Thirty-two years, I've had my share of men. I've dated, been intimate, but I've never loved and I never will. Or so I thought.
I've always known love. Strong, everlasting love that could never walk away, fade, or simply disappear from my life. The kind of love that is with you no matter what you do. That's the love I've known. My father's love and my brothers' love were unconditional. Nothing could shake it, shatter it, or take it away. The sun rose in the east and I was loved by my family.
A lover's emotions though were not as dependable. They could turn their backs on you in a heartbeat. They could walk away from you and never look back. They could break your heart and care less. Love like that, I didn't need or want. I could live without the tears, without the heartache, without the feelings of loss, worthlessness, and depression. The sun set in the west and lovers walked out of your life.
It was a risk I wasn't willing to take so I kept my distance from Nick. I knew enough about him from Annie and the others to know he could have easily gotten to me, he was that wonderful a guy. But I also knew that like every other guy, he would walk away in the end. Why would I intentionally hurt myself like that?
So I settled for the Nick Carter tales that Annie and Brian and Kristen passed along and our dance routine we went through at every meeting. Sure I wanted to know the man they knew but not enough to take a chance with my heart.
Three days later the shrill ring of my telephone awakened me at three o'clock in the morning.
"Yeah?" I mumbled, picking up the receiver.
"Jack, get up."
"A.J.? Is that you? What time is it?" I asked, sitting up in my bed and forcing my eyes to adjust so I could read the neon numbers on my clock.
"It's just after three. Annie's in labor. Mom's here with Jamie. Could you do me a huge favor and call the others, doll?" he asked. I melted. I was crazy about A.J., especially when he called me doll.
"Sure thing, sweets. And I'll be down there to give Denise a hand in about twenty minutes. Give Annie my love," I said, standing up and stretching.
"Will do. Thanks, doll."
I smiled at the sound of the dial tone in my ear. A.J. was frantic. He was also an amazing husband and father and there was no doubt that this new child would know complete love their entire lifetime.
I threw on some clothes and ran outside to my car. Within moments I had called Kevin, Brian, and Howie on my cell phone to let them know that Annie was in labor. My final call was the one I dreaded the most as I punched in the numbers.
"What?" a tired, male voice offered as way of a greeting.
"Nick. It's Jack Walker," I explained, giving him a moment to straighten his thoughts.
"Who? Walker from the Fun Club?" he asked.
"Yeah, that's me. Listen A.J. asked me to call."
"What? Why? Is everything all right? Is it Annie?"
The sharp painful concern in his voice tugged at my heart. He was a man scared for a woman he loved like a sister. In those few simple words he had expressed fear, pain, confusion, devotion, and love. With every breath in me I wished I had never made that call because those were all emotions I didn't want to know he had.
"Shut up, Carter and let me talk," I snapped. They were cold words that left the impression I was a cold woman. Good. "Annie is in labor. Everyone else is on their way to the hospital. Get up, get dressed, and go be with A.J."
With that I hit the End button and disconnected the call. Damn it! With a bitter laugh I thought to myself that he would remember me next time we met not as Jack Walker, but as that bitch who called and yelled at him at three in the morning.
Racing inside, I was greeted by the high pitched squeal of my favorite four-year-old.
"Jack," Jamie screamed, running towards me from his grandmother's arms.
"Hello, love," I answered, picking up the tall, lanky child I so adored.
Of all the children that created the second generation of Backstreet, Jamie held a special place in my heart. Maybe it was his eyes, so like his parents', or his quiet strength like his father's, or his unconditionally love like his mother's, or maybe it was just because he was Jamie. Whatever the reason, he held my heart.
"Mommy's gonna have a baby," he explained with a smile that had stopped the hearts of millions worldwide, his father's smile.
"I know. Isn't that wonderful? Now you get to be a big brother like Manny, Jake, Eric, and Quin are to me. You know that's the best job in the world because for forever and ever she's always gonna look up to you," I said, hugging him close as I walked toward Denise.
"Hi, Jack. Thanks for coming," she said, hugging me quickly.
"No problem. How are they?" I asked, in reference to both the new mother and father and soon-to-be newborn.
"Great. Everything is moving along smoothly and they are all doing wonderfully. Though Alex is a bit of a nervous wreck. Much like he was when this little tiger was born," she said, grinning at her grandson.
A moment later Kevin and Kristen burst through the doors followed by Howie and Kymmi. Minutes later Brian appeared though alone.
"Leigh's watching all the kids back at the house. We didn't see much help in bringing a bunch of babies to wait out the arrival of another BSB child," he explained, smiling as he hugged Denise.
"Oh my God, you left Leighanne alone with all of them?" Denise gasped.
"Just temporarily. I'm going to go back and help her but I wanted to let A.J. and Annie know I was thinking of them," Kymmi said, covering a yawn that caused us all to laugh.
Of the three Boys that stood there they had fathered four kids. Brian and Leighanne had two girls, five and two. Kevin and Kristen had a beautiful little boy who was a year old. And Howie and Kymmi were the proud new parents of a baby girl just three months old.
Suddenly the doors crashed open again to reveal the one and only Nick
Carter.
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