They were reconstructing the old Newman Center Catholic Church. They were also flooding the valley- the dams had burst, and the streets of Tempe were filled with a pristine sort of water, that glistened in the night. Ironically, the citizens made the most of it, and actually enjoyed it. Meanwhile, the reconstruction of the Church went on as planned.

So, it seemed, everyday, I went home to a suburb. My 2nd degree cousin, whom I always went to the pool with growing up, lived right across the street from where I lived. Every night, it seemed, I was invited to hang out at her place, mainly, to keep her company like when we were kids. In the waking world, we had stopped seeing each other since her mom got into a fight with my mom.

That was how it was, as it also was that each day, I floated by the church on a gondala made for the flood. They were creating an exterior shell around it basically to make it look more noble, more beautiful, more reverent. Strangely enough, after they finished this shell, the most boring part of it stood off to the side, a lone skeleton. Then beside that weird thing, the Church, was gorgeous!

My ex had sent me a note requesting that I met with him outside the newly renovated church under the full moon. Silly, it appeared he meant to meet with me standing in the flood waters right outside the newly renovated church...Yet as soon as the church construction was finished, the waters began to recede, and outside, he did wait for me.

Then, to remind me of the oddity of my dreams, the empty shell of a structure beside the church toppled over as the flood waters receded. It fell on the Church, but it didn't destroy it. Instead, it was the one that broke on impact.

But, the meeting had momentarily slipped my mind that same moonlit night I passed by the beautiful building on my gondola ride home...

My Interpretation There were a lot of good omens; meeting with a cousin I've never had contact with for such a long time, a clear water flood that didn't really cause much destruction, a beautiful church. And then, my ex, wanting to meet with me, right in front of the church he despised soo much...

Then, I suppose the church was a reflection of my relationship with God as of late. He had taken me out of the Roman Catholic Church, and within me built something more beautiful, and rather strong! In my dreams, it is like he is telling me that everything will be ok in terms of my religion, my family life, and my love life...

Meanwhile, it seems as if my ex will be undergoing a transformation of the soul under the next full moon. But, I won't be here, and we'll pass each other again like ships in the night (as he used to love to say)~ yeah...during the next full moon, I'll be in Maryland. He has finally broken, as God had put it. Now, it'll be easier for God to rebuild him, because God can do that =P

Another dream of the end of the world. It feels so near at hand...I went back to my ex. It was snowy and the slopes were very steep. But that didn't deter me. I remember his home and the feelings of death I felt within. He is not the spring of life, I so desire. He does not believe in God.

There was this old woman who owned a remodeled library. So it was no longer a library for some reason connected with the newly fixed ceiling, that collapsed a couple days ago. Suddenly, I was in a dense jungle forest...like a zoo. Panic. Many people crowded into the old woman's room which has turned into some sort of tree house. Some brought monkeys with them; four in total. We watched and waited. People outside began turning into ashes and dying.

This went on for one night. The next morning, many of us were anxious to know whether or not it was safe to go outside. I prayed and knew that it wasn't. We needed a sign, and that sign was to come in the form of a dove. Not a thing stirred outside. But the sun was so warm and so inviting. A couple people dared go outside. They turned to ash.

Something was keeping the old woman's abode safe from the influences of the outside. All I knew was that it wasn't a good idea to go out. People were getting restless and antsy. One of the people who went outside was a woman. She didn't turn to ash as quickly as the other people. She in fact, started push her way back into the old woman's keep, resurrecting the ashen bodies into scary, but harmless ash zombies. The old woman helped me keep the door shut. She was rather strong.

Then the wind started blowing really hard~ the ash bodies attacking us were swept away.

My Interpretation These visions are getting quite scary. I know they're from the Devil. Only the Bible speaks of revelations. Satan is getting desperate. It seems as if the end times really are near. Looking back, I broke up with my ex around the month of Shvat, around the time of the full moon...the same time the voice at church told me I would be on my way. It is the month of the tree, the end of the Jewish fiscal year, and a time of spiritual growth.

This year, a the ground of the tree is to be left alone; the seventh year belongs to the Lord. I suppose I am to be left alone also, being that a man is also a tree. And I have grown in the trial. My tongue has become sharper.

Supposedly, this will change towards August, the month before the new year. God still goes by the Jewish calendar. That month, Elul, is a time for prayer and self-introspection. >sigh< I just want my boyfriend back. Probably a miracle will happen around that time....but yeah, the end of the world is near. I probably should be worrying about that more than getting a boyfriend....

I shouldn't be frustrated. I'm not like other Christians. And I was made this way to serve them and to serve God. This is my shape~ to be able to speak with a double-edged sword, and to be able to uphold my faith and love for God with such virulent integrity...can come across as scary to my brethren...and at the same time, I find them weak for not doing the same. When I'm the idiot. They were made for different purposes other than mine. And I should do my best to rejoin them, not stand apart from them simply 'cause I'm different....lol...always have I felt like an outcast...but...I should go on and change ^.^

4/28/04 My ex was starting to finally understand. The lines of my e-mails to him have become to blur. Something spiritual is abound.

My Interpretation Yeah, that dream was weird....I looked over old letters later on that night, and remember how he really loved me...and realized the reason why I've been so angry all this time. I'm angry because he ran away. He apologized...but instead of staying, he ran away, like a coward. And I'm still frustrated with him for that...'cause I only wanted him to understand, and if I had to get angry with him for that, then I had to get angry at him for it....but instead of staying, he ran away. Ran away ashamed and guilty...like sinners do tend to run away from God. But I'm not God so I can't just whack him on the head and bring him back to me. God can do that. I can't.

Actually two dreams:
4/27/04 My roommate moved out and I did something cool with my room.

My Interpretation Yeah, things are getting tense. Finals. My roommate wants her own room. I want her out so I can take over the closet. ~lol, I've also been thinking about how to rearrange my room....

4/26/04 I was missing my ex and so thought I'd dream of him. Instead, I dreamt of the rapture, which is in Christian thought, the end of the world. God will bring down his hand to save his people from the tribulation. But I stayed behind. At first I felt sad and betrayed, but later, it became clear that I was to join him later. I would witness the tribulation and try to save as many people as I can for him. Like in the Matrix, there were specific points I had to bring groups of people to be saved from witnessing the horrors of tribulation. And although I brought a handful, not everyone got in....as if to remind me that I don't do the saving really, God does.

My Interpretation I'm reminded of the promise. God does exists. He promises me through a dream, and I should honor that and be thankful for such a vision. Shows how intimately I am connected with him for him to trust me. The dream was weird though....the end of the world seemed to happen way into the future, but at the same time, I woke up feeling it was very near. I feel I won't witness it in my lifetime, but that's just it...many of God's people were given promises they were never able to see: Abraham, Moses, Paul....

I'm also rebuked for longing for someone/something that could never be. It was never meant to be...and I shouldn't be praying for it or pushing for it in my mind anymore. He didn't do anything wrong, and if he left, no wrong was done...and it's wrong of me to push it....so I haven't. I've been e-mailing him like a friend...as if the relationship had never happened...and I've been keeping my feelings to myself. It's my choice to stay and feel the pain, when I know I can easily walk away because something about our relationship still enchants me. I'm reminded I only love the past....

My fate...I know of it...I'm happy to have been faithful...to have followed the Lord. I have no regrets. But I do enjoy relishing in the past...not that reverie would change anything. I know. I know. I guess I'm just complaining....'cause you see, I've always wanted to be a part of this world...but I wasn't made for this world at all...and I was hoping for some sort of connection to this world by means of a loving relationship with a guy...but at the same time, I fear too much connection.

I don't want to live for money. I don't want to work for money. I don't want to live for materialistic possessions, wealth or fame. I don't want to live for a husband/boyfriend who love the ways of this world...because the ways of this world is death to me...and I don't like its smell. >imprisonment< God is the living spring. His love is freedom. Always and forever.

Yet, I was born into this world. I have to be able to interact with it, to live with it. I want a healthy balance between the two. I want to "live" in this world.

A continent on the other side of the world. A seaside village. My partner and I travelled the underground mines to resolve this conflict far off north on the continent. With me I had gold coins, counters, and Magic/tarot cards; 60 count all in all...

whatever it was we did, we won. Going back home. People are confused geographically. Now there are dead bodies to bury at sea. We collect the coffins, which shrink to our grasps, and try to bury them in some obscure place so the citizens won't be so mournful....

Unfortunately, the addresses on the coffins were wrong by a letter. We had to collect them all over again...as if our trying to help made things worst, but really didn't.

My Interpretation Vague as this dream goes in terms of transitions (rather choppy it was), I got the idea that it reflected somewhat on my research topic about the urban poor in the Philippines. I also got a vague idea, that this dream was inspired by the devil; 'cause it was dark, and dreary, and evil, and I had Magic Cards??

I dunno, but I feel that I'm being discouraged in someway, but an outside force I don't readily understand. My mysterious partner was with me again though ^.~

...a dream about an evil land, the armpits of hell...like the dead walkin' among the living...such is my sufferings....

I had two dreams that were boyfriend-related on my roadtrip. The first dream was him picking for me a dozen roses. The second one was me going through all his friend's aura/ghosts, and finding him making some dinner in a kitchen. I come up beneath his arm so our bodies joined in a semi-embrace while he chopped vegetables. I felt his heart leap for joy...but he wouldn't kiss me.

My Interpretation He still loves me lots and/or I'm going to have many suitors. His friends are dumbasses, and are standing in the way between us...but in reality they're nothing but ghosts, (well to me I guess). To him though, they're enough to keep us apart~ 'cause it's their influence that has changed him, not their physical natures per se.

A series: my friend from Indonesian class and I have become good friends...I didn't even know her when I dreamt this (and this was just last weekend). Well we went to a dinner place with karaoke together...and there was my ex with another girl. Weird things happened...I don't remember...only that my friend and the other girl disappeared, and it was just me and my ex and a strange aura.

Another dream the day after was a luncheon with my really good friend from Southern California and two of her other friends. It was a pizza: we all shared...something...I don't even know those two of her friends that well....but oh well. Afterwards, I payed because I was the only one with cash and they didn't pay me back....

My InterpretationWell well well....I am becoming good friends with that girl from Indonesian class~like we're suppose to go see a movie sometime this weekend whenever we're available and all...a cartoon even ^.^ I suppose by then, my ex would've found another girl...

I still don't understand that second dream...

But remember the dream from December 13~the really cool one?? Well...that's kinda the situation now between my ex and me. There's a gaping hole in our communication...I can't really talk to him anymore; only write. And he can't really talk to me anymore either, but only feel. And I can only write...but he can't feel because he's 650 miles away.

In the dream, I visited him after my mission was completed: the fake death of my old Boss. In a way, that's what happened; God is a very important part of my life and that "death" was my breaking away from the Catholic Church. But it was only a "faked" death to fool the enemy...I still believe in God very much, just in a different way....and that has kinda changed my relationship with my boyfriend-turned ex. )=

So recently, I've joined a fellowship with other Christians...which is kinda weird yet kinda cool. Because I've never worshipped God before in a fellowship...I've always gone to church by myself; worshiped by myself....and it's kinda great to be able to talk with people about God, and not have it like taboo or anything.

'Cause honestly, I really do hate talking about God with other people...it feels like I'm forcibly "shoving" God down their throats...

And I can't really talk about this kinda stuff with my ex initially...when we were going out....and neither can I tell him about my past and my background...a connection which never really made it...so I guess this was really meant to be )= Oh well ^.^

I had a day vision at church: the continuation of my dream last week. The cave finally opened, and I came out dressed in white, my sword in hand. Outside was a pillar of light. Radiating from that pillar were eight platforms for eight warriors to stand upon and raise their swords up high, like beacons, creating a beam of light to merge with the pillar.

My angels appeared behind me when I stepped out to take my place.

My Interpretation Later on today, my beloved Rosary bracelet broke. Of the ten beads, I lost four. Left on the string was the cross and four beads. I found two more. The four beads was revealed to me as a symbol of the past four months I have been trying to understand my fate. The two more beads I found was revealed to me to be a symbol of two more months of preparation until February. Two months ago, at Church, a voice said to me that in four months time, I'll be on my way. February's full moon is the date.

The wheels of fate are turning, and this time, I though, I can see it happening. I couldn't see the other warriors besides me. And I don't understand what this is all about. But I feel in my gut that it's gonna be good. I might even be taking it too literal as it can have symbolic meanings for myself only. Because eight symbolizes Regeneration, Holy Baptism, completion and the time of circumcision. Furthermore, there were eight Beatitudes, Jesse had eight sons, and there were eight souls saved on the Ark.

My gut tells me that good things will happen. Like, really good good things around that time. So, I'm not gonna die or get possessed by an evil demon or something like that...but still, all this is kinda freaky, and a part of me is scared to go on even though I know now what I must do. I'm scared to understand more of it...but the next two months of preparation will be what that's for: for understanding.

I suppose I should look at it in this light. God loves me a lot. He's showing me extreme favor and grace by having me experience this awesomeness. So, I should at least try to understand why ^.^

I was dressed in a white Japanese kimono, elegantly, as if a bride. There was a harmless, fat man watching me...but I got a weird, strange vibe from him; the same kind of vibe I sometimes get from my friend in California. He has always been a good friend, but there was something strange about him.

The room I was in was like a dark cave, and it seemed to have me and the strange man enclosed. I got the feeling, or rather, it was expected, that the cave doors would open, when my groom was about to call me. And I was expecting that that groom would be...

But no one ever came...not yet at least.

My InterpretationI had a similar vision of myself in wedding garb, the summer before I started college. Only in this vision, I was ripped apart by an unseen force; my heart then shot out of my body into a certain place in the world like a shooting star. All that has been left of that heart was but a sliver. And two nights ago, I had a dream that that sliver of a heart, fit into the heart my boyfriend was offering me.

I was lonely two nights ago, and I envisioned him trying to make me feel better about whatever was making me lonely. He gave me his heart, a beauty of pure white marble, but it had an indentation, or a mark, that didn't look right; like a piece was chiseled out of it by mistake. So, I took the sliver of a heart that I had and it wrapped itself around his heart, filling in the blemishes.

In conjunction with the dream I had last night...it seems that I have found my soul mate. But I have to wait, like in this dream before. And it seems like as I wait, there will be temptation, as that fat man seemed to imply. As long as I stay vigilant, though, I would be a worthy bride...and somehow I feel that my commitment would not be with my boyfriend at all~not so literally...but with a new lifestyle, a new life, a new calling, perhaps?

And as I wait, I wouldn't be able to communicate with my boyfriend as the dream yesterday night implied...I would only be able to touch him, but not speak to him or see him for fear that he would get involved with my life.

True, I had fun visiting him when I visited him: four days and four nights. But at the same time, I was so also very much relieved and very happy to leave him and to see my family again, the next weekend just after that visit. It's like being with him those four days made me realize that if I am to be with him at all for any period of time, I would have to leave my old life behind. Even though he belongs to a subculture I feel totally at home within, its still so sad...bittersweet change.

And so, I was so unusually happy to see those familiar faces of my past life. And...lol...I kinda wish they would just be that!

But I think I'm exaggerating my own circumstances.

In about a week, I'll be back in California to face the fate I've been running away from for two and a half years. California isn't certainly where I want to be. I don't want to live with my parents. I don't want to take care of my sister. I don't want to live a life dictated by what my relatives think or what my parents say about me. I don't want to live within their social fabric because I don't belong...and I hate being put in a box because of my past, or rather, because of my parent's past~what they have done with their lives, kinda carries itself onto my life...for some odd reason...

But yeah, I suppose I'm exaggerating it all. Because really, no one can ever put me in a box, unless I'm willing. And I have the power to break out of it any time. But freedom, true, can be cruel. Because if I break out of that society I'm suppose to live within, then where can I go? Exile.

And I suppose exile won't be that bad either. ^.~ This will all sort itself out in due time.

My boyfriend and I were exiled from our communities. To pass the time, we decided to spend it serving a local jail. He was a warrior, while I was a guardian (his sidekick who would assist him in battle by healing his wounds and providing him with strength and courage). This jail, in particular, had a room made of rows of wooden benches. The room supported a very high ceiling with log columns, and it felt almost like a wooden version of some highschool cafeteria.

One night, there was a meeting among all the jail attendees and jail mates, who were strangely enough not in chains or locked in their cells as their cells were more like dormitories. During that meeting, I spotted two assassins up atop the atrium and I signaled my boyfriend to check it out. Suddenly, the whole place was under attack, and my character, I suppose, fainted because she had a flashback of when she was younger, a band of rogue monkeys attacked her home; she escaped because she followed her cat to a cave, where she met a family of cats.

After the attack, I woke up in another setting. It was now a modern society (no more wooden structures), and my task for that day was to infiltrate the base of an enemy to bring my side enough information about him to take him down. He was a boss who ruled a league of female cat-like marauders.

I joined the team on the basis that although I couldn't fight, I was psychic, and that would help them a lot with raids and such. I also told him of my connections with their arch enemy, the leader of my side, by way maid service.

Back on my side, I pretended to poison my own leader and present his "funeral" as a gift. The pleased the enemy, but at the same time, he had wished he had done the deed himself. Suddenly, we hear news that just as I "killed" my leader, he had sealed all access to the weapons we were hoping to get through his death.

The irony, was that I used actual poison, and that I didn't poison my leader, but a copy of him...because my leader thought it best to present the crime lord with something real.

The crime lord cursed and then made a reference to the a failed raid he made in the distant past where he tried to get one of his friends out of jail, but two people stopped him. One was a powerful warrior, and the other was his intelligent mistress. Who spotted the attack, beforehand, and was therefore able to prevent any such plan from happening.

So dude, it wasn't a dream...my character in this dream and the crime lord have extended life spans...

As for my boyfriend, the warrior, he ended up living a peaceful life outside my own of spy vs. spy. I would still visit him though, usually under disguise; I would be blind and deaf~Then, I would only be able to communicate to him by writing and he would be able to communicate to me by brail, so I can't see and hear what he says and does...'cause that would give him away to the sensors implanted in my ears and eyes. (he is also an informant).

My Interpretation It's amazing what one more REM cycle would do ^.^

November 26, 2003

There was an obstacle course I had to complete to pass an exam. After a couple tries, I made it, but I forgot an important document, so I had to run through it again. Meanwhile, I caught up with some friends, who were to support me morally as I retake the test. Their faces were hidden from me, but they were friends. On the way, there was a lake, upon which the Full Moon danced in all it's glory; a ring of fire gave it an ominous orange glow. A whisp of it was touching face with the earth.

I finished the first half of the test, but I couldn't finish the second half because the lights were off, and it was closed.

My Interpretation The ring of fire around the moon, and a part of it touching the earth, reminds me of the angel of death, swooning down from the moon to kill the first born of all Egypt. (then again, that was the hollywoood perspective...maybe the angel of death didn't come from the moon).

That exam was physical. I feel like I'm training to be an angelic warrior in my dreams. I do have that warrior's spirit coursing through my blood (although I'm not that good of a fighter yet). And then sometimes, I feel as if I were a reincarnation of an angel who died in battle against the Satan so long ago; as visualized in a movie about the apocalypse...1995 "The Prophecy." And no, I didn't watch the movie first before I envisioned an angel impaled upon a spike.

'Cause I fell with her, fell with her onto that spike which tore her heart open. And I waited with her, as she gaped up at heaven for a new heart. And I rejoiced with her, when a dove flew by, and the stake was removed, to be replaced by a new heart, a new spirit, a new life.

Then again, maybe I'm not an angelic reincarnation, but an uber-empathetic soul, which such an angel chose to attach herself too. Then again, that angel could be Satan in disguise~~~but I feel, and I highly doubt it. The grace of God flows too cleanly through her veins.

November 23, 2003

I was getting into a Telephone Booth that was three times as spacious as a normal Telephone Booth. 25 cents for a ride, 50 cents to spit out fire.

My InterpretationI watch too many movies.

Sometime in between

My sister and I were out hunting for good Vietnamese food. Meanwhile, a strange man was following us. I went out to confront him, and he actually turned out to be the devil. We got into a fight. He slit my through, and my blood came gushing forth. It turned into fire though, and it burned him to death. Meanwhile, God, took pity on me for the promise I made sometime on the 24th of this month, and so I was resurrected, and I found myself with my sister again, this time at a bakery.

My InterpretationI thought this was awesome. Even if the devil kills me, I'm not abandoned, and he will perish. So presumably, with all my dreams about the devil, and my throat...my illness may be getting better. I suppose I have discovered something the devil didn't want me to find, and so when I weakened during my turmoil about my boyfriend, he took advantage of it.

November 8, 2003

My parents were complete opposites. And no, these dream parents were different from my real parents. My dad, for one thing, was a crazy maniac, intent on using everything we owned for the sake of making the house a much better place. He would take all we have for that purpose, and he is a wonderful designer; our house was growing to be beautiful because of him, yet did he have to go that far?

So, I walk around the house, usually in just a halter top and underwear to make him think I'm not really serious about anything if I'm not serious with my body, stealing things and returning them to my mom. She sits in the dining room all the time, weaving, as if she cannot walk, and is helplessly stuck doing what she enjoys most. She is this really nice, passive lady; the perfect Filipina woman, who had a personality, but used it to support her husband whole-heartedly. Yet, she never rejected the things I offered her: her stolen prized possessions. Tonight, it was a family heirloom: a table cloth.

I stole that table cloth by wandering into the garage half-naked. I saw my dad for the first time, and he looked quite similar to Nathan. He walked passed me as if I was nothing, which was good. I looked at the hanging clothes, and pulled out this small, nicely textured one...which in the dream land became a humungus table cloth when I presented it to my mom.

But earlier, I was with my dad on a fishing expedition. We went to an abandoned shack in the middle of nowhere, far away from any source of water, actually, and from that shack, a boat and a couple crates of fish was produced. I was suppose to help, but dad gave me scuba gear instead and told me, I'd be going into the ocean right by Phoenix and fishing for the fish. Yeah, there's an ocean right by Phoenix.

My Interpretation My parents called right after I presented mom with the table cloth: a beautifully hand-crafted piece, browning with age...something so small and insignificant, that can mean so much: because it is what you eat on~~and eating is a communal act, done with people you love and care about.

I suppose then, this dream was about the two halves of my beliefs. My rigidity vs. my humanity. I get so rigid when designing spaces (as in I don't allow for free will to choose what to do with the space), but it's mainly because I have a deeper more intuitive understanding of mankind: Most men don't really know what they want. Then there's the problem that if you designed with free will always in mind, the buildings become sterile and bland: a blank slate for a blank population to inhabit. However will architecture work for the betterment of society if it just lies around passive?

And so, I don't think dad minds that I steal from him to give back to mom. And I suppose Nathan is the ultimated ideal of rigidity for me.

Both parents also create beautiful things, but in different ways. My dad does it by controlling everything and working from there. My mom does it simply by containing the art to herself, letting it flow forth from her spindles into some beautiful craft: something everyone can agree on as being beautiful and timeless. But there is a difference: dad focuses more on the built environment, and mom focuses more on the accompaniements of the built environment. Still, there is good to learn from both of them.

Mom then reminded me of the Greek fates: spinning the web of life. Dad reminded me of God, creating the universe: practically controlling everything at the moment of creation, and then letting it loose...He made everything on this earth to perpetuate itself so he won't have to create them all over again. And I was their daughter ^.^

As for the boats and the fishing...I think that was very symbollic/religious. There may not be an ocean of fish around Phoenix, but there is an ocean of people I can fish for to follow me. Again, I was not to be alone in this endeavor; there was a companion with me, as there always had been in dreams before--this time though, the same companion manifested itself in the body of a woman, whereares before, it was a man. So she gets to have the yellow scuba diving suit and I get the pink one.

November 5, 2003

The Simpsons!! It's fun to dream of just random weird shit.

October 31, 2003

I didn't dream. My roommate dreamt that there were two branches in the ground. Some teenage guy sat on them and started rocking back and forth and they broke. I got totally pissed at him and started kicking ass. Then my friend in California dreamt that I came to him crying.

The night before, I dreamt I got shot in the head. I didn't die, but I became a wacko, and a science experiment, which I didn't totally understand.~

My Interpretation: I know my dream about getting shot in the head came from watching "Kill Bill" and "Bladerunner" because I was bloody Uma Thurman from the first scene when I got shot, and then I turned into both of the girls Harrison Ford brutally shot to death...although I wasn't shot, I was a science experiment...and although I was in their bodies, my mind was goin' wacko!!!!!!

The other dreams though bothered me most...they seem to be discussing an impending doom in my current relationship...or they were shockwaves of the stress I experienced just a couple days ago. Somehow, they both got the message a bit too late.

Well, I'm hoping their dreams are just of the past. I'm doing alright now with my current boyfriend. He's starting to be more "boyfriend-like", calling me, e-mailing me, and just today, I got a Wassily Kandinsky poster from him in the mail ^.^ So yeah, I'm going to be happy for a while (=

October 27, 2003

I was discussing a project: the crux of my convictions concerning architectural design. Suddenly, Zu, the evil storm god, sent a storm the shape of a vesica pisces; an eye over the city of Fremont, California?? There was white in the middle, seared by a ring of red. Ahead were black birds in v-position, leading the storm northeast. Dust followed by winds, upon which there were screams of a woman from 10 years ago; a horrible ordeal. I find myself exchanging pieces of my soul to a nutcracker in exchange for some divine wisdom...~

This was my first dream since my boyfriend left to drive it all the way back up to Utah. That was the best parting we've had so far...mainly because we suffered together through an ordeal and so our relationship grew stronger. During the ordeal though, I've stopped dreaming, and I got sick~some sort of sinus issue.

My Interpretation: I've just read up on an architectural article the night before...and looked up zu, to see if it existed, just so I can use it in scrabble the next time I play.

A storm carrying 10 years of pain...10 years ago, I was 10. I didn't experience any real pain until a year later...but it could not be the story of my life, but that of the world...10 years ago...perhaps something horrible happened in California 10 years ago, and it's going to happen again...only worst. But funny to note: it's hard to find out what happened in California 10 years ago...as if historians stopped recording history at some point in time, and left it to the media to cover, who, catering to the ignorant masses, could be wrong and biased.

The vesica pisces, the symbol of life, has now become quite destructive. Supposedly, it hurts the first time having sex

As for selling my soul to a nutcracker (satan), I suppose I should get a medical check-up. I'm starting to believe this sickness is caused by something spiritual within...there was no blood at communion at yesterday's mass, and that worried me. A sign perhaps? An evil premonition? In anycase, I should see a doctor.

Well, when I woke from this dream, my roommate told me that there were wildfires in California, and, from the doctor, I found that my allergies have taken on the symptoms of asthma. Great! I'm now on a freakin' inhaler and a spray thing to stick up my nose and admister like crack. Lol, with that comment though, I made the teacher laugh (= But dammit, dreaming of the devil is always bad!

Anyway, I suppose my sickness is caused by stress~I honestly believed that I was going to break up with my boyfriend the past weekend (Oct. 25), and so I was crying, not sleeping, barely eating, praying, thinking...and I couldn't do chores. Dust collects. And there's Jujubee, my cat. I'm somewhat allergic to cats, but it's never gotten this bad until now...and then there's suppose to be that smoke and crap blowing in from Southern California. Sweet~~~ (11/1/03)