As the tour bus sped through the night Howie watched the lights flash by outside his bunk window. Thoughts were ricocheting through his mind, and he was unable to sleep. Brian and Kevin had finally announced their engagement, and he was happy for them, but lonely too. He missed his family... and he missed Caroline most of all.
With a sigh he rolled over. He had done a lot for Caroline but it wasn't enough. It was never enough. The foundation was doing well, thanks mostly to his wonderful fans. The fans were the best... But it was hard to associate with a huge crowd. Sometimes he felt like he just wanted to reach out to ONE of them, take her aside, sit and just talk. Talk. God, he was feeling lonely.
Taking out his laptop Howie plugged in and turned on. He'd go online, try to find someone to talk to. He rarely went to the BSB sites, it was too brutal and overwhelming. Tonight he would just find a nice quiet room. He went to MSN and popped into the 20's chat, using the name sweetloned.
There were only a few people in the room. Someone called Maebu was going on about her precious five year old son. He sighed. He wished he had a son, but there ya go. He just watched the scroll for a long time without writing.
Someone whispered to him.
flamegirl: Hey, sweetloned, why so quiet?
sweetloned: I just don't know what to say tonight I guess.
flamegirl: I understand, want me to leave you alone?
sweetloned: no, please, chat with me. I feel lonely.
flamegirl: You too?
sweetloned: yea.
flamegirl: men!
Howie chuckled.
sweetloned: I'm a man.
flamegirl: Oops! sorry.
sweetloned: no problem. men are pigs.
flamegirl: LOL
sweetloned: I'm feeling sad.
flamegirl: why?
sweetloned: well, two of my friends just got engaged, and I feel lonely. and I miss my sister.
flamegirl: is she away at school or something?
sweetloned: no, she died.
flamegirl: oh, that's horrible. I'm so sorry.
sweetloned: I can't get over it. She dies of lupus. I have been giving money to the cause but it doesn't seem like enough.
flamegirl: Have you heard of the Caroline Dorough Foundation? They do money for research. Caroline was the sister of a pop star, Howie Dorough of the Backstreet Boys.
Howie smiled, touched.
sweetloned: I do know about the foundation. I'm glad you do.
flamegirl: I sent a little, but I don't have much.
Tears came to Howie's eyes.
sweetloned: Thank you so much.
flamegirl: well, yeah. I'm sorry it couldn't help your sister.
sweetloned: I don't know what to do. I can't get past it.
flamegirl: well, you don't really want to get PAST it, do you? Why don't you write about it?
Howie thought about it.
flamegirl: You there?
sweetloned: yeah. That's such a good idea.
flamegirl: LOL well, that's what I'm paid for!
sweetloned: ideas?
flamegirl: Writing. I'm a journalist.
sweetloned: A journalist? What do you write?
flamegirl: Whatever they need. Some freelance, whatever catches my curiosity.
Howie thought for a moment before typing again.
sweetloned: Are you here often? Could I talk to you for more ideas some time after I think about this writing idea?
flamegirl: I'm not here regularly, but a few times a week. You could email me if you like. Its flamegirl@beeb.net
sweetloned: Thanks
flamegirl: No problem. I hope I helped you a bit tonight. Just remember you don't want to get past your sister's death, you just need to accept it and keep the good memories :o)
sweetloned: You did help flamegirl. Thank you so much - for everything. I have to go, but will be in contact soon
Howie's head filled with thoughts as he turned off the laptop and curled up in his bunk. Thoughts of Caroline, and the nice "girl" online, as well
as the writing idea. He decided he would play with the idea the next day.
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