"I'm
not tired." He exhaled loudly and smiled knowingly. "All right. Maybe
a little… but this little runt must be battery charged over night or something."
He picked up the little squirt and slung her in the air as she screamed
with laughter.
Suddenly,
there was a loud knock on the door. Justin sat Kelsey down and looked
at the door while Jordan put the shirt she had been folding into a basket
on the couch and opened the door. She opened the door to find Julia. "Hey…
what are you doing here? We've been wondering where you've been." She
slung the door open wider for her entrance.
Julia
started to walk in as she smiled at Jordan with that bright and wacky
smile. "WE? Who else?" Justin walked around the table and came into view.
Surprise was written all over her face, seeing that he was at Jordan's.
She had no idea that he had been there lately. "What? I get a gig and
leave for three weeks and you adopt a wife and kid?" She laughed when
she looked down to see Kelsey attached to Justin's leg, demanding him
to walk. "So I guess this is where you've been every day since I couldn't
get a hold of you. Do you not carry your cell phone anymore?"
Justin
leaned down and picked up Kelsey so she'd stop her frustrated yells for
him to walk. "Actually I've gotten all your messages. I've just had it
off most of the time because I didn't want it to wake Kelsey and well…
I didn't have a number for where you were."
Looking
between the two, Julia wasn't sure what was going on. She wasn't stupid
enough to ask yet though. She looked at Kelsey and walked up to her, stealing
her from Justin's arms. She rolled her back out of her arms, allowing
her curly hair to bounce toward the ground before rolling her back up
into her arms. She laughed with Kelsey each time, enjoying the little
runt as much as anyone else did.
Justin,
seeing that Kelsey was otherwise entertained, went to help Jordan with
the rest of her laundry. When he picked up a pair of silky pink floral
panties and held them up for Jordan to see, a sneaky grin came to his
face. Jordan turned a light shade of pink and snatched them from his grasp,
quickly shoving them into the basket of clothes. When Justin began to
fold one of Kelsey's nightgowns, his attention was disrupted. "So Daddio…
have you talked to Jordan about the Bahamas yet? I assume that since you're
spending so much time over here that you were able to talk to her about
it before I was." She turned with Kelsey in her arms, watching the two
as they looked at each other.
"Uh…
I uh actually hadn't gotten around to asking yet." He looked up at Jordan
and smiled gingerly. "I meant to ask you… we're all going down to the
Bahamas in about a week. We've been planning it for a while since it'll
be my last big vacation for quite some time. So I was just wondering…
are you looking for a vacation spot? Say in the next week?" He smiled
hopefully, wondering if she'd turn him down.
She
looked to be thinking about it and the odds didn't look that good if they
were judging by what her facial statement was. "Well… I don't know about
leaving yet because I'm still waiting on that call from George about a
possible job and uh… I don't really have the money…"
Justin
quickly interrupted her before she could say no. "You don't have to worry
about the expenses, they're already taken care of. As for that call…"
He looked down at her end table. "You do have an answering machine. So
my advice is just think about the cool ocean breeze and the warm waves
splashing up on your feet… the hot chicks in bikinis and the lotion to…"
He snapped out of it when he realized that he was talking about his own
benefits. "I mean… you know… hot guys with muscles or whatever your girly
hormones like."
"I
say her girly hormones are craving a platter of fresh cut pop star with
a side of curls." Justin and Jordan both looked at Julia, one with a look
of shock and the other with a glint of embarrassed humor. Seeing their
attention directed her way, Julia cleared her throat loudly. "What? I
didn't say a thing. Look at the guilty one." Julia pointed her finger
down at Kelsey who took it in her tiny hand and stuck it in her mouth
for a quick taste.
Justin
turned back to Jordan, but Jordan still glanced over at Julia every few
seconds. "Anyway… it wouldn't be a great trip without your skinny white
legs hanging around." Justin laughed when she hit him softly in the shoulder.
"All
right… but I want you to tell me if at any time Kelsey and I are becoming
a drag, ok?" They each nodded their heads in agreement to the plan. "All
right." Justin had seemed to have talked her into it.
(A
week later. The Bahamas. Second day of vacation)
With
the first day of vacation easily passed, everyone began to settle into
the idea that they had an entire week in this tropical paradise. The first
day, everyone was so excited about being there that they all went to the
beach first thing. They couldn't have asked for better weather on that
warm, breezy, sunny day. With fourteen people in all, they seemed like
the biggest group of lunatics anyone had ever seen. They went wild, feeling
free now that they were officially on vacation.
Now
that they were fully settled in, everyone went their separate ways. Today,
Julia and a couple of friends had decided to go shopping; and to give
Jordan a break, they took Kelsey along for the ride. Leaving Jordan with
no responsibilities, she headed for the beach for a nice relaxing day.
She knew Justin was right about the white legs; she definitely needed
some sun on those.
Walking
down to the beach, Jordan easily sighted Justin and a few others. She
walked up, still dressed in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt that were covering
her bathing suit. "Hi guys, hope you don't mind if I join you. Julia took
Kelsey for the day so I was left all alone."
Justin,
JC and Chris, as well as two females who had also come on the trip with
them turned to see Jordan lay her towel next to Justin and sit down. Justin
smiled when he realized that this day was going to be a lot more fun than
he had thought. "Of course we don't mind." Justin lay back on his towel,
repositioning his sunglasses on the bridge of his nose, making sure to
block out the UV rays. When Jordan began to slip her shorts off, his eyes
darted over to her lean body. He took pleasure in knowing that no one
could tell whether his eyes were even open, much less on Jordan. He cleared
his throat nervously when he saw her reaching to pull off her shirt. To
Justin, everything seemed to be taking place in slow motion. He was awaiting
a nice bikini that would fill his hunger, but in the end, she was wearing
a one piece. Not that the forming nature of the suit wasn't satisfying
enough, he had to question. "Where's the bikini?"
Jordan
lay down on her towel as she smiled and looked over at Justin. "You'd
like that, wouldn't you?" Justin grinned, knowing he was caught. "Well
sorry to disappoint you, but I'd rather not wear one. When I had Kelsey
I had to have a c-section that left me with a scar. It's a rather ugly
scar that I'm sure no one really cares to look at." She looked at him,
Justin unable to see her eyes that were hidden behind her sunglasses.
She started to sit up as she spoke. "Here, I'll show you." She snatched
up her t-shirt and put it back on so she would be shielded as she took
off her bathing suit underneath it. When she was done, she pulled up the
shirt and pushed down the top of her suit so that he could view the scar.
"See what I mean?"
Justin
sat up and pulled his sunglasses off so he could see it clearly. He leaned
forward to her stomach and lightly touched the scar that was below her
belly button. "Yeah, I see why." He pulled away and watched her pull her
shirt down so she could put her suit back into place. Once she lay down,
Justin did as well. He turned his head toward her, again taking his time
to study her. He knew he was thinking things that he shouldn't, but he
just couldn't help it. Jordan was a very special person to him now. He
didn't think she realized that. During the last few weeks, she took his
presence around her home as being there for Kelsey. She didn't realize
that he was there just as much, if not more for her. He loved getting
to talk to her, allowing her to become a little more special to him with
every discussion. He knew he had really helped her come out of her shell
because no longer did she flinch when he touched her. He had made sure
that he got her out of that.
"Jordan…
can I ask you a question?" She turned her head toward him and smiled.
"Sure."
Justin
started to say something but stopped. He knew what he wanted to ask her.
He wanted to find out exactly what she was thinking. He needed to know
whether she was thinking the same things he was. "Do you think uh…" At
the last minute he chickened out. He cleared his throat nervously and
covered his slip. "How come you never talk to your old friends?" He closed
his eyes when he saw her smile disappear. "It was just something I was
wondering about. You never told me why you stopped talking to them."
Looking
up at the sky, she licked her lips to get a feel of how she wanted to
explain this. "Well, when they found out about what happened at the club,
they came to the hospital and…"
"Hospital?
You didn't say anything about that before." Justin looked concerned about
her now.
Jordan
cleared her throat as she began once again. "Yeah, well I obviously was
a little beaten up from it. There was no way I was just going to lay there
and allow him to…" Her breath caught in her throat, making her rethink
how she wanted to tell this. "Let's just say that I was unconscious a
few times during it all." She finally turned her head to look at Justin;
he had his sunglasses off and seemed to be watching her intently with
his eyebrows furrowed. She hoped that he would understand that she didn't
want to talk about it. "Anyway…" She turned her gaze back toward the cloudless
sky. "They came to visit me and when the doctors told them everything,
they were scared… for me. They had never known anyone who had been through
this so they didn't know how to react. When I got out of the hospital,
I went into this… depression you could say. I knew that no one could possibly
understand what I was going through. I just didn't give them a chance
to understand. I never explained everything to them. I didn't want anyone
to know. So I ended up pushing them away. I got angry with them and said
hurtful things that I know I didn't mean. I just didn't want the pity
they were giving me."
Justin
looked at her, again astounded that something like this had happened to
someone so perfect. He cleared his throat of his emotions quickly before
speaking. "What about boyfriends?"
Knowing
that this was something she definitely needed to rehash, she explained.
"I had a boyfriend at the time and he tried to deal with what had happened,
but it was really hard on him. He tried to talk to me about it and I guess
my attitude was what made it even worse for him." She turned her head
in the opposite direction, trying to hold back her tears. "He blamed himself
for it most of the time, thinking that if he just would have went clubbing
with us that night instead of putting in overtime at work then he could
have stopped it from happening."
"Did
you tell him it wasn't his fault?" Justin still showed his concern on
his face and in his voice.
"No…
I just made him believe it even more." Justin saw a tear roll down her
cheek from under her dark shades. "I wanted to blame everyone for what
happened to me, especially after I found out that I was pregnant. I felt
like it had ruined my entire life so I thought everyone was to blame.
I wanted to push everyone away so that no one cared anymore. I thought
that if no one cared about me anymore than I would get away from their
constant questions of how I was doing or how they could help. I just wanted
to get away from their pity." Another tear escaped her hidden eyes while
she tried desperately to hold them back. "I think the final blow was when
I finally told him that I was pregnant. He knew that it couldn't be his
because we had never… and he couldn't take it. He knew how much this guy
had hurt me and he couldn't take it. He walked away that afternoon and
I never saw him again."
Justin
watched her for a few minutes while questions flew through his mind. Finally,
he had to speak up. "What do you think scared him the most?"
Jordan
looked at Justin from behind her shades and felt the tears welling up
in her eyes. "I think it was the fact that I was scared of men and he
knew that he was no exception. He was frustrated that I would never want
to be alone with him. After six months of it, he just couldn't take it
anymore I think."
"Did
you love him?" Justin didn't mean for it to slip out, but he needed to
know.
It
took a while for her to answer him. It seemed as though she needed time
to gather her courage to tell him the truth. "I did." With that, the conversation
was over. Nether party seemed to care about continuing it. Justin knew
all he needed to know and Jordan just couldn't talk about her past anymore
without turning into a wreck. They laid there for what seemed like hours,
just listening to the waves rolling in and the people running around having
fun. It was strange how all those sounds had disappeared during their
conversation. They had been oblivious to the sounds that filled the air.
Seeing
that people were actually having a relaxing time on the beach, something
had to be done to disrupt it. Chris tiptoed toward the seemingly napping
pair, being careful not to spill any of the water out of the bucket he
carried. When he was behind the pair, making sure he wasn't in their sunlight,
looming over their bodies, he brought the bucket up in the air and let
all the water splash down on their dry skin.
Justin
and Jordan both jumped up with a start, shocked by the sudden burst of
coldness. Justin searched the beach for the idiot who had soaked not only
them, but their towels as well. He knew exactly who it was when he saw
the bright blue bucket in the hand of his band-mate who was running down
the beach as fast as his legs would carry him. Justin looked back at Jordan
and a playful grin spread across his face. Jordan caught on quick to his
wicked plan. They held their evil gazes for another moment before jetting
down the beach, on a mission to tackle a certain someone.
Chris
stopped and looked behind him when he thought that he was in the clear.
He turned to see two very eager people galloping his way. His eyes widened
and he turned his direction toward the water, running into the splashing
waves. When he was well out in the water, he looked back at them. Justin
and Jordan came to a stop on the beach and brought their fists up at Chris
challengingly. "We're gonna get you, somehow, somewhere… we'll get you!"
Jordan
stood on her tiptoes, trying to appear more severe. "Yeah! We hope you
get stung by a jellyfish!" Justin looked at her after that remark and
laughed at her attempt at being scary. She looked at him and shrugged.
"What? Would you rather I say bitten by a shark and have the entire beach
go into a frenzy when they hear the word 'shark'?" Justin laughed harder
this time. He turned and put his arm around Jordan as he started their
walk back toward their towels, still clinging to the last bit of his laughter.
Then
suddenly he picked her up in his arms and ran down toward the waves, desperately
trying to hold onto her as she kicked her legs with desperation and screamed
'no'. He ignored her pleas and dropped her into the water triumphantly.
When she rose from under the water, he laughed at her angry face. His
laughter then stopped all together when she jumped up out of the water
and clung to his neck, hoping to pull him down into the water. After several
attempts, she mastered the job. She tripped him and dunked his head under
the shoulder high water. When she began to laugh, she slid under the water,
Justin having grabbed her foot and pulled. Rising out of the water, they
laughed vigorously as they walked up to shore. When they were safely on
the beach, she jumped up and put her arm around his neck before falling
down. "I could just KILL YOU for doing that."
When
they reached their towels they started to pick them up, both of them in
agreement that they had had enough of the beach. Justin turned to JC and
saw that he was otherwise detained so he just yelled something as he walked
away. "We're heading back… we'll see you guys later."
Back
at the condo, Jordan was standing in the living room, fresh from her shower,
putting on lotion. Justin walked through and came up behind Jordan when
he saw her trying to put it on her back. When his hand came around to
grab the bottle of lotion, she jumped and turned around to face him. She
closed her eyes, not believing she was so jumpy. Justin laughed at her,
knowing that it was probably the hundredth time he had ever scared her.
"I just saw you trying to reach so I wanted to help."
Jordan
turned around, allowing him to help her. "I thought you were in the shower
is all." She looked down at her state of undress and wished she had just
stayed in her bedroom. She had dressed for the most part, wearing shorts,
but she still hadn't put on her shirt because she was putting on the lotion.
All she stood in was her sports bra now. Knowing that, she felt rather
nervous. Then, she looked down and noticed what Justin was wearing as
he stood behind her. It appeared to be just a towel. "Please tell me that
you have something on under that."
Noticing
her nervous tone, Justin had to laugh. "Does it really matter?" Jordan's
eyes widened at that and he could tell that he had gotten some kind of
reaction out of that because he felt all her muscles in her back tense
up. "Relax. I have it tightly wrapped. It won't fall." That reassurance
didn't seem to help much. Seeing that he was only in a towel almost drove
her insane. She was thankful when he finished and walked to the bathroom,
not once looking back at her reddened cheeks.
Fifteen
minutes later she was back in her room searching frantically for her brush.
When she realized that she left it in the bathroom she approached the
bathroom door. "Hey Justin… are you done yet?" She waited for a moment
until she heard his reply of yes before opening the door. As she opened
the door, she quickly covered her eyes and bowed her head downward. Justin
stood before her, frantically trying to cover his lower region with his
towel. "I thought you said you were DONE!" Jordan could not believe the
situation she was in now. She thought the one earlier had been rough,
but it was nothing compared to this one.
Justin
grabbed at his towel, trying desperately not to drop it. "Yes, I said
I was done. I didn't know that you meant DECENT." He began to wrap the
towel around him until he looked up and saw that her finger was moving
slightly down so that it didn't cover her line of vision. "Stop peeking!"
He smiled when he saw her face turn red at being caught.
She
quickly covered her vision again. "I was NOT peeking. Besides… you're
covered anyway so what does it matter?"
A sly
grin grew on Justin's lips as his fingers tied the towel around him and
he watched her. "How did you know I was covered if you weren't peeking?"
Her hand slowly lowered from where it had been covering her eyes. She
smiled, slightly embarrassed, and tried to look anywhere than at his smiling
face. "Well, what did you need?" His hands were propped on his hip as
he watched her.
Her
eyes locked on his when he asked that. During the fiasco she had completely
forgotten why she had been in there so she jumped right to the point now.
"I left my brush in here somewhere." Her eyes scanned the counter and
then below it. When she heard a whistle, she looked up at Justin who had
it in his hand. She stood up straight and reached for the brush but he
lifted his arm until he was holding it high, out of her reach. A sneaky
grin tugged at his lips when he saw a determined look in her eyes. She
jumped up for the brush, ending up grabbing his wrist and sliding down
the front of Justin until her feet hit the floor. She looked down, quickly
shooting her head upward when all she was faced with down there was his
finely chiseled torso and a towel that was keeping his private area hidden.
She looked up at his eyes and allowed her eyes to run down to his lips.
She closed her eyes and breathed in the true essence of Justin Timberlake.
She could smell the combination of soap and aftershave, almost melting
down into a puddle from the pleasure of the smell. It was intoxicating
to her senses.
She
opened her eyes and found him looking down at her in the same way that
she had been looking at him. Suddenly she shattered the moment and jumped
right back into reality. She took a step backwards and ran her hand through
her wet, stringy hair. She looked up at his face once more before turning
around and walking to a much safer section of the house, leaving her brush
in his hand.
Justin
sighed heavily when she disappeared around the corner. He looked at the
brush he still held and understood exactly what had happened. He wanted
more than anything at that moment to kiss her. He could tell that the
feeling was mutual but he couldn't push her. He wouldn't allow himself
to push her into something she wasn't ready for. As hard as it was to
believe, he knew he had to wait on her readiness. Until then, he could
wait.
Quickly
dressing in his clothes he had laid out, he took deep breaths to make
himself calm. When he was fully dressed, he walked around the corner,
across the living room and into the next bathroom. He stopped at the door
when he saw her splashing water on her face at the sink. He walked in
the bathroom when she stopped the water and started drying her face on
the towel in her hands. When she looked up in the mirror, she saw someone
standing behind her. She turned suddenly and cowered to the floor, holding
her face in her hands as she whimpered no.
With
his eyes widening at the shock of such a response, he squatted down to
the floor and watched Jordan in her fit of panic. "Jordan… what's wrong?
Tell me sweetie… it's just Justin. I'm right here. You know I won't hurt
you." Jordan opened her eyes at the sound of Justin's sweet and gentle
voice, fear taking over her entire body. She looked at him for a brief
moment before lunging into his arms, wrapping her arms tightly around
his neck. She burrowed her head deeply into his neck and sobbed uncontrollably.
Justin could feel her tears as they dropped onto his neck. Scared out
of his mind, Justin held her there, providing her with the comfort she
needed.
After
several minutes passed, Jordan's hysteria had ceased and she now clung
to Justin. Very gently he tried to pull her arms away. "Jordan… come on
now… what happened? You have to tell me what happened. I'm not understanding
this at all." After a difficult time with pulling her arms away, she finally
released her hold on him and leaned her back against the cabinets. She
sat up slightly, still slumping down on the floor. She looked at her hands
as Justin held them. She looked up at Justin and wanted to start bawling
all over again. "Are you all right Jordan? Talk to me here."
Once
she was finished looking between their hands and Justin's face, she settled
her gaze on their hands. "I uh…" She tried to figure out how she should
explain how she acted. She finally understood what she had to do. "The
night at the club was a pretty great night as it started out." Her voice
was shaky as she tried to tell her story. "I was having a great time dancing,
gathering a few guys' attention. I liked getting the attention. I didn't
dance for that purpose, but it was a big plus. I just plain loved to dance.
After spending a stressful week at work, having to deal with snobby models
and bossy old women, I liked to take out my frustrations through dancing.
Every Friday night we'd all hit one of the clubs and stay till the crack
of dawn. It was great. That's how I spent my weekends."
She
chanced a quick look at Justin before looking down and continuing. "That
night I was out on the dance floor with my friends when I saw this guy
dancing really crazy. I started laughing at him and it just became the
thing that night, to hang out with this guy. He was great. After a while
I told one of my friends that I was going to go run to the bathroom. She
kept right on laughing and waved me on. They were all too distracted to
really care I guess." Jordan looked around the room once and then returned
her gaze upon both of their hands. "When I entered the bathroom, it was
empty, I was sure of that. After going in the stall, I came out and washed
my hands in the sink. I never did hear anyone in there." She stopped for
a moment while she watched her hands. She looked up when Justin began
to rub his thumb across the back of her hand. A tear rolled down her cheek,
making her stare return downwards.
"Once
I finished washing my hands I looked in the mirror and saw this guy standing
behind me." She stopped once more; the story was obviously getting hard
to tell. And Justin knew then exactly what had caused her panic when she
saw him in the mirror. It had been just like that night. He was angry
with himself for scaring her in that way. "And uh… he smiled at me then.
I was too scared to ask him anything for a minute but I finally asked
what he was doing in the ladies room. I'm still upset with myself, even
to this day, that I didn't run out of there at that moment. He didn't
appear to be someone dangerous… I mean he was good looking. He looked
like a college frat student. But after I asked him why he was in there
he just said he was looking for me. Then he uh… he pushed me up against
the wall and started to uh… he started to feel me and kiss me and I… I
tried to push him away."
Justin
moved one of his hands up her arm, trying to keep her from getting upset.
"I ended up slapping him while I asked what he was doing and screamed
for him to stop. That just seemed to make him mad because then he back
handed me and I landed on the floor." She closed her eyes tightly when
she could see exactly how it had been. She remembered exactly how that
bathroom smelled, the nasty wetness of how it felt and how scared she
felt. "He then uh… he rolled me over on my back and I looked at him, begging
him to stop. He only smiled at my words though. It was like he enjoyed
it more when I refused him." Justin looked away, not sure whether he wanted
to hear all these gory details of how someone had hurt her. He wanted
so badly to protect her but he couldn't protect her from her memories,
as much as he wanted to, he couldn't. "He started to unzip my pants and
I tried everything to get away from him. When I pushed on his face his
hands came up and squeezed my hands, almost to the point of breaking them.
When he let them go he pulled out a knife and I uh… that was almost my
breaking point. I saw it and screamed as loud as I could. I just knew
he was going to kill me."
Justin
made her look at him, begging her with his eyes for her to stop, showing
her that he really didn't want her to keep going. He knew how much this
man had hurt her and he couldn't stand to listen to those details. But
this was exactly what Jordan needed. She needed him to hear everything;
she needed to get past everything that had happened. "He saw that the
knife scared me and that made him laugh. I was shaking so badly that the
knife scraped me as he yanked it up my stomach, cutting my shirt in half.
When I cried he only leaned forward and licked my tears." Justin winced
as though he were in great pain. He looked down as he shook his head,
not wanting his tears to be seen. "He uh… he climbed on top of me then,
spreading my legs and so I tried to kick him in his groin as I screamed,
but he hit me. And this time it knocked me unconscious." Jordan looked
up at Justin when she felt a tear land on her hand. She saw how torn up
he was but she needed him to hear this. "When I woke up he was shaking
me, trying to wake me up. He didn't want me to be unconscious. He smiled
when I was awake and continued. He started to unzip his own pants and
then I lost it. I started beating at him. I don't even think that was
me at that point. When he saw he couldn't control me, he hit me and kept
hitting me. The last thing I remember seeing before passing out was the
knife he had used. I saw it lying over by the sink. It was all bloody
and I remember how much that had scared me. I knew if I wasn't dead already,
I was going to be."
Jordan
closed her eyes as she thought for a moment. It was scary that after three
years she could still remember all the details. All she wanted to do was
forget and she couldn't. "When I woke up again…" Jordan's eyes closed
tightly as she squeezed Justin's hand for support. His hand seemed to
have come back to life when she did that. His hands began to rub hers
soothingly as she fought back the tears. "When I woke up I saw him at
the sink washing himself. I touched my face and looked at my hands. I
had blood all over my hands." A few tears managed to escape her watery
eyes. "I then looked down at myself and…" Jordan pulled her hands to her
face as she cried, remembering what a mess she had looked like. "My… my
pants were lying at my feet and so were my… my panties." She breathed
in heavily. "My legs were red and I could see his handprint still on my
thighs." She felt Justin move around uneasily and she looked toward him,
taking in how disturbed he was. "My shirt it was… it was cut in half and
my bra it was unsnapped." She closed her eyes, seeing again the state
of her skin. "I had several cuts along my stomach that were bleeding pretty
badly." Jordan looked up at Justin who was frightened by the sudden eye
contact. "The worst part… I had his sweat and wetness all… all over me.
I wreaked of the man who had done this to me."
Jordan
was quiet for a couple moments, knowing that Justin needed time to let
things sink in before she began again. "The last thing I remember before
passing out again was having him kneel down and stink his face right in
front of mine and say thanks, that I was good. That… that just made my
shaking more severe, to hear that what I had dreaded had actually happened.
I was trembling so much that I remember hearing my teeth chatter. That
and hearing him unlock the door and walk out of the bathroom were the
last noises I heard before waking up in the emergency room that morning."
Feeling
raw and without emotion, Jordan leaned her head back against the cabinet
while she looked over at the shower stall. The tears that had once been
in her eyes had disappeared, leaving her face expressionless. Then she
felt Justin's fingers trailing up her arms until he pulled her away from
the cabinet. He pulled her body towards him in an embrace that was healing
for the both of them. Jordan closed her eyes tightly as she felt Justin's
body quake against her. She pulled back to see Justin's face, filled with
tears that had been shed for her pain. She gently wiped them away and
watched him as he shook his head at her. "Jordan… I'd never hurt you.
I want you to know that I'll never hurt you."
Nodding
her head up and down, Jordan knew better than anyone that Justin would
be the last person on earth to ever hurt her emotionally or physically.
"I know you won't Justin. I know."
(The
next day)
The
next day, Justin couldn't bring himself to enjoy the day because of the
many thoughts that were plaguing him. Jordan, Kelsey and Julia had left
early, leaving Justin all alone. Looking out at the well-crowded beach,
Justin made his way through the sliding glass door. He sat down at the
patio table, trying to relax and rest his mind as he watched the beautiful
sight before him. Leaning back in the chair, Justin went to prop his feet
up on the other chair when they landed on something hard. He put his feet
back down on the ground and looked at what was in the seat. A notebook
with no name lay there just tempting Justin to see what it held.
Realizing
that he ought to find out whose it was, he opened it and looked at the
back cover. In plain writing was Jordan's name neatly written. He went
to close it, but an indescribable urge of curiosity to find out what was
written in it made him skim the page for a sign of what it might be for.
Noticing the poetic nature of her words, he slowed down. He leaned back
in his chair, propping his feet where the notebook had been. He turned
a few pages and read the poetry more fully this time.
Breathing
I'm
finding my way back to sanity again
Though I don't really know what I'm gonna do when I get there I take a breath and hold on tight Spin around one more time And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace Cause
I am hanging on every word you're saying
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight That's all right, all right with me Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door And listen to you breathing It's where I wanna be I'm
looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth
And I'm trying to identify the voices in my head God wish won't you let me feel one more time what it feels like to feel And break these calluses off me one more time Cause
I am hanging on every word you're saying
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight That's all right, all right with me Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door And listen to you breathing It's where I wanna be Oh
I don't want a thing from you
Bet you're tired of me waiting for The scraps to fall off of your table to the ground Cause I just wanna be here now Cause
I am hanging on every word you're saying
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight That's all right, all right with me Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door And listen to you breathing It's where I wanna be Justin
finished the poem, thinking that it sounded a little strange to be a poem.
He skimmed over the words one more time and realized that a certain group
of words were repeated a few times. He turned the page and saw that there
was more on the back. Sanity is where I am now, but a few months ago
I was lost outside it. I was trying desperately to find my way back to
it and this is how I saw the way I felt then. Justin read the first
couple lines and realized that Jordan was explaining what her poem meant.
He was very thankful at this point for her explanation because he had
no idea what she meant by all of it. He read on quickly, deeply interested
in what she had meant by those words. In the chorus, I was referring
to my daughter, Kelsey. After she was born I realized that nothing in
life was perfect, but that my daughter was a special gift sent to me for
a reason. I know that I never would have gotten through that situation
without being pregnant. If I had just been raped and left all alone to
face life, I wouldn't have made it. Right after the rape I went into a
depression that I seemed to have sunken lower and lower into. I didn't
want to come out of it for anyone. Everyone that I had held close to my
heart, I pushed away. I no longer wanted them anywhere near my heart or
thoughts. They represented everything about the future that I couldn't
have. I felt like they looked towards me with a sense of pity, not care.
They pitied me for what had happened, but they didn't care enough to fight
me and tell me that I needed them. Many times I felt like ending everything,
just jumping off the tallest bridge I could find. I wanted all the pain
to go away. I didn't want to live this new life I had been violently shoved
into. Then everything changed because I found out that I was pregnant.
Though I hated this child more than anything because I knew it was the
child of the man who had changed my life, I grew a sense of longing for
it. I needed someone in my life. I needed someone to comfort me, to let
me know that they loved me. I needed someone who didn't know what had
happened to me. I didn't need the pity. So I grew attached to the growing
baby inside of me. Though I told myself over and over how much I loathed
this tiny thing for what it represented, I still loved it. I no longer
wanted to end my life. I merely wanted to keep living so that I would
have this child to be mine. This child that would know what I had been
through because she was the direct result of it; it would understand,
like no one else could. About a month after she was born I wrote this.
I found myself coming out of a shell that I had been hidden in, that I
felt shielded me from the rest of the world. I found myself wanting to
be human again. And when I say "even if you don't wanna speak tonight…
that's all right, all right with me", I know that it's ok that I have
someone that can't talk to me yet. My baby is only a month old and all
she does is eat and sleep. But that's all right with me because I have
someone who needs me. I have someone who wouldn't exist if it weren't
for me. And just holding her, listening to her breath is like being outside
of heaven's door to me. All I want is to be with her. The shadows and
voices that I hear in my head represent the awful thoughts and dreams
I have of that night that everything was taken away from me, but in another
sense, everything was given to me as well. For the longest time I felt
like I could no longer feel. I felt that I could no longer care about
a thing in my life. To me, I wasn't living… I just existed on this earth.
I didn't want to live or feel. I just wanted to stay in my little world
of numbness. But Kelsey changed all of that. I don't want a thing from
her. I just want to be with her. I just want to have her with me. That's
enough for me. The feelings that she creates by just being here with me
are enough for me. I can finally breathe again. I'm finally living and
breathing again because of her. That's why I'm happy just to listen to
her breathing because this is where I wanna be. Looking away from
the notebook, Justin watched his friends as they played volleyball down
on the beach. He knew that through that one poem he had grown to understand
Jordan more than ever. He flipped back a few pages to an earlier poem
and began reading again. Reading those pages was addicting to him. And
getting to know Jordan better was too much to pass by.
Somewhere
In Between
I
can't meet
Losing sleep over this No I can't And now I cannot stop pacing Give me a few hours I'll have this all sorted out If my mind would just stop racing Cause
I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy This cannot be happening This is over my head But underneath my feet Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat And everything will be back to the way that it was I wish that it was just that easy Cause
I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomorrow I'm somewhere in between What is real? Just a dream What is real? Just a dream What is real? Just a dream Would
you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Don't be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again I don't want to run away from this I know that I just don't need this Cause
I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy This cannot be happening Cause
I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomorrow And I'm somewhere in between What is real? Just a dream What is real? Just a dream What is real? Just a dream Reading
this poem, Justin had a pretty good idea what she meant by it. Seeing
that it too had a written explanation, he proceeded to read.
Since
my rape I've had sleeping problems, but I guess that would be normal.
I figured that I needed to get my words out on paper about how it makes
me feel. I have horrible dreams about that night that I can't seem to
shake. It wakes me up several times each night, each time leaving me frightened
to the point of no sleep anyhow. I try to work things out in my head,
to ease my worries and fears. I try to rationalize why this happened to
me. I think that if I just get things figured out then I'll go to sleep
peaceful.
But
that's not how things work out. Each time I end up worrying myself so
much or thinking so much that it's exhausting. I end up falling asleep
before I get anywhere near a good answer to the question why. I know,
each time that I go to figure it out, that I'm way over my head. I know
that there are just some things in life we're not meant to understand.
I wonder why I was cursed with this man's child, why it was me that he
had wanted in the first place. I never figure out the answer before falling
asleep.
When
I wake up I seem to have the answers. My answer isn't worthwhile and it
definitely isn't something that I should think, but it's an answer nonetheless.
My answer is that I deserved it somehow. Somewhere in the middle of all
this I did something so wrong to make me deserve this. But this answer
only sprouts new questions I'll never have the answers to. Each question
starts with 'why'. Why do I deserve this? Why do I even bother going on
with my life?
I'm
not a person who normally relies on others so that's why I don't when
I really should. I don't need anyone to catch me when I fall. I can get
back up on my own. I don't have anyone to pick me up when I fall anyhow.
I made sure that no one is there for me now. I know things are easier
this way. I don't have to worry who I can count on and who I can't. I'll
survive through this mess, I know. I don't need any of it, but I'll survive
it. I don't know what's real and what's a dream anymore. I seem to be
living my greatest fears and nightmares. The dream world entered the real
world a long time ago. That's why I've stopped trying to distinguish between
what's only a dream and what's really real.
Wiping
a tear that had escaped his eye, he looked out at the beach again. For
the life of him he didn't understand how something this ghastly could
happen to Jordan. He knew she didn't deserve this. He knew that she should
never have been placed in a situation that was so much like a nightmare
that she was forever confused about what was a dream and what was reality.
He knew no one deserved to live in fear like that. Of course that had
only been an earlier poem because Kelsey hadn't even been born yet. He
knew that her thought pattern had changed quite a bit since then. She
could answer more of those questions that plagued her. He only hoped that
she now understood that she didn't deserve any of it. He couldn't explain
to her why it had happened, but he knew that we all go through trials
because that's what makes you stronger. In the end, this nightmare for
Jordan would only aid in making her stronger.
Flipping
through all the painful pages, he landed on the last page. He hadn't wanted
to read anything that would cause him to see more into her hurt. He knew
all he needed to know about that. Reading this one's title, he hoped that
it would show more of her progress.
All
You Wanted
I
wanted to be like you
I wanted everything So I tried to be like you And I got swept away I
didn't know that it was so cold
And you needed someone To show you the way So I took your hand and we figured out That when the tide comes I'd take you away If
you want to
I can save you I can take you away from here So lonely inside So busy out there And all you wanted Was somebody who cares I'm
sinking slowly
So hurry hold me Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on Please
can you tell me
So I can finally see Where you go when you're gone If
you want to
I can save you I can take you away from here So lonely inside So busy out there And all you wanted Was somebody who cares All
you wanted was somebody who cares
If you need me you know I'll be there If
you want to
I can save you I can take you away from here So lonely inside So busy out there And all you wanted Was somebody who cares Please
can you tell me
So I can finally see Where you go when you're gone Scanning
the page again, Justin didn't really understand what she meant by this
one. Who was she talking to? Who needed to be saved? Justin scanned the
first paragraph of her explanation and found his name. He was shocked
but also a little flattered. Could he be the person she was talking about?
He then looked at the date and realized she had just written it the night
before. He kept reading, curious as to why he needed to be saved.
This
poem is even confusing to me. I don't understand all the feelings that
are behind it, but I know what it means. Several weeks ago I found a new
friend. Actually, I shouldn't take the credit… God sent me this new friend
that has been more than I ever expected to be blessed with. Justin is
the type of person that everyone wants to be like. He's blessed with friends
that would give anything and everything for him. He has a loving family
that supports him in all his endeavors. He has the looks, the talent and
everything else someone could want.
But
like everyone else, he has his problems as well. He isn't perfect, but
he's as close to perfect I've ever seen in a person. Before we were very
close, he shared something very personal with me. It was the second time
I had ever seen him and he opened up his heart to me. He told me about
his rough relationship with his girlfriend and shared with me everything
that had been said the night of their breakup. I felt his pain, but I
also was very thankful for his kindness and trust he showed me by entrusting
me with his life. He stumbled right over the normal beginnings of a friendship
and made the ultimate sacrifice of his personal life. He shared with me
what I had to share with him. And I did that. I opened up to him, the
first person that I had opened up to since what happened at the club.
So
I guess this friend of mine and me have more in common than I'd like to
think. Both of us have a strong desire to have someone to care about us.
We want someone who will be there for us… who will show us their deepest
secrets… who will admit they're lonely and need someone… who will show
us the way… who would take our hand and help us get away from it all.
The thing is, we became that person for each other. We were there for
each other when we needed someone to talk to about things. We showed each
other our deepest and darkest secrets. We even admitted to the fact that
we're lonely and need someone. We showed each other the way to go. We
took each other's hand and figured out a way to get away from it all.
We saved each other from things we didn't even know we needed to be saved
from.
Yes,
I wanted to be like him. He has everything that I've either been deprived
of my entire life or for the past three years while I staggered along
trying to figure out things all alone. So I tried to be like him. I tried
to let myself be open and caring and allow others to help. What I didn't
know was that it was him that I needed. When I thought I was sinking further
and further back into the despair that I use to wallow in, he held me…
he took my hand and helped me out of it and that was the only thing that
kept me from falling.
He's
more special to me than anyone has ever been in my life. So where he goes
when he's gone doesn't matter because I have him right here with me… in
my heart and on my mind.
Feeling
that he understood everything was the most liberating feeling he'd ever
experienced. Things were falling into place and he couldn't feel more
special if he tried. He felt a flutter in his heart as he scanned back
over the unique way she wrote her poem. He knew then that she was right.
He had needed to be saved and she was the perfect person to throw him
the rope that would help him out of his desolation.
(A
couple days later)
Two
days had passed since Justin had snuck a peek at Jordan's notebook. For
two days her words had been running through his mind, making him feel
as though he was going to burst with all kinds of emotions. He had also
been debating in his mind whether he should tell her that he had read
her poems. He knew that if he told her she'd probably be angry and never
let him read them again. On the other hand, he was just buying his time,
waiting to see if she left it out again. Reading her words was addicting
to him; he had this deep hunger inside for her writing and he needed to
hear more, he needed to be fed.
Taking
a break from his thoughts that night, he walked on tiptoes to the kitchen,
hungry for a little something. As he passed through the living room, he
saw someone sitting out on the patio. He changed his path and walked closer
to the sliding glass door to see who it was. When he got up close enough,
he saw her dirty blond hair being lit by the moonlight, her small frame
relaxing in the patio chair and knew it was Jordan. Forgetting all about
his late night hunger craze, he opened the sliding door, being careful
not to let it squeak and wake the sleeping inhabitants. He walked out
on the patio rather loudly as not to frighten Jordan once again. She turned
slightly and looked at Justin. She smiled softly and watched him as he
sat down in the chair beside her. "What are you doing up? It has to be
around three in the morning."
Smiling
at the picture before him once more, he answered her. "I woke up a while
ago and got the munchies. I was on my way to the kitchen when I saw you
out here." He looked down at her hands and saw the exact notebook he had
been reading a couple days before. "What are you doing up?"
Resituating
her legs underneath her, she looked down at her notebook and what she
had just been writing. She felt a little nervous about anyone knowing
about her late night writing. "I couldn't sleep so I came out here and
decided to write a little."
Justin
nodded toward the notebook in her hands and continued to ask, as if he
didn't already know. "So what's that? A journal?"
"Uh…
you could say that." She looked down at her last words that were written
and closed the notebook quickly. "It's actually just some poems that I
wrote. I've been thinking about maybe writing some music to it sometime.
I'm not really gifted in music but it's worth a shot, right?"
"Do
you think I could read one of them?" Jordan's head shot up so quickly
to look at him that he was afraid he wouldn't be able to continue. "You
know… I could always help you with the notes. I write some of our songs."
Justin looked at her, hoping that she wouldn't refuse to let him read
it.
Jordan
watched him for another moment before flipping through the pages, trying
to find a poem that she would allow him to read. Most of them were really
personal. Then again, she was thinking about putting music to the writing
so that people would possibly hear her words and gain inspiration from
them. Why not just let Justin read them? "Yeah, just a minute. Let me
find one for you." She kept flipping and knew most of them she couldn't
let him read because he was a person who really understood her and knew
what she had been through. He could possibly see right through the words
to her true meaning. Under much pressure and nervousness, Jordan handed
him her notebook when she had reached a certain page.
Looking
between the notebook and Jordan, Justin wasn't quite sure if he wanted
to read it. He looked down at the paper and started.
This
doubt is screaming in my face
In this familiar place, Sheltered and concealed And if this night won't let me rest Don't let me second guess What I know to be real put away All I know for tonight and maybe I just might learn Justin
looked back up at Jordan, seeing her bite on her fingers through her nervousness,
he just couldn't continue to read it. He wanted her to be happy to share
her thoughts with him, not frightened. He smiled at her, closed the notebook
and put it on the table. Before she had time to question what he was doing
he held out his hand to her and spoke. "Come on… let's take a walk." Jordan
looked more confused than ever but took his hand and gave her notebook
one last look before being lead onto the beach.
After
a few moments had passed, Justin looked down and studied Jordan more closely.
She didn't seem confused or nervous anymore. She had a pleasant look upon
her face, like she was really enjoying just being there with him. When
she looked away from the water and looked up at him, he smiled and looked
away. He ran his hand through his hair as he thought about the perfect
conversation for such a walk. When it came to him, he looked back down
at Jordan. "What do you think you see in the future Jordan?"
A puzzled
look came over her features as she thought about the best way to answer
that question. "Uh… I guess you're meaning like in the next few years?"
She looked to Justin who nodded his head at the question. "Well… I can
see me being happy with a good paying job, fixing some old woman's hair
while she rambles on and on about how her dead husband use to drive her
insane." She smiled when another thought came to her. "And I see Kelsey
running off to school in pigtails with that bright smile of hers… all
the teachers loving her intelligence and beauty." Jordan continued to
smile to herself once she had stopped talking.
Since
she seemed to be finished, Justin spoke up. "What about a man in both
of your lives? A father for Kelsey and you a…"
"I
don't see that." Justin stared down at Jordan after her interruption.
She seemed almost bitter about the subject of actually having a man in
their life.
Justin
looked back up the beach as he thought of what she had said. Neither of
them said a thing for quite a while. The longer Justin kept quiet, the
more insulted he became by her comment. When they could see their condo,
where their walk had started out, only yards away, Justin knew he had
to say something. He stopped walking and looked at the sand his feet were
sinking in. After collecting his thoughts, he looked back up at Jordan
who was watching him carefully. "What about me Jordan?"
A look
of surprise lit her features, confusing her once again. "Justin…"
"What?"
He searched her eyes for something, what it was, he didn't know. "What?
You can't honestly stand here and say that I don't care about you… about
both of you. You know that I want to be with you. Somewhere deep inside
of you… you can see that and you believe it. It's not just Kelsey. I know
you try to rationalize things. You make yourself believe that I just come
over to be with Kelsey… that she's the one that I want to see. But you're
only half right. Being around you is like being home. Every time that
I'm with both of you I feel like that's where I'm supposed to be. And
believe me… I've been around the world and I have never felt this at home…
anywhere. You're the one I'm supposed to be with Jordan. I want to be
with you more than I've ever wanted anything." Justin continued to watch
Jordan seriously, praying that she wouldn't crush him.
When
a few moments passed, she looked up from the sand at her feet and began
walking toward the condo. Justin watched her for a moment, his heart slowly
dispersing the built up vigor he felt in letting her see what he truly
felt in his heart, and began the trek back toward the house. When they
reached the sliding door, Justin stood in front, about to open it. With
his hand on the handle, he spoke his final words. "I just want you to
know that I'm not trying to rush you into anything that you're not ready
for. I'm just getting a little impa…" He turned around to see Jordan holding
her notebook out to him. "What are you doing?"
Jordan
looked down at the notebook before looking back up at Justin with confidence.
"I want you to take this tonight and understand how I feel. This will
probably explain me better than I can myself." Justin took it and looked
down at it as Jordan gazed up at him one more time, then stepped around
him to go inside.
Turning
to watch her leave, Justin didn't know exactly what he felt or what he
was thinking. After she had disappeared into the dark shadows of the house,
he turned and sat down in the chair he had first found her sitting in.
He flipped open the notebook and turned slowly to the last few pages.
He turned past the last poem he had read a couple days ago and saw something
new. He looked at the title and began to read.
You
Set Me Free
Can't
you see?
There's a feeling that's come over me Close my eyes You're the only one that leaves me completely breathless No
need to wonder why
Sometimes a gift like this you can't deny 'Cause
I wanted to fly,
So you gave me your wings And time held its breath so I could see And you set me free There's
a will
There's a way Sometimes words just can't explain This is real I'm afraid I guess this time there's just no hiding, fighting You make me restless You're
in my heart
The only light that shines There in the dark 'Cause
I wanted to fly,
So you gave me your wings And time held its breath so I could see And you set me free When
I was alone
You came around When I was down You pulled me through And there's nothing that I wouldn't do for you 'Cause
I wanted to fly,
So you gave me your wings And time held its breath so I could see And you set me free Justin
turned the page over quickly; ready to hear what she had meant by all
this. His heart beat rapidly in his chest, making him feel rather light-headed
about everything he had read.
Not
everyone can say that they know a real and true living angel… but I do.
This angel has been wonderful to me and given me everything that I could
ever ask for in a friend. He's saved me. I feel myself falling deeply
and completely for an angel. And I can't help but think about how I'll
never be able to be with him because I'm normal, a rather troubled person
like myself would never be able to be with such a loving and kind person.
Normal people just aren't good enough for angels.
I thank
God every day for sending me this angel to save me. He's been a gift that
I can't deny. Every time he enters a room, my eyes are on him, just like
everyone else's. I'm not the only one who has noticed his ability… everyone
seems to have caught on to such a strong vibe. But it's me that he comes
to. It's me that he spends time with. That makes me feel like I'm the
most special person on this earth. It also makes me feel like I'm stealing
something so perfect from someone who is truly deserving. It feels like
I'm doing something wrong. I don't feel worthy of such a gift. Yet I can't
deny the way he's helped me because this angel knew that I needed saving.
He knew that I needed to fly so he gave me his wings. He gave me part
of himself to set me free.
He's
the only light that shines in my heart. He has awakened my heart to distances
I never thought I'd be able to feel again. I know this is real because
I never have dreams that are this perfect. My dreams are horrible… they're
life shattering, they aren't hopeful. I'm afraid of something so real.
I know I shouldn't be afraid. I've lived in fear for three years. I think
I deserve a little hope, but this is way too much. He's too perfect to
be with someone like me. This much I know is true. An angel was sent to
save me… and now I need to set him free.
Justin
shook his head as he read the short explanation over again. She was wrong.
She was the angel that was sent to him. He truly felt that in his heart.
And it was so heart wrenching to know that she didn't think herself deserving
for a person like him. In truth, he didn't think that he deserved her.
Flipping
the page, he saw that there was one final poem that she had been writing
that night. Reading the title, Justin's gut seemed to jump to his throat
as though he were riding a roller coaster. He tried desperately to swallow
it down. His breathing became labored as he felt his heart go into hysterics
over what she could possibly be saying in this poem. Calming himself down,
he read.
I'd
Rather Be In Love
I
cannot help it I couldn't stop it if I tried
The same old heartbeat fills the emptiness I have inside And I've heard that you can't fight love, so I won't complain 'Cause why would I stop the fire that keeps me going on? 'Cause
when there's you, I feel whole
And there's no better feeling in the world But without you I'm alone And I'd rather be in love with you Turn
out the lights now
To see is to believe I just want you near me I just want you here with me And I'd give up everything only for you It's the least that I could do 'Cause
when there's you, I feel whole
And there's no better feeling in the world But without you I'm alone And I'd rather be in love with you And
I feel you holding me
And
when there's you, I feel whole
And there's no better feeling in the world But without you I'm alone And
I'd rather be in love
Yes, I'd rather be in love I'd rather be in love with you Without
a doubt, Justin knew he had to be with Jordan, this poem was too much.
He knew and understood everything that she was feeling because he was
feeling it too. He wanted to be with her, to be in love with her. He didn't
care what happened, he just wanted to be with her. He knew that if they
were together, nothing bad could ever happen. They would have each other
and nothing else would matter.
He
turned the page over, his heart taking flight in his chest. He looked
at the blank page and knew that he had interrupted her writing too soon.
There wasn't a thing written explaining what she was feeling during that
poem. But Justin knew without reading any explanation. She'd rather be
in love with him. That's all he needed to know.
He
sat out on the patio, just thinking for what seemed like hours. After
an hour had passed, his eyes began to flutter as he tried to keep them
open. His thoughts ran wild, keeping his mind off the fact that he was
falling asleep. Finally, his eyelids rested and he sat there, sleeping
soundly. He sat there for hours, with his arms resting on the table and
his head resting on his arms.
That's
exactly how JC and Kelsey found him that morning. JC held Kelsey as they
walked through the living room, on their way to the kitchen to get some
breakfast. "Look! Look!" Kelsey began pointing out the sliding glass door
toward Justin. JC furrowed his eyebrows together and walked over to the
glass door. He opened it when Kelsey tried to do so by leaning back out
of his arms. He walked out on the patio, looking at Justin. Kelsey began
to slap her tiny hands together as though she were playing patty cake.
"Dada! Dada!" She screamed loudly, not caring that it woke Justin. That
was actually her plan. When she saw his eyes open she leaned forward,
trying to reach Justin. She put her hands on his arms and brought her
face close to his. She then whispered softly. "Dada."
JC
sat Kelsey on Justin's lap when he sat up suddenly. "Is there something
I should know Justin?" He laughed at the disgruntled Justin as he tried
to wake up. JC watched Kelsey as she started patting Justin's cheeks and
squeezing them tightly together, making him have fish lips. She began
giggling uncontrollably when Justin leaned forward, coming out of his
zombie phase, and kissed her quickly. Justin then stood her up on the
ground as he stood to stretch. She looked up at him and started screaming
dada once more, wanting to be held.
Taking
that particular moment to come out on the patio, Jordan looked down at
Kelsey. She was surprised when she saw that she was screaming dada at
Justin. She looked up at Justin and met his serious stare head on. Justin
pulled his eyes away from hers and looked down at Kelsey. "Come here you
little squirt." He threw her up in the air and caught her as she came
back down. When she called him dada once more, he corrected her. "Not
dada… Justin. Can you say J-U-S-T-I-N?" He glanced down at Jordan as he
walked past her and inside. JC gave them both a strange look before following
in after Justin. Jordan stood there, knowing what that serious look had
meant. They both understood that Kelsey was deeply attached to Justin
and the dada thing only proved it more fully. Jordan couldn't keep wavering
her decision; she couldn't play with her child's mind like that. Kelsey
needed to know how Justin stood in her life. That could only be figured
out by determining how Justin fit into Jordan's life.
(Later
that day)
Coming
out of her room after a long nap, Jordan found Justin sitting on the sofa
in the living room, looking out toward the crowded beach. She yawned loudly
and stretched her tired muscles while she staggered around the couch.
Bringing her hands down, she eyed Justin. "Where is everyone?"
Finally
breaking away from the beautiful setting before him, Justin looked up
at Jordan. He smiled at her messy hair and strained eyes. He could tell
that she just woke up. "They're on the beach. Kelsey's with Julia and
JC if you're wondering… she didn't want to stay inside." Justin looked
her over once more before patting the large cushion on the sofa next to
him. "We need to talk Jordan." Reluctantly, she had a seat. She wasn't
sure if she wanted to hear everything that he had to say. She'd been running
things through her mind and everything worked out the same way each time.
"I read your stuff." Jordan looked down at her hands where they laid in
her lap. She nodded her head as she pulled her bare feet up on the couch
with her. "I guess I'll get right to it… I just don't understand why if
you want to be with me as much as I want to be with you, you're still
not allowing it."
Looking
up at Justin, Jordan smiled as tears filled her eyes. She looked at his
face and couldn't help but think of how beautiful he was, even at that
moment. Her eyes ran across the tiny wrinkles that gathered on his forehead
while he watched her and knew that he was concerned. Her eyes flowed down
his trim body until she was looking at the floor. A tear rolled down her
cheek as she looked back up at him. "Justin… you don't deserve any of
this. You know that."
Watching
her more closely, Justin smiled, but it wasn't because he was happy. "I
agree. I do know that." Jordan removed her gaze from the floor and looked
at Justin quickly, confused by his comment. "I don't believe we agree
in the same way though. You and Kelsey… you're so special. I don't deserve
to be with someone as unique and caring as you two are. I'm not worthy
of that. But I'm willing to spend my life trying to become worthy of such
a blessing in my life."
Jordan
shook her head fervently while the tears poured down her reddened cheeks.
"No. You're wrong. You deserve so much more… a perfect life even."
Justin
scooted closer to Jordan as he turned his body towards her. He grabbed
her hands and held them in his, trying to persuade her with his eyes that
he knew he was right. "What's perfect?" Jordan lowered her head, her sobs
becoming worse. "Listen to me… there are no perfect lives or perfect people.
The perfect life is the life with all the things that you'd ever care
about and love included in it. Perfection isn't possible on this earth."
He
put his hand on her arm when she started shaking her head again. "Ok…
but once you said that you wanted someone pure… someone untouched… someone…"
"Jordan…"
Her frantic rambling stopped when he held her face in his hands gently.
He looked into her big blue crystal eyes and knew he could get lost in
them. "You're purer than any virgin could possibly be." Justin held her
gaze until she closed her eyes and began to cry even harder. He didn't
know how much more it would take to make her see how special she was to
him. "Tell me Jordan… would you rather be in love or go on believing that
you aren't good enough for anyone?"
"Justin…"
Justin
grabbed her hands when she started to cover her face. He held them close
to his chest as he tried to make his eyes seem as gentle as possible.
"I don't care how wrong you try to make yourself believe this is. I know
it… and you know it. This is right." He watched her, wondering how far
she would fight him. When she looked down at his lips, he couldn't help
but try one more road not traveled. He leaned in the last few inches and
touched his lips to hers delicately. He waited until she opened her eyes
before speaking again. "I'd never make you do anything you didn't want
to or didn't feel was right for your life, but you know that us… you and
me… are perfect for each other. There's no questioning that." Still holding
her hands close to his chest, he waited for her reply.
No
movement was made as she gazed up into his eyes and then looked down at
the carpet. The tears continued to fall, no longer welling up in her eyes,
just falling freely. When she looked up, she cried even harder. Very slowly
she pulled her hands out of Justin's grasp. She leaned back even further
away from him and furrowed her brow together, hoping he'd understand.
"I… I just can't Justin." With that she rose up off the couch, leaving
Justin in the same position, staring at the back of the couch now, where
Jordan was once lounging. When he heard the sliding door open, he watched
her walk out onto the patio, wrapping her arms around herself tightly.
Bringing
a hand to her lips, she closed her eyes, letting what seemed like the
millionth tear stream down her face and over her fingers. She squeezed
her eyes shut, remembering exactly what it felt like to have Justin's
lips on hers. What she remembered was that it hadn't scared her. Nothing
about Justin's touch ever frightened her. She knew Justin would never
hurt her and that's all that mattered. But she knew that she didn't deserve
him.
As
she continued to hold herself tightly, willing herself to keep standing
when her legs wanted to fail her, certain lines from her poem "I'd Rather
Be In Love" ran through her mind. I cannot help it I couldn't stop
it if I tried. The same old heartbeat fills the emptiness I have inside.
She brought her hand up as she brushed her hair out of her face, the wind
making it whip around. 'Cause when there's you, I feel whole… and there's
no better feeling in the world. But without you I'm alone, and I'd rather
be in love with you. She opened her eyes when the sound of people
down on the beach disturbed her thoughts. She saw Kelsey running around
in the sand, trying her best to scramble down to the water. Why are
we afraid to be in love? To be loved? I can't explain it. I know it's
tough to be loved. Tears seemed to stream down her cheeks heavily
again as she watched the infant fall to the sand laughing excitedly. She
knew she didn't have to be afraid of love. She knew that she could never
explain how exactly she felt at that moment, but that didn't matter. All
that mattered was that she was able to say that she'd rather be in love.
With
one more smile thrown Kelsey's way, Jordan turned and opened the sliding
door while keeping her eyes on the ground. She walked inside and looked
up hopefully, prepared to explain everything to Justin. But the couch
was empty. She frantically ran through the house searching for Justin.
He wasn't there. Then she stood at the sliding door on the opposite side
from where she entered. Not far down the beach was Justin, walking with
his hands in his pockets as he kept his eyes on his feet. Filling her
with the emotion of dread and horror, Jordan thought of a line from one
of her poems. "Don't leave me now." She voiced the line, feeing its intensity
flow through her.
Very
quickly she opened the door and ran as fast as she could toward Justin.
Slipping in the sand, she was afraid she wouldn't reach him. Only fifteen
feet away from him, she yelled. "Don't leave me Justin!" At that, Justin
turned around, his hands still remaining in his pockets, but his eyes
focused on her. He watched her as she hurried toward him, still tripping
clumsily in the deep sand. When she reached him she was almost out of
breath. "Don't leave me Justin… please don't leave me." He looked down
at her, shaking his head, not sure what she meant. Then, before he could
respond to her nonsense, she looped her arms around his back and brought
him close. She stood up on her tiptoes as she reached her lips to his,
kissing him hard with emotion and passion. Justin, surprised by her boldness,
wrapped his arms around her and held her close, reacting to her passion.
Several
minutes passed before they finally pulled away. Justin smiled down at
Jordan, not quite believing her. He then felt a tear roll down his cheek.
"I really thought I lost you."
Jordan
looked up at him and very gently wiped the tear off his cheek. "You'll
never lose me Justin. I was wrong to ever think that this wasn't right.
I knew it was real. I was just scared." She wrapped her arms around him
once more, resting her head on his chest as they stood there.
Justin
sighed heavily, his heart beating ridiculously fast. "Believe me… I'm
scared too."
*****
Author's
Note: The poems you read are lyrics from different songs that I felt
fit the storyline nicely. You can find the list below.
"Breathing"
- Lifehouse
"Unknown" - Lifehouse "Somewhere In Between" - Lifehouse "All You Wanted" - Michelle Branch "You Set Me Free" - Michelle Branch "I'd Rather Be In Love" - Michelle Branch ***** |