Hey all! I'm Carol, Monitor of Cuthbertson.
This is a little something I read in 'Chicken Soup for the College Soul' and it reminded me of myself.
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice with my bare hands. I have been known to removed train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.

I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees. I write award-winning operas. I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo men with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing.

I can pilot bicycles up several inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook thirty-mintue brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon basin from a horde of ferocious army ants.

I play bluegrass cello

I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst and a ruthless bookie.

Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.

I don't perspire.

I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a travelling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat.400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening.

I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; and when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery.

The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write in down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only a mouli and a toaster-over. I breed prize winning clams.

I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka and speeling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have preformed open-heart surgery and I have spoken to Elvis.