AUTHORS: dru as Buffy & Evil Willow as Spike (Go worship the goddess that is EW!)
SERIES: Three Phases
PAIRING : Buffy/Spike
RATING : NC17
DISCLAIMER : We do not own these
characters. We just like putting them in lewd positions!
NOTE: We wrote this as role-play
on Yahoo! IM! We had *so* much fun! We've co-authored before but never live like this! We hope you enjoy the fruits of
our lab- okay, so it wasn't really *work*. It was more like play!
=====================================================================
I pull
back and look into her eyes. And I can tell she's a little aroused, I can smell
it in the air. But there's probably a voice in her head, matching mine, saying
'This is a very bad idea.' But I was ignoring it just fine, so she could too if
she tried. "I'd rather get *you* off," I reply with a grin.
Damn it!
Why can't I move my hands?!
"This
is *so* *not* happening, Spike!"
Did that
sound convincing? I *hope* it did. Because he does *not* turn me on. Vampires
do *not* turn me on.
(Anymore.)
"I
do *not* sleep with vampires."
Okay, I
really hope that the look on my face conveys my disbelief that she'd bother
with such a blatant lie. "Suffering a case of amnesia, along with the
death wish?" I wonder.
"It's
my new years resolution," I say blankly.
"And
I sure as Hell would *never* *ever* sleep with *you*," I add.
And I am
*so* not getting turned on by this.
Although
his hands *do* feel like Angel's.
I raise
my eyebrow. "Yet another challenge, Buffy?" I say. "I *did*
mention, didn't I, how I usually react to those?"
I'm so
glad she hasn't mentioned Angel, though, because I'm not in the mood to talk
about him. Even if she is probably thinking about him.
And I
could always tell her that he'd understand her attraction to me. He used to
want me himself, used to fuck me all the time. But I know that wouldn't go over
well. At all. Especially when she still has that Angel-good Angelus-evil
belief. All the fault of the sodding human who wrote that Dr. Jekyll and Mr.
Hyde novel.
I look
him up and down quick and *damn*, I have to stop this.
"Well,
I'm not into wasting me time. And you clearly don't have anything to offer a
girl, else Dru'd be here. And you're not *Angel*."
Okay,
can we say flirting with fire? Or tempting the fire? Or some other catch phrase
to describe my current predicament. And I so don't *want* to be here.
Hello! I
was just ready to *die* because I sent Angel to prison.
No, it's
just cause Spike annoys me. And I can't brood when I'm annoyed.
"Dru's
insane, Pet. She often forgets her own name, so trust me, not a good idea to
judge things based on *her* actions." I thrust against her again and she
gasps.
"And
as for me not being Angel," I shrug. "I'd have to agree with you
there. But that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I won't lose my soul, cuz I
don't have one to lose. I won't drive you crazy brooding. And you'll never have
to worry about me trying crazy open-the-Hellmouth schemes. I like this world
just the way it is."
While
I've been talking I start kneading her breast, hard. She's biting her lip, so
that means she's probably trying not to let me know she's liking it. And I can
smell her arousal in the air, and it makes me even harder. One of the reasons I
love being a vampire. I can always tell when someone wants me.
I am not
enjoying this.
I am not
enjoying this.
I am not
enjoying thi- oh god, I'm enjoying this.
And he
knows it too.
But it's
wrong. And it's bad.
"S-s-stop,"
I say.
He doesn't though. He does it harder. And
god, is he hard. I can feel him pressing into my hips. Shit. This is *not* what
I had in mind for the second time I'm have sex. And it's sure as hell is *not*
going to be with Spike.
"This
isn't a relationship," I say. "And you can just go to Hell." And
then I *really* try and get my hands away.
Well,
not *really* try as in actually trying. Just trying in the
this-is-not-happening way.
I don't
want Spike. I want Angel.
I hold
her wrists a little tighter. "Did I say anything about a
relationship?" I ask. "Don't think so. I was thinking about sex.
Amazing, mind-blowing sex, making you come harder than --" Don't talk
about Angel. "than you have in a long time. I want you, and you definitely
want me. Deny it all you want, but I can smell how much you want me.
"So
what's the problem here?" I ask. "Other than me vampire, you slayer.
Haven't you ever just wanted to ignore what's good or right and just give in to
what you want?
"I'm
not saying for forever, but just for one night, Buffy. One night of amazing
sex. That's what I'm offering here. No strings attached. Nobody will ever have
to know, other than us two. I'll even get outta your way afterward. You'll
never see me again, if that's how you want it."
Sex.
I've had
sex exactly *once*.
Not
really big with the experience for *amazing* sex, which means he's pretty damn
sure of himself.
But-
"Let me go," I request.
Is that a
'no, let me go'; or a 'yes, let me go so I can participate?' I can't tell, from
the expression on her face. But my instincts tell me that either way, not
letting her go would get me even further from my goal. So I release her wrists
and take a step back. "You gonna answer me?" I wonder.
I rub my
wrists and grab a robe from the dresser. This is not happening.
I'm not
actually considering this.
I tried
taking what I wanted before and it didn't end well. Angel lost his soul an- we
all know how *that* ended. I sent him to Hell and he won't leave me alone. I
can't get him out of my head.
It's
like he's going to come back. He's haunting me as if he's just waiting. I
expect him to show up at my place. I expect to find him around a corner or- But
Angel is gone.
I have
to sit down for *that* realization. I sit on the edge of the bed.
Angel is
*gone*.
And he's
not coming back for me.
I won't
feel him again and he won't ever kiss me again and if I wait for him to come
back, I'll be waiting for my second time for the rest of my life.
But with
Spike? Spike is his enemy. Letting Spike touch me is wrong.
Angel...
what would he think? Knowing that I slept with the enemy. Knowing that I even
thought about it! Or that I was pressed naked against him.
It would
kill him.
But-
Angel's gone. And I'm not.
And the
only thing that has made me remotely not Buffy-bot in the past few months has
been Spike.
I look
up and he's still waiting for an answer.
I just
nod.
I'm not
sure why, exactly.
Maybe
because Spike and I have always had an understanding about things. Or maybe
because I believe him when he says that it would be amazing. Or maybe because I
just wanna pretend Angel's with me one more time.
Either
way, "Okay."
What?
I mean, I
asked, but I never...
*ever*...
I was
expecting a stake through the heart, truthfully. Or a punch in the face. Or ...
But
'okay'? Just like that? 'Okay'?
And this
is why I'm standing here staring at her like I've lost all ability to speak. And
that's wasting precious time we could be making use of, doing other things.
But, wow. I mean, really. *Wow.*
Okay
Spike, get a grip. Not like you haven't had sex hundreds of times. So stop
staring like an idiot and do something. Especially since she just stood up and
pulled the robe around her tighter, like she thinks I've changed my mind.
Is she
crazy? Has she looked at herself in a mirror lately? "Where do you think
you're goin'?" I ask with a smile, stepping up to her. "I was just a
little surprised, but I'm over it now." To prove that fact, I slip my hand
inside her robe and grab her waist pulling her to me. I tilt her chin up with
my other hand and lean in to kiss her.
Oh god.
Okay,
when I said 'okay' I hadn't really thought that it would involve kissing, and
touching, and- Oh god, there *he* is again.
But...
it's not like it's revolting or anything. His hand fits perfectly in the small
of my back as he pulls me toward him. I stifle a moan as he captures my lips
again.
I can
feel a slight pulsing between my legs, like I remember from my birthday. Did
that even happen? I do- "Spike," I moan as he starts kissing down my
neck. "Spike?"
"Yeah?"
I ask as I continue to lick and kiss her throat. And fuck, it's a temptation.
There's a voice in my head chanting, 'Bite her, bite her, bite her, bite her,'
but I ignore it. It would ruin my plans of really good, mind-blowing sex.
Because she'd get the urge to stake me, and then I'd have to defend myself...
And it would just screw everything up.
I push his
chest, so there's a good half a foot between us, and say, "No fangs."
I try to
look at her like she *didn't* just read my mind. "I kinda figured that
already, Pet," I reply. I grab her waist and pull her back against me.
"I'll be good," I say with a smirk. "Real good," I add, as
I run a hand up to knead her breast.
Oh fuck.
And I
really hope I didn't say that out loud. 'Cause that language is just not proper
from a slayer, or from a Buffy.
What
would Mom say?
Course Mom
wouldn't expect me to be throwing myself at another vampire. Of course Mom
doesn't *know* Angel was a vampire.
And this
is not helping. So you know what?
Fuck it.
I don't
care about it. I don't care what Angel would think. I don't care what Mom would
say. And I don't care if my friends would approve. I need this.
This
night is about Buffy.
Fuck the
rest of the world.
So I
slip my arm up around his neck and pull him to my mouth. And CHRIST his mouth!
I slip my
tongue inside her mouth, teasing hers. She moans, and I love that sound. Almost
as much as I love hearing screaming. Okay, not a good idea to think about
killing when I'm about to have sex with the slayer.
Especially
when she seems to read my mind.
I push
her robe apart and hell, I love they way her skin feels against mine. She
twists her fingers in my hair and I purr. Can't help it. Dru used to play with
my -
Okay, no
thinking about Dru, either.
I thrust my hips against hers and she whimpers. I can't help smiling. I just
made the slayer whimper! To hide my smile, I kiss my way along her jaw line to
her earlobe, sucking on it.
As he
starts kissing down my jaw, I feel his hands starting to push off the robe.
The
cooler air hits my nipples and they harden? They do. I guess that's what
supposed to happen?
Again,
notice my lack of experience. I have no idea what to do with my hands or
anything. Angel pretty much took care of everything, before... No. Stop it.
He
pushes the robe completely off my body and I can't help but feel like he'll
bolt. I'm so hideous. I've lost so much weight, and he knows I'm not in shape.
I'm bone thin and terribly pale. And shit, what was I thinking?
I pull
away, because I've looked at her, but I can't seem to get *enough* of looking
at her. And okay, so she's not been eating as much, and the sun would be good.
But she's still so fucking sexy.
I glance
up at her face and she looks uncomfortable. And it's a little bit of a shock
that this girl who's always seemed so full of herself doesn't know...
"You're even sexier than I thought you were clothed," I say with a
grin.
She
frowns a little and I add, "Buffy, if it *wasn't* true, you wouldn't
affect me like this," I say, taking her hand and pressing it against my
jeans so she can feel my erection. She tries to pull away and I let her. Don't
want to push her and scare her away. But didn't she *know* already, how hard I
was?
"Oh
shit," I say as I step away. I grab the robe again and hold it in front of
me.
Okay.
Saying I'll do this and *actually* doing it are two completely different
things.
I turn
away from him and then spin around again and look at him. He doesn't look mad,
he looks disappointed. "Just having some trouble," I say. "I'm
not exactly an *expert* in this or anything. I'm just..." Nervous? Freaked?
Horny?
Oh god.
I just-
with A- before, it didn't matter because we loved each other. But he's
promising me this night of great sex and... I've only done it once!
It should've occurred to me that she'd be feeling insecure
about this. Guess it *did* only take one time for Angel to lose his soul. And
that *really* had to add to her confidence level. So... new tactic.
"Put the robe back on," I say. She looks confused, but slips the robe
on, tying it shut. She does seem less tense now, which is good.
I hate being 'sensitive'. Reminds me of who I was when I was still alive. But
I'll do it because hell, I really need to come. "Look, I don't want an
'expert', I want you. *You're* the one who was sexy enough to turn me on
tonight, Buffy. And I didn't mean to pressure you just now. We'll take this as
slow as you need. Okay?"
Slow.
That sounds good.
I don't
want to be bad. No, I wish I weren't, but I am. Angelus said so.
And I
really have to keep my mouth in check because I haven't really been able to tell
what I've said out loud and what I haven't. Damn.
"Maybe,"
and I have rocks in my head even as I say this, "Maybe it'd-" I'm
blushing. I know I am. Little Miss. Practically-a-Virgin Summers. Just spit it
out, Buffy.
"Maybe
it'd be easier if we evened the playing field." He looks at me awkwardly
for a minute, so I stand up. "Well, you so rudely ended my shower…" I
walk into the bathroom, hoping he'll follow. Maybe we just need to be even. I
mean, he's already seen me naked and felt me naked quite a bit. Maybe that
would help me.
Of
course, then, I'd actually see *him* naked and all his naked parts…
Okay,
perhaps this wasn't the best plan, but it's already out there. There's no
chance I made that up in my head.
Oh. Okay.
Not like I mind when others see me naked. Just wasn't expecting her to suggest
it. But I'm not going to do anything to change her mind about it, either.
Because it *was* hard, not to join her in that shower.
I can
tell she's a little nervous, which is odd, considering she was with Angel. And
I woulda figured he'd have been all sickeningly romantic and shit. And besides,
she was good enough to make him lose his soul. I think that would've reassured
her of her talent.
I walk
into the bathroom and she's fixing the water temperature. She doesn't look at
me, but she knows I'm here. I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her
waist, pulling her against me. "How 'bout a bath?" I say, nuzzling
her ear. I can do the romantic shit, too.
Oh shit.
Okay,
get a grip, Buffy. It's just hands. And thighs. An- oh dear, just say it.
Penis. There. Not so scary, until it's got a Spike attached to it. Suddenly
wondering where he got the nickname...
Cold
water. Isn't that what they say? When you're turned on? Cold water?
I
quickly turn the knob to cold. There. Problem solved. NO problem. Absolutely
none.
Except
his hands... shit. He slides them around my waist and clutches my abdomen,
pulling me back into him.
Her skin is
so soft. And she still smells like strawberries, from the shampoo. I like the
smell on her. I also like the smell *of* her. She wants me. I check the water
temperature. Ice cold, huh? That's .... amusing.
"Cold
water won't be as useful for our plans tonight, Buffy," I tease. I nibble
at her earlobe for a second as I turn the water warmer. Then I kneel to put the
put the stopper in the drain. I really can smell her now, and I'm dying to just
taste--
Not. Yet.
She's still too skittish. I stand up, next to her. "So, you want me to go
first?" I ask, slipping a hand down to my fly and unbuttoning it. She
drops her eyes down to look and then back up at my face again. She's blushing.
It's a good look on her.
Oh shit.
I seem
to be thinking that a way lot tonight.
"Spike,"
I say as I quickly look back up at him as I hear him unzip his fly.
How do
you go about telling a guy that you're no good in bed?
I've
never figured that out, even since Angel told me, I haven't been able to- I
mean, if you're great, you brag, which Spike clearly has been. I wonder if he's
good enough for the both of us?
Not that
I have any basis for comparison...
"You,"
I say quickly and then turn toward the sink. The reflection thing works out
well in this particular situation.
Now
that's no fun.
"Buffy,
ya can't even the playing field if you won't look at me," I say. She
really *is* nervous, because she just stares at the mirror.
"Come
on, Pet. I said we'd take it slow and we will. Slower than this, even, if that's
what you want." Still, nothing. "Look, it's just a bath. We don't
have to do anything more than you're ready for."
I turn
quickly and look at him. "Why do you even care? You're the last person I'd
ever see being this nice. And while we're on the subject, why do you even want
*this*?" I gesture to my body. "I'm sure you've heard how terrible I
am, so why bother? So you can laugh about it later?"
I don't
know where *that* came from. "Terrible?" I ask. "Oh, he said you
were terrible and you just *believed* him? Buffy, he knows how to play on
people's insecurities. Why did you *let* him?
"And
you know what he really thought about you? He told me, one night when he was
drunk, that you were so damn good he'd have wondered if you were a virgin, if
it hadn't been otherwise obvious that you were. And I know he was speaking the
truth because only drunk was Angelus able to be honest.
"And
as for *this*," I reach over and untie her robe, "this is not
something you need to hide. You're beautiful, Buffy. You wouldn't have turned
me on, if you weren't."
"Really?"
I ask. "He said that?" He nods. "Then why didn't he want
me?"
I stare
at her for a minute. Has she lost her bloody mind??? "What the... Why
would you *want* him to?!" I demand.
I just
stare at him for a few minutes, because quite honestly I don't *know* why. I
just know that I wish it. But why?
I mean,
why would I even care if Angelus wanted me?
Maybe
somewhere in those answers is the key to being better, being okay, because I
desperately want to be okay. Maybe that's the reason why Spike just happened to
find me. I need to hear what he has to say. I need to know that it wasn't just
Angel.
I just
don't get it. If Angelus had wanted me, then none of this would have happened.
I wanted him to want me. I guess if he had, then he wouldn't have tried to kill
my friends, because he would have cared. And if he had cared, then he wouldn't
have tried to hurt me and wouldn't have tried to suck the world into Hell. And
if he hadn't tried to suck the world into Hell, I wouldn't have had to kill
him.
But
then, he would have been Angel.
And in
the end, he was.
I wanted
him to want me so that he'd be Angel.
She
doesn't reply but I think I see the answer in her eyes. "Look, I think I
get it," I say with a sigh. "He looked enough like Angel; that's why.
And just so you know, he *did *want you. But Angelus' plan to get you was to
destroy everyone you loved, destroying you in the process. And then when you
didn't have any fight left, he woulda turned you. But you proved to be stronger
than he thought you were."
He *did*
want me.
He
wanted me dead.
And that
isn't Angel.
And... I
take a deep breath and rub my forehead, run my fingers through my hair.
And
Angel knew that, somewhere, when I sent him to Hell, he knew the difference.
And he
forgave me.
I turn
and face the mirror for a second and I guess, when I look in the mirror, I
actually see someone.
I see
*me*.
And *I*
forgive me.
I smile,
for what seems like the first time in so very long, before turning back around.
"Thanks," I say, "I needed to hear that."
And for
once, I am *going* to forget everything. I'm going to forget that I'm the
slayer. I'm going to forget about demons and vampires and I'm going to- take a
bath.
I drop my
robe and stand there for a few minutes, trying to figure out where to put my
hands, because I still have no idea. Do I look like a Victoria's Secret model?
I think
not.
"Bath?"
I ask as I step into the water.
I decide
gaping at her isn't the right response. So I shut my mouth. "Uh..."
Okay, apparently still working on coherent. But fucking hell, she looks good.
And I'm not sure what, but something I said seems to helped her get a little
perspective. And confidence.
And I'm glad because I really don't
mind the romantic shit but it would help if we were both naked. And that's
right. I'm not naked yet. I kick my boots off and look at her. Because
confident or not, I want to be sure she really wants to 'even the playing
field.'
TBC
BACK TO THE HOME OF THREE PHASES
BACK TO THE INDEX OF CED & EW FICS