~~**~~
I think I surprised my friends when I walked into our favourite resteraunt. Their faces flashed excitement, surprise and pleasure at seeing me.
"Bone, I am so glad you showed up" Howie hugged me and scooted over so I could sit in the booth.
"So what's up?" I asked.
"You mean why did we decide to call a meeting?" Kevin asked.
"Yeah"
"They want us back in the studio Bone" Nick said quietly. "Our last cd was out over a year ago and with all the sucess that the other groups are having Jive wants us out there before we lose our hold"
I looked around the table at my friends, they were supposed to know me, know my feelings. I had spent 10 years with them and now they wanted me to do the one thing I was not ready to do. "If this is what the meeting is about you can have it without me, I am not ready" I started to stand up when a familar song came over the radio and I sat back down and my thoughts drifted.
There ain't a dream that don't have the chance
To come true now
It just takes a little faith baby
Anything that we want to do
We can do now
There ain't nothing in our way baby
Nothing our love couldn't rise above
We can get through the night
We can get to the light
Long as we got our love to light the way
With a little faith
Just a little trust
If you believe in love
Love can move mountains
Keavy and I were singing at the top of our lungs as we wallpapered the baby's room. The fellas had been over a couple of nights before and painted the room while Keavy and the girls set up the crib and the rest of the baby furniture.
"Yank this is a memory I won't ever forget" Keavy broke from the singing and stared at me. "You and I decorating the baby's, our baby's room. This is so special"
I smiled softly and sat down beside her on the floor where she was cutting out Peter Rabbit from the wallpaper to decorate the dresser with. "I love you and I love this little piece of us"
"AJ" My mind switched from the precious memory and brought me back to the booth and the diner with my friends. "AJ we have to do this, it has been 3 months you have to get over her" Kevin said softly.
"GET OVER HER...WHAT THE FUCK..." I slammed my fist down on the table
and
stared at Kevin "She was my heart, my inspiration and now she is gone.
I
can't get over her. What the fuck am I supposed to tell my kids. Sorry
but
now that Momma is gone Daddy has to leave now too. Tell them that I am
abandoning them too. FUCK YOU." I broke down into tears as I realised
what I
was saying. "I can't, I can't go on without her, I wake up every
mornning
and pray that this was all a nightmare, that she will be beside me, her
hand
resting on my chest and her mouth opened gently as she sleeps. WHY
ME...what
did I do to deserve this hell. What did my children do to deserve being
cheated from feeling the love of the most wonderful woman in the world.
How
do I tell them how much Keavy loved them" I felt Howie's hand on my
shoulder
and I buried my face in his chest. "It's too soon, I am not ready to
move
on, I need her memories, I need our past with us to help me cope."
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