AUTHOR: Taramisu
 WRITTEN: 2/01/2001
 E-MAIL: taramisu@channelingboards.com
 SUMMARY: Buffy takes her third driving test
 CATEGORY: Sillyfic
 RATING: PG

“Hey, Giles, I need to use your car to drive down to Willy’s.”
“Spike, can you drive me to....”
“I need a ride....”

 

“Buffy.  You are the Chosen One.  The Slayer.  The one girl of every generation to stand up and fight the forces of darkness.  You are not the...how did Xander put it... ‘the Chosen Ride Moocher’.  I believe in you.  I know you can do it.  Just go and take that blasted driving test already.”  Giles turned to the next page in his book, never looking up as he spoke to the girl.

“But, Giles, I already failed it twice.  What, are you trying to give me a complex about it?  Geesh.  I can’t help it the DMV isn’t Slayer-friendly.  Besides, I can’t afford a car on my Slayer salary.”

He finally looked up and sighed.  I’ll tell you what.  As your surrogate father, I will take the responsibility of buying you your first car...”

Buffy nearly screeched, “Really!!”  Her eyes were as big as saucers.

“...IF you pass that driving test.  Honestly, Buffy.  How difficult can it be for a girl with your talents and reflexes to pass and obtain her license?”

With a spring in her step, Buffy skipped toward the front door.  “Now I can drive myself to the apocalypses with my very own car!  Oh joy!”

“Please try to tone down the sarcasm.”

“Who was being sarcastic?”

The door nearly slammed behind her.  But it wasn’t three seconds before it opened back up and Buffy’s eyes were peering through the small opening.  “Giles...” she sung.

“I’ll help you practice driving this evening.  Now go...slay something.”  Giles couldn’t help but wonder what he had gotten himself into.

 

The Slayer and her Watcher worked diligently over the next two weeks.  Giles attempted to remain calm and supportive through the ordeal.  And when the day of reckoning finally arrived, he, as well, felt the fluttering of butterflies within his gut.

 

“Miss Summers?”

Buffy stood up like a spring being released.  “Here!  That’s me.  I-I’m here.  Here for my driving test....which you already knew, because that’s what you do here...test...driving.”

The instructor tapped his pen against the clipboard.  “Nice to see you again...Buffy.”  He quickly made a mental list of why he chose this career.  “I take it you’ve been practicing?”

“Oh, yes!  Absolutely!  Every day.  Every minute.  Should I start by parallel parking for you?!”

He put his hand on her arm.  “Let’s get into the car first, shall we?”

 

The seemingly ditzy blonde sat at the wheel, with hands at 10 and 2, taking deep, centering breaths with her eyes closed.  Mr. Nameless Instructor peeked at his watch then glared at his testee.  “Are you going to drive, or meditate all day?”

Here eyes opened with a start.  “Yes!  Driving.  Definitely driving.”  Buffy’s mind raced.  ‘Seat belt, mirrors, seat...what am I forgetting?’  “Here I go.  Driving now.  Yes, sir.  See me drive.”  ‘Parking brake, shifter in drive.’  “And we’re off!”

Silence

“Would you please start the car Miss Summers?”  His arrogance bore into her soul and increased her anxiety three fold.  ‘Why can I fight multiple demons, all at one time, never breaking a sweat...blindfolded...in a skin tight pair of leather pants, but I can’t take this stupid test without getting all nervous?’

The Chosen One started the engine and took off.

Things started out just fine.  She gently backed out of the parking spot, and pulled out into the street.  Buffy’s butterflies began to settle.  Ahead of the car glared a yellow traffic light.  She just barely stopped before it blinked red.  Buffy was actually quite proud of herself for avoiding a major traffic faux pas – running an orange light.  Mr. Nameless was less than impressed.  The brakes had been applied with so much Slayer force that he plunged toward the windshield, stopping only because of his trusty seat belt.  “What was that?!”  Smoke rose from his ears as his face rapidly reddened.

“I-I was s-stopping at the r-red light.”

He looked at his clipboard and jotted down a secret bit of information.  ‘Great.  Test number 4, here I come.’

“Okay, Miss Summers.  Take a right at the next light, then parallel park next to the bar.”

“You want me to park next to a seedy bar called ‘Willy’s’?”  She immediately saw the look of disgust on the instructor’s face.  “Okay...”

Buffy complied, turning the corner and heading for the demon hangout.  With great confidence, she parked between a van and a DeSoto.  Her pride couldn’t have radiated more from her body at that moment.  Mr. Nameless recorded more data.  She could have sworn he wore a smile.

Then “IT” happened.

A tall, lanky vampire lurched out from the shadows and shattered the passenger side window.  Before Mr. Nameless could register his terror, let alone lose a drop of blood, Buffy skillfully pulled out from the curb, speeding away.

“What are you doing?!”  His voice raised to a falsetto as he strove to comprehend the events.

“Saving your butt, Mr. Government worker!”

The light ahead was red and forced her to stop.  As the Slayer looked behind to make sure the vamp was not following, he gracefully snuck around the front of the vehicle and threatened to crash through the windshield.  ‘Can’t they pick on some poor human who isn’t in the middle of a DRIVING TEST!?’

She slammed on the gas in an attempt to run down the offender.  Despite the great momentum of the car forcing him back into his seat, the instructor struggled to record more information.

The vamp scurried onto the sidewalk and she followed him, the car pounding and jerking over the curb, swerving and barely missing several street signs.  At this point the instructor had stopped talking, screaming, writing and maybe even breathing.  He buried his face in the all-important clipboard, terrified to look out from behind it.

By now, the vampire had realized who it was he had attacked and changed his direction, fleeing for his un-life.  Of course, Buffy could not allow him to escape.  Especially now that he had ruined her chance of obtaining that driver’s license and also a car.  The Slayer jerked the wheel with half her might, spinning the car violently around.  Mr. Nameless fell into his door and pleaded for his life, as he watched it flash before his eyes.

No sooner had she gotten the car back to chasing the vamp, then it scampered down the side alley.  The chase, as it was in a borrowed vehicle, was over.  Buffy wiped her forehead and turned to the instructor.  ”So, what do I do now?”

He sat stunned for several moments.

“I think you are finished...Miss Summers.”

Buffy carefully drove back to the DMV, amazingly with no feelings of anxiety or dread.  She once again, skillfully pulled into the parking spot.  It was finally over...again.  “Well, thank you for putting up with me again, sir.”  He was briefly tempted to award her with her coveted prize, if only to keep her from coming back next month.  But the thought of her on the streets, sharing the road with his 65 year old mother and 20 year old daughter promptly changed his mind.

Deftly, the Slayer applied the parking brake and shifted the car into park.  The adrenaline from the day’s activities must have been too great, for the shifter came off in her small hand.  Buffy just smiled.  “I guess this is why Slayers don’t drive.”  She nonchalantly tossed the spare part to Mr. Nameless and strutted away.

 

Epilogue
Three days later:

“I have a surprise for you, Buffy.”  Giles must have some ulterior motive behind this surprise, since he was none too happy about her performance the other day.  Also, he wore a smile that went from ear to ear.

Buffy sat down while Giles brought out a small box, expertly gift wrapped in blue and green foil with a little green bow.  Willow and Xander scooted closer, with anticipation.  Buffy slowly pulled the bow, causing it to delicately fall away.  She opened the box to reveal...

“A blindfold!?  What is this for?”

“Maybe if you put it on your instructor the next time you test, you’ll finally pass.”

Laughter filled the little shop.
 

End

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