Woke up this morning with a funny feeling,
wasn't really sure what it was all about.
But it felt like I was disappearing,
so I ran to the mirror to check it out.
I said, "Here I am, here I am, here I am
...but why do I feel like the invisible man?"
- Joshua Kadison, "Invisible Man"
Las Vegas. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. It had been said of New York, then this city was the anti-thesis. This was as near to purgatory as any place on earth – at least for those in the entertainment business. Here musicians and actors alike brought their careers for a hiatus or for death when the spotlights flickered out elsewhere. Howie shivered at the thought.
Tonight, though, Las Vegas drew the brightest stars in music. Tonight, the MGM Grand played host to the Billboard Music Awards, the last of the 20th century. It seemed everyone was in on the Millennium hype including the Backstreet Boys.
The group and its contribution would contend for no less than four awards that evening with Artist of the Year being the gilded crown. The winners, unlike the American Music Awards and the Grammys, were predetermined by record sales and airplay. No real surprises here…well, none other than the fact that Brian was without Leighanne and Tyke for the festivities. Kevin was going solo as well.
Howie glanced at the dark blonde-haired woman beside him before taking her hand. He smiled, thanking her again for taking the time to join him. Their busy careers and several thousand miles often kept them apart, and he was happy to have her with him.
An hour later, Howie and the other four men rejoined their dates in the audience. They had just received the first three awards of the night and had gone through the motions of the press conference backstage. For the first time in what seemed forever to him, Howie hadn’t answered one question from the journalists. None were directed toward him, and when he tried to slip in a word, someone would cut off his first syllable. It was as if he weren’t even present.
Howie snapped back into the present as a floor manager instructed the five men to sit together for their upcoming spot with Kathy Griffith. After playing musical chairs to the sound of Ricky Martin’s live performance of "Shake Your Bon-Bon", Howie settled in the seat beside A.J. and watched as the red-headed hostess made herself comfortable in Kevin’s lap.
She began the skit by jokingly calling Kevin "Nick" then continued the pattern with the rest of the guys, except the blonde himself who she referred to as "J.J.", asking them to explain what their songs meant. Howie joined in the laughter at first before realizing she had a point, one that validated his theories.
Despite being bestowed with Artist of the Year, Howie felt little elation. Questioning his worth had become very damaging to his self-esteem. The other guys – his best friends – noticed his change in demeanor and A.J. and Kevin both hazarded to question him as recently as a few days before the show. Howie only reassured them that he was fine, not to worry.
Laying awake in his hotel bed that night after being startled awake by a nightmare, Howie thought back to the evening at the grocery store and all the information he had gathered in the last months.
The dream had exaggerated his every fear. It reviewed a range of sequences from his Backstreet life as if he were watching a made-for-tv movie rather than living it. In each segment, whether a concert, interview or public appearance, he had gradually begun fading into the background until he disappeared. What was worse was that no one seemed to notice.
Howie shook his head in an attempt to rid it of the memory before he climbed from bed and went into the suite’s sitting room to grab a bottle of water. On the way, he passed by a mirror and had to do a triple take.
At first glance, Howie swore there was nothing reflected except the furniture in the room and the ugly painting on the wall. He took a second quick look on the way back from the refrigerator, bottle of water in hand. It was if he were a vampire. He felt as though he was living in a scene from The Lost Boys when Corey Haim’s hand could be seen through Jason Patric’s reflection.
Howie squeezed his eyes closed tightly before opening them again. He blinked rapidly. All was normal. His mind had been playing a cruel trick.
But then why did it seem so real?
Links to other sites on the Web
© 1997 crunkgrl62382@yahoo.com
Get your own Free Home Page