Three Phases

-the Bad-

-First Half-

AUTHORS: dru as Spike & Evil Willow as Buffy (Go worship the goddess that is EW!)

PAIRING : Buffy/Spike

RATING : NC17

DISCLAIMER : We do not own these characters. We just like putting them in lewd positions!

NOTE: We wrote this as role-play on Yahoo! IM! We had *so* much fun! We've co-authored before but never live like this! We hope you enjoy the fruits of our lab- okay, so it wasn't really *work*. It was more like play!

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Beer is foamy. And nice. "This good. Ooh, good enough." I pull the... the beer-holder thing away. Mine. My beer.

Beer good.

"Still, more is good," he says. Named... um. Whatever. I knew... but not now. I just know....

Beer foamy! "Yeah, foamy." I smile. They all smile. Okay, good. They like Buffy.

I like them. They're nice. They talk good. Better than Buffy, now. But that's because... beer. Beer makes me forget things. But it's okay. It makes me happy.

Boy said something. I wasn't listening. They're getting boring.

Buffy wants FUN.

I'll just have some more beer. "MORE!" They all fight to get to my beer-holder first.

I like being Buffy.

FUCKIN' BITCH! I HATE THIS FUCKIN' TOWN AND I HATE LA AND I HATE EVERYTHING!!!!

Why the fuck did I even com- OH YEAH! 'Cause I'm gonna kill that bitch once and for all!

I'm sick of this bloody shit! Don't know why I didn't kill her the las- oh yeah, cause she wanted it.

She also wanted a lot more. Like my cock in her pussy! But then she had to go all teasing and- FUCKING BITCH IS GONNA DIE!

I'm gonna make damn sure of that!

And once I'm done, I'll kill her again, just to prove I can.

Yeah.

I mean, YEAH!

……………

I need a beer.

There's a pub across the street. Guess I've got nothin' better to do. Violence just isn't the same without someone to share it with.

I really need a beer.

The world is always such a better place when there's beer.

I walk in and sit down. Bunch of randy-assed drunk kids! Damn.

Not that beer requires deep intellectual conversations, bu- hey, she's pretty, little red head, nice as- BUT WHERE THE FUCK ARE HER TITS?!

Damn. I need a woman of substance tonight.

AND BEER!

"HEY!" I growl at the barkeep. "Beer and keep 'em comin'!"

And I *better* be comin' later! Maybe I'll fuck the little bitch before I rip her lungs out...

But first, I gotta have me a little snack. Can't be too hungry when I find her, I wanna be at my best for her death.

Everyone's going. Home to their... other people. Except the boys. Dumb boys. Want to fuck me. Silly boys. Think they're cool. Not cool.

Boring.

Buffy's bored. Want to ... kill something. Yeah... With my big pointy stick!

Or maybe just more beer. "More."

Ooh, look. More. Okay, so useful boys.

"I like girls."

"You stupid." I smile. Buffy funny.

"No, you stupid," boy grins.

Smelly head. "Smelly head."

Bored. But there's beer. So I'll just have fun with beer. Let boys be stupid smelly heads. I'll... lost word... ignore! Yeah. Ignore them.

Oh, look. Boy knocked boy on his butt. Stupid boys. "Stupid," I say.

Oh yeah, after five beers, that red head ain't lookin' so bad! Although she still doesn't have tits.

Okay. What do I want? I want a girl with tits, I mean, I need something to squeeze right? I also need a girl with a figure, not some skinny little totty. Blond, preferably. Killer legs... huge smile... slayer's blood-

OH BLOODY HELL! STAKE ME NOW!

No. I *do* *not* want the slay-

Hey, is that the slayer?

I blink my eyes and look again.

It is!

Yeah, *this* night just got infinitely better!

I'll kill her and then fuck her!

No, wait... fuck then kill.

Fuck then kill. I really do wanna feel her tight little cunt. Angelus said it was amazing the things she could squeeze outta ya. And I'd really like her to squeeze me.

I grab my mug and walk over. Stupid frat boys, although that one just pushed the other off the chair.

She seems to think it's pretty damn hilarious.

"Fancy meetin' you here, Luv," I say as I lean over her shoulder and whisper in her ear

Voice. Know it. Don't like it.

Bad boy.

I turn around and yeah. It's him. "Know you." I frown. "You're... you're..." All names gone.

"Go away, bad boy. Buffy wants more beer." I turn back to the silly, stupids. "More!"

They're dumb. "Stupid." Shove.

"No, you stupid." Shove.

"You're *all* stupid," I say and shove them both onto the ground. I sigh. Not fun boys.

What in the-

"What the fuck is going on?" I ask, but she doesn't seem to understand.

"BU-SLAYER!" I grab her arm and yank her up to look at me. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Slayer? "What's slayer?" I ask. I knew, but it gone now. "Let go. More beer." I pull my arm back and grab my beer-holder.

*What* is going *on*?

"No," I say as I hold her tighter. No. I'm getting fucked tonight and she's getting dead.

"Slayer, remember, Luv? Vampires? Pointy stakes? Fangs?"

Pointy thing! It's... pocket. I look at it. "Stake." I look at him. "Vampire. Bad vampire."

"Yes, Luv. Bad vampire. I'm a bad vampire, 'member? 'Member bad vampire made you come?"

"Buffy told vampire stay away," I frown. "You didn't. Hurt Angel. I make you dust now." I raise the stake to his chest.

Who the hell does she think she is? A fuckin' cavewoman?

Fuck that!

I grab the stake and break it.

Is this what she's like when she's drunk?

Of course, they *do* say that alcohol lowers inhibitions in females...

I step closer to her and grab her hips, pulling them against my own.

"Feel hard?" I ask. "Spike want Buffy." Yeah, two can play at this game. "Spike fuck Buffy?"

Oh. Buffy wet. Need boy. Not a stupid. Spike boy. Spike not stupid.

Spike bad.

But so good. Made Buffy come. Buffy liked. Wanted more.

Finish beer first. I drain the beer-holder. "Beer good. Foamy. More beer?" I ask, holding up the beer-holder.

"No, I wanna fuck."

She looks angry. I smile and say, "Fuck then beer."

"Promise," I frown.

"Promise," I concede. "Fuck, then beer, then fuck again."

Good plan. But... not. But yes. Not scared of Spike. Spike tries kill, Buffy kill first. "'Kay. Where go now?"

That easy?

It's *that* easy?

Shit, if I'd known that it'd be *that* easy, I woulda gotten her drunk years ag- NO!

I did *not* just think that!

Okay, where go no- where should I take her?

Right. "Spike's car. Take a ride on Spike."

I laugh. "Silly Spike." I shove. Oops. Too hard. "Oops?" I laugh again.

"No oops," I tell her. "You shove me as much as you like, Pet, long as you ride me tight and hard."

Help boy off floor. Name Spike. Silly name. "Boy strange." Talks funny. Many words.

We start to go. "Hey!" Oh. Stupid boys not happy. Hairy, stupid boy tries jump Spike. I kick. He flies.

"Stupid." I look at Spike-boy. "Car?"

Oh, bloody hell she's sexy.

"Bar?" I ask. "Fuck on bar?"

I need her now.

Oh. I need...Tell Spike: "Spike make boys go away first. Then fuck Buffy on bar."

Right, then.

Now, would she object to my snapping necks?

Hmm... "Kill boys?" I ask.

I frown. Not supposed to. Shake head. "Make go away. I go in there." Girl picture on room. Buffy need go. Too much beer. "Back in five moves of..." Show watch. "watch thingy." Then gone to room.

Oh yeah, I hope this lasts a while.

She leaves and I turn to them. "HEY!" I growl and shift.

They screech, one jumping back. "Animal!" They scream.

"Yeah, Animal KILLS!" I growl. "KILL YOU!"

One tries to run past me but I grab his neck and snap it. "See? Dead boy!"

"Dead boy," they repeat.

"GO!" I scream and they dart out of the room.

I like the killing, but I'd rather get to the fucking.

Now, for that bartender.

I go in the back room. "Hey," I say.

"You shouldn't be back here," he says.

"What the hell is this?" I ask, looking at the tubes and other shit on the table.

"Nothin'," he answers.

"Oh," I say. I mean, what does he take me for? "Just a little spell on the pub special, huh? Get revenge on the mean little kiddies?"

"Somethin' like that," he replies.

I grab his neck and twist, "Thanks. I owe ya one."

Okay, I go and lock the main door and throw the boy's body in the back before closing that door as well.

Time to make with the fucking, although if it's the beer doing this, then I'll want her with more, right?

Yes.

I fill a few glasses. Yeah, I got a wicked idea!

Much better. Oh good. Boys gone. Spike here. Spike with beer? I smile. "More?" I ask.

I smile at her. "Lick beer off Spike?" I ask, cause I really wanna feel her mouth on me.

Oh. Yum. "Yeah."

"Clothes off, Pet," I tell her.

I really can't get mine off quick enough.

I'm gonna be inside her tonight! I've only been obsessing about it fo- I mean, I haven't *really* been obsessing abou- Oh bloody hell. She's-

"Saw naked Buffy before, silly." Silly Spike. Sexy Spike. Pale and pretty and --vampire. "No use fangs."

She's so bloody gorgeous!

And that gorgeous rack of hers!

An- "No fangs," I agree. "No stakes."

"Stake broken." Shrug. "More wood here. But no use. Be good, I be good." Grin. "Very good. Lie down now. Buffy want beer on Spike."

I grin and kick my boots off, along with my trousers. (I lost my shirt about two seconds ago.)

I hop up on the bar and hand her the glass. "Pour all over Spike, Pet. Especially on Spike's stake."

Roll eyes. Oh yummy Spike. All there. For me.

Where Buffy start?

Pour on chest. Spike growl. Like sound. Shiver. Lick beer. Lick Spike. "Mmmm." Smile at Spike. "Beer good. Spike good."

Chest clean. Like game.

Pour on stomach. Spike jump. "No move," tell him. "Bad Spike. No waste. Beer good. Need all beer."

Lick stomach, and belly button. Spike groan. Wants Buffy touch.

So I do. Fingers around Spike's... not stake... penis. Hard. Big. Want.

"OH FUCK!" I yelp as I thrust my hips up off the bar. "Again," I say. "More touch, Pet. Lots more touch. And tongue... Buffy tongue Spike?"

I growl. "No MOVE!" I jump up on the bar between legs.

No. Won't work. Straddle legs. Better.

Pour beer on ...cock. Yeah, right word. Slide down legs. Lick cock. Oh good. Beer taste. Spike taste.

Spike whimper. Buffy grin.

"OHFUCKBUFFY!" I scream. That's her- shit!

"Have to, Luv. Spike move. Have to move."

FUCK! Her tongue... the slayer's tongue... "Rub Spike, Baby. Rub hard."

Frown. "Want more BEER!" Pour more on cock. "NO MOVE!" Grab hips. Hold down. Lick around cock. Suck cock hard, get all beer off. Deeper and deeper, 'til all in mouth. Oh good.

"SLAYMGR!"

"OhfuckpleaseLuvplease. Spike need come."

Pull back. "More beer." Smile. Spike whimper. Funny Spike.

Pour rest of beer on cock. Suck down. Suck hard. Good taste. Beer good.

Spike better.

"OHFUCKSLAYER!" I grab hold of her hair and twist my fingers in it as she bobs her head on my cock.

"Suck hard, Pet," I tell her. "Swallow Spike."

Okay. Take cock down, down throat. Oh, more beer taste. That's good. Swallow Spike, swallow beer.

OhFUCK! It's just too much!

"BUUUUFFY!" I scream as I shoot down her throat and hold her head there to take it all. I jerk and thrash around under her firm, tight grip. Shit!

Spike taste good. But gone now. Buffy sad.

Sit up. "Fuck Buffy?"