AUTHORS: dru & EvilWillow (Go worship the goddess that is EW!)
SERIES: Lost & Found
PAIRING : Angel/Spike
RATING : NC17 (highly
smutty)
DISCLAIMER : We do not own these
characters. We just like putting them in lewd positions!
NOTE : dru wrote Spike, EvilWillow wrote Angel
AUTHOR'S NOTE : Unbetaed
=====================================================================
PART
FOUR
I
swallow the slightly fluid that spills into my mouth, which I completely
delicious, because it's a part of him. He screams and then collapses onto me,
and I remove my fingers from him and turn us over carefully. I continue to suck
his cock until he's spent, and then I pull away and crawl up his body.
I
pull him into my arms as I roll onto my back and wait for him to come to. And
no, I didn't come. As I said I want him to understand it *doesn't* always have
to be about my pleasure over his. And perhaps, when he opens his eyes and finds
me here he'll finally understand that I'm not a hallucination, not a dream, and
not going anywhere unless *he* wants me gone.
...
...
Wh-
where... oh... oh yeah.
Angelsex.
And
he's grinning like a son of a bitch.
"I
suppose you'll be droning on about *this* for another hundred years, like
Prague?"
Okay.
I was happy. Now, however, I'm ecstatic, because he just basically said that he
wants another hundred years with me. And I don't think this grin is going to be
off my face any time soon.
"About
what?" I ask, putting on my best innocent expression. "Oh. You mean
the fact that I made William the Bloody, aka Spike, aka The Big Bad, moan,
whimper, beg , babble, scream and pass out, pretty much all in that
order?" I ask. And I can't help it. The grin's back.
"And
for *that*, *Mate*, you can get *yourself* off," I state, before squeezing
his cock extremely hard.
I
flip over onto my side, my back to him, and close my eyes.
I
guess it *is* real... because never in my *wildest* dreams... would he have
*ever* *done* *that*.
I
listen carefully for a minute and I can hear his hand, just *see* his face in
my mind... all upset but incredibly turned on.
I've
gotta watch this.
I grab
the lube from between the mattress and flip over, holding the bottle to him.
"It's warming shit. It's fuckin' *amazing*."
I
knew he wouldn't *not* watch me jerk off. He always did like to watch. And I
always liked it when he did.
I
take the lube from him and coat my cock with it. I begin to stroke myself,
slowly, because I want to give him the show he wants. And oh... shit... he's
right. That does feel incredible.
Gods...
I'm not going to last long. Especially when I close my eyes and picture *his*
hand stroking me. And I'm man enough to admit it, I just whimpered. Loudly.
"Haha,
poor little Angelus... lost in the woods with only his hand."
And
okay... I'm glad I pulled the sheet to my waist because I'm hard again...
but... damn.
"Open
your eyes, Angelus."
I do
as he requests and sigh, "Not as easy to imagine it's your hand, with my
eyes open."
"Yes,
well... this is punishment for gloating. You'll just have to make due with your
*own* hand. I'm sure you got enough practice the last hundred years.
But..."
I sit
up and grab the lube from him. I coat myself with it and mimic his movements.
"But...
the *first* one to come... is in the chains once we get to LA. 'Cause I *know*
you've got 'em in the basement somewhere."
I
love it when he gets that guilty look in his eyes. "Though who you were
savin' 'em for... I'll just have to kick their asses, 'cause you're mine
now."
"Do
we have a deal?"
I
moan at the mental image of him chained up downstairs while I make him scream.
And unlike previous times that I do not care to think to much of, he'll only be
screaming from overwhelming pleasure and the need to come. From now on.
And
then my brain calls up a really helpful image of *me* in chains. And no, I
don't want that. Do I? Been there; done that. Except never when he's looking at
me like he is now, like he...
Does
he? Did he really say it, or did I imagine that?
Not
that it matters, though. I'll take an eternity with him even if he can never love
me. It's more than I ever deserved, just to have him with me.
"Rules
are simple. Only touching yourself. The one to last the longest gets to hold
the whip and the key. Do we have a deal?"
Yes.
I'm decidedly *excited* about having him in chains.
"Yeah,"
I say. "But if you wanted to chain me up, all you had to do was ask,"
I add. And that even surprised *me*.
"Tell
me what you want to do to me, Will," I request. And I can't believe I'm
giving him this hint as to how to make me come first. But I need to know why
it's so important to him. Is it because he wants to hurt me? Or does he want it
to be about the incredibly erotic experiences to share, back when we were
close. The bloodplay, the hours of 'I bet I can make you come before I do'... I
miss those things. Does he?
I run
my hand up and down my cock, squeezing as I go.
Ya
know, for most people... for most guys that put themselves in chains- they
might not like cock rings because they don't like not being able to come.
But I
guess (when you're taught about your darker side by Angelus) that you learn
to... *I* learned to love the pressure. I liked that feeling- being on the
verge of just popping- but *still* being under control.
"First...
I think I'd make you do a strip tease for me... to the Sex Pistols' 'My Way'...
*then*... I'd probably throw you over a table and suck you down- just enough to
make you *really* *really* hard."
I
look at the way his eyes are rolling back... "Look at me, Angelus. Or I
won't say anything more."
Shit.
I just *had* to ask, didn't I?
I
mean DAMN. He's trying to kill me. That's all there is to it.
"Look
at me, Angelus. Or I won't say anything more."
What
do I do? I look into his beautiful, blue eyes, of course, because I am a glutton
for punishment. And those eyes are staring at me so intently, like they can see
through me, into my soul.
"Don't
stop," I beg, because so far his plan is an incredible turn-on. I guess he
*did* learn a few things from me about how to make torture pleasurable for both
parties involved, after all. And to think I was sure he never listened to me.
"Can
you *feel* my mouth around you, Angelus?" I ask, kicking back a little.
This is in the bag, really. Might as well enjoy it.
"Can
you feel me, tight around you? I'd put a strap on you, around your cock and
then I'd suck your balls into my mouth- just enough to wet 'em, before slipping
them into the strap."
I
swear, I actually have *pity* for him.
But
not *that* much.
"I'd
watch you get red and swollen, watch as you try to burst through the
leather..." Okay... *I'm* getting turned-on by this.
Is it
hot in here, or is it just me?
But
by the way he's thrusting his hips... it's not just me.
"What
do *you* want? What would *you* do?" I ask, because I want this to be as
*fair* as possibly before I make him come.
I
don't want him to have any basis for argument later when he's chained to the
bed.
God.
I'm supposed to talk now?????
But I
can do this.... I *am* the sire, damn it! I can out-seduce him, any day.
I
think.
"I'd
tell you to strip and then I'd chain you to my bed," I say. And I think
that breathy quality in my voice is working for me, if the fact that he's
biting his lower lip is any indication. "And then I'd lie next to you, and
kiss you. I wouldn't touch you yet. I used to make you come just by kissing
you, and I'd want to see if I could still do that to you."
He
lets out a strangled moan and I smile, as I continue. "And if you were
able to keep from coming, I'd move down to your throat. Still not touching you
with my hands, I'd nibble at your jugular vein, being careful not to break the
skin. I wouldn't want to make it *too* difficult for you to maintain
control."
"But
I wouldn't put the cock strap on you for any of this," I add. "I'd
want you to keep from coming, using your own will power. I remember you used to
be able to last for hours... can you still?" I ask. I smile. "Don't
answer. I want to find out for myself."
I
smile at him. "You taught me well," I answer.
"But
you'll have to find out *everything* I've learned since... I *am* curious
though..." I smile deviously. "Perhaps you'll answer me now, if it'll
be a struggle to put a collar on you."
Fuck...
That's just... so wrong. But I can't remember why. Oh yeah. I'm the sire.
That's why.
But
when he's got that gleam in his eyes, it doesn't seem as wrong. And technically
I should've never told my childe I loved him. So fuck the rules.
"Depends
on why you'd be wanting to put it on me," I reply.
OHshit.
I squeeze the base of my cock just a little harder for that one.
Wasn't
expecting that.
Okay.
I'm *going* to win now.
Bastard's
just asking for it.
"I
just think you would look *so* sexy with a nice *spike*y collar around your
neck. Maybe I'd even make sure that the cock ring matched... and had little
spike's on it, so it'd press into your skin... and you could feel the blood
just welling up from your cock, slowly dripping and soaking the leather
strap."
Oh
yeah- I've got him on the edge now.
"Can
you feel it, Angelus? Can you taste the blood in the air? Do you want it,
Angelus?"
Gods...
He's good, I'll admit that.
And
it helps that he's not talking about hot pokers shoved through my body. Not
that I really thought that's what he wanted, but you never know for certain
with Spike.
"I
want *you*, Spike," I answer him, honestly.
Oh
yeah... look at him.
Okay.
"Well,
that's good. Because, Angel?" He looks right into my eyes. "I *love*
you."
I
moan as I come suddenly, babbling... okay, that was in Gaelic. And I'll tell
him what I said, later, if he asks. And fine, so I'm not the only one who can
make people forget what language they usually speak.
And I
don't regret it at all. Because Spike *loves* me. And now that I know that...
I'd give him anything he asks for, without hesitation. Not motivated by of
guilt, but out of a desire to make him as happy as he makes me.
I
never break eye contact with him, as I ride out my orgasm. And then I sit
there, panting, trying to find the ability to speak again.
Ha. Ha. Ha.
I
can't *not* grin.
I
said it was in the bag, didn't I?
Poncy
boy.
I watch
his cock jerk and spew the last of his orgasm and wait until he finally flops
back, exhausted.
"So..."
I hop on top of him and sprawl out, my cock resting neatly between his thighs.
He wraps his arms around me an I sigh. Yes, it's a good day. "So... I
guess you'll have to wait to find out if you can kiss me to orgasm. But I think
I'll exemplify my willpower a little for you today." I thrust my cock
between his thighs before adding, "Because I'm beat. And we've got a lot
of moving to do."
I
lift his head up so I can kiss him gently. "We've got three hours before
dawn. We can make it if we hurry. "We should start packing up the car
now." Yet neither of us are moving. It's just too comfortable.
I
look around at the place he's made his home. Not bad, actually, for a vampire's
lair. Except it doesn't have central heating. And yes, it is nice to be warm,
even though it doesn't actually make us uncomfortable to be cool. It's just
nice to feel comfortable and cozy. Which is why I'm not moving.
"No
second thoughts?" I ask as I roll him off me and sit up. "*I* don't;
don't get me wrong. I want you with me forever but I also want you to be happy,
Will. Whatever it takes."
"Boy,
you really have to brood up *every* moment, don't you? I bet you were broodin'
when you popped the little slayer's cherry too..." And I hope I didn't
cross the line there, because I know I loved Dru and I don't doubt that he
loved Buffy. And we still do love our women.
"You
*know* you can't make me do anything I don't wanna do, Angelus. And I..."
Okay. I can be serious for a second. "I've hated it here. I've hated
begging the slayer for money and I've hated helping to protect her. I've hated
all her little pals and I've hated..."
I
can't believe after *all* this time of being a vampire... I'm still that shy
little boy when it comes to this... "Beingawayfromyou. Hey! I bet I can make it the entire trip to LA without
coming."
I
move to straddle him and run my tongue up his chest to his neck. "Wanna
bet?"
I slide
a hand between us to grab his cock. "Depends on what we're betting
for," I say with a smile.
"Well...
if *I* can keep it hard without coming until we step foot inside your place-
then you have to wear the collar *permanently*. And if you win- and I cave-
then... well, you can't get out of the chains- because I won that fair and
square.. but you can have anything you want."
I
smile. "Too late for that, Will. You already did give me everything I
want, tonight." I answer.
"Huh.
If that's true... then you forfeit and I win." I graze his jugular with
just the tips of my fangs. "Surely there's *something* you want, Angelus.
Some little fantasy... or favor... or *something* you want."
I
just smile and shrug. "You know me; I'll think of something I'm sure.
But..." I move him off me one more time, and stand, pulling him up as
well. "Honestly right now... I'm actually looking forward to the collar
and the chains."
Oh.
But...
but... that's no *FAIR*.
"Fine."
I stand up and grab my jeans. "Let's go."
I
grab some boxes. What needs to go? *Everything*. But... some of it's just junk.
Most of the junk is upstairs. I keep my valuables near my bed. *Under* it
actually.
After
I pull my jeans up, I drop to the floor to go fishing under the bed.
The
PONCE! He's not... the *fun* of it, is because he *doesn't* like bein' chained
up.
He's
not supposed to *want* to be chained up. He's supposed to *fight* the collar.
And
*I'm* supposed to win for a change!
NO
FAIR!
I can
sense his irritation. Well damn. I thought he'd like hearing that little
confession. But of course I can understand why he doesn't.
He
likes to win.
"I'm
not saying I'll be begging you to chain me up or anything," I say.
"You know me better than that. I'm a ... control freak, you used to call
me... among other things. Not that I won't let you do whatever you want to me.
A deal is a deal. I just meant I'm looking forward to it in the sense that I
know *why* you want to chain me up... and I know you won't... I know I can
trust you now."
Did
that make any sense? Probably not. But it's okay. He's used to me rambling on
incoherently.
"'M
not gonna chain you up," I state.
"Just
throw this stuff in boxes. I'm gonna go up and clear out that stuff. Wanna just
meet me at your apartment in a couple hours?"
"Oh..."
I thought. "You don't want to drive back together?" I ask.
And
why isn't he going to chain me up? But I can't ask that, because it would just
sound odd.
"'M
not leaving my DeSoto here, Angel! It's a classic!" Okay... *that* sounded
a little more five-year-old and little less
studly-man-worried-about-his-vintage-car.
"And
I'm sure as hell not lettin' anyone *else* drive it to LA. Not that they would
even care to if I asked. How do *you* propose we get it back? I *am* going to
need a car."
"I'm
sorry, you're right," I say with a shrug. "I just...Never mind.
I'll... yeah. I'll pack up the stuff down here... and I'll take it to my car...
and ... I'll see you ... Do you even know where I live now?" I wonder.
And I
refuse to panic (too much) due to the *real* reason I wanted to have him in the
car with me. That reason being I'm terrified that once I'm gone, he'll realize
that he doesn't really want to be with me. And he'll get over his temporary insanity
and I *won't* see him in L.A. Ever.
"The
apartment, right?" I ask, but due to the look he's giving me... I'm wrong.
"Well,
had *someone* called his wayward childe once and a while, said childe would
*know* what his sire's address is. Wouldn't he?"
I
really don't *want* to drive the two hours by myself. It'd be much more fun to
annoy him with my choice of radio stations.
"I
*suppose* we could send a tow truck or something... perhaps one of your humans
would like to come for it this week."
"Or
if you don't want to let anyone else drive it, we could come back for it
tomorrow night," I offer. And I know that was stupid. Because if he drove
it tonight, *nobody* would have to make the trip here again. But I can admit it
(to myself) I'm really worried about him changing his mind about us. Especially
tonight. I mean, so much has happened. Maybe it was all too quick...
I
just need him so much. I couldn't survive if he left me after all this.
"Whatever.
Let's just go. I think I've got everything."
Why
does he have make everything so bloody complicated? Is *this* what that
bleedin' soul does to him?
What
the hell do *I* care when I get my damn car? As long as I get it.
"Angelus?"
I ask, standing near the door. "Grab that box and let's go. I don't fancy
bein' burned alive no the drive. Do you?"
I nod
and grab the box, following him to my car. And I can sense his irritation, but
I don't know what it's about. "Spike... did I say something, not say something,
do something, not do something to annoy you?" I ask as we get in the car.
Because I can't deal with him sulking - or whatever this is - for the next two
hours.
"Nah,"
I shrug. Bloody prick! Why doesn't he just *ask* because I *know* he wants to!
"Okay...."
I say as I start the car.
We're
going home. And now I can actually think of the Hyperion as home, since Spike's
going to be with me.
"Oh
wow. I just realized... you're going to have a few new people to meet, when we
get back to L.A," I say. "There was this girl that we rescued from
another dimension... and then there's Connor... my son and why don't you want to chain me up anymore?"
"YOUR WHAT?!!!"
Damn.
How do I explain this?
"This
group of humans who wanted to turn me dark, so they brought Darla back from
hell as a human, but she was dying. That didn't make me quite unbalanced
enough, so they brought Dru to L.A. and Dru turned Darla. That *almost* pushed
me over the edge but not quite. Darla and I... had
sex and I didn't lose my soul. But she got pregnant. With a human baby.
Apparently there was a prophecy... but then there was no way that the baby
could be born... since Darla was dead she couldn't exactly give birth. So she
staked herself so that the baby could live."
I
look over at him hesitantly, realizing he might think... "Spike... he's my
son... but you're my Childe and my Lover and... my Mate, if you'll have
me." Not the best place to talk about this... but I can sense him pulling
away from me. Not that I *wasn't* planning on asking him when everything was
wonderful. But he really is everything to me.
A
son?
Angel
has a son?
But
*I'm* his son.
The
*only* one he loves... Penn wasn't good enough. James wasn't either. It was
*me*. *William*. Favored childe. The son.
And
where the hell do *I* fit into that? Into his perfect little life.
Simple.
I don't.
"Stopthecar,"
I say softly.
I do
as he asks, and grab his arm. "Will, I'm sorry I just blurted it out like
that. We've already established that I'm an idiot."
I grab
his chin and look into his eyes, filled with sorrow. "Connor is my son.
You are my Childe. Two completely different things. I won't deny that I love
him, but it's a different kind of love than what I feel for you.
"You,
Will... You are the one thing in my existence as a vampire that I will never
regret making. I *feel* you in my blood, I need you so much it's an ache inside
of me that only went away tonight when I finally admitted that I loved you. And
I can feel your pain now and I hate myself for causing it.
"And
I am begging you not to leave me. You're ... my Childe, and now my Lover... and
I had hoped that one day we would be Mates. Please tell me I haven't fucked up
all chance of that." I'm near tears because I'm so afraid that he's
already gone.
"Angel...
I-"
I
what?
I'm
not ready to be Uncle Spike? Or brother Spike? Or... what the hell *would* I
be?
"I
just need some time."
I
open the door to the car and then look at him. Shit. I don't... I don't wanna
hurt him. But- did he just... expect me to... to what?
I
graze his lips quickly with mine before repeating, "I just need some
time."
I get
out and grab one of the boxes, with my smokes. Then, I close the door and he's
just staring at me.
But-
I can't. Not now. Not right now.
"I
think... *maybe*..." what, Spike?
Maybe,
*what*?
"I
think that maybe... one day... we *could* be mates. I just- Not now. I just...
I have to walk away."
Well,
that is what I secretly expected all along, wasn't it? I turn away and nod.
Because I won't watch him leave. I wouldn't be able to let him go.
And I
heard what he said, but I don't believe in 'one day'. I haven't for... a very
long time. I almost did for a few hours tonight, but I'm over that silly hope
now.
I
know he's still there. I can feel him. And I say, still staring out the
windshield. "I promised you forever. And that promise still holds, if you
ever decide you want me again. I live at the Hyperion Hotel now. Giles has the
number. But ... Angel Investigations... Yellow Pages... I'm sorry I didn't tell
you about Connor before--" I have to stop now, because I will cry.
I put
the car in drive. Okay, now I just have to let my foot off the brake pedal.
Come on, Angel. You can do it. You've got a century of practice at leaving, as
someone pointed out earlier.
"Angel-"
*Look*
at me. *Look* at me.
*LOOK*
at me.
"Will--I
can't--" I say, and now I am crying. I grip the steering wheel tighter.
"Please-- If I dare look into those beautiful eyes of yours I won't be
able *not* to grab you and never let go."
Fine.
That's only fair.
"I
*will* call," I state firmly. "I just need to digest this and I can't
do it while I'm... you understand...?"
I
just shrug. I can't let myself believe. I believed in Buffy and I... and look how
well that turned out. I *almost* believed in Cordelia and I... No. What I told
Lorne was right, I'm better off alone. Not hoping. Not believing.
"I
*do* love you, Angel. You might not believe it, but I *do*. And I *will*
call."
"Love
you too, Will," I whisper. And then I let my foot off the brake and speed
away. I don't look back. I can feel the connection between us through the blood
bond dimming, and that's painful enough.
I
look down at the passenger seat and notice a tape. One of his. The Sex Pistols.
I'm sure he was just about to pop it in the player and torment me with the
music -- I pop it in the tape player for him. Stupid, I know, but it makes me
feel like he's still here with me.
And
he always will be, because he will always be inside me, even if he never speaks
to me again.
And I
do feel *terrible* for doing this- but… I can't deal with this while I'm
*dealing* with it.
Angel
has a son, by Darla, named Conner. And he wants me to be his mate and live in
LA.
I
stand in the road as I watch him drive away.
God…he's
leaving again, only this time *I* made the choice.
Shit.
I feel so empty- so *lost*. Again.
Bloody
hell, what did I just do?
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