Angela woke up and lay quietly, gathering her surroundings. She was relieved to feel Nick's body pressed against her back, his chest expanding and contracting in a sleep-filled rhythm. Part of her had expected to wake up alone after things had changed so dramatically the night before. It was so strange. Nick had prepared her the entire day for their time alone and for what he expected to happen, and she'd felt doubt about it, though she'd never expressed it to him. Then, when the night was on them and they were alone, she felt sure of it and he was the one who had backed out. It made no sense. Did it mean anything or was she just over analyzing everything? Oddly, she didn't feel so rejected as she had just hours before. It was just the shock of unmet expectations that had hit her so hard then. She should've known better than to let her emotions get so involved. God, she wished she hadn't gotten teary-eyed like she had. From now on there would be no more emotional bullshit, no more emotions, no more expectations. Then everything would be okay.
Nick's body jerked and he started snoring softly. Angela smiled and listened to every little noise he was making. His body twitched again and she realized he must be dreaming. She wondered if he would mumble something or show some sign as to what was going on in his subconscious, but there was nothing. The flinching and twitching increased until Nick finally rolled over onto his back, his arm still beneath her. His snoring became louder with the new position and Angela laughed to herself. Curious, she rolled over to look at him. As she turned, though, his head drifted to the side, away from her, and the snoring stopped, removing the comedic element that had motivated her. Instead, she was left staring at someone she barely knew. How deceiving the last twenty-four hours had been. How could she really know anything substantial about this person lying beside her? Anything other than beliefs based on perceptions and his ability to manipulate them? Analyzing again…
As her mind continued to speculate about who Nick really was, Angela's eyes soaked in everything that was physical. It was the first time she'd had an opportunity to look at him without fear of being caught by him or the others. Cautiously, she reached out and slid his blond hair behind his ear. She'd never cared for longer hair on a guy, but his was so healthy and clean it appealed to her. Maybe it's the highlights, she thought, amused by her revelation. Hell, she'd never even had her hair highlighted. In fact, she considered such things to be nothing more than vanity and a waste of money. Still, as she fingered through Nick's blond strands it seemed ideal and acceptable. Angela leaned down and peered into Nick's ear. "Well, it's clean," she thought, snickering to herself that she'd even done such a thing. "At least he's not a total slob." He'd shocked her when he'd single-handedly cluttered the room into what she considered to be an embarrassing mess. And the whole deal with rummaging through his clothes frantically in the dark, refusing to turn the lights on -- that was an insecure side she didn't expect to see. He had acted nonchalant about it, but she knew it was because of all the fat jokes AJ had made during the day. "You're not fat," she thought to him. "You're healthy and you're beautiful."
Nick stirred slightly - eerily, as if he'd heard her unspoken compliment, then lay still again. The longer Angela watched him, the more feelings of despair and longing came over her. She knew things would be so awkward when he woke up and she didn't want them to be. She just wanted everything to resume where it had been before their time alone last night. "Well," she thought, "If I'm gone when he wakes up, then there won't be any awkwardness to feel." Reluctantly, she moved away from Nick and slipped out of the bed to gather her clothes. She took one last look before sneaking toward the door to leave.
"Where ya going?" Nick's voice sounded out unexpectedly, startling her.
"I, I'm, uh, going to get a shower at the house," she stammered.
Nick blinked several times, still not fully awake. "Why don't you take one here?"
Angela smiled apologetically at him. "No clothes."
Nick nodded, saying nothing, and stretched. He sat up to look at her through blurry eyes then raised his eyebrows mischievously. "I'm sure we could find you something here," he said, nodding toward the rumpled clothes on the floor.
Angela giggled. "Well, if you've got panties in there I'll probably be a little concerned, Nick." It felt good to laugh. She should've known he would be able to remove the tension with his humor.
"No," Nick replied quickly. "No panties." He popped out of the bed, stood up and stretched again until a loud crack popped from his back. "Man, it's early, isn't it?" he asked.
"Probably," Angela answered. She didn't know what time it was, but she did know that once she was up, she was up, regardless of how much sleep she'd gotten. "You can lie back down. I'll wake you when I get back," she suggested. She could tell he was still very tired by his sluggishness.
"Nah," he replied. "I can at least walk…you…to the…" He stopped mid-sentence and cocked his head, staring at her. "…door." He finished quickly, acting as if he'd never paused.
Angela looked herself over, taking a quick inventory of her appearance - underwear intact, shirt on properly…what was wrong? "What?" she asked.
"What?" Nick repeated back at her, trying not to smile.
"What's so funny?" Angela demanded. "You're laughing at something and I want to know what."
Nick shrugged emphatically. "I don't know what you're talking about, Angela." He had no idea what to do. On Angela's neck, off to the right was a fairly good-sized hickey. It was light in color, yet noticeable. He didn't do it on purpose. He hated hickeys and considered them tacky. In fact, he'd broken up with a girl once because she'd given him one. Now, here he was in the same situation, only on the receiving end of it. "She'll be pissed," he thought. "Totally pissed."
Angela stared impatiently at him, waiting for a better answer. Nick considered again whether or not to tell her, but she looked so upset all ready that he thought it best to keep it to himself. "I just can't believe you're going home looking like this. Don't you think Kenneth would be a little upset about that?" Not to mention the hickey… He smiled as he thought about it.
"Looking like what? What's wrong with how I look?" asked Angela, looking down at herself again as she smoothed her hair down in the back. "Besides, Kenneth's not up, Nick," Angela replied, still not convinced that Nick was telling her everything. "He sleeps in on Tuesday's."
"You don't know that for sure," he said, walking toward her slowly.
"Yes, I do." Angela didn't know what else to say. Her heart was jumping with each step he took toward her.
Nick stopped in front of her and sifted his hand through her hair, his expression turning serious. "I'm sorry…about last night, okay?" he whispered. He wasn't going to bring it up, but he knew it would give him control of the conversation again.
Angela looked down immediately at the mention of last night. WHY did he bring it up? Things were going so well. "It's okay," she whispered back. "I understand." It was a lie. She didn't understand any of it, and she most certainly didn't want to talk about it now. It was too…awkward.
Nick bent down and kissed the top of her head affectionately. He wondered if she really did understand. He had told her he liked her amidst all the apologies last night, but she'd still been shaken. He would make it up to her today. He'd spend every waking moment with her and make her understand. He nuzzled her hair, and kept his chin on her head. "Hey," he said suddenly as he stepped away from her. "You didn't get to see my tattoos last night!"
As expected, Angela looked up at him. "Your what?"
"My tatts," Nick repeated, pulling up the sleeve on his left arm, revealing a shark tattoo. "Cool, huh?" he asked as he admired it. Angela craned her neck to peer closely at the art's details. She never would have guessed that Nick had tattoos. He seemed so clean-cut.
"Wow," she said, amazed. "Can I--can I touch it?"
Nick stood still, waiting as Angela reached out cautiously and slid her fingers over the artwork on his arm. "Did it hurt?"
"Nah," he replied. "Piece of cake."
Angela leaned in closer to look at it. He could tell by her reaction that she liked it. Still, the clown in him couldn't resist catching her off guard. He growled and shoved his arm at her and was pleased when she recoiled as expected. "You ass!" Angela snapped at him, blushing because she'd jumped.
Nick grinned as if she'd complimented him and turned around to show her his other tattoo. He pulled his shirt up to reveal a pair of musical notes on his right shoulder blade. "This is the first one I got."
Angela looked at it but kept her distance. The notes looked like an animated drawing, rather than the more realistic shark on his arm. She thought it was an odd contrast. "I don't like that one as much," she blurted out.
"What?" Nick asked, surprised. He pulled his shirt down quickly and turned to face her. "You don't like it?" He'd never had a girl say she didn't like his tattoo before. Never.
Angela knew she'd said the wrong thing when Nick looked at her in disbelief. "I just_ It's not that I don't LIKE it," she stammered. "I just like the other one better. The shark."
"Oh," Nick replied shortly, still disappointed. "I was pretty young when I got that one."
"And you're HOW old now?" Angela quipped back, hoping to be humorous.
Nick forced a smile, but he was hurt and it showed. Another awkward silence filled the room. Desperate to escape the situation, Angela decided now would be a good time to leave. "Well," she sighed. "I think I'm gonna go get that shower now."
Nick glanced at her neck and now felt kind of smug about the mark he'd left. She'd be pissed, but she'd get over it. "Okay," he said, smiling a little more genuinely than before. "I'll be here."
Angela fought the urge to apologize for her unintended insult and turned slowly away from Nick. She smiled at him one last time as she headed out the door. "Bye."
"Bye," Nick answered, wiggling his fingers at her. As soon as the door shut, though, his hand slid through his hair and he surveyed the room for a mirror. He felt a sudden need to reevaluate his shoulder blade tattoo.
----
The house was quiet. As Angela suspected, everyone else was still asleep. "It MUST be really early," she thought to herself. Still, as a precautionary measure - and paranoid from Nick's remark about "going home looking like that" - she buttoned her pants and smoothed out her top before moving down the hallway. She tiptoed past the various rooms, downstairs past Kevin, and outside into the crisp morning air.
She sat down in Kim Ann's car, turned the ignition over and waited for it to warm up a little, wishing Sandra had been awake so she could run everything by her for an opinion. No sooner had she thought it, Sandra came running out of the house lugging her suitcase. She ran toward her making goofy faces and pressed her face against the passenger window when she reached the car. "Want some company?" she asked as she shoved the suitcase into the backseat presumptuously. She plopped down beside Angela and rubbed her hands together to warm them. "It's gonna be a bitch getting bathroom time in there. Nick's already got the one occupied and the other one is too small."
"You saw Nick?" Angela asked.
"Yeah," Sandra replied. "I think I freaked him out. He didn't think anyone else was up yet." She laughed loudly. "He was in the mirror looking at his tattoo. Pathetic, isn't he?"
"You're kidding me!" Angela exclaimed. "Tell me you're joking."
"No, why?" Sandra looked at Angela curiously.
"Oh God," Angela sighed. "I told him I didn't like it and he got all upset about it. I think I really hurt his feelings."
"Over a tattoo? Angela, really," Sandra assured her. "If he's that upset over a stupid tattoo then he's mental."
Angela smiled, but she was still worried. "Did he look upset or anything?"
"Mmmm…" Sandra thought out loud. "No, he looked tired more than anything. And freaked out because I caught him." She snickered again remembering the expression on Nick's face when she'd said "Good morning."
"You know, I thought he'd go back to bed," Angela replied. "He was up longer than I was and I fell right asleep."
"After..." Sandra suggested, fishing for information.
Angela turned to Sandra, grateful that she'd brought it up. "Nothing, Sandra. Nothing happened."
Sandra was shocked and it showed on her face. Her eyes drifted down to Angela's neck and she grinned, thinking Angela was pulling her leg.
"Yeah, right, Angela. Save it for Kenneth."
Angela shook her head, trying to convince Sandra. "I swear, nothing happened, Sandra."
"Then how'd you get that sucker mark on your neck?" Sandra asked, reaching out to touch it. "Right...there," she said as her finger hit the spot.
Angela's jaw dropped and she quickly pulled down the rearview mirror to confirm Sandra's observation. "That dickhead!"
"Yup, that dawg marked you, honey. So if you DIDN'T do anything, nobody's going to believe you anyway." Sandra touched Angela's shoulder and leaned forward to look into her eyes. "So did you or didn't you? Seriously. This is me you're talking to. Not Kim Ann, not Kenneth."
Angela looked down. For some reason she felt ashamed. "Nothing happened, Sandra. I mean, we kissed and stuff, but nothing really happened." She looked back up to study Sandra's reaction when she told her the next piece of information. "He freaked out on me."
Sandra's eyes widened. "HE freaked out on YOU?" She laughed loudly as she pictured it in her mind. "Why?" she asked, still giggling.
"Uh, if I knew, I wouldn't be talking about it," Angela said defensively. Contrary to what Sandra believed, it was anything BUT funny. "He just got up right in the middle of everything and apologized and stuff, and… left."
"Just like that?" Sandra asked, still not believing her fully.
"Just like that," Angela replied. "And I fell asleep before he came back. I fell ASLEEP Sandra."
"Maybe he had a little mechanical failure goin' on, Ange. They'll never tell you that," Sandra suggested.
"No," Angela answered, blushing. "No mechanical failure. Believe me."
"Well, maybe he wasn't sure you wanted him to," she suggested.
"I told him flat out I wanted him, Sandra," Angela whispered, embarrassed now that she'd been so open about her feelings to him. "I mean, I SAID it. I said 'I want you' just like that."
"Oka-a-a-ay…" Sandra said, sighing. What to say? He had been so into it all night and then to choke at the moment of decision? Why? She knew Angela was expecting some kind of answer from her, but she wasn't sure. Unless... "Maybe he was afraid he wouldn't, you know…last. He IS only 19 years old." That HAD to be it. All the signs were there.
Angela's face went blank and her eyes darted about as she considered Sandra's latest theory. "So what you're saying is that he left because he was afraid he'd…well, you know…too fast? Seriously?"
"Hell yeah, I do," Sandra assured her. "Have you NOT seen 'American Pie'?"
Angela looked at her bewildered. "No."
"Oh, God," she exclaimed. "The guy in that movie got off like TWICE in two minutes and he was the laughing stock of the school. I would think it would be better to duck and run than to humiliate yourself that way, don't you?"
"I don't know. I'm not a guy," Angela said wistfully. "It's a good thing if you get off twice in two minutes if you're a chick."
Sandra laughed at Angela's observation. How odd for it to be coming from someone who'd probably never experienced it firsthand. "Been reading a little Cosmopolitan lately, Ange?" she teased.
Angela laughed with her. "Yeah, I guess." She still didn't think that Nick had left for such reasons, but she didn't know what else to believe. "He DID say he really really liked me before he left," she added, looking to Sandra for some sort of explanation.
"Really," Sandra replied, twirling her hair as she pondered the added tidbit of information. "You know…" She hesitated. Should she tell her that he knew she was a virgin? Would she be angry? She looked at Angela, whose eyes were locked on hers expectantly. No, it would make things worse. Then she'd blame Kim Ann and her for what happened. "Then that only proves my theory. If he didn't give a shit about you he wouldn't have said anything. He would've just stopped and left - and he wouldn't have come back to sleep with you." Angela was hanging on her every word and it looked like she believed her fully. "Did he say anything this morning?" she asked to add credibility to her analysis of the situation.
"He apologized again," Angela replied, nodding. It all seemed to make sense to her now. He had been the one to bring it up again. She was just going to pretend it never happened.
Sandra held out her hands. "There you go," she stated. "He still wants you to know he's interested. Last night was too much pressure. Tonight it'll be better."
"You think?" Angela asked, unsure. "I don't know. I might have blown it by getting all feminine on him for a second. I got teary-eyed, Sandra, and kind of started to cry." God, she didn't want to admit that, but she really wanted to know what Sandra thought about the entire situation.
"You CRIED?" Sandra exclaimed, exasperation in her voice. "Oh, Ange, I can't believe you cried. THAT probably freaked him out even more. Now he's gonna think you're all in love with him and stuff."
"But I didn't say that," Angela replied desperately. "I didn't say anything like that."
Sandra shook her head, doubtfully. "Yeah, but you cried. That's pretty emotional for guys. That's pretty deep shit."
"But I didn't REALLY cry, I just started to. I got watery eyes and my voice got shaky when it all went to hell. Anyway, I cried earlier in the night, too," Angela defended herself.
Sandra still shook her head. "Yeah, but that was different. You weren't crying ABOUT him. It's different when you're crying about them, Ange. It sends a LOVE signal."
"But I didn't cry this morning," Angela added quickly. "That's a good thing, right?"
Sandra winced. "I dunno, girl. If I were you I'd play it cool today. You know, give him some space. That way there's no pressure. Guys run when they feel pressure."
Angela wasn't happy with Sandra's suggestion, but she knew she wouldn't steer her wrong. She'd hoped to spend the day with Nick, getting to know him better....getting to know him at all. But she certainly didn't want to scare him away. If Sandra thought she should give him space, she would give him space. "You're right," she agreed. "Maybe we can do something else today, like go shopping or something. That way he knows I'm not gonna hound him the rest of the week. He was real adamant about not wanting a relationship."
"There you go," Sandra said smiling. "Problem solved." She still wasn't sure if they'd solved anything, but at least it seemed like they had. Plus, she was concerned that Angela really was falling for him hard and it would do her good to get away from it all for the day. After all, she would be the one who would have to pick up the pieces when Nick was gone. The fewer pieces to pick up, the better.
The drive to the house was spent planning their shopping excursion.
Angela seemed bubbly and excited about it - a first. She usually hated
shopping. Sandra couldn't help but notice the subtle changes occurring
in her friend since she'd met Nick. Too bad he couldn't hang around
longer and draw her out of her shell even further than he'd already done.
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