Lady
By Crystal Heart

To Erin, for the challenge and inspiration; I think I've learned my lesson now.
To Lobstertail, for being a good audience, and being patient enough to allow for Crisinti 
and Augustus not to be together at the end of Book II.
To Betsy, who delved deep into my world of Xilima and Tadamia, and who wouldn't 
ever leave me to give up on this story, and who was patient enough to wait for this whole 
darn thing to be written.  And I guess you can't really tango in a waltz!
To Seema, who listened when I went off on my tangents and helped me write an even 
nicer tale,
And thank you to all my friends who edited; it's really tough, and even I wasn't up for the 
job myself, so THANK YOU!
*and*
To Augustus Marle and Paris Marle, for starting this whole journey.

Book I
The Lady and the Lord

	"Crisinti!  Crisinti Savoir!  You're stupid, Crisinti Savoir!  You're mean, Crisinti 
Savoir!"
	A taunting seven year old boy ran in front of me...he was rather short and could 
hardly be called "handsome."  He had the air of a snob, running with puffed up pride, 
knowing that if I tried to talk back or hit him, I'd be in trouble...he was the guest.  I 
looked at my little patent shoes and bit my lip...I had to act grown-uppish...think 
adultish...small pools of sea drowned my eyes, as they started to brim over and trickle 
down my cheek.
	I turned to him, and said softly, futilely, "I am not!  Stop it, Augustus Marle..."  
but it seemed that he only started to enjoy his taunting even more, for he started making 
faces and yelling even louder, "Crisinti Savoir is ugly!  Crisinti Savoir is stupid...all girls 
are!"
	It had been two weeks of THIS.  I had met this obnoxious boy a whole two weeks 
ago.  It felt as if it had been much longer than that, because the fact that I absolutely hated 
his company and the other fact that our mothers would not let us go anywhere without 
each other made these two past weeks last a lifetime.  We had met under the impression 
that we were to be best friends, for our mothers were best friends, but what resulted was 
far from friendship.  It was obvious in the minute I met him; we would not get along.
	His eyes were a devious gray, with an easily-read expression of mock.  However, 
he had that trick.  That trick that allowed his total expression to change when he looked at 
my parents, or his, for that matter.  From the moment I met him, when he was forced 
forward to kiss my hand, I saw that expression in his eyes, that expression that had 
already decided to make my life miserable.
	Being six years old did not help.  If I were older, I might have dismissed him as a 
little boy that shouldn't have deserved another thought. But I was six, and he was seven, 
so he was older.  Therefore, I thought he ought to have behaved better.  However, he did 
not.
	And now, here we were.  I had been sitting on the patio of my castle, looking at 
the sky and dreaming.  It was so beautiful, the clouds were so wispy today, they looked 
like white fairy dust.  The sun was bright, and I had to squint in order to keep too much 
sunlight from blinding me.
	I loved spring, everything was new in the spring, even IF it was too muddy to 
walk around in my favorite white dress.  I had settled back in the chair I had set outside 
with me, dreaming of a castle in the clouds that I was going to live in someday, with my 
prince charming, whoever he was.  And I smiled, almost asleep with the sunny content I 
was feeling.  Nothing could have spoiled my mood.
Augustus Marle came out and started to annoy me.
*Almost nothing.*
	This was not fun.  I had gone outside so that he could not find me, so that he 
wouldn't tease me again.  Two weeks of this stretch of nerves was not relieving for me, 
and I had complained to my mother and father, who both scolded me for leaving my 
guest, and who believed I was not patient enough with him.
	*I'm six years old; do they really expect me to be a young lady at six years old?*
	And so, I stood here, taking his taunts, his smirks, and his whole being.  Taking 
his insults was like taking castor oil...swallow it; just take it and go on.
	But then I started to cry.  Of all things, I had to cry.  He loved to see me in pain.  I 
had cried for the greater percentage of the last two weeks.  And now, he went for the final 
blow.
	"Crisinti Savoir, your brown eyes looks like a cow's, and your hair is black straw.  
You are the dumbest person I've ever met, and you are so afraid of getting into trouble 
you won't do anything about what I'm saying.  What a goody-goody!  Goody-goody!" he 
laughed.
Finally, the anger boiled to my head and the flaming tide pulsated through my 
body.  I put up my hands and pushed him off the patio steps until he tumbled into a mud 
puddle at the foot of the concrete steps.  He sat in the goop, with mud all over his fine 
silk-mist shirt.
	At first it was shock...I stood there motionless, mortified at what I had done.  I 
came forward, offering help.  He started to get up on his own, turning red as he rose.  He 
yelled, "I hate you!"  and he grabbed at my white dress and shoved me to the ground.
	I started pushing his head into the mud and he retaliated by yanking my hair by 
the roots and taking mud and throwing it in my face.  We grabbed at each other, clumsily 
fighting like cats. Nails cut into the flesh of my hand and, looking at the pain and the long 
red slit, I started screaming.  He pinned me down and tried to shove mud into my mouth, 
but, I kept my mouth closed.  I vengefully fumed underneath the grip to take mud and 
throw it in his eyes.  As he was wiping the mud away, I got up and pawed at his face.  
However, he managed to move so that I scratched his hand, which he put up in defense of 
himself.  I screamed in frustration and he in pain as he looked at the narrow red scar on 
his hand.  We screamed and fought, pulling and tugging, screaming and crying, doing 
things that we only knew how to do.  The mud was continuously thrown and the 
struggled "umphs" and "aughs"  came out when they could.  I was mad...my pretty white 
best dress was ruined because of him.  He looked at me with his gray steamy eyes and I 
felt that they were ready to burn me.  Frustrations and screams brought our parents, 
yelling things that we never heard and apologizing to each other for their own child's 
behavior.
	I was grounded by my parents, told I could not leave my room until I apologized. 
The Marles were still staying at Savoir Castle, and would be here until the end of the 
spring.  It was still early, around the middle of April.  *I would have to stay in my room 
for another one and a half months?*  Finally, after I exhausted the view of Xilima from 
my balcony, after two weeks, I decided to get this apology over with, hating myself for 
giving into his triumph.
	I had walked in at breakfast the next day to find the Marles and my parents 
conversing.  Augustus sat in a chair, with the look of a perfect angle on his face.
	The conversation immediately stopped, as my parents looked at me, "Do you wish 
to say something, young lady?" my father asked.
	I looked at the floor, tracing the triangular pattern of the dining room with the tip 
of my shoe.  I had dressed up and gotten ready for this on my own, to show my parents I 
was obedient enough to execute this command without their help, or support.
	My sweaty hands played in my blue skirt as I lifted my head proudly and said, 
"Yes, I do."
	I walked nervously to Augustus Marle, and with as much pride as I could muster, 
I said calmly, "I would like to apologize, Augustus Marle, for the rude behavior I had 
displayed two weeks ago."
	He looked at me, and I could see that look in his eyes...the look that was 
extremely angry at me for fighting with him.
	*You know, I don't exactly LOVE you either.  I will get you back for this!!!*  My 
eyes told him, which startled him.
	He looked at his parents, who looked at him with dangerous expressions.  He 
swallowed, and mumbled, "Apology accepted."
	His eyes told me he had not.  But then again, I wasn't really apologizing, so I 
guess this whole thing didn't really mean anything.
	"Don't you have something to say, Augustus?"  Lady Marle commanded.
	He sat back in his chair, and said carelessly, "Not really."
	Angered, I looked to my mother with a bitingly sweet expression, saying, "May I 
go outside after breakfast, mother?"
	"All right," she said.  "But bring Augustus too."
	I mumbled an affirmative.  So what if he was coming with me; I was finally 
allowed to outside.
	After breakfast, I rushed outside into the spring air, into my garden, my purple 
patch.  It was nice to hide in the purple path, even if Augustus Marle was following you 
with a storm in his mind.  I knew he was plotting something, but I was too happy to mind 
his undesired presence.
	The next few weeks were rather fun.  I simply ignored Augustus, and gave him 
the feeling that I was plotting some ultimatum for him.  He was always on his toes around 
me, and I felt power.  I gained the advantage, for he thought I was plottingBut the thing 
that bothered him, and the thing that I relished in, was the fact that I had not done 
anything.  In fact, I was not even plotting to. It felt good to be able to go around, and do 
the things I liked, for he was afraid of doing something that would cause the final 
rebellion.  He was scared, and I loved it.  Augustus Marle, afraid of a little six year old 
girl!
	Another bonus was the fact that since I had started ignoring him, I sensed he was 
sulking.  He knew he couldn't affect me anymore.
	It was the best summer I had ever had.
* * *
	It was no surprise, then, when the Marles came back two years later for yet 
another visit.  I was mad.  *My mother should not have best friends.*  I thought to myself 
as I walked around in the garden with Augustus Marle standing beside me, yawning in 
my company.
	At least he wasn't teasing me.  But it wasn't as if I was relishing in that fact 
either, for now, to my firm discomfort, I discovered that Augustus Marle could care less 
about what I was plotting.  *Darn it!  He grew up!*  I walked around another corner, 
started picking purple aster-violets.
	Augustus didn't pay attention, but just walked away to another part of the garden, 
and sat down.  *The past two years improved him,* I considered.  He looked even more 
handsome than he had two years ago.  If there was anything very startling about him, 
even remotely attractive, it had to be his looks.  He looked like royalty, and he knew it.
	However, he was also very proud.  And that was why I refused to think he had 
improved in his behavior.  How much could one snobby boy change?  It was still the 
same disgust that etched in his face when he kissed my hand in reluctant greeting.  Being 
a whole nine years old could not change his dislike for girls.  But then again, being eight 
didn't change my disdain for him.
	I sighed.  *A whole summer?*
* * *
	As the years came by, and as I started to travel for learning, my parents would 
visit the Marles, and the Marles would visit my parents, occasionally bringing Augustus 
with them, but I was never there to host them, or go for the visit.  It was a relief.  My 
eight-year-old summer was a cold one, cold weather outside AND inside the house.
	I guess I was expecting the Marles to visit the summer when I was thirteen.  I 
hadn't seen them for seven years.  It was over due.  But I was quite prepared for the visit.  
My father had gone traveling that year and brought back some various books on 
mathematics and sciences.  I was sure that I could lock myself up in my room and study 
all the while the Marles were here.
	Father wouldn't disapprove.  In fact, he liked that I was studious.  He even sent 
me to a boy's academy during the fall, winter, and spring.  The school was in Xilima, of 
course, but far away from my home, and my library, so since I was home for the summer, 
I loved it.  I could relish in my own books again, a collection of textbooks that had been 
building since I first began to read.  I could spend time in my room, walk in my gardens, 
walk in my woods.  Everything was so new again, and this summer would be 
entertaining, even with Augustus Marle under my roof, especially since daddy had 
brought me some books from his trip.
	However, mother would have something to say about this.  She was horrified that 
father even had the gumption to send me, a FEMALE, to a boys' academy, and thought 
that I was getting unladylike.  To satisfy HERr, I had to attend to a finishing school in the 
neighborhood after classes.  I was, after all, a hostess, and had to be taught to be one.  I 
was also a LADY, which my mother emphasized, which I tried constantly to ignore.  
However, I had to actually apply my lady-accomplishments this year, for the Marles were 
again coming to visit, and this time, they were actually bringing their entire family...that 
meant that Lady and Lord Marle were going to bring Augustus, and his brother, Paris, 
whom I had never met.  That meant I could actually end up having a pleasurable 
companion this summer.  Since Paris was older, I supposed that he would be easier to talk 
to.  Older boys always were.  That was what I found in my academy.
	I was sitting in my library on a rainy afternoon, tugging my two thick braids over 
a calculus problem when I heard a carriage come to the entrance of my house.  I suddenly 
jumped, and looked out the window.
	*That can't be the Marles' carriage!  This one horrid nightmare!  They were due 
the tenth of June.*  I turned to my desk calendar, and found, on my little homemade 
calendar, that today was the tenth, and scribed underneath, in my tiny print, "Marle 
arrival."  I stood, shocked.
	I rushed out my library, to the mirror that hung over a hall table.  I looked 
horrible.  My hair was in two messy braids which I hastily pleated this morning, in haste 
to start on my new math textbook.  I loved mathematics too much to just let the 
opportunity of a morning slip away.  I was still wearing my morning clothes.  I had on a 
nice robe over my nightgown, and wore my slippers, having dismissed Madriel because 
she was trying to convince me I actually needed to change, mumbling something about 
visitors.
	*Visitors!*  So the Marles were the visitors.  I cursed Madriel in my mind as I 
tried to make a run for my room to change. It was my fault that I sent her away, but it was 
her fault to just leave me there!  I had just started thinking of what to wear while turning 
the doorknob to my room.
	It was too late.  "Crisinti!  Come greet our guests!"
	I said a very unladylike word under my breath which I learned from my comrades 
at school, and decided that the Marles had to accept me as I was, for I would not be able 
to change in time.
	At least I was wearing the new robe my mother bought me, which was pretty nice, 
a smooth lavender satin affair.  The old one was still in my closet, and was worn see-
through and was too short.  And at least my nightgown matched the robe, and wasn't all 
pouffy...I still retained my figure, which was pretty much the only nice thing about 
myself in these strange teenage years.  I went reluctantly down the stairs and into the 
foyer.
	As I entered, I heard a snicker, and I immediately glared at the boy standing in the 
corner.  *That's Augustus?  He looks...well...not bad.*
	Not bad in the least.  He was taller, and even more handsome.  His hair was neatly 
combed and he wore a dark green shirt and black pants.  Why did he have to look so 
handsome?  He was fourteen!  Where was the acne?  This was not fair.  I was struck with 
adolescent acne, a now very sallow face, being naturally tan, but now pale because I spent 
most of my days at the school indoors, and not outdoors.  I looked thin, and my hair was 
in two sloppy braids, which hadn't been washed for a few days.  I blushed at that.
	I looked to Lady and Lord Marle, who looked a little confused and amused and 
perhaps a little insulted, and curtseyed to them quietly, and said, "It has been such a while 
since I have seen you.  I believe I was only eight years old when I last saw you!"  I 
smiled, as I took Lady Marle's hand and kissed it.  It was a Tadamian tradition, and the 
Marles were most definitely Tadamian.
	Lady Marle immediately smiled.  She was charmed.  "Lucinda, you really do 
know how to raise a perfectly enchanting daughter!"  I smiled, and blushed slightly.
	Lord Marle kissed my hand back and shook it, saying, "I've heard quite a few 
stories from your father about how you've been studying away at the books.  Seeing the 
intelligence in your eyes, I can see it's true."
	My mother blushed and said, "I told Stephen it wasn't proper to raise a daughter 
like a schoolboy.  She's taken too many liberties with her time, and now, we can see 
evidence of that!"  She looked at me, and I dreaded seeing her anger at having me show 
up in my nightgown and robe.  Instead, I found a flicker of humor and happiness.  She 
was pleased.  She was proud.
I smiled back and said quickly, "Give me an hour or more, and I'll be back, and 
ready to talk.  I just have to straighten myself up!  I got caught up in something and 
forgot today was the day you would come and visit.  It was my fault, and I assure you, I 
suffered enough to learn my lesson," I said over my shoulder, running down the hall to 
the stairs.
Laughter followed me up the stairs.
* * *
	I entered the west room after I had spent a hurried hour and half taking a bath and 
washing my hair, having Madriel dry it as much as she could and pull it all back into a 
French braid, wrapped in a blue satin ribbon.  I dressed myself in a white cotton blouse 
and a long, flowing blue skirt.  I wore a blue vest over my blouse.
	I rushed in, with a tea tray that carried one of our best porcelain tea sets and 
placed it on the table.  "I managed to get some Tadamian tea!" I began cheerfully as they 
smiled to me.
	My mother looked, confused, into my eyes as I mouthed to her that I had Madriel 
buy some with my allowance.  Tadamian tea was extremely expensive, and though it did 
taste good, our family rarely ever bought it.  But I knew, from finishing school, that 
everyone, especially the Marles, loved Tadamian tea.
	I poured, and silently scanned my memory for the trivial facts I had learned in 
finishing school.  I took the lemon wedge I had brought with me, and added one soft 
squeeze, a teaspoon of sugar and handed her tea to Lady Marle.  She took a sip and said, 
"Perfect!"
	I poured another cup and added two teaspoons of sugar, and stirred it vigorously 
and handed it to Lord Marle.  He smiled gratefully and took his cup.
	I then looked to Augustus, and that was when I realized that Paris Marle had not 
come.  I didn't really care, having not met him, but I was curious...who was the brother 
who had put up with Augustus Marle for so long?  I proceeded to make Augustus's tea.  
His was the most complicated.  I took an ice cube from the ice bucket I had placed on the 
tea tray previously in the kitchen, and added three teaspoons of sugar, and a touch of 
cinnamon.  I then handed it to Augustus, who looked shocked.  I smiled triumphantly as I 
poured tea and added sugar to my parents' tea, and made tea for myself, which by chance, 
the same exact combination as Augustus's, for that was the way I liked it as well.
	I sat across from him, and gave him a know-it-all look.  He looked upset; upset 
that he had lost the chance to stump me.  I was glowing inside.  *Crisinti 1, Augustus 0.*
* * *
	It wasn't that I wanted to impress Augustus, it was just that I wanted to knock him 
down so much that he couldn't gather his wit, so much that he would get it into his 
narrow mind that perhaps he wasn't the best person in the world.
	I wanted to humble him.
	As it turned out, Paris was on tour in Trimly, a neighboring kingdom, on some 
business, and so had left his family to travel to Xilima without him.  I felt slightly 
disappointed, I had heard he was very clever, and I would have loved to talk to him about 
the things he learned.  It was true that I heard  that Augustus Marle was as intelligent, and 
sometimes more intelligent as his brother, but I was determined to make him have a 
humbling experience.  He had enough of pampering, swooning dumb girls, and praise.  It 
was time he learned that there were other people out there just as smart as he, and that 
though he was intelligent and undeniably handsome, he still wasn't sweet.
	We never did have a chance to actually form a liking for each other.  It was all 
ruined in the very beginning, when we were young.  We couldn't really change the past, 
and neither of us had a desire to change the present.  We spent this summer as academic 
adversaries, for his parents and my parents pushed us to study together.  He was a very 
intelligent, but I could tell, like me, that though the books were fascinating, the air inside 
our study was hot and stuffy, and going outside and having some fun was a better 
prospect.  And the weather outside was beautiful.  But then again, I wasn't going to give 
in first, and from the looks of it, it didn't look like he was going to, either.  It was like 
being six all over again...whatever I did, I had to do it with Augustus.  I saw him 
morning to night.  I had to eat with him, study with him, read with him, and go outside 
with him.  I was growing tired of his arrogant and sulky presence, and my patience was 
wearing thinner and thinner.
	But this time, I saw what I didn't see before.  I was only thirteen, but I wasn't a 
dolt!  Our mothers actually wanted us to fall in love with each other, and as I questioned 
my mother about this, I found out that they wanted us to get married!  In fact, it was 
already planned; our marriage was arranged, and we were to wed on my 21st birthday.  I 
think it was made obvious that she wanted me to charm him when she bought me a new 
wardrobe, filled with pretty ball dresses and skirts which were tightly fitted, trying to 
make me look beautiful and flattering.  They worked, to my horror, and so I hid them at 
the back of my closet.
	I had to wear such a dress to the ball that was given the last evening the Marles 
were to stay.  I hated that dress.  It was red satin, and entirely too fitting.  Madriel took it 
into her head to weave a crown of red roses into my hair.  It was uncomfortable.  When I 
entered the front foyer, I caught Augustus's eye, and he offered his arm stiffly.  He was 
looking pretty handsome himself.  I was shocked.  His hair was as perfect as it was when 
I came running in the first day of his visit.  And he wore a formal dark red shirt with a 
jacket over it, with nice black pants and his eyes were glimmering in a happiness I never 
saw in there before.  It was a good change.  There was not anything arrogant, or ignoring 
in his air, and I was quite surprised to see admiration shining in his silvery gaze.  Perhaps 
we actually had a chance this evening.  Perhaps we could actually get along.
	I was thirteen, so of course I was a sappy romantic.  I may have been a 
bookworm, but I knew there was a boy out there for me, and at this moment, I just had to 
ask myself if he was the one, even if I was only thirteen.  *After all, most girls get 
engaged at seventeen/eighteen, so I'm not a long way off.  Besides, I AM engaged to 
him!*
	He offered me his arm and I took it.  We walked formally into the ballroom.
	I could feel my mother's excited eyes on us, and I could just see her expression as 
she winked to Augustus's mother.  They thought they accomplished the mission.  I had 
no idea if they really had.
	The evening was so perfect, and Augustus treated me so nicely, as if I was a lady, 
a true lady, not an heiress, nor scholar.  I liked the change.  In a distant place in my mind, 
I asked myself why he was doing this.
	He walked me outside, to the gardens, and we sat at a bench for a while in silence.  
The garden was always beautiful.  I loved my garden.  I helped plant some of it.  There 
were roses, and irises and aster-violets (my favorite flower) and lilies.  We were by my 
purple patch, and there was just something about purple in moonlight that just weaved a 
spell over everything and made everything a hundred times more romantic.  I looked to 
Augustus, who was looking at me.
Tonight, the moon was full, and it was pale and white, romantically misted over 
with a filmy layer of silken clouds.  There were islands of clouds everywhere in the sky, 
but the sky was still rather clear, and the stars danced in the sky, while we sat on a stone 
bench.
	I calmly tried at conversation with him.  "Oh!" I said, delighted, "There's my 
favorite star!"
	He took my hand and said, "Where?"
	I looked to it, the brightest star in the sky, "There," I pointed, closing one eye to 
focus and aim at the star with my finger.  His face was at my shoulder and his cheek was 
to mine.  His hand twined with mine, and pointed into the sky, at my star.  "Eros?" he 
said, lightly.
	"Yeah, the brightest star in the sky."
	"I love that star too.  I love the story behind it."
	"Story?"
	"Yes, didn't you ever hear the story?"
	"No," I admitted.
	He laughed teasingly and said, "So I finally found something you don't know."
	I blushed and looked up the star and said quietly, "Please tell me."
	"You probably know that Eros is the Roman god of love.  Well, it's said that it's 
his star because on pretty moonlit nights like this one, eternal love is found by the couple 
who sits under it.  They say he's out there, in the world, listening, and when people who 
love each other look at that star together, Eros gives a blessing to the couple, and 
entwines their love into something stronger than anything on the Earth."
	"Well, then we better be careful, because we don't want to end up together, do 
we?"  I laughed lightly, my breathing becoming shallow.
My heart beat faster; it wasn't ever supposed to be like this with him.  This was 
Augustus Marle, and we never, ever had a glimmer of chance with romance.  Something 
in my heart told me that it was because we never gave it a chance.  My mind was more 
practical and stated that it was because we didn't need romance, and that this would just 
make things really bad between us.
	I was still weighing my thoughts when Augustus cleared his throat.  I looked to 
him, with a small scowl on my face, frustrated with all the strange thoughts flying around 
inside me.  As I turned to him, he immediately put his hands on my shoulders and kissed 
me.
	It was strange.  There was no way to describe a kiss.  It was confusing, 
exhilarating, and thrilling, and terribly wrong all at the safe time.  My mind screamed for 
me the pull back and slap, but my heart told me to hold on for dear life.  My mind won 
out and I pulled away, looking at him with fear in my eyes.  I wanted to slap him, but my 
heart wouldn't let me.  *What just happened?*  I wanted to leave, run far away from 
kisses and strange feelings, but my heart just wouldn't let me.  My heart was curious.  
Dumb heart.
	He was looking at me, with an unreadable expression.  All of a sudden, he cracked 
a smiled, and I felt a tingle in my heart.  The warmth spread to my face and I looked 
down at the cobblestone pathway of my garden.  *Augustus Marle kissed me!  Him, of all 
the boys in the world; he was my first kiss.*  What mortified me was that I LIKED it.  I 
liked his kiss, and I liked the warm feeling in my heart right now.  My mind was 
confused into oblivion, so I didn't listen to it right now.  My heart was exposed and I 
smiled back to him.
	Then, I stood, and ran away as fast as I could.
* * *
	I entered for breakfast the next morning, and seated at the last empty chair, next to 
Augustus.  He was strangely quiet, as if deep in thought about something.  My mother 
and Lady Marle did not mention anything to make me feel embarrassed about last night, 
or the fact that we had disappeared for over an hour.  Inside, I gave a sigh of relief.
However, I noted that they no one was really talking.  I looked questioningly at 
my mother, who was glaring frozenly at Lady Marle across the table.  I was scared.  This 
never happened.  With Lady Marle, my mother was as loquacious and as effervescent as 
the next town gossip.  But the air at this breakfast table was so frozen, I was afraid to 
excuse myself when I finished, afraid of shattering crystalline silence.
It felt bad, being in silence, of course, but at the same time, I didn't mind, for I 
was not overly eager to try at a conversation with Augustus Marle...not after last night.  
After the ball, when I was lying in my bed, I thought of the events of the day, over and 
over.  My heart thudded, and asked me why I had to leave the story unread, unfinished.
	My mind told it to shut up.  There was more than enough turmoil last night, and I 
was up to the brim with all I could take from Augustus Marle.  It was obvious that he had 
only been charming last night because his parents probably told him to be, because he 
was on stage for the hundreds that attended that evening.  It was also obvious that he only 
kissed me to confuse me.  Since he couldn't tease me anymore, that was the only way to 
make me feel this horrible, ugly feeling in my stomach.
	Finally, after the longest breakfast in my life, I followed my father and mother 
meekly to the front door.
	Augustus never met my eye this morning, but gave an air of chill which I could 
not understand.  Lord Marle thanked my father meekly, for hosting them this summer.  
My mother merely nodded coldly to Lady Marle, who gave the same response.  Augustus 
didn't even acknowledge me, but stepped into the carriage without a second thought 
about me, or his entire summer.
	As the carriage drew away, I ran inside and cried.
* * *
	I never understood why I cried that day.  It was foolish.  I had no reason to.  But 
since it had no reason at the time, I never tried finding one later.
	I was nineteen now, and I walked carefully into my mother's room.  My mother 
had never talked to me about Augustus Marle ever since they had left.  They never visited 
again.  Something inside me told me that it was my fault.  Maybe it was because I had run 
away from his kiss, and he had told his mother, and his mother was then mad at me, and 
didn't want me as a daughter anymore, and decided to call off the engagement, making 
my mother angry at her.
	But my common sense told me no.  Even IF I was no longer obligated to marry 
Augustus Marle, and even though a part of me was extremely relieved, I wondered, often, 
why.
	It was about time I learned the truth.  I wanted to hear it.  I was entitled to hear it.  
I did not have courage before to ask, and I had no business before, but now I did, for I 
was not coming to be lady of the house, with my mother's failing health.
	Father had died last year.  I had taken over his duties to his country.
	Xilima was not necessarily a monarchy, but it was close.  There was a high 
council of ten people, various citizens of the country, ranging from poor to rich.  My 
father sat as "ruler", elected by the council, for life, and when he died, I was selected, 
being the first woman to serve as the ruler of Xilima.  I made important decisions, but all 
had to be approved by my council.  The council's actions had to be approved by myself 
as well.  The only thing I COULD do without their approval was live my life and make 
diplomatic missions.  But it was nice proposing my ideas by myself to the council, 
whereas the council had to get something together and written to my desk.  That was the 
main difference.  I just had to jot my ideas down.  It worked rather well, and I of course 
had a vice ruler, who sat on the council and directed the agenda.   He was Lord Darin, and 
aging man who had known me from childhood.
	I loved my job.  Being the first woman to rule Xilima brought lots of pride into 
my whole personage.  I liked to be in charge of everything, and I loved to travel and 
being a diplomat.  In this case, my council had wanted me to finally find out our position 
with Tadamia, which I never knew.
	Tadamia was ruled solely by the aristocrats.  It was a feudalistic society, and it 
was time we did something about the relations, since they seemed to get colder and colder 
every year.  The Marles had pulled lots of strength in the ruling of Tadamia, and when I 
found that out, I didn't wonder why our relations were so cold anymore.  Something told 
me that the only reason why we still were at somewhat okay terms with them was the fact 
that there were other aristocrats ruling Tadamia as well, and that they were on the brink of 
civil war, and did not need any enemies right now.
	And so, I entered mother's room carefully, looking around the dim room, lit by 
one reading lamp.  "Mother?"
	"What is it, dear?"
	"I came to ask a few things."
	"What about?"
	"The council had discussed this, and asked me to come to you and demand an 
explanation of why what our status with the Tadamians is, and why we are not on good 
terms with the Marle family."
	"That is not of your concern," she said, coldly.
	"Mother, I have to know.  As ruler of Xilima, I must know."
	"It isn't necessary.  You know our relations with the Tadamians.  We are on 
trading terms with them.  We receive no diplomats.  That is as far as our relations go."
	"Mother, I want to know why.  What happened six years ago?"
	Mother sighed an exasperated sigh, and as I looked closer to her, I saw that she 
was crying.  "Six years ago, I lost my best friend," she cried.
	I waited silently, holding her hand, and reassuring her.  "It couldn't have been that 
bad."
	"It was worse than bad...it was excruciatingly horrid."
	"Do you want to talk about it?"
	"No...yes.  I don't know."
	"Can you please tell me the story?"
	She sniffled, and I put a handkerchief into her hand.  She wiped up her face, and 
started the story.
	"The evening of the ball, everything was beautiful, and when we saw you and 
Augustus sneak off, with that knowing and romantic look in your eyes, we were so 
happy.  But then, as the night went on, I noticed that my diamond and ruby ring I always 
wore to formal events was gone.  I saw it on Lady Marle's hand.  Of course, I asked her 
about it, and she said it was hers.  She said that my ring was so beautiful that she just had 
to have one made for herself.  I didn't believe her, because I went to my room and 
checked!  It wasn't there, and there it was, plain as day, on her hand!  I accused her of 
lying.  I tried to get my ring back, but I still couldn't; she fought with me and in the end, I 
was even more furious with her, and told her to keep it, but I told her that she would pay 
for her crimes.  She left the next day, very mad at me, and I still haven't found my ring, 
but it doesn't matter anymore because I miss her!  But it was totally unlike her!  I had 
known her since we were children, and she never stole before, and I was ready to believe 
her, but the ring was missing."
	My face paled.  "Mother, did you say your ruby and diamond ring?"
	"Why, yes."
	"Mother, was it on a gold band?"
	"Yes."
	"It wasn't stolen, Mother.  I was cleaning my closet last week, and found it in the 
pocket of my red satin dress...the dress I wore that evening.  Father had given me the ring 
to wear, because I asked him for it.  Only after...something...happened, the ring was 
slipping and I stuffed it into my pocket, and forgot it ever since, until last week.  Didn't 
father tell you I had borrowed it?"
	"You mean, that ring was hers?"
	"Yes, and here is yours," I presented the ring to her, dragging it out of my pocket, 
slowly.
	She was silent for a moment, staring at the ring, but then she collapsed on the bed 
and started crying some more.  Thinking it wise, I left her to her thoughts and went into 
my library to read over something else.
* * *
	She died a few months later, of a fever.  She died at peace though, with good 
feelings to her best friend, for she told me that Lady Marle had written her back after her 
effusive apologetic note.
	There was something altogether very strange in the whole matter.  It felt as if I 
had caused this whole catastrophe of a relationship between best friends to occur, and I 
felt truly sorry.  Though I had apologized time and time again to mother, she would not 
ever tell me it was my fault; she'd only say, "Well, if it makes you feel better, all right."
	As she lay on her dying bed, I could see she was trying to tell me something.  I 
didn't understand it, and I desperately wanted to, my tears were collecting in a huge block 
in my throat, and I couldn't breathe, but I nodded my head understandingly anyway, tears 
slipping down my cheek, and dropping into her thick cream silk blankets.  I couldn't say 
anything, but I think I did say plenty as she looked at me, through my eyes.  She 
knew...she always knew how to read me.
	And with her last breath, she murmured, "I'm proud of you, Crisinti, and nothing 
will ever change that.  You are a beautiful, passionate young lady, with high ideals and 
beautiful dreams.  You love your country with everything in you that can love, and I fear 
that leaving you alone in the world.  It frightens me.  There will be no one to understand 
you and take good care of you.  My dear daughter, promise me that you will let yourself 
love, truly love, and let your hesitation-to love-go."