For the Best (1/1) Author - Evil Willow Sequel to "Better Than Dreaming" Rating: NC-17 Spoilers: Takes place after the season 5 of Buffy, Into the Woods episode. Major spoilers for that ep. Category: Story/Romance/Angst Keywords/Pairings: Buffy/Spike smut, angst Distribution: List archives and those who have permission, yes. Others, just ask me. Disclaimer: The characters belong to Joss, WB, FOX and Mutant Enemy. The song belongs to Nine Inch Nails, it's called "The Only Time" Summary: Buffy's thoughts during Better than Dreaming, and what happens next. All in Buffy's Point of View Author's Notes: If you haven't read Better than Dreaming, do that first. It's short. This sequel has been half-finished for a LONG time. I got the urge to finish it tonight. I hope it proves to be a good one Dedications: To Crazy Evil Dru for all the great beta work on my other stories. This is one smut pairing you've been waiting for from me for a long time, so here goes nothing! ;-) // // = lyrics * * = emphasis ************************ I watch him for the longest time, but he doesn't see me. He's staring up at my bedroom window like ..something I don't want to think about right now. This is Spike. William the Bloody! The look on his face earlier when I yelled at him, was like I'd pulled his heart out and showed it to him. I know that look. I saw it in the mirror after Angel left me. Funny, when I looked in the mirror just now, I didn't see that look again. Shouldn't I have? No, I'm not upset that Riley left. I know why I'm not upset, too. It's because he was right. I didn't NEED him. Hell, I didn't even love him. He was really good at making me feel loved though, and I did need that. For a while, he helped me ignore the fact that my life has gone to shit. So I do miss Riley, but for all the wrong reasons. And Spike is still standing out there like a love-sick.... Oh shit. And suddenly I wish his chip was out. Because if it was, I could just stake him. But I can't do that, and that means this is going to lead to a very bad place. And that is why I'm going upstairs, to bed. As I get up off the couch and go upstairs, I realize I'm way too wound up. I need to do something to rid myself of all this pent up anger. Yeah, anger. I'm angry with myself for settling for someone like Riley. I'm angry with Angel for leaving me and reducing me to this. I'm angry with Spike for being so damn sexy. I did not just think that. I need to slay something. Several somethings. Violence is a good thing for those who can't afford therapy. So I quickly change into a black tank top and my black leather pants. And I feel alive then, knowing I'll turn a few heads. Who gives a damn if they're human or not. What matters is that I'm still Buffy, I'm still alive, and I still have the ability to have any guy I want begging me to give him the time of day. I walk outside, and take a deep breath as the cool night air hits my skin. And there Spike is, still standing there where I left him. I caught that look he had on his face just now, before he knew I saw him watching me. I want to scream at him: 'I'm not your fucking goddess, stop looking at me like that!' But I don't. He's soaking wet, and I realize then that it's raining. I don't care, it won't keep me from going out. I walk over to Spike. One thing about Riley leaving that really sucks is that he left me without a slaying partner. Wonder if Spike wants to continue the puppydog act, but make himself useful at the same time? "You're wet," I say. 'Yeah, duh, Buffy,' I can almost hear his silent response. "Cold?" It's something I was always curious about, do vampires ever get cold? Spike shrugs, "I'm fine." I raise an eyebrow at him as he lets his eyes roam over my body. The look is lost on him, though. He's practically drooling, and no I am not getting turned on by the way he's looking at me. I'm not. Think about something else, Buffy. Principal Snyder. Eew. But much better. "I'll get off your lawn now..." Spike says and turns to go. "Wait." I hope the panic wasn't obvious in that one word. I just really don't feel like being alone tonight. I can't believe that my life has taken this turn, to the point that I'd rather have the company of my enemy than nobody at all. Spike turns, and looks at me questioningly. "Do you..." I sigh in irritation. My mouth is dry. Why is my mouth dry? This is Spike, a vampire I despise with all my being. The fact that his shirt is soaked clear through, and I can see the well-defined muscles of his chest and abs underneath does nothing to affect me whatsoever. Yeah, sure, Buffy, THAT'S why you're staring at the ground rather than look at him. This is the part where I change my mind and go patrolling WITHOUT Spike. "Do I what, Sla...Buffy?" Spike replies. Oh why the hell did he have to call me by my name? Why not Slayer, or Slutty (yes I've heard him mutter that one) or anything but Buffy? Calling me Buffy makes me feel like we're equals. We're not equals. He's Spike. I hate Spike. I don't want Spike around. "I don't suppose you want to patrol... with me... do you?" I didn't just say that. I am definitely one fucked up girl. I'm so asking for him to verbally injure me; it's the last thing he has left to hurt me with, and he's gotten very good at it. I've had enough mental torture for one night though. Just don't start in on me, not tonight, Spike. I look up and I see a flash of anger in his eyes. It causes me to step back warily. He growls and I take another step back. He gains control of himself though, and nods. He smiles at me. God he has a nice smile. "Sure. Got nothin' else to do." I'm so surprised he hasn't decided to kick me when I'm down, that I think I smile back. Moment of weakness, quickly squashed. "Come on, then," I say irritably and walk down the street, not waiting for him. He catches up and walks next to me. I don't say anything, enjoying the silence. Thankfully he keeps his mouth shut. It doesn't take long before we come upon a nest of vampires in a crypt. Finally, something to destroy. Spike and I go into the crypt and start ending their sorry lives. I don't know how many we kill, I lose count after number twenty-five. After several minutes, though, they're all dust. I'm panting for breath, but feeling very good. The adrenaline rush is unbelievable. Faith said once it made her horny, and she wasn't the only Slayer to ever have that reaction to a good fight. And that, if I'm honest with myself is one of the reasons I held onto Riley. He never turned down the chance to have sex after patrolling. I notice then as Spike walks over to help me off the ground, that he enjoyed himself too. A lot. His jeans are always too tight, but now they're really too tight. And I'm going to STOP noticing that right now. I look up at his face, and his eyes are twinkling. He's laughing at me! "Fuck you!" I scream then. He raises an eyebrow. "Is that what you want, Slayer?" he replies teasingly. I growl and turn away, walking out of the crypt. "In your dreams," I mutter loud enough for him to hear me. Spike follows me, and luckily the sudden onslaught of Chaos demons keeps us from having to talk anymore. After another ten minutes, we've killed most of them, and the rest are running off. I don't feel like chasing them so I don't. Hey, maybe they'll leave town? A girl can hope, anyway. I don't look at Spike but walk across the street to another cemetery. We do a quick sweep, taking out a few demons here and there, before walking down the street. And suddenly I realize that slaying isn't a good idea. It's just adding to the build up of sexual tension, and I don't need that. I look up as we pass a bar, and I turn to face Spike. "I need a drink." He just nods. "Sure, Pet. Sounds like a plan to me." And we walk inside, and I go to a booth while Spike gets the drinks from the bartender. I close my eyes for a moment, and lean against the back of the booth. What am I doing? I'm getting drunk with Spike. Oh, okay. I open my eyes as Spike sets a mug of beer in front of me, and then sits down across from me. Beer bad. I giggle at the memory. Spike looks at me, and I shrug. "My last experience with beer was not a good thing. But as long as this isn't spiked with some magic formula, it'll be all right." I can tell he really wants to ask, but he finally shakes his head with a 'I don't want to know' expression on his face. "The owner and bartenders are all very human, very boring people," he says. "They wouldn't even think of the possibility of playing with magic." "Good," I say. That settled, I pick up the mug and proceed to drain it. "More?" Spike looks at me in surprise, but to his credit he simply gets up to comply with my request. I can feel the effects of the alcohol already. That's bad. Oh yeah, I haven't eaten anything. And the damn blond pain in my ass must be psychic, because he returns with a hamburger, which he places in front of me along with another mug of beer. I look up at him but I decide I'm too hungry to bitch at him. So I dive into the food, and down the second beer. Spike's taking his time with his beer. Oh, so that's the game, is it? Get Buffy drunk... and what? No, Buffy, don't fill in that blank. Nonononononono... shit. A nice mental image of Spike taking me back to his crypt and helping me relieve some of this sexual tension. I have to get out of here, I realize as I close my eyes and lean back again. I know, well enough, from my time with Angel, that vampires can tell by their sense of smell when a human is turned on. That's something I don't need Spike to know, that I am having sick fantasies about us having sex. I open my eyes again as he sets another beer in front of me. My ... third, is it? He's just starting his second. Oh well. I give up. It feels so nice to drown my miseries like this. And I'd bet my Slayer defenses will stay intact, I don't need to worry about Spike. ********************** Too many beers later.... Spike says, "Time to take you home, Buffy." He called me Buffy again. Damn him and his really beautiful, piercing, blue eyes. Shit, I am beyond drunk. I left drunk about ... four glasses of beer ago? Yeah. I'm plastered. This wasn't as good an idea as I thought it would be. "Ugh." He must have taken that for agreement, because he slides out of the booth and just stands there looking at me. Oh, this is the part where my legs support my weight and my feet get me back to my house. I can do that. I manage the standing up thing, but then my legs decide to go on strike. Spike catches me, in a manner of speaking. His arm is around my waist, and I'm pressed against his body. And now I can feel what I noticed earlier. Spike is very hard, and the evidence of that fact is pressed against my hip. I look into his eyes and see unmistakable lust there. Not a surprise, he's wanted me for, eew, a long time. But the thing that's different now is that he's looking really good right now. Okay, so I always thought he was a hottie. I mean, I'm NOT blind. But the hatred toward the mortal enemy who wanted to kill me kind of stopped me from thinking of him in THAT way. But now, he's all sweet and cute and helpful and adorable and annoying and desperately in love with me and damn. And I tried to tell myself how it was annoying and wrong and he's evil but he's just not acting evil anymore. And I shouldn't have paid any attention to him tonight. And I definitely shouldn't have drunk all that beer. And I shouldn't have looked in those incredibly blue eyes and seen how much he wants me. Shit. I feel the moisture between my thighs, and I hide my face in his shirt so he can't see me blushing. Yes, I want Spike. I hear him chuckle and that's just great. If life were fair, I would have Mr. Pointy. Then I could stake him and then I'd never have to deal with him again. But Mr. Pointy is in Spike's pocket... and I have no idea why. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I don't, so I have to accept that this is really happening. He hasn't moved, still holding me close. It feels too good. I look up at him and glare. "Let. Me. Go." "Whatever you say, Pet," Spike says with a smile, and then abruptly removes his arms from around my waist. Damn him! The sudden movement makes me dizzy and I fall on my ass. I'm really going to kill him, Mr. Pointy or no Mr. Pointy. "Damn it, Spike!" I yell as I pull myself to my feet. "You said to let ya go," he shrugs. I just glare at him again and move past him toward the door. He follows close behind. We walk a good part of the way back to my house in silence. At least I can walk. That's a good thing. I don't want him helping me walk. See, maybe I'm not as drunk as I thought I was. "Fuck!" Spike has good reflexes and he caught me as I tripped. Okay, maybe I'm just a little drunk. I lean back against him just long enough to feel his erection pressed against my ass and I try to pull away. He won't let me go. "Spike, leggo," I mutter. "Only if you promise to stay on your feet this time," he whispers in my ear. His lips brush against it. I did NOT just shiver. "Keep falling at my feet, Luv, and I'm gonna get ideas," he chuckles. Okay. That's it. I pull away from him and walk back to my house. He's following; I can sense it. As we reach the door to my house, I turn to look at Spike. He is looking at me, but his expression is guarded. I don't have a clue what he's thinking now. I turn back to the door and unlock it. I walk inside, leaving it standing open. I'm grateful that Spike isn't a complete idiot, when I hear the door shut. I know that he's inside, even if I haven't turned around yet. I can't turn around, because if I do, something I'm not sure I want to happen is going to happen. Oh hell, I WANT it; I'm just not *sure* I want it. I never pretended that I made any sense. "Mom's on a business trip and Dawn's staying with a friend tonight," I say, still not looking at him. I walk over to the CD player and find the CD I've been playing way too much lately. I'm a very angry person right now. You would be too if you'd been left by two boyfriends in two years. And did I mention I'm drunk? //I'm drunk. and right now I'm so in love with you.// I turn around; and I'd have fallen on my ass, again, if he hadn't caught me this time. But he was right there and now he's pressed me up against him again, with just one hand on my lower back. I look into his eyes and I never noticed, before, how he doesn't hide what he's feeling. I didn't notice until those feelings were directed at me. I pull his head down and kiss him. He's too shocked to react for a second. Then he does and my knees give out again. That's all right, because he's not letting me go anywhere. Both his arms are around my waist, and his tongue is inside my mouth. I'm not sure, but I think that whimper came from me. Shit he's a good kisser. He's maneuvered me to the couch, and in the meantime, I've pulled his shirt out of his waistband and am running my hands up underneath it and over his smooth chest. He growls into my mouth, and I smile. I finally have to pull away long enough to breathe, and he's nuzzling my neck as his hands push under my shirt to squeeze my breasts. "Oh gods," I gasp. //and I don't want to think too much about what we should or shouldn't do. lay my hands on Heaven and the sun and the moon and the stars. while the devil wants to fuck me in the back of his car. nothing quite like the feel of something new.// Spike pushes me away and looks in my eyes. What? "Bloody hell, Slayer," he says, "What... what do you want?" I roll my eyes. "You know what I want, Spike. You've known it since we patrolled together tonight. I want you." He shakes his head, "You don't. The slaying got you all turned on and the alcohol got you not caring who you have sex with. It's not about me." I cannot believe we're having this conversation. Spike wants to do the noble thing here? "*No*, it's not about the slaying," I say. "God, Spike, I have been fighting this attraction to you, ever since you started helping us. It's not about the alcohol, either. I'm not all that drunk. I mean, I am, kind of. But I'm also well aware who I'm here with. And I remember all the reasons this is just about the stupidest thing I've ever done. but I don't care. I'm so fucking tired of being alone and I don't know why I should be when there's obviously something between us. I'm not going to tell you I'm in love with you, because I don't think I am. But there is a physical attraction here, Spike. So, what do I want? I want you to fuck me. Make me feel like I matter to someone. Just for tonight." He stares at me for the longest time. I'm just about to tell him to get out when he smiles. Not that evil, I'm gonna kill you, grin, but a nice smile that lets me see just a glimpse of William the poet. "No," he says. I open my mouth to tell him to get the fuck out, then, but he puts a finger to my lips. "I ain't gonna fuck you, Buffy. I'm gonna worship you." //maybe I'm all messed up. maybe I'm all messed up. maybe I'm all messed up in you. maybe I'm all messed up. maybe I'm all messed up. maybe I'm all messed up. maybe I'm all messed up in you. maybe I'm all messed up.// Before I can say anything, he kisses me. And, god, I thought he was a good kisser before but I didn't know how right I was. This kiss is different. Not as desperate this time. There's passion here, but it's more controlled. He sucks on my lower lip and then his tongue darts into my mouth just a moment. It's enough to make me moan and thread my fingers into his hair, trying to pull him closer. I can feel him smile against my mouth and push his tongue back inside, examining every inch. After he's acquainted himself with my mouth, he lets me pull away for breath. I need it, I'm panting for breath. After just a couple kisses and a little groping I'm so wet already. He smiles and says, "You are so beautiful, Buffy." His hands, which have been at my waist, take the hem of my tank top. I nod and he pulls it up over my head. He takes his time letting his eyes roam over my body, like he wants to devour me. Did that whimper come from me? It must have because he looks up into my eyes again and grins. He leans in for another kiss and his hands trail down over my chest to my breasts. I moan into his mouth as he squeezes them gently. He responds by kneading them harder and I decide to see what I can do to speed this up a little. I run my hands up under his T-shirt, over his abs and he pulls his mouth away with a groan. I smile and scratch my nails down his chest, hard enough to leave marks and he hisses into my ear before he starts sucking on the lobe. "Oh god," I whimper. "Spike!" I yell when he pinches my nipples roughly. He growls and pushes me back on the couch. He gets to his feet for just a minute and I make myself comfortable, lying on the couch, as he rips his shirt over his head. This isn't something I haven't seen before, but I still like what I see. //this is the only time I really feel alive. this is the only time I really feel alive.// He kneels between my legs and braces himself with his hands on either side of my head and lowers himself, so slowly, on top of me. God, the coolness of his skin feels so good on mine, which is so overheated. He kisses me and my hands roam his back and down his sides. He shudders a little and then trails little kisses down my jaw to my throat. He sucks on the spot where Angel and then Dracula marked me. "Spike," I gasp when he bites down with his blunt teeth. He kisses down my chest to take one of my breasts in his mouth. He sucks on it and I arch up into his mouth with a moan. His other hand kneads my other breast and it feels so good I can't stand it. "Please," I beg, not sure what exactly I'm asking him. He's making me feel so alive. I haven't ever felt this. Not with Angel, we were too hurried the one night we made love. All that denied passion was bottled up and finally we gave in. And it was great but we didn't take our time like this. I never came close to this with Riley, either. I might have loved Riley if I'd let myself, but I didn't. It was sex, pure and simple. But now... This is so different. Spike is doing exactly what he said he would. He's worshipping me, making me feel like I'm his goddess. I don't ever want him to stop. He's moved over to my other breast, to suck on that one and I shiver when the cool air hits the breast he just abandoned. His hand palms it gently and I think he must be trying to drive me crazy. He lifts his head and looks at me and the passion in his eyes is overwhelming. "I swear, I just found everything I need." He sings. Spike sings. Oh, fuck, it just makes me wetter, because he's got a very sexy singing voice. "The sweat in your eyes the blood in your veins are listening to me. Well I want to drink it up and swim in it until I drown. My moral standing is lying down. Nothing quite like the feel of something new." While he's singing, his hand travels under my pants. He cups me and then pushes a finger inside my heat and I whimper. While he thrusts his finger inside me, his thumb brushes over my clit. I cry out and he inserts a second finger into my passage. I moan and fight to catch my breath as he continues his torture. Shit I'm so close. Just when I'm about to come, he removes his fingers and takes his hand out from my pants. "Spike," Damn, he's got me whining. He smirks and I watch as he slips his finger into his mouth. I didn't think I could get any more turned on, but I was wrong. "You taste so good, Slayer," he growls. Shit. I can't stand much more of this. "Damn it, Spike, I need you inside me," I growl as I pull him down for another kiss. He pulls away and grabs my hands, pinning them above my head. "Not yet," he whispers. "Patience, Pet." I narrow my eyes and he chuckles. "I'm not that much of a tease," he says. "You wanna come; I'm here to please." He releases my hands and moves off the couch again. I frown but then he unbuttons and unzips my pants and I sigh with relief. He pulls them down and off my legs and does the same with my panties. "So beautiful," he says again as his eyes travel over my nude body. //maybe I'm all messed up. maybe I'm all messed up. maybe I'm all messed up in you. maybe I'm all messed up. maybe I'm all messed up. maybe I'm all messed up. maybe I'm all messed up in you. maybe I'm all messed up. Finally he kneels between my legs again. He puts his hands at my knees and pushes them further apart. He leans down and kisses my stomach, and moves further down to dip his tongue into my navel. I moan and he continues down to my curls. His hands rest on my thighs and he pauses, looking up at me. He smirks, that stupid Spike-smirk. I'm sure it's because I look like I'm going to scream if he doesn't do something. I'm not going to beg. I bite my lower lip to make certain of it. He lowers his head and inhales my scent and I do whimper at that. He licks me from back to front, between the lips of my sex and I moan and arch into him. God that feels so good. He repeats the action, several times, and it's all I can do not to grab his head and keep him there. I won't do that, because it might make him stop. And gods, I don't want him to stop. "FUCK!" I yell when he pushes his tongue inside me and begins fucking me with it. Shit, I'm going to lose my mind if he keeps that up. But I might lose my mind if he stops, too. I whimper, arching up against him, when he starts rolling my clit between his fingers. So close, gods, I'm so close. I can feel it coming "Don'tstopfuckspikeplease!" He pulls his tongue out from my passage and I could scream with frustration. But then he takes my clit between his lips and sucks and I know I must have died and gone to heaven. Except this is Spike, so maybe not. He's not playing nice though, he keeps bringing me to the edge and then letting me come back down again. "SPIKE PLEASE!" So he did get me to beg, I guess. He's got three fingers inside me and he finds my G-spot, pressing it hard as he grazes his teeth over my clit. "SPIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!" I scream, as I finally orgasm, harder than I ever have in my life. My hips buck up against him but he grabs my thighs with his hands, holding me down as he continues to suckle my clit. Shit I'm gonna come again and as I look at him watching me, I think that's his plan. "Oh gods," I whimper as I feel him slip three fingers inside me again. He bites down on my clit and I scream again, as my second orgasm washes over me. //this is the only time I really feel alive. this is the only time I really feel alive. i can't help thinking Christ never had it like this// Damn. I passed out, I realize as I open my eyes and look into his. He looks pretty proud of himself and I suppose I can't blame him. "Shit, Spike, that was..." I don't have any words for how amazing it was. He chuckles and says, "I got it when you went unconscious on me." I roll my eyes and he kisses me, making me forget why I was irritated with him anyway. I cup him through his jeans and he groans into my mouth. He pulls away and I say, "Take them off or I'll do it for you." He grins, "Yes, Ma'am," and gets to his feet again. He unbuttons his jeans and pushes down the zipper, keeping his eyes on me to make sure I'm watching. Like I'd be doing anything else? I notice that the song is playing again. I must have put it on repeat, even though I don't remember doing that. He pushes his jeans down and he's not wearing any underwear. I can't help licking my lips at what I see. His cock is already fully erect, as if I wondered. I could feel the evidence of that through his jeans. He chuckles and I blush. "Like what ya see, do ya?" he teases. "Yes," I admit. What am I gonna say, no? He climbs back onto the couch and lies down on top of me, still bracing his weight on his arms. I take his cock in my hand and stroke it. Spike growls and I smile. I move my legs around his hips and guide his cock to my entrance. He thrusts into me and I cry out at the feeling. Spike groans and buries his face in my neck. "Fuck, Buffy, you feel so good," he says. I squeeze my muscles around his cock and he growls. He withdraws almost all the way before he slams back inside me, harder. I moan, "Harder," and he obeys. "Faster," I gasp. Again, he follows orders. He begins driving into me, fast and hard, and I arch up to meet his thrusts. We're both moaning each other's names and panting for breath. I run my hands over his body, as much of it as I can reach. I move them up his chest, to pinch and tease his nipples, making him gasp my name. I scratch my nails down his back and he growls. He slips into gameface for a moment but then goes back to his human face quickly. He's stopped moving, and he's not looking in my eyes. I guess he must be worried I'll throw him out now. Just because he let his demon come forward? "I don't mind," I say. He looks in my eyes, then. He's got a confused expression on his face. "I mean it, Spike. The demon... it doesn't disgust me or anything. I know who you are; I haven't forgotten." He slips back into gameface and I run my fingers over the ridges in his forehead and take his face in my hands. "When I said I wanted you, I didn't mean just part of you. I wanted you, Spike. All of you," I say. He smiles. Did I mention I like that smile? Even when it's his demon looking at me, the smile is sweet and Then he kisses me, carefully, so as not to draw blood; but I'm not afraid. It's not just the chip, either, that makes me think he's not going to hurt me. Even if the chip were out, he wouldn't hurt me. I think I'm starting to understand just how much he loves me. He starts moving inside me again and I moan into his mouth. He slips back into his human face and pulls away. "Come for me, Buffy," he whispers, just before he slips his hand between us and twists my clit roughly. I scream his name as I climax, and I feel him follow me, shouting my name as he spills his cold seed inside me. He collapses on top of me, but then rolls us over so I'm on top. I'm still coming down from my orgasm and he rubs my back as I recover. He's purring. I like it. *********** I must have drifted off. I open my eyes and realize that Spike is gone. The second thing I notice is that there's a blanket over me. I suppose it's for the best that he left. The morning-after conversation would have been painful for himself and me. For him because I would've had to tell him something he doesn't want to hear. For me because I don't particularly *want* to hurt him. But the fact of the matter is we can't ever be anything to each other, other than enemies. What happened tonight can't ever happen again. He's gone, so that means he knows that. And it's for the best, I tell myself again as I go up to my bed, alone. ******************* The End FEEDBACK IS ADORED! lcaspell@yahoo.com