AUTHOR: Taramisu
 WRITTEN: 1/08/2001
 E-MAIL: taramisu@channelingboards.com
 SUMMARY: Buffy, Angel and Spike work out some issues.
 RELATIONSHIP: B/S
 RATING: PG
 TIMELINE: Follows Into the Woods and Reunion
 DISTRIBUTION: All right.  Just ask please.
 DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters...duh!

 
Buffy stood in the kitchen, her face stained with tears and her blonde hair hanging down and sticking to her cheeks.  She was frantically scrubbing dishes, struggling to maintain the little bit of control she had left.  Her mind went over and over the same set of problems- her mother’s health, Dawn and Glory, Riley, and now Spike.  It hadn’t been bad enough that he had tried to kiss her.  It hadn’t been bad enough that he that he was effectively stalking her, and sneaking into her house whenever he had the chance.  It hadn’t even been enough that he had to actively try to come between her and Riley.  The worst part was...it had worked.

Buffy slammed a plate into the cupboard.

She had thought about Xander’s speech incessantly the last couple of days, agonizing over it, striving to answer one question to herself, honestly...for once.  “Was Riley ‘Mr. Once in a Lifetime’?”  She feared she would never know, now that he was gone.  There was one thing she knew for sure.  With him gone, her life did not feel any more empty.  This, she had not expected.  This was the one thing that really scared her and tortured her night after night.

There was a knock at the door.

Upon answering the door, a  pretty girl with dark hair and eyes tentatively entered the house.  Despite their prior clashes and hard feelings, Buffy was somewhat happy to see Cordelia.  Seeing her again was like feeling a connection to her former self.  A self who had a different load on her shoulders....difficult, but different.  She didn’t feel so alone back then.  She didn’t feel so...trapped.  Trapped and helpless.

Buffy tried her best to clean up her face and put on a smile....tried.

“I know it’s been a while, and I haven’t exactly treated you with respect, but Buffy, I need some help.”  ‘Yeah, so do I,’ Buffy thought.  Completely unable to anticipate what Cordelia would be needing now, of all times, Buffy asked, “What’s wrong now?” with a definite air of annoyance.

Cordelia, feeling a bit hurt for finding the strength to seek out her former rival for help, only to be belittled, just bowed her head and answered, “It’s Angel.”

“Oh Jesus!  Oh shit!!  That’s all we need now - Angelus adding to the pot of trouble stew that’s brewing.”  Fear quickly began to envelope the small blonde, until she could feel the searing heat in her ears.

“No, no,” Cordelia tried to calm the Slayer.  “He hasn’t gotten to that point yet.  But he’s acting strange.  I mean, strange even for a 248 year old vampire with a soul and four lifetime’s of guilt.”

Exasperated and not in the mood for guessing games, Buffy sighed.  “How is he acting strange and what the hell do I have to do with it?”

“He’s had a taste of fresh human blood, Buffy.  And now he’s starting to act more and more like Angelus.  He allowed Darla and Drusilla to murder an entire room of people...humans...NON-DEMONS!”  Cordy began to babble, getting ever so anxious all the while.  “Then, when we questioned him about the incident, trying to understand what was happening, he fired us all!  He’s alone now.  Alone, and angry and acting like the vampire he is.”

Buffy sat there, stunned and unable to utter a sound.  Cordy’s ranting had opened up at least three new cans of worms.  Three new names to add to her ever growing list of problems.  Finally after a few moments, the Slayer broke her trance and the silence, “Darla?!  What are you talking about?  We killed her...dead.  She’s dust.  You know, the kind of dead that isn’t undead, but really, really dead!  What kind of drugs is Wesley giving you?  You gotta watch those Watchers.  They’ll turn on you in a minute.”  Buffy was trying so hard to make light of this situation and not have to take it seriously.

“It’s a long story, all mystical and stuff.  Bottom line – evil people brought Darla back from the dead as a human.  Then they brought in Drusilla to turn her back to a vampire.  We don’t really know what their deal is.  We just know that they have it in for Angel...bad.”

“I’m not coming to you as a friend.  I’m not even here because of your history with Angel.  I need the Slayer.  That’s what it has to do with you.”  Cordy fought to hold back her contempt for the snotty blonde. 

Buffy flushed with embarrassment for her behavior.  Regardless of her own personal troubles, she is and always will be the chosen one.  “This is not a good thing.  Major bad!”  Buffy’s mind immediately envisioned the four vampires, rejoined, and unstoppable.  The Slayer had never had to face the entire quartet.  Their line was strong and nasty.  There was no Kendra, Faith, Angel, or super Riley to help with the fight.  Her and her friends and Watcher would surely lose if the four vamps had put their minds to destroying them.

Then one glimmer of sunlight entered her morbid thoughts.  Spike.  Spike wasn’t exactly Spike anymore.  What he was exactly, she didn’t know.  But he certainly wouldn’t be joining the old gang any time soon...not with that wonderful chip in his head. 

“Well, I can’t go to L.A. right now.  I have some stuff here I’m kind of dealing with.  I’d send Spike, maybe, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that’s not a good idea.  Besides, we need him here.”

Cordelia narrowed her eyes at the mention of ‘needing Spike’. The last she had seen of him, he was torturing Angel to near death over the Gem of Amarra.  The Slayer noted Cordelia’s expression of distaste and decided it best to not elaborate, just in case the news of a neutered Spike made it to Angel’s ears.  Who knows what the clan would do to William the Bloody  if they ever found out.  After all, Darla had not responded well to Angelus with a soul.  Buffy found herself wanting to protect Spike...a feeling she was not wholly comfortable with.

“Let me talk with Giles.  We’ll cook up a plan.  I’ll have him call Wesley later.  We really don’t need this now, but we can’t afford to let this escalate any.”  Buffy paused, staring intently at the pattern in the carpet.

Cordy nearly whispered, “I’m sorry, Buffy.”  The brunette really was.

 

Cordy and Wesley met at the hotel, hoping to catch Angel before he left for the night.  When the vampire was not found in his room, Cordy told Wesley what Buffy had said.  She talked about it all: the Slayer’s reaction to the news, her poor mental state and the strange remark about the vicious vampire Spike.  As the two quietly chatted, Angel was listening from the shadows.

The second the two mortals left, Angel quickly snagged his long, black coat.  It flared behind him as he ran out the back door.

 

For a warmer winter night over a Hellhole, things were a bit on the quiet, boring side.  Buffy had just started for home when she ran into the platinum blonde vamp.  The Slayer immediately turned the other way.  Without thinking of pride or integrity, Spike swiftly ran after her, tripping on a tombstone but managing to recover.  “Buffy!”  He desperately called out to her.  She stopped, but did not turn to look at him.  He caught up with her, but did not seek her eyes.  He remained behind, regarding her beautiful figure from behind.  “Buffy...”  Spike found his mouth would not move.  The words did not want to come.

It was the ever composed Slayer who broke the silence.  “I don’t know what you thought you would accomplish with that little stunt of yours.  Unless you wanted me to stake you.”  She swung around mid sentence to glare at the vampire.  But Spike still couldn’t meet her eyes with his.  He stared at his feet, with his hands in his pockets, searching for the right thing to say.  He hadn’t wanted to be the one to come in between her and Riley.  Ok, yeah, he did want to, but knew it would only result in ...this.  “Tell me you didn’t show me that vamp nest to hurt me...the only way you can!  No, I have a better idea.  Tell me the truth damnit!  All this time, I thought you were changing.  I thought we had at least found some sort of common ground.  I guess I was dead wrong.  You’ll always be hunting me like some damn prey.  Well you know what, Spike?  I’ve had it!  Let’s get this over with here and now!”  She was now facing him fully and reaching for the weapon in her front pocket.

Her words cut through him, wounding him deeper than any wooden stake could.  Finally, Spike resolved to quit lying to her and himself.  If he didn’t do something to turn her hatred for him now, he knew it would just fester and grow until he really had no chance in hell of winning her love.  “Alright, Slayer!  We’ll do just that!  I’ll put my cards out on the table, then you do the same.  You want to know why I pulled that bloody ‘stunt’?  I did it for you.  Not to you, but for you, pet.  How could I stand by, listening to you profess your love for the Commando, then watch him...” Spike paused as his distaste for what Riley had done shuttered through his body.  “Well, you saw it.”  Buffy’s scowl did not change.

“Trust me, luv.  If I wanted you hurt or dead, you would be.”  He paused once again, hoping the moment of silence would punctuate his next statement.  “I don’t want to hurt you, Buffy.”

Buffy’s face melted into a look of confused realization.

Just then, a dark and tall fledgling flew through the air and tackled Buffy to the ground.  Spike momentarily looked up and muttered, “Oh bloody hell!”  He leaped to her aide, but the Slayer had already dusted the newbie.  “Damn, you’re good!”

“So are you.  I almost fell for that sappy line of yours.”

The anger rose quickly through his lukewarm body.  Spike grabbed her by the shirt and yanked her to her feet.  “Girl!  You are the blindest, most stubborn mortal I have ever met,” he growled.  “You asked for the bloody truth, and here it is.  I love you.”

Buffy shook her head until her whole body started to shake.  She shoved him several feet backward, nearly knocking him off his feet.  She could feel the tears welling up, but she was determined not to let them come.

“If I wanted to harm you, luv, I would have left Captain Cardboard to vamp out, then let him kill you.  I wanted to protect you, and your friends, Slayer.”  Spike barely took a step forward as he spoke, expecting her to recoil in fear or disgust.  She stood still and silent.  He took another step forward, and then another, until he was as close to her as he dare venture.  She was searching his eyes and face for the truth.  “That’s right, slayer.  Look hard.  You’ll see I’m being straight with you.”  Inside, Spike was praying for her to kiss him, take his hand, hell, even smile.  Yet, he knew all the while the best he could expect was for her to not stake him.  But her reaction was to say, “I don’t know why.”

Spike closed his eyes, letting his feelings come forward.  “I don’t know either, luv.  All I know is I thought I was obsessed with killing the Slayer, when I was really obsessed with just you.  Your scent, your wit, your style.” 

Buffy started to walk away, but then motioned for him to follow.  Spike walked to her left and, almost imperceptibly, back a few inches.

“I don’t love you, you know.”  Spike’s cold heart sank to the pit of his stomach, even though he had already known it to be true.

“I know.  But you don’t hate me either, and you can’t lie to me about that.”

Buffy slowly looked at Spike, and said, almost with a hint of challenge in her voice, “No, I don’t hate you.  But you haven’t given me many reasons to feel otherwise.” 

Spike sped up to look her in the eyes, “but I will.”

 

Angel looked around the familiar house, that now, was not so familiar.  He walked around the living room, touching the fixtures, furniture and baubles, remembering happier times.  The one thing that confused him was the picture of Buffy and her mom.   Who was that young girl between them?  Before he could contemplate the photo any further, a noise from outside drew his attention.  Angel hurried to the window, nudged back the curtains ever so slightly and peered outside.

He could not believe his eyes.  Spike and Buffy together.  Speaking in normal voices.  They were definitely not fighting, like the enemies they were...that they should have been.  Angel watched until he saw his former love turn to enter the house.  Very purposefully, he sat on the coffee table, facing the door.  He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and his hands folded neatly in front of him.

As Buffy entered the house, her initial surprise was quickly replaced with terror.  “Angel?!”

“Hi, Buffy.”  He stood as a gesture of respect and to greet her.  Buffy involuntarily stepped back.  She still held the door knob with the door wide open, praying that Spike had not gone far.

“I know about the little convo you had with Cordelia earlier.  I can only imagine what you are thinking right now.  That’s one of the reasons I’m here.”

“What’s the other reason?”  Buffy was poised for a physical confrontation.  The hand on the knob was now secretly clutching the stake she always hid in her waist band.

“Stand down, Buffy.  This is Angel, not Angelus.”  Angel resigned himself to having to provide a thorough explanation for his recent actions.  “I fired Wesley, Cordy, and Gunn to keep them safe.  If they are close to me emotionally or physically, Darla will go after them.  And before you ask, yes, I allowed the humans from Wolfram and Hart to die by the hands of my sire.  I finally had had enough.  They had been killing innocents and they had been trying to destroy me or turn me into Angelus.  Once they brought back Darla and turned her back into a vampire, I knew that there was only one solution.  Buffy, they weren’t humans.  They were evil incarnate.”

Buffy wanted to believe him so badly.

“It’s too bad we don’t have a secret password we can use each time we need to make sure you are you.”

“A password?”  Angel gave her his standard confused face.

“It’s you, all right, Angel.”  Buffy laughed in sheer relief.  The dark vampire weakly smiled as Buffy hugged him and tears threatened to come to her eyes.  The feel of her warm body against his made him very nervous.  He slowly, but firmly removed the slayer from himself.  “What is it, Buffy?”

“I had terrible visions of you and the rest of your line rejoining.  I can’t say the thought gave me a warm fuzzy feeling.”

“So, you knew about Darla?”

“Cordelia told me.”

“Good.  You all need to know this.”

An uncomfortable silence fell over the once couple.  Just when Buffy couldn’t take it any longer, Angel broke the quiet and replaced it with something worse.  “So, how’s your boyfriend...Riley, is it?”  He noticed Buffy turn a bit pale.

“He left.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Buffy.”

More silence.

“Do you mind if I ask what happened?  I mean, it’s really none of my business, but...I still care about you.”

“No, I don’t mind.”  She took a deep breath while she gathered her thoughts.  At first, she was tempted to make a short, cryptical statement, just to keep her tough, Slayer exterior showing.  But the grand relief she felt from discovering Angel was still Angel had brought forth the emotions she always strove to keep buried deep within.

“He was so...safe.  So, normal.  I think I may have mistaken that for love.”  She always felt safe to show her real self in Angel’s presence.  Not so much to her friends, as they always judged.  Angel never judged her.  He just accepted her for who she was: slayer, girl, woman, friend, lover.  The Slayer felt her heart yearn to have once again what she had had with her former vampire lover.  “I never even realized it until...” Buffy bowed her head, hating to look him in the eye while admitting what Riley had been doing.  “...he thought I didn’t love him.  He thought he needed to be more like you,” (‘and Spike and Dracula’ she thought) in order to be my ‘guy’.  So, he started paying vampires to feed off of him.”

“He did that all because of me?!”

Buffy quickly said, “No!  He did it because of himself.  We never even really talked about it.  It all happened in one day for me.  Spike showed me Riley with the vamps, then Riley told me that he felt unloved and ignored, then he left for the jungle that night.”

Angel noted she was amazingly calm and emotionless.  Once again, there was an awkward silence.

“Hungry?”

A bit flustered and surprised, the vampire responded, “Uh, n-no.  I’m fine, thanks,” wondering all the while why she would have blood in her house.  It was now time to bring up the main topic.

“Buffy, what is going on with Spike?”

She wasn’t surprised he was asking.  Afterall, she was asking herself the same question...every day.

“Well...” she began cautiously, not knowing if the truth should be revealed yet. 

“I hear you talk about him casually as if he is a part of your life.  Also, Cordelia said something about you needing him to stay in Sunnydale.  You don’t need me to tell you how dangerous he is.”

“Spike is...a bit different now-a-days.  Maybe ‘not himself’ is a better explanation.”

“I don’t understand.  Did Willow cast a spell on him or something?”

“No.”  Her voice wavered.  “He’s...he’s...well, bite-free.”

Angel just narrowed his eyes and stared at her.  “You have to keep this from Darla and Dru.  If they find out, they’ll kill him.”  He smelled a definite rush of adrenaline and fear come from Buffy.

“The government operation Riley was with, the Initiative, put a microchip in his brain.  It prevents him from harming humans.”

“William isn’t going to like that!  I’m surprised he hasn’t tried to dust himself.”

“He did, once.”  Buffy’s face turned a bit sad.

“Don’t tell me you saved his demon ass?!”

“Well, he’s very useful the way he is.  He patrols with me every once in a while.  Says it helps him get his quota of violence in before bed...seeing that demons are the only things he can kill.”

Then something miraculous happened.  Angel chuckled.

“It’s not funny, Angel.”  Her eyes were dead serious.

“Hell, yeah it’s funny!  ‘Spike the Vampire Slayer’.  Dru would most certainly be displeased.”

“Angel, stop.  He’s struggling through this.  I didn’t find it a bit funny that the once great and feared Angelus is now fighting the forces of darkness.  In a way we’re lucky to have William.”

When Buffy stopped talking, Angel just stared in disbelief.  “You love him!”

“What?!”

“I can see it in your eyes, in your body language, in your words.  I know you, Buffy, like no one else in the world could.  I even knew you didn’t really love Riley.”

Buffy threw her arms up and yelled, half joking, half frustrated, “why is it everybody knew I didn’t love him but me?!”

“And I so do not love Spike!  He’s a help sometimes, sure, but he’s still an egotistical, violent maniac.”

“I agree.  That’s why I came.  Chip or no chip, you can’t trust that man.  You of all people should realize that.”

That was one fact Buffy could not dispute.  Spike, no matter how helpful, or how neutered, was still a vampire, and therefore dangerous.  The Slayer’s mind drifted back, painfully remembering when Angel turned to Angelus.  She began to feel a burning in her chest – the feeling she used to get when she first found out she was the slayer.  It was an overwhelming feeling of being out of control and helpless.  ‘Can I ever trust anyone?’ she cried to herself.  Angel had betrayed her.  Parker used her.  Riley left her.  She had known four years ago that she would never have a normal life – never marry, have kids, buy a house with a white picket fence in the suburbs.  She, at one time, had imagined herself growing old with her husband, becoming a wrinkly set of prunes in rocking chairs on the front porch with great grandchildren running about.  The reality is, she would live to her early 20’s, if she was lucky.  One day, when the stars and planets were aligned properly, some dark, sinister demon/beast would manage to overcome her with a lucky strike, stripping her of her young, vibrant life.  The most she could ever hope for is for someone to give her happiness and love for the rest of her short life.  And now she was concluding that she could very well never have even that much.  Buffy silently cursed the Powers That Be.

“Yes, I do realize that.  But it’s not like I haven’t had to deal with it before,” she said poignantly, half looking at the man in front of her.  “I can’t stand it, Angel.”  Buffy’s wall had been broken and tears came uncontrollably.  “How am I supposed to live like this?”  She dropped her head into her hands and quietly wept.

Angel felt guilt rush over him like the beach at high tide.  He could taste the bare naked truth of her words.  He slowly stood up, walked to her and held her in his strong, cool arms.  The smell of her hair and feel of her body heat was intoxicating.  He now remembered why making love to her had been the happiest moment(s) of his life.  “I know, Buffy.”  He gently rubbed her back.  “I can’t help make it better, but I can remind you that I am going through it myself and have been for 248 years.  Please don’t feel alone.  I still love you, and always will.”

The tears suddenly stopped.  Even though her Angel lived miles away, and had a life outside of her own, she knew she would never be alone.

 

Angel had left for L.A. and  Dawn and Mom lay sleeping in their beds.  The calm and silence of the house reverberated through Buffy, allowing her to collect her thoughts and put into perspective all that she had learned tonight.  In the bathroom, the mirror reflected a very confused and worn out woman...someone who had lived more than her years suggest. ‘Buffy, what is going on with Spike?  I hear you talk about him casually as if he is a part of your life.’  She turned on the faucet and leaned over to wash her face.   ‘I’d send Spike... but ...we need him here.’  Grabbing the fresh, clean towel on the right, she dried her face, enjoying the soft, warm feel. ‘You love him!’  Her old, sweaty patrol clothes peeled off like the skin of a banana.  ‘How am I supposed to live like this...alone?’  She couldn’t wait to step into the shower.  ‘I don’t want to hurt you, Buffy...I love you.’  The water cascaded over her well toned body, feeling so soothing and comforting.  ‘I don’t love you, you know...And I so do not love Spike!’  She lathered up her hair and body, taking in the sweet smell of her soap and shampoo.  ‘Chip or no chip, you can’t trust that man.’  Buffy rinsed off, toweled dry, then looked in the mirror once more.  “Better.”  Tonight would feel so good for the girl to sleep.

 

3:35am
Buffy awoke with a start.  Her dream had been too vivid.  It was not her usual prophetic dream, just very incisive.

She was on a ship, far out into the ocean in the middle of nowhere.  Everyone she had ever known and loved was on board.  Winds came from every direction, growing exponentially in intensity as a violent storm approached.  Suddenly, the weather worsened.  The ship rocked to and fro with waves threatening to overcome the huge vessel.  Buffy knew there was only one way to make it out of there alive.  They all had to work together to prepare the boat.  She swiftly turned to ask her third grade teacher, Mrs. Henderson, to help with the sails.  The wind grabbed the old spinster and plunged her into the depths of the sea.  Terrified, Buffy found another familiar face, Joe, her next door neighbor.  He too was washed into the water.  One after another after another, they all met the same fate.  In a panic, Buffy fled through the ship to find Willow, Xander, Giles and Mom.  It was then she heard the banging coming from below.  Her friends were trapped inside the cabin.  She tried frantically to bust open the door, but a large block of cheese barricaded the door.  Her only choice was to keep trying to enlist help from the final passengers on the deck.  There were only 4 left.  She turned to Parker and he leaped off the ship.  She turned to Angel and he was pulled off the ship.  She turned to Riley and he simply disappeared.  She defeatedly turned to Spike.  His hair was brown and styled contemporarily, as were the clothes he wore.  William looked down at her, smiling warmly.  Then he put his arm around her and drew her close.  With a light kiss across her quivering lips...the water was still.

The petite woman picked up her phone in a feverish sweat.

“’Lo?” said the barely conscious voice on the other end.

“Willow.  What do you think about Spike?  Is he the same evil Spike we met 3 years ago?”

Willow struggled to sit up, then rubbed her eyes in order to focus on the digital clock by her bed.  “Isn’t this something that can wait until morning, Buf?”  Buffy heard a cranky Tara ask what she wanted.

“I’m sorry to wake you two, you know that.  But I have to know!”

“Um...Spike, huh?  Ok, well,” she was still trying to wake up.  A long yawn crawled up to her mouth.  “I would have to say that aside from the chip, I’ve seen a definite difference in him.  Yeah.  I mean, he’s more puppy than vicious dog, you know?  The kind of puppy that will gnaw on your toes, but just in that playful, puppy way.”  Despite having been punched in the face by the vampire just a few days earlier, Tara nodded her head in agreement.  “See, Tara agrees.”

Absentmindedly, Buffy hung up the phone without saying another word.  “Puppy?” she said aloud to no one but herself.

Turning to Willow as she hung up the phone, Tara said, grinning from ear to ear  “See. I told you.”

It wasn’t 5 minutes before Buffy had changed from her comfy cotton pajamas to jeans and was out the door, headed toward the cemetery.  The slender slayer knew that he would be home soon, if he weren’t already. 

 

The closer she got to Spike’s crypt, the louder the British voice became.  “Bloody buggar!  You are going to be mine eventually, so you best bloody well accept it!”  Buffy’s interest was piqued as she heard rustling through the brush.  A few more choice vulgarities echoed through the cemetery.  When Spike finally came into view, he was crouched down with a small, brown, fuzzy animal in his hands.  “A-ha!” he growled.  His game face appeared and he started feeding from what could only be a rabbit.  Upon seeing Buffy emerge from the horizon, Spike lept up and his face returned to normal.  The sheer embarrassment caused him to violently throw his dinner behind a tombstone and wipe his mouth on his sleeve.  “Buffy!”  He mumbled through the sticky mouthful.

Buffy stifled her urge to comment and thereby embarrassing him further.  She wasn’t here tonight for a verbal battle.  “Sorry to interrupt you, but I have to ask you something.”  Buffy looked him over carefully.  His mortification at being caught in this act radiated from him like heat.  His head was down, looking at the ground.  Spike couldn’t believe the bad timing.  Feeding was definitely one thing he did not want his Buffy to see...let alone that he was stooping so low as to feed from vermin.

Buffy suddenly couldn’t stand the thought of his discomfort.  “Look, Spike.  Don’t worry about it.”  She gingerly put her hand on his shoulder.  “I know what you are.  I accept that.”  He sheepishly looked up at the blonde slayer.  “What I’m here to ask you is...who you are.”

One eyebrow lifted.  “What?”

“Let me get right to the point.”  Buffy subconsciously fiddled with the gold cross at her chest.  “Would you still love me if that chip in your head were gone?”

Spike tripped over his tongue a few times before he could get the whole thought out.  “Well...I...er...the chip doesn’t control me, ducks.  It doesn’t change my personality or feelings.”

“Yeah, ok.  Point taken.  But let’s just say that one day, the chip stops working and you go all willy nilly killing humans again.  I’d be the first one you’d kill, wouldn’t I?”  Buffy’s tone was a mixture of accusation and...something else.  She was almost pleading for Spike to prove her statement false. 

The perceptive vampire began to understand what she was getting at.  She was seeing a pattern in her life.  It was so obvious now!

“I’m not my bloody sire, Slayer.”

“I never said you were.  I’m just...”

Spike could see right through this tough-girl act.  She wanted to know that he was safe...safe to walk with, safe to fight with, safe to love.  He took both her hands in his, and looked her straight in the eyes.  Buffy did not move.  “Buffy.  I’m...not...Angel.  If this bloody chip were removed right here and now, I would still be before you, begging you to love me.  If we made wild, passionate love, I would wake up beside you, just the same as I would every night after that.”  Buffy’s face flushed a brilliant red.  Spike...no, William’s words wormed into her lonely heart, giving it warmth she hadn’t felt since before she formally met Angelus.  “Remember that night I told you how I killed the slayers?  You told me that I was beneath you.”  She felt a sharp pang of guilt.  “I came back to your house that night to kill you out of sheer anger and humiliation.  I couldn’t do it.  And not because of this soddin’ chip either, but because I just can’t.”

There was a dead silence.  Buffy contemplated all that Spike had just confessed.  She knew that he had definite soulful qualities.  After all, he had overcome his vampiric tendencies before to get his love, Drusilla back.  That wasn’t a typical bloodsucker action in her book.  Then, suddenly, all the events of the last day culminated into a small flame of feeling deep in her soul... a feeling of respect and trust for her former mortal enemy.  It would still take time for the flame to grow, but it was definitely there.  There was just one feeling left for her to discover.

Spike was just about to move away to give her some distance, some time for his words to sink in, when she grabbed his head and planted her lips firmly on his.  At first, Spike was stunned and wanted to pull away.  His eyes were wide from surprise and excitement.  She was kissing him!  Their bodies simultaneously began to relax as the kiss became more than just a kiss.  It was a declaration.  A declaration of Buffy’s sheer love for the vampire.  She couldn’t believe this was happening, but it just felt so...right, so...good.  The slayer had no idea how she was going to explain this one to her family and friends, but didn’t really care either.  They had heard enough wild tales from her about her love life that it should be old hat by now. For now, all she wanted to do was bathe in the new found love...the love that would last forever.  She had finally found someone who knew her and could accept all that she stood for.  Spike felt that as well.  She knew what he was, yet loved him despite it.  She knew who he was, and loved him for it.

End

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