AUTHORS: dru as Buffy & Evil Willow as Spike (Go worship the goddess that is EW!)
SERIES: Three Phases
PAIRING : Buffy/Spike
RATING : NC17
DISCLAIMER : We do not own these
characters. We just like putting them in lewd positions!
NOTE: We wrote this as role-play
on Yahoo! IM! We had *so* much fun! We've co-authored before but never live like this! We hope you enjoy the fruits of
our lab- okay, so it wasn't really *work*. It was more like play!
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I return
to the car and open the door. She's awake and looks up at me. But there's
nothing, when I look in her eyes. She might as well be dead, for all the
emotion I see. If she hadn't had that hysterical fit earlier, I'd wonder.
I know,
it's grief that's got her acting like this. But she does need to snap out of
it. It's been four months. And like I said, her precious Angel is probably
proud of her. I know *I* was so impressed, when Angelus didn't succeed in
breaking her. And even more impressed when she decided to stop him, even if it
meant destroying him.
It wasn't
supposed to destroy her, too.
And
again, I'm not sure why I care. Or if I care. I sure as hell hope I don't. I'm
evil. I hate her.
I really
do.
I hold
out a hand to her. "Come on, Buffy. I got a room. It'll be more
comfortable than my car." I know I haven't called her "Slayer",
because I don't see this as being in part of our 'Me vampire, you Slayer' frame
of reference. This is just a moment outside of our normal roles, me helping her
out because I want her to live long enough to kill her once she's better again.
That's all it is.
It's the
same reason I helped her defeat Angelus. I didn't want *him* to beat her. I've
always wanted her to be the third slayer on *my* list. And I still do.
Once, in
a time I can't seem to remember, I would have said something smart to him.
Something like, 'I think I remember how to get out of a car by myself.' But I
don't. I just don't have it in me. I'm just too tired. I wanna sleep for days.
Weeks. Just sleep the pain away, with no dreams.
I'm so
exhausted but I can't sleep. I close my eyes and I see him. I close them and
he's always got something bitter to say to me. Or a sweet kiss while he shoves
a sword in my stomach. Or I'll just see it over and over. I'll see that look in
his eyes.
I take
Spike's hand and it registers how he's helping me. Strange. I never thought I'd
get help from my mortal enemy. Of course I guess I sent *my* mortal enemy to
Hell, along with his soul.
We get
in the room and it's nice. Pretty even.
I stand
in the doorway as he goes about closing all the curtains and shades. I just
stand there wondering what the hell I'm doing. Better yet, what *he's* doing.
"So..."
I say, once I've gotten all the windows nice and covered. And now that I take
the time to look at her, she really does look like Hell. "This better than
the rat hole you've been livin' in?" I wonder. I noticed her approving
look around the room. "And why *are* you in L.A., anyway?" I think I
know the answer, but I figure the first step in finding Slayer again under
whoever she is now, is to get her to talk. *Really* talk.
"Tanning."
I walk
over to the dresser and stare at myself for a few minutes in the mirror before
turning it away.
I turn
toward him, "Like to join me?"
I ignore
her second remark as I walk over to the bed, sitting down, leaning against the
headboard. It's comfy. Too bad I'll probably be taking the floor, tonight.
"Funny.
Tanning usually involves getting *more* color in your skin, not less," I
reply with a raised eyebrow. She really *is* pale. Almost as pale as... well,
me.
"I'm
not really a day person," I say as I watch him get comfortable on the bed.
"And if we're playing twenty questions, where's Dru?"
Ouch.
Bloody fucking hell, even. "Dunno. Don't care." She's not buying it.
"I left her." Let's see if she'll believe *that* one.
It feels
good, causing him pain, making him hurt.
I like
knowing that he might feel just a little of what I don't.
"So,"
I walk about the room with my arms wrapped around my stomach, "Let's see
how this played out..." I walk closer to the bed, looking out through the
small cracks in the blinds as I do. "You came to me to help. She wasn't
very happy that you... helped the slayer."
I turn
to him and can tell he's angry, in pain... Good.
"So,
after a few months of groveling, she decided that you just weren't exciting
enough. Am I getting warmer?" I ask and he looks away from me.
"Oh,
right. Forgot." I sit on the bed next to him and say, "Because it
*is* Angelus we're talking about... you wouldn't hurt her. Right? You wouldn't
beat the shit out of her and she left you. You aren't bad enough for your own
mate. Isn't that right, Spike?"
Funny,
there she is. A hint of that slayer I remember, the one who always hurt me with
words as well as fists. And I meant what I said earlier, she *does* know me.
How, I'm not sure. But she figured me out pretty fast. Figured out my
relationship with Dru, too. And was never afraid to use that knowledge to her
advantage.
I almost
laugh. "You weren't bad *enough*. And I was too *good*."
"Are
you?" I ask. "Or did you just try to be? That part of the reason you
left, Buffy? Were you tired of being the good girl, saving the world all the
time, and not getting so much as a thanks from anyone but your pathetic slayerettes?"
She
winces and I think I hit a nerve. Well, good. It wasn't hard to guess at,
though. I never got word that the slayer was in L.A., which means she hasn't
been slaying since she came here. At least not much. "Is it that easy to
give up on being the slayer?" I wonder. "Don't you miss it? The
power, at least, if nothing else. I know you had to have *loved* the moment
when you bested the Master. You think about that some times, wish all of them
could be that bad and make it easier on you?"
I stand
up and turn away, staring out the slits in the blinds.
"What's
the point?" I ask. "I didn't ask for this. I didn't want this life.
It chose me. Damned me to Hell." I laugh in spite of myself. Every time I
hear the word... Hell was never actually a place. Not until-
"And
I don't know *anything* about that," I reply sarcastically. "But you
know what I love being a vampire. Having all that power, it's an incredible
thing. It's addictive and it's the greatest feeling in the world, the hunt and
the kill. You know that, Buffy. You've felt it, too. And somewhere, deep down
inside, you still want to be the slayer. And *that* is what's got you not
sleeping. Not living.
"It's
not Angel. Okay, so maybe that's part of it," I say when she glares over
at me. "But you know you'd feel better if you stopped fighting who you
really are. If you let yourself *be* what *you* were *made* to be. You're
right, you were chosen, but you won't be happy being anything else. It's what
you ARE. Just like being a vampire is what I am.
"The
thing holding you back is that you're all caught up in trying to find the
meaning of it all, ever since you had to kill your lover. Well guess what?
There isn't a point. Life is pain. There's no way to avoid it. But it's more
pain, when you deny what you are."
"Fuck
you, Spike!" I spit at him. "If I did what I was *made* to do, you'd
be dust. So would Dru. Is that what you want? You wanna sit there and preach to
me?
"Why
don't you grow a pair and do what *you* were made to do! Kill me already and get
it the fuck over with. I'm bored."
"That's
another one of your problems," I say. "You think everything should be
black and white. You're good, I'm evil, so we shouldn't have anything to do
with each other, except fight. Well, maybe if life was lived in a vacuum, but
it's not. You do what you have to, in order to survive. I allied myself with
the slayer, to save my own ass. I'll admit that. I'm selfish. I made those
choices and I don't regret them, even if they lost me Dru. But you also did the
right thing, in accepting my help. We both know that it would, quite literally
be Hell on Earth, if you hadn't.
"As
for my killin' you, you know me better than that," I add. "If you're
not gonna fight, it's no fun for me. So I'd rather annoy you s'more 'til Slayer
decides to come out and play."
I'm
weak.
As much
as I want the pain to stop, I've been unable to kill myself. Not from lack of
trying, just from lack of follow through. I thought perhaps I'd throw myself at
a demon's foot and tell him who I was. But whenever I went walking, looking for
them, I could never find one.
"Then
I'll guess we'll both be waiting a long time."
I look
into the bathroom and turn back to him, "Since we're not gonna get to the
killing, I'm taking a shower."
I just
shrug. "Fine with me." And I can't help myself. She'd probably be
surprised if I *didn't* add, "Room in there for two?" Trademark grin
plus waggle of the eyebrow.
"Sure,"
I shrug.
I walk
in and leave the door open. I strip quickly and start the hot water. I haven't really
showered in hot water since I got here. My place doesn't exactly have the best
of stuff for it's renters.
I don't
really know why I answered him. Stupidity?
Probably
because he'd never *actually* come in here. He knows better. I wouldn't let him
touch me like that, like Angel did.
And
besides, I'm hideous. I'm thin and pale. And for the first time in a while, I
have bruises. I don't from what... probably just from life.
And I
need a cigarette.
I can't
believe she actually said that. But she didn't mean it. Did she?
Of course
not, you idiot. She still hates you and probably blames you for the whole
Angelus mess.
But then
again, I *am* evil and I sure as hell don't even need an invitation to do
whatever the hell I want. And she should *know* better than to say stuff around
me that she doesn't mean. I'll always call her bluff.
I shrug
my duster off and stand, walking to the bathroom.
Cigarette.
Shower. Cigarette. Shower.
Two
things that I really *can't* do at the same time.
But I'm
naked now and the water is warm against my fingers. I step in without shutting
the door. Why, I don't know.
I guess
it doesn't much matter in the grand scheme of things. It doesn't matter if I
shower with the door closed or open because my life'll suck either way, quite
frankly.
I'm glad
he's not in here, although I *should* have closed the door.
The
water feels so good on my skin. I can feel my blood flush my skin at the heat.
I haven't taken a hot is so long... I close my eyes and put my face directly
into the stream, letting the water sweep over my face and down my spine. Feels
so good.
Even if I
*was* noble, which I'm not, I wouldn't be able to take it. She's right there.
Behind the curtain. Naked.
Too much
of a temptation for anyone to stand. I don't bloody well care. She can stake me
if she wants, it'll be worth it.
I pull
the curtain back and oh, bloody hell. I always thought she was beautiful. Sexy.
But now... Well. I was wrong. She's absolutely perfect, from head to toe. And I
do look from head to toe. If I'm gonna die, might as well enjoy my last
moments.
"SPIKE!!!!"
I scream. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"
I pull
the curtain towards me to cover myself.
I grab
the curtain and yank it aside. Shit. I'm so hard. "What's it look like, Buffy?"
I grin. "I'm takin' a shower. You *said* there was room for two."
I pull my
t-shirt off and watch as she checks me out. She realizes what she's doing
quickly and her eyes snap back up to mine. I can't help smirking. Yeah. I
always knew she wasn't totally disgusted by me. Not my looks anyway.
"I
said there was room," I tell him while I curse my eyes for looking.
"I never said it was for you."
I yank
the curtain from him and pull it closed.
"Invite
anyone else when I wasn't payin' attention?" I reply. But I decide to let
her have her precious privacy. I sit on the sink. I'll have her tonight. But
the night is young so I'll take my time. Make her admit that she wants me, too.
Funny,
just when I was thinking eternity was getting boring, things are starting to
look up. At least for tonight.
"I'd
invite anyone *but* you," I comment as I grab the shampoo bottle.
"And why exactly do you *have* strawberry scented shampoo? You don't
strike me as the strawberry kinda vamp."
"Lotta
things you don't know about me." Yet.
And I
can't believe she didn't... hit me, slap me, kick me, dust me. Any *or* all of
the above. Why didn't she, though? Is it because she doesn't feel threatened by
me? Or is it just that she doesn't care?
Probably
the last one. Since she did ask me to kill her. More than once. I'm not gonna
kill her, though. I'm gonna make her scream, but not from pain. I'm gonna make
her feel again, whether she wants to or not.
"As
for example *how* exactly your own *mate* could dump you. I mean, when your own
*mate* finds you unsatisfactory, must be tough."
And why
aren't I kicking his ass? Or at least attempting it? I mean, why am I even
*here*?
I guess
because it's nice to talk to someone, even if it *is* Spike. At least he knows,
or at least suspects the truth.
He knows
what I am, who I am. And I guess if anyone deserves to see me like this, it's
the one demon who ever came close to doing it to me.
And it
feels good to know I hurt him.
What do
they say? Misery loves company?
"I
can't even imagine, if you're that boring, why she'd stay with you for a
hundred years anyway. As a substitute for her *real* mate, perhaps? For her own
sire? Couldn't have him so she took you?"
I put my
face under the spray for a few seconds and then add, "Let's face it,
Spike. You'll always be second best."
If she
thinks she's saying anything I haven't already heard, or thought myself, she'd
be mistaken. And even though I know she's baiting me, and I probably shouldn't
react, I'm not in the mood to listen to her being judgmental all night.
"You sure ya wanna go there, Buffy? Trade insults all night? I'm sure I
have a few insights on Angelus you wouldn't like too much."
"I'm
quaking in my boots," I say. "You have no authority to talk about
Angelus. You can't even compare to him and everyone knows it. Why do you think
I'm still even here?"
I really
don't *want* to talk about this with him. I just want to forget. That's why I'm
in LA! I want to forget.
Maybe
it's the same reason I'm here, in this room with Spike. It's why I work at the
diner. If I keep my mind busy enough, I don't think and I forget. Course I
didn't think that Spike actually *knows* stuff.
I didn't
really think out this plan too much. And now I'm naked.
And
Spike is on the other side of this flimsy plastic curtain.
I jump
off the sink and walk over to her pulling the curtain open again. "You're
here because you have a death wish, Pet. But don't be so sure that I won't take
you up on the offer if you keep saying shit you don't know a damn thing about.
You think *I* have no authority to talk about Angelus?! He was my sire, who
d'you THINK taught me everything I know!
"I
lived with him and fought by his side for years. I knew him, Buffy. You never
did. Angelus taught me the importance of being subtle, not attracting
attention. He knew the stupidity of sucking-the-world-into-Hell plans. The
*thing* that showed up when you helped Angel lose his soul? That wasn't
Angelus. And that's the ONLY reason I was able to help you kill him."
"And
as for me not bein' like him, don't be so sure about that. Just because I don't
act psychotic all the time, doesn't mean I'm not perfectly capable of tearing
your heart out before you know I'm coming." And with that I turn and leave
the room. One thing I've always prided myself on is my ability to make dramatic
exits. And I've discovered they don't always have to be bloody to be dramatic,
either.
He
fucking walked away from me.
I open
the curtain and find I'm right. He really did walk out on me.
Well,
*no one* walks out on Buffy Summers.
I shut
the water off and storm out of the bathroom buck-naked because I'm *that*
pissed. (Or at least that's what I tell myself. But hey, not like once he kills
me, he won't take a peak.)
Bad
Buffy thoughts.
"HEY!"
I scream as I walk out. "Don't think for one minute you could ever take me
on! I've almost killed you twice before and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. So
don't even think for one second you'd ever get near me coming."
Er...
that didn't *exactly* come out the way I wanted it to.
Whatever.
I turn
around and make for the shower.
Okay, now
I'm just getting irritated. Because if she keeps up that yammering, I *will*
have to kill her. At least Dru had the insanity excuse. Buffy... oh, well,
she's got the bitch excuse. But I've killed many a girl for being less of a
bitch than Buffy Summers.
I grab
her by the arm as she's walking back toward the shower and slam her against the
wall, pinning her there with my body. I grab her arms as she lashes out and pin
them above her head. "Not so sure about my not getting near you now, are
ya Luv?" I smirk.
"Eep!"
Damn it.
Real slayer-like, Buffy!
And I
can't move!
Damn it,
I wish I'd been working out this summer.
Think of
something quick, Buffy. Quick and clever.
Slayer-like.
Like a hunter. A killer of the undead. Something witty a superhero would say.
"I
said getting near me coming. You aren't even close."
DAMN IT!
What the
hell kind of come back is *that*?! The kind an idiot would come up with! The
kind an idiot who's currently naked, pressed against a wall by her archenemy.
Okay, so
I guess I *am* that idiot.
I watch
her face as she goes from 'Ooh! I thought of a good retort!' to 'Oh shit. Maybe
not.' And I can't help laughing. "That a challenge, Pet?" I ask as I
thrust my hips against her. I'd really like to be less clothed, but I like
challenges.
"I
DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!" I half-yell and half-whine. And oh shit, is he-
hard?
She gasps
when it occurs to her how hard I am. "No? I'm a rather literal kinda guy.
And whether you meant it that way or not, doesn't matter. The idea's already
been put in my head." I grin. "And William the Bloody has never
backed down from a challenge."
I
transfer her wrists to one hand, and I can't believe she's not struggling. I
guess the death wish is still firmly in place. But that works to my advantage.
Because I'm gonna have her wishing for something else, in no time.
I run my
free hand down her arm, further down her side. She shudders when my thumb
brushes the side of her breast. Oh, that's interesting. I never really knew if
she was attracted to me or not. Hard to really tell, what with all the
bickering we're usually doing. I slip my hand between us and cup her breast.
She opens her mouth to say something, and I'm so not in the mood to listen to
more of her ranting. So I kiss her instead.
The kiss
is gentle at first, my tongue brushing over her teeth, trying to get her to let
me in. And as I'm kissing her, I start to knead her breast.
Oh shit.
This is
most definitely *not* what I had in mind.
Hello!
Vampire. Slayer. Not mixy things and plus... I'm *not* going there again.
And...
and I haven't even *thought* of Angel in the past few minutes.
That's
wrong. He's in Hell. I sent him there. I should *not* be standing here. Naked.
Oh god,
I'm naked! And his hands... cool hands... strong hands on m- No. This is *not*
happening.
"Spike,"
I groan as he starts kneading my breast. Damn bastard also takes the
opportunity of my mouth being opened to slip his tongue in.
OH MY
GOD! Spike's *tongue* is in my mouth. His *tongue*! I have Spike-tongue in m-
and he just THRUSTED against me! "SPIKE!" I say again as he let's me
breath. "Get off me!"
TBC
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