“There will forever be a part of me standing underneath your window”
- Meghan Harrison, “The Way You Say Goodbye”
“What do you mean she’s gone?”
“She’s gone, Dave. She just left. You don’t believe me? Do you want me to take you to her apartment?”
“Calm down, man, stop crying.” Dave wasn’t sure what to do with the wreck of his friend that had showed up at his door bawling.
“No.”
“What do you mean, ‘no’?”
Stuart looked up at him, roughly rubbing his cheeks dry. “You don’t get it. You don’t understand.”
“No, I don’t.”
“How could she just. . . leave? I don’t understand. . .”
“Maybe she’s an internationally wanted criminal.”
He managed a wan smile. “Yeah, Dave, I’m sure that’s it.”
“I don’t know, it’s kind of sexy. Very ‘Nikita’. But how do you know she’s gone?”
Stuart reluctantly opened his hand and gave the folded piece of paper in it to his friend. Dave slowly read it, then looked at Stuart, who was in a disheveled wet heap on the loveseat.
“I’m really sorry. Are you okay?”
“What the fuck do you think?”
“Oh.”
He pushed himself up with an elbow into something like a sitting position and scrunched his forehead. “Dave?”
“Yeah?”
“Do. . . do you believe in angels?”
“No. I’m a nihilist, remember? Do you?”
“I. . . think so, now.” He blinked twice and looked around the living room. “Um, I’m gonna’ go now. Tell your mom I’m sorry I got her upholstery wet.”
“If you need to call me-"
“Yeah, I know.” Stuart stood up and walked down the stairs to the entranceway. “I’ll see you around.”
“Okay.”
He absently tied his sneakers and stepped outside into the rain. It was cold now, and he was shivering in the T-shirt that had plastered itself to his skinny frame. He walked slowly down the street, scuffing his feet on the pavement and watching the worms writhe on the sidewalk in their dying moments. She was gone. Why? That’s the only thing I want to know. I’d never ask you for anything more if you would tell me why.
Stuart remembered some old song about walking in the rain so no one could tell that you were crying. It sounded like a good idea. He couldn’t explain what had happened to his parents- they’d call the police or something, and she obviously didn’t want that. She wanted- no, needed- to get the hell out of there. But why? I don’t get it, angel, I don’t. This doesn’t make any fucking sense. You were the only thing that ever really made sense. I know you’re sorry. . .
He kept walking, staring up at the sky, where the moon showed its face every few moments before being obscured again. Stuart was sure he’d never figure out why she was gone, or what had made her leave, or where she was now. He kept thinking of their last day together, trying to find a clue. There was certainly something not quite right about her. Not in a bad way, but he’d never met anyone like her.
So he walked home slowly in the rain, looking at the sky for an answer that wouldn’t come, forgetting that his car was still parked at Dave’s.
I can’t sleep, I just can’t breathe
When your shadow is all over me, baby
Don’t wanna’ be a fool in your eyes
‘Cause what we had was built on lies
And when our love seems to fade away
Listen to me, hear what I say
I don’t wanna’ feel the way that I do
I just wanna’ be right here with you
I don’t wanna’ see, see us apart
I just wanna’ say it straight from my heart
I miss you
(- Westlife, “Miss You”)
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Can you spare me a quarter
though I have no one to call
I just thought it might save my ass one day
if the sky or the free world were to fall
Every time I call your name
somehow I wish it was the same
for me and you and all the things we do
not in vain
(- Matthew Good Band, “Native Son”)
She needed some money, now. Cold, hard, cash. She had money- she had a lot of money, she had a shitload of money- but no cash.
Josephine looked around the apartment that she’d rented before she arrived. There were three rooms: the bedroom, the kitchen, and the bathroom. It wasn’t as nice as her previous apartment, but it would have to do. She was pretty sure Nicky hated it. He kept smelling the corners of the kitchen and then looking at her like she was insane. She guessed that maybe there were cockroaches.
She considered going to an ATM, but remembered that she’d had to destroy her old card. Tomorrow she’d have to go downtown and buy a new identity. But tonight she needed food, so she needed cash, and she didn’t have any.
She sighed and opened the wooden chest in the corner, full of old relics and valuables, many of them useless to her now. A glimmer caught her eye and she picked up a perfectly circular, flawless white opal from where it lay on an old dress. Jo had just found it one day when she’d caught Nicky digging on the apartment lawn. For some reason, it had always given her the creeps.
Nicky started barking at her.
“Quiet! That’s enough!”
He wouldn’t stop.
“What is it? Is it this?” She held out the opal in her hand.
He barked louder.
“Okay, okay. I’m going to get rid of it now anyway. Relax.” She pulled on her black jacket and sneakers, suddenly remembering that Americans left their shoes on in the house. Oh well, old habits die hard. She took the stairs down to the main floor (there was no elevator) and looked in the phone book yellow pages for a pawn shop that was still open. Eventually she found one that, according to her map, was only three streets over.
It was still raining, and now foggy. The weather suited her melancholy mood. Josephine walked more slowly than normal, head down, staring at the slick grey sidewalk under her feet. She wondered if Stuart was okay, if he’d been to her old apartment or not, if he’d found the note. If he would miss her.
She suddenly looked up and glanced at a street sign. The name on it didn’t belong to a street she was supposed to be near. She tried to stop walking but couldn’t, her legs bent on taking her to a destination she wasn’t aware of. Jo began to panic. Her stomach heaved and she nearly threw up. Not this shit again. . . What did I ever do to deserve this? She took her hand out of her coat pocket and unfolded it to look at the opal. She couldn’t be sure if it was just a trick of the streetlights or the way they were filtered through the rain and fog, but it appeared to be glowing.
Fuck me.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Nick hated Buffalo. He hated it. It was cold and it was raining, and he didn’t like cold or rain, especially since he felt restless tonight. After tomorrow night’s show, he would be extremely glad to get the hell out of there.
A knock came on his door.
“Yeah?”
“We have to go.” Brian’s voice was somewhat muffled.
“Where?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why?”
“You know why. I can feel it. Let’s go.”
“Where’s everyone else?”
“Right behind me.”
“Get your ass out here,” AJ said.
“But it’s raining. . .” he complained half-heartedly as he found a jacket to wear. He was the least perceptive when it came to sensing that they needed to go; Brian was very sensitive to it. Now that Nick had been reminded, he could feel the familiar tug at his legs.
He opened the door and stepped into the hall with the rest of them. “Okay.”
They walked down a flight of stairs and out the back exit of the hotel. He shivered as the rain hit the back of his neck. “It’s not far, is it?”
“No, not this time,” Brian answered curtly, his mind focused elsewhere.
Nick grinned. “Are we there yet?”
“Shut up,” Kevin said.
They ran across a busy street towards a large park. The twisted limbs of the old trees were grotesque and frightening in the dark and fog.
“At least there’s not anyone else around,” Howie said.
“Doesn’t look like it,” Brian confirmed.
“No, there is, over there.” Nick pointed to a path at their left, where a small figure in a black jacket was briskly walking.
“That’s where the. . . thing is,” Brian said.
“Yeah, but that person, they’re not the thing.”
“But the thing is over there. . .”
“Shit.” They removed the stones from their pockets, pressed them to their chests, and started to run towards the shape, which was now evidently female. It hadn’t seen them yet.
Before they could get there, they heard her scream.
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