~~Howie saw me in the hall between classes and he decided to pick on me. He taunted me and said, "Hey Molly my car has a flat tire, can I borrow one from around your waist~~
~~ I ate my lunch in the 3rd stall from the window today, I didn't want to risk running into Howie. Just once I wish I could get through a day without a mean comment or a vile glance. All I want is to be able to walk down the halls and not worry about someone shoving me into a locker, not have cheerleaders make fun of me when I walk by them and to not have to worry about whether or not Howie stuck a note on my back. Can't they leave me alone, they are popular, skinny, beautiful and worshipped, is that not enough? Why do they insist on making me feel worthless. As I sat in the stall today and held my breath everytime someone came in, I thought about how different my life would be if I had of been born into a family who had the skinny gene, instead of a family who was cursed with big hips and solid frames. Dr Kindle jokes that I have birthing hips and that I will realize how lucky I am after labour starts. Little does she know that in order for me to be in labour I need to be pregnant and in order to be pregnant I need a man, something that is not soon to happen~
~ I sat in history class and tried to block out the snorting noises and insults that were flying around me. Why can't Howie see how much he is hurting me, what makes him have the urge to put me down so much and humiliate me. ~
~Why can't they see that beneath the extra flesh is a heart that beats like theirs, are lungs that need to be filled with the same air that they breath, is a soul that longs to be set free.~~
~~ I woke up thinking about him tonight, my bed is soaked from the sweat that comes off of my body whenever he enters my nightmares. It has been 6 years and still I can hear his taunting voice, I can see the nasty look and the way he laughed when I started to cry, will his voice and his face ever disappear from my thoughts.~~
~~I saw the man that I loathe today, I will be working with him and that scares me. Although I am now a totally different person then I was in high school and I have taken my mother's maiden name I am still scared that he will start where he left off in high school~~
~~ I have created a new image, I am no longer lard ass Molly, instead I am a beautiful and sucessful woman. I thought I had hidden my past deep but everytime I am near Howie I come dangerously close to admitting who I am. My feelings for him grow everytime he smiles at me, everytime I wake up and see him sleeping so peacefully in the bunk beside me. I know that he is not the same man but how do you fall for the man who you have vowed to hate forever. How do you forget about the hell he put you through and try to love him~~
AJ wiped the tears that were streaming down his face and closed the
journal.
He had been drawn into her thoughts, her confessions were so candid and
honest that he could almost imagine himself in the situation. His mind
wandered to Molly. She was so self confident now, she carried herself
with
such presence, how could she have once been an overweight and tormented
girl. His mind wandered to his best friend. His thoughts flew to all
the
fans that Howie had met, how he always made time for each one of them,
smiling as he signed the pictures even though he wanted to be in bed.
How he
was always the first one to agree to do a meet and greet. How could his
caring best friend have been such a monster. What had happened to Howie
to
make him turn his life around. "How do I ever look at the two of them
the
same way...shit Molly why did you lay all this shit on me?" AJ buried
his
face in his hands and cried.
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