SERIES : Death Was Her Gift
PAIRING : Buffy POV, no pairing
RATING : PG14
SPOILERS : "The Gift"
DISCLAIMER : I do not own these
characters. "I Will Love You" by Fisher.
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She's
crying. For some time now, she's been crying. As I wrap my arms around her, I
catch the light reflecting from her eyes. I can see so much more now. I can see
the individual strands in her eyes that color them. She steals my breath away
or she would if I had breath, if I had anything besides this moment.
One
single moment. Frozen in time. One moment to tell her what she needs to hear.
One moment to whisper the words into her ear and hope she hears them.
Oh
Dawnie! I touch her face and her beautiful green eyes light up for a single
moment. One moment when she's given clarity. One moment when she can see me.
Once more.
Her eyes
fill with an incredible light from the sky. They are endless in this moment.
Her eyes go on forever, as I do. I run my thumb along her cheek and wipe the
tears from it. She cries tears for us and what we can't have. They tell her
that we belong together. And we do. We *are*. I'll always be with her, right over
her shoulder although she won't ever see me outside this moment. I'll be here,
wrapped up in our love, waiting for her when she falls into bed.
I'll be
captivated by her every moment lived for us. I'll hang from her lips as she
talks to the night before she sleeps. And hopefully, outside this moment,
she'll be able to remember that I'll be here. Hopefully she'll remember that
I'm here, not hanging from above.
I push
my hair aside and pull her towards my shoulder, where she can cry.
One
moment. Frozen in time. I pull her back down into bed. I've been given this
moment. One moment to see a person from the life I left behind. Rain falls
angrily on the tin roof as we lie awake in my bed.
She
knows that she's my survival. She's the proof that I ever lived at all. She
lives for us. My love is alive in her, not dead with me. I kiss her forehead
and remember all the times she crawled into bed with me at night when Mom and
Dad were arguing.
Mom. I
seem to remember a moment, as clear as this one, when I turned around and Mom
was there, holding me. And like the flicker of a candle's flame, the moment was
over. I thought it was a dream then. I thought it was a hallucination or
wishful thinking. But now I know, it wasn't. It was Mom, in *her* single
moment.
After
that moment, I knew everything would be okay. I knew she was my crying
shoulder.
I know
my moment's almost up. My life is over and still I can't help but think it's
just begun, in her. I've dropped out, burned up; but I fought my way back from
the dead. For this moment. One single moment to remember all the things that
she's ever said. One moment to tell her that I'll be her crying shoulder. I'll
be love suicide. I'll be there when she's older.
And as
the moment ends, I whisper in her ear, "I'll be the greatest fan of your
life."
And in
one second, the moment is over and it was barely long enough to hold her for
the last time. I'm banished back to the unseen. I'm banished to watching over
her life and protecting her the only way I know how.
She's crying
again and as she falls asleep, I hear her whisper, "I know you're there,
Buffy, and I know you love me."
I smile
and lay back down next to her. For the rest of eternity, I'll be with her
forever. In this single moment and in every other.
~El Fin~
Onto the next part : Having Her Back
Back to the Home of Death Was Her Gift
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