~~**~~
When I am missing my wife terribly I often take out her leather bound journal that she wrote in faithfully. I had come across it while I was packing up some of her stuff, the day after her funeral. My mom sat with me as I went through all of her precious belongings, crying as I held each one to my heart and trying to figure out how I was going to tell our children how incredible their mother was. I often curl up late at night and read her beautiful bubbly writing, smiling as the memories come flooding back to me. This would not be a true snapshot of our love affair if I didn't give you a glimpse into my wife's feelings.
~~**~~
"May 21, 2000
I am missing Alex so much. The girls tried to get me to go out with them but I was not up for it. They are used to being away from the fellas, this is all new to me and I must admit that I am failing miserably. Work is the only thing that is keeping me from going apey.
My resident coordinator is very pleased with my work ethic and how I interact with my patients. Emma is doing so well, she drew me a picture today and I almost cried when she gave it to me. I hope Yank deosnt mind but I took down the picture that he has on the fridge of him and Liv Tyler and hung up her drawing. She was so scared about her chemo but after I sat with her and sang the Unicorn song she was laughing and humming along. I am going to miss her when she leaves.
May 23, 2000
I know Alex would rather die then let me know that he was crying when we talked but I can tell, he sounds so sad, so lonely and I wish there was something I could to do to make him happy. My shifts are so long and take so much out of me that when we talk I end up falling asleep. I miss him so much.
May 24, 2000
The way his lips find mine in the dark as if they were always meant to be on each others, how his left hand cups mine while we sleep and his right hand rests in my hair. His soft breath always tickled my bare skin. God I miss that, no matter how tight I close my eyes and try to remember I cant make it real.
May 25, 2000
He wants me to meet him in LA for the Grammys, I am keeping my fingers crossed that Dr Greenage will let me take some time off this early into my residency. This is a big night for Alex and I cannot let him down.
May 27, 2000
Dee called, she wanted to make sure that my flight arrangements were all settled.According to Nicky, Alex is moping around, I can't believe that I pulled it off, I am actually going to fly to LA and surprise him. My surpervisor told me to take the weekend and as long as I brought her children home an autograph she would be happy. Everyone at work is so tied up with Alex's career, they think it is wonderful that we are together and they all melt when I tell them how we met and instantly fell in love.
Hold on my love I am coming to you.
Keavy.....
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