I Will Remember You
SERIES : the
Buffy & Angelus Chronicles
PAIRING : Buffy/Angelus,
Buffy/Angel (at end)
RATING : NC17
SPOILERS : major spoilers, I’ve
used actual show quotes from all four seasons of Buffy & Angel season one.
DISCLAIMER : I do not own these
characters. Nor do I own “I Will Remember You” (Amy Grant).
NOTES & WARNINGS : Entire
series has : rape, torture, character deaths & pain (these things are not
in every part).
=====================================================================
He had to fix the clock. It was
wrong. It needed to be fixed. It gave him reprieve from everything else. Made
him forget how soft she had looked. Made him almost forget the taste of her
essence in his mouth or the feel of her around him. Sometimes, he thought his
memories of what had happened while he was soulless were a blessing. Other
times, he saw them as a curse.
He'd never be that close to her
again. She'd never scream *his* name in ecstasy. He'd never have her clit in
his mouth again. Those pleasures were all memories that he carried, along with
the thoughts of wanting to kill her.
Things were way too complicated
for him in Sunnydale. He'd left because being that close to her was driving him
mad. He craved her. He wanted her. And it was just a matter of time before they
fell into each other's arms again, damn the consequences.
But another part of himself knew
the true reason why he had left. He'd left because she'd betrayed him. He'd
left because he was angry with her and angry with himself for being able to
fight everyone else's demons but his own. He'd left because he didn't want to
give in to the voice that craved her blood. Her neck was his temptation. Her
body was his temple.
It was just too much. So he'd
left, intending never to go back. And now that he had, the ache inside for her
was worse, pounding, deafening even. Too much.
She couldn't believe where she
was or why. It seemed as if she'd just started adjusting to the
life-without-Angel, when this- this visit. His stalking. She'd been stalked
enough for her taste and it hurt to know he didn't even want to say hello.
She'd sensed him. She'd passed
it off as craziness or wishful thinking. But it *had* been him. He'd been to
see her. He'd been so close that she could feel him inside. And now, just
knowing how close he'd been, made her ache for him.
She could feel him inside the
building before she even opened the door and walked up the stairs.
She smiled as she heard a
familiar voice. "You don't to want to 'stir' up the feelings, but if my ex
came to town and was all stalking me in the shadows and then left and then
didn't even say 'hello', I'd be…"
"A little upset."
Buffy said as she walked in. She was practically left breathless as she saw him
again, his jaw dropping open at the sight of me. "Wouldn't you?"
//I will be
walking one day
Down a street far
away
And see a face in
the crowd and smile//
"Buffy!" Cordy said.
"Buffy's here! In town! What brings you to-"
"I came to see my
father." Buffy answered her, feeling his eyes on her. She glanced at
Angel. "Thought I'd stop by."
"What a surprise!"
Cordy said with a laugh.
"Cordelia, how are
you?"
"Good. I'm good. You?"
"I've been better."
Buffy said, glaring at Angel.
"Uh-huh. Well, this is
Doyle. And he gets visions of people in trouble." Buffy glanced over the
guy who'd sent Angel to Sunnydale for her.
"Nice to make your-"
He extended a hand that was promptly grabbed by Cordelia.
"And this is us leaving you
two alone."
Buffy closed the door and looked
back at Angel, who was avoiding her eyes. That must be a first for them. In the
past year, it had been *her* eyes that were avoiding contact.
"Well, umm, it's good to…
Can I get you anything?"
"How about an explanation?
Like, who do you think you are, coming to *my* town and following me around
behind my back?" She tried to avoid his eyes.
"I'm sorry."
"I mean, what is this? Some
new torment you cooked up just for me? Wanted to drive the point home? Stalk me
again… make me crazy… that was the plan, wasn't it?"
"NO. I don't want to
torment…"
"What is it then? You can
see me, but I can't see you? Do you know how hard it was for me to deny that I
felt you inside my gut? That I didn't throb for you when you were close? What
are we playing here?"
"We're not. I'm not playing
anything. I wrestled with this decision, Buffy."
"Which you made without
me."
"I tried to do what I
thought was right. It's complicated how this all happened, Buffy, you
know?"
"What is that? Some kind
of-"
"Just be quiet. It's a long
story, about my trip."
"Your new sidekick had a
vision, I was in it, you came to Sunnydale?"
"Okay, maybe not *that*
long."
"You didn't feel that I was
important enough to even tell me that you were there."
"I'm trying to explain.
It's *because* I felt that you're important that I didn't tell you."
"Well, I'm a big girl now.
I'm not in high school anymore. A lot has happened in my life."
"I know. I respect
that."
"Do you? You always say
that, but you never do. You've never respected *any* decision I've made."
"And what was I supposed to
do, Buffy? Knowing those decisions involved you getting off with a demon who
had my face?" She turned quickly and bit back the tears.
//Knowing how you
made me laugh
Hearing sweet
echoes of you from the past
I will remember
you//
Buffy glared at him and he knew
he'd gone too far. It was just too much history for them. "Buffy-"
She put her hand up to stop him
before turning back to him calmly. "I don't need you skulking around,
trying to protect me anymore." They looked away from each other. He knew
now that it had been wrong to go back. It had been selfish. "Unless, of
course, I'm in some gigantic fight to the death, which I was last night. That
was *you* helping me, wasn't it?"
"I was in the neighborhood…
skulking." And his heart melted when she laughed and broke a smile.
"I'm sorry, if I handled this wrong. I mean, what else was I supposed to
do?"
"I don't know. I just know
that when you're around, whether I see you or not, I feel you… inside. I
thought I was crazy, Angel, that I was trying to make you appear because I
wanted you there. It's just that… it's so strong, our connection. It throws
me."
"Throws me, too."
"I guess I just needed to
be mad."
"Me too." He smiled.
"It's harder than I thought, walking away."
"Yeah." She whispered.
"But… what else can we do? It's too dangerous, for everyone. There's too
much."
"I wish there wasn't."
Buffy nodded. "So let's
just stick to the plan. We keep our distance until a lot of time has passed.
Given enough time, we should be able to…"
//Look in my eyes
while you're near
Tell me what's
happening here
See that I don't
want to say good-bye//
"Forget?"
"Yeah. So, I'm gonna go…
start forgetting." He watched Buffy turn to leave, before the window
shattered and it was slay time.
TEN MINUTES LATER
"It's heading towards the
ocean." He said. He was practically breathing on her neck. Or would be, if
he needed to breathe. She couldn't handle having him so close.
"Are you sure?" She
asked.
"It's wounded. I can smell
its blood."
"Oh. Great. Handy
skill." They continued walking and she couldn't believe she was with him
again, after all that had happened. She honestly thought that she'd never see
him again. She knew she'd hurt him and deep in her heart, she knew that he
hadn't left so she could have a life. He'd left because he couldn't forgive
her. She'd slept with his mortal enemy. So a part of her didn't blame him for
not forgiving her. She couldn't forgive *herself* for craving his body when she
couldn't have him.
"Maybe if your crack staff
hadn't run off at the first sign of trouble, they could have helped us with
some research. Find out what this thing is and why it wants to kill us."
He watched as she yanked out her
stake. "It's just a rat." She didn’t lower the stake. "So, you
can put that down." She put it away cautiously. "It's not a vampire.
I don't know why you brought that, anyway."
"Because I know how to use
it."
"And what's that supposed
to mean?" He was getting sick of the you're-a-vampire thing.
"What? I know how to use it
and it's a lot handier than your fighting ax."
"Didn't find it easy to use
when you we-" He stopped himself. "Unless he chops it in two and
maybe takes some of your hand with it." He corrected himself and Buffy
turned around quickly.
"If you have something to
say, then say it."
"No. Nothing."
"You have something
face." And he watched as she cringed at the familiar words. "Look can
we just get on with the hunting? I'd like to get this over with before
dark."
"I can handle this,
myself."
"You bailed me out last
night. I'd like us to be even?"
"We're keeping score
now?"
"Aren't we? Haven't we
always? I thought that's all we do."
"What are you talking
about?" He asked.
"Oh come on, Angel!
Everything between us is about keeping the score!"
"For example?" He
asked.
She started pacing. "Fine.
You want examples. Okay, how about when Drusilla first showed up? You lied to
me. You blatantly *lied* so I got mad and started seeing my friend Ford again.
THEN, you'd disappear so I'd dance with Xander to make you jealous. You'd get
mad at me for dancing with some guy, so you'd walk away."
"Those aren't
examples." He said, clearly frustrated with her.
"What about you
leaving?" She asked boldly.
"What are you… you *know*
why I left."
"I know what you told me,
Angel. I don't know the real reason, not from you and you know it."
"Buffy- we shoul-"
"NO! Let's get it out
there. Tell me the real reason you didn't tell me you were in town." He
started to walk away from her and she grabbed his arm. "TELL ME!"
"No." He said, jerked
his arm away and started to walk away.
"Because you can't say it.
Well, I can. You're mad at me." He froze in his tracks. "That's
right. You're mad at me for having sex with him but I can't apologize for that
anymore. But at least I'm not a coward. I can say it out loud. I wanna talk
about it."
"And to what end?" He
asked without turning around. "What would it accomplish?"
"At least you wouldn't be
mad, *we* wouldn't have to play the avoidance game. You could come ba-"
"I'll never come back,
Buffy."
It took her a minute to process
what he said and she bit back the tears. "Then I guess that's it." He
couldn't or wouldn't forgive her. At that moment, she knew she'd truly lost
him. She only had the memories.
He could smell the salt from her
tears and he regretted that he had to hurt her. But even if he could forgive
her for what she did, it didn't change anything. He was still a vampire with a
soul and a curse. He was still weak for her and being in the same town could
only lead to heartache, especially now that she could have other things, since
she'd started to truly heal and forgive herself.
"Getting anything?" She
asked weakly. "Cause I can only smell sewer."
She walked in front of him, so
he couldn't see her tears. She glanced back and he seemed strange. "Angel?
You okay?"
"I feel weird."
"I know. I do too. I mean,
I only came to see you so I could tell you face-to-face not to see me
face-to-face. And I know there's a fly in the logic somewhere, but… I never
intended to get into the past. I just thought… I don't know. And the next thing
I knew we're being attacked by this mutant ninja demon thing, and then we're on
the floor on top of each other, and it's just really confusing being around
you."
She was glad he was finally
ready to talk about it.
"No, I meant I felt weird
from the demon's blood. It's powerful."
"Oh." She turned away
again. "Let's just rewind Buffy's little outburst and pretend it never
happened."
"No. It *is* confusing. And
I… even if we could forgive each other… it still wouldn't change anything. When
we're apart, it's easier. It hurts- every day. But I live with it." He
couldn't stand it, she was right in front of him. He could touch her for real,
instead of relying on the memories of her with him in the mansion or in her
room. He knew they were not his memories, but he still reveled in them. And
part of him hated himself for that.
"And now you're- you're
right here and I can actually reach out… and it's more than confusing, Buffy.
It's unbearable."
"But we have to bear,
right? But I don't want you to be mad at me. I can't stand that. But, what else
can we do? Maybe if we're mad, it helps; because it doesn't work with us. It
can't."
"No. I can't give you a
life or a future or anything a real girl would want." She inched closer to
him and he could feel her heat near him. One hand slid around her waist while
his other hand brushed her hair off her shoulder.
"No matter how much we miss
each other."
"And I do miss you,
Buffy." He whispered against her lips. "No matter what happened in
the past, I miss you now. But you're right. It doesn't matter what we feel in
the moment."
"If we let something happen
here, we'd want more." She suddenly understood why he didn't want to
forgive her. "And nothing's changed. We'd only end up having to leave each
other again."
"And that's the best case
scenario." He released her and she was sad for the loss of contact.
"Oh, boy. I was really
jonesing for another heartbreaking sewer talk."
"I'm sorry."
"You know," If he
wanted to lie to her, and hurt her, she'd do the same. "I'm actually on
the brink of something back home. I'm actually heading towards a pretty good
life now that…"
"I'm out of the picture.
That's why I left. I want you to have it."
"Don't fuck with me,
Angel." His head snapped up at her language. "That's right. I'm not
some princess. I'm sure you remember. I'd even wager that you think of those
times at night."
"Don't." He said and
she felt like crying. He could always read her. "Don't make it worse,
Buffy. Being mad at me won't help the pain, believe me, I've tried it."
"Could we just find this
thing and get this finished?" He nodded as they came to a ladder.
"What if it went up?"
"Into the day, where it
knows I can't follow."
"But I can." She
volunteered.
"I don't want you going
after it alone."
"It's best all around if we
just split up, this isn't doing either of us any good. I can't handle it."
"There's a dive on Second
near Beach, the Lone Bar. Demons go there sometimes when they need to get
patched up."
"Got it."
"Be careful."
She was relieved when she
reached the top. She hated this little circle of pain and torment they were
stuck in. If only she could just show him how much she loved him. She could
show him how much she'd longed for *him*.
But even *that* wasn't the
problem. It wasn't the sex between her and Angelus that he didn't like. It was
that she had said, and believed: that she'd loved him.
//Our love is
frozen in time
I'll be your
champion and you'll be mine
I will remember
I will remember
you//
LATER THAT
AFTERNOON
No luck. She had spent a good
part of the afternoon and no luck. She looked around and out over the ocean.
She stood with the wind blowing her hair and remembered times when things had
been much simpler. When all she could think of was a future with Angel, before
curses and souls were a worry. She wished it could be all that terribly simple
again but the fact remained that he could forgive her actions but not her
heart. Part of her didn't ever want him to either, but part of her knew that
they'd always be connected. The true love spell had taught her that much.
She was looking out towards the
water, remembering her dreams of Angel and her when she felt… *him*. She turned
around and saw him approaching her. In the sunlight.
He'd dreamt of nothing more than
a time when souls and fangs didn't matter. When the demon inside him wouldn't
scream her name when she was in the room and beg for blood. And the quiet he
found inside himself reminded him of the time before making love and before
lost souls, the moments when he'd first touched her lips with his own or first
held her hand or brushed his fingers along the side of her breast during a
fight, hoping she wouldn't notice.
And in those moments of thinking
of the breath in his body and those stolen memories and the quiet within, he
went to her and kissed her with a passion he'd thought had long since died in himself.
Demon possession didn't matter anymore when there was no demon inside.
LATER THAT DAY
She sat looking across the table
at him. *Human* him. She was beside herself with emotions. Lust. Joy.
Happiness. Bliss. Confusion. Fear. Longing. And she could see the same
reflected in his eyes.
"Would you like some
more?" He asked, as he poured some tea.
"No, thank you." She
said. She was tired. They'd been sitting in silence for much too long.
"Sooo…"
"Sooo… I'm really sorry I
kissed you like that."
"You are?" She asked.
"Well, not for the kiss
itself…"
"Good. I mean, 'cause as
far as kisses go I thought it was well above average."
"It was incredible. I just…
I think maybe we'd be asking for trouble if we rushed back into things. Not
that I don't want to- rush. Believe me, I do."
And that was the truth. He
wanted to rush. He *really* wanted to rush. But the sensible side of him
thought better of it. He knew they shouldn't rush into a relationship, when the
old one wasn't completely free of baggage.
"Of course. Just cause
you're human doesn't mean that you're… it doesn't- it's can't erase… what I
did."
"It's not that. It's not
you." He tried to reassure her. "That's a non-issue, right now. It's
just that… we're different people now. People. See? I'm a people. And I just
don't think we should rush."
"Right. You spoke to the
Oracles and they said you were cured for good. But how do we know that they
really speak for the Powers? I mean they could be - pranksters."
"Or there could be another
loophole."
"Exactly. And then the two
of us would be in even deeper and it's 'grr' all over again."
"It would be smart to wait
a while. See if this mortal thing takes."
"Exactly. And even if it
does, it's still complicated."
"You're still the Slayer.
And I'm not sure what I am, now. I don't know what my purpose is. I can't just
wedge myself into your life back in Sunnydale. It wouldn't be good for either
one of us. Not to mention the fact that you just started college. And what
about slaying? I mean, if you had me to worry about, you might not be as
focused."
"Are you going to pull out
a pie chart on me now? Because I get it, it's not necessary." He could see
the hurt and confusion in her eyes. He didn't want her to be hurt.
He stood up and moved his chair
next to hers. "I'm not saying I don't want you. You know how much… I'm
just saying it's worth the wait, to be sure this is right. I need to be sure
you won't get hurt again."
Buffy turned to him. "You
sure it's me you're worried about? Or do you wanna make sure *you* don't get
hurt again?"
"What's *that* supposed to
mean?"
"You know what. Let's get
it out there. You say you forgive me when I'm near the end of my rope and then
you leave me. So… I told him I loved him."
Angel immediately looked away.
He couldn't look into her eyes while she professed love to his evil self.
"I told him I loved him
because I did. I'm not gonna lie to you, Angel. And I'm not gonna tell you what
you need to hear because it won't do us any good." He kept his back to
her. "Look at me." She said, but he didn't. "Angel, *look* at
me."
Buffy bent down in front of him
to where his eyes were gazing. "I'm sorry that I couldn't be stronger. I'm
sorry that I needed you and sent you away and I am *so* sorry that this hurts
you the way that it does, but I can't help what happened. I can't tell you how
alone and destroyed I felt when I realized… I can't tell you how much it hurt
me inside, knowing that I'd killed you and I can't tell you how much I needed
you. Not just on a physical level, but for emotional… it's stupid. I knew it
then and I know it now."
She paused and then looked back
up him. She caressed his cheek and spoke. "It was like I was in a desert,
surrounded by nothing but sand. And the winds picked up and started blowing the
sand on top of me and I couldn't breathe without inhaling it and I couldn't
step anywhere. And I was so thirsty and desperate to be anywhere but the
desert, that I fell in love with the wind. It was the only thing that could
carry me out of the desert."
He'd never really thought about
it that way. The thought had crossed his mind, but he'd never really thought
about it… in such a metaphorically blunt way. He leaned down and kissed her
softly before she stood up.
"You know, it's a good
thing I didn't fantasize about you turning human only about 10 zillion times,
because today would have been a real letdown." She smiled. "So, how
does the mature plan go? You call me? I call you? What?"
"We stay in touch-" He
stood and walked towards her. "Just not…"
"Literally. Funny."
She walked past him and he inhaled her sweet scent, happy to *not* be able to
smell the vampiric impurities on her skin. "Okay, I'd better…"
"Right. Remove the
temptation."
She spun around
towards him. "So, we'll talk soon."
He was just about
ready to let her go when she placed her hand on his.
Before Buffy knew
it, Angel had pulled her towards him and kissed her deeply. She was shocked and
excited at the thought of his warm mouth on hers. She felt the fridge against
her back and she jumped up to wrap her legs around his waist. She felt his
hands inside her shirt and on her breasts and on her back all at once. Warm
hands. Human hands. Angel hands.
She heard the
crash of the things hitting the floor as she was laid back on the table and
arched her back upwards as his hands trailed down her breastbone, over her
stomach and onto her heated sex.
"Angel!" She moaned
softly. "Oh god, please…" She felt his head between her legs, rubbing
against her jean-covered flesh and she rocked against him. "Please…"
She begged.
She felt him tearing at her
jeans as she kicked her sneakers off. The jeans went down, as did her soaking
panties and then she felt the first touch from her Angel in over three years.
She screamed as his fingers traced the lips of her sex before seeking her
entrance. "AngelAngelAngelAngel…"
He *loved* hearing her voice
chanting *his* name. Her fingers in *his* hair. Her juices on *his* human lips.
It was all too much and he was throbbing to be inside her. A human erection,
hot and heavy to the touch, begging to be inside her.
He used his fingers to slowly
work her and she rocked against his hand and screamed while thrashing around on
the table. He watched her body arch and writhe as her chest heaved for air. All
while chanting his name. "AngelpleaseOhgodAngel!"
He brought her almost to climax
and then back down several times until she was begging and pleading but he
wanted to be inside her when she came. He slid up the table and kissed her deep
and hard before thrusting inside her completely.
"ANGEL!" She screamed
at the completion he gave her. She'd never felt so much passion or love from
this body. Perhaps once, but she was too inexperienced to really know. But she
could feel him pulling out and thrusting back in, slowly at first before she
started squeezing him.
He started slamming into her as
his hips pumped wildly, driving him deeper with every thrust. She screeched and
wrapped her legs around his waist. He slid inside her deeper and she met his
thrus-
WHAM!
"SHIT!" They both
screamed as they slid to the floor with a thud.
"Buffy? You okay?"
"Yeah, you?"
"Yup."
"Good." She whispered
into his ear. "Cause I still need to come. Get going." She said,
pulling his hips towards her. He just laughed and started pumping into her
again.
He was close. He could feel it.
"Buffy, come for me, come *with* me."
"Oh god, Angel… fuck… come
on, harder." She begged and he silently gave in, moaning and grunting as
he filled her over and over. He felt her fingers on his back as they kissed
passionately.
"I love you." He
whispered.
"I love you too." She
said back, "Now make me come."
He smiled as pinched her clit
without warning, sending her over the edge with a shriek of his name. He
followed, shooting his hot, live, semen into her womb. She felt him bathe her
insides, where once coolness had leaked into her, hot, warm, life shot into her
and she smiled when she realized that they *could have* made a baby. That they
actually *can*.
He collapsed on top of her and
kissed her neck and face before rolling over onto the floor. Two seconds later,
he felt her fingers stroking him. "Give me a minute or two, Love. Humans
have no stamina." He marveled. He was human.
"Kay. Bed?"
"Bed." He agreed.
"Here, put this on, don't get cold." He offered her his shirt.
"I'll get some food."
"Food is of the good."
She said as she kissed himself before running towards his bed. She threw the
covers back and dived underneath. She could feel them leaking out of her body,
onto his covers, on her thighs… she didn't care. She was filled with Angel.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
Came a voice from the kitchen.
"Food! And peanut butter,
preferably crunchy!"
"Got it!"
He ran into the bedroom stark
naked and she was happy. She'd take all the time she could to look at him.
"Mmm, the perfect yum." She smiled. "Mmm, this is a dream.
You're human for like a minute and already there is
Cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip in the fridge."
"God, I love food."
She smiled and scooped up some
ice cream on a chocolate waffle. He took it into his mouth and licked her
finger on the way out. "Food is good." She said before kissing the
chocolate off his lips. "Mmm…"
"Why didn't you ever tell
me about chocolate and peanut butter?"
"Well, I figured if your
vamp taste buds couldn't really savor it, then it would only hurt you, you
know? And by the way, I'm over the whole needing to be mature thing. We're
stronger together. We'll get past everything else. That time, you just spent in
the kitchen? That was enough time apart."
"Too much." He said as
she felt one of his hands brush her inner thigh.
"So… how much more time do
I have to wait to have you inside me again?" She asked huskily as her hand
ran up his thigh. She nuzzled his ear as he moaned softly. She felt him start
to harden again and smiled. "Not long, I guess."
"Not long indeed. Just
enough time to refuel."
She smiled and looked at him.
"And just so you know, you're gonna be working overtime for at least two
weeks, maybe more. I figure one orgasm a piece for every day we were too stupid
to figure this out."
He paused jokingly to think.
"Better make it two, just to be safe."
"Right. Two." She
smiled.
"OH! Okay, mortal
coordination leaving something to be desired." Buffy looked down to where
ice cream had landed on his chest and smiled.
"Wrong. It's just
right." She leaned over and licked the ice cream from his skin, which made
his partial hardness a non-issue. He dripped a little more on himself as she
cleaned that off too, swirling her tongue around his nipples as well.
"You know, Ms. Summers… as
sexy as you look in my shirt, take it off."
As she leaned back to do so, he
grabbed the peanut butter and a spoon. When she threw the shirt aside, he
attacked her beautiful breasts and covered them with the peanut butter.
"ANGEL!" She laughed as his mouth immediately attacked her. "Oh
god." She whimpered as he began to drizzle some Hershey's syrup on top of
her already covered breasts.
He enjoyed feasting on her body
and when her delicious breasts were cleaned, he set off on a path downward with
the whipped cream and ice cream. She screamed when he covered her sex with the
food and he moaned as he tasted his ice cream a la Buffy.
LATER THAT NIGHT
"It's a good sound."
She commented while listening to his heartbeat. "Thump-thump.
Thump-thump."
"It feels pretty amazing,
although I kinda miss the not having to breathe thing. That whole ice cream
covered Buffy might have worked out better."
"Plus, it was all
melty."
"You'll be washing
chocolate out of you for weeks." He smiled.
"I hope so. Every time I
do, I'll remember the first time I ate off of you."
"First?" He asked.
"Well, there will be plenty
of others, you know." They both laughed. "I'm so glad we didn't logic
ourselves out of this. We'll make it work, right?" She looked up at him.
"We will, Buffy. Whatever's
left from the past… we'll deal with it together. No more hiding."
"I'm so sleepy… but I still
want…"
"What? You couldn't
possibly… not that I wouldn't…"
"No, no. I'm spent.
Pleasantly numb even. You?"
"For now."
He smiled and kissed the top of
her head. "No, I want to stay awake- so this day can keep happening."
"Sleep." He placed a
gentle kiss on her forehead. "We'll make another one like it
tomorrow."
"Angel? This is the first
time I ever really felt this way."
"What way?" He asked.
"Like there's hope. Like we
can actually move on. Like I've always wanted to. Like a normal girl, falling
asleep in the arms of her normal boyfriend. It's perfect."
He listened as she drifted off
to sleep and her breathing was steady, before he himself fell asleep dreaming
of chocolate-covered Buffy.
THE NEXT MORNING
//Later on when
this fire is an ember
Later on when the
night's not so tender
Given time though
it's hard to remember darlin'
I will be holding
I'll still be
holding to you
I will remember
you//
Buffy had gotten dressed and was
waiting for her lover. Her *lover*. Her *Angel*. Her lover that was Angel. She
couldn't help but be giddy abo- "I'm guessing that expression isn't
because they were all out of fresh OJ at the deli. What happened?"
"Nothing happened. I
just…"
"Where have you been?"
How do you tell the one person
you ever loved that you just ruined her dreams? "I went to see the
Oracles. I asked them… I asked them to turn me back."
"WHAT? Why?" He saw
the immediate confusion in her eyes, that, and denial.
Angel didn't want to break her
heart again, but- "Because more than ever, I know how much I love you. How
much you mean to me… to this world."
"No. No, you didn't. You
wouldn't." Her eyes started to tear and he regretted having to hurt her
this way. But she wouldn't remember. She wouldn't remember. He could do it, as
long as she didn't remember.
"And if I stayed mortal,
one of us would wind up dead, maybe both of us. You heard what Mohra
said."
"Mohra is dead. We killed
him."
"He said others would
come."
"They always come. And they
always will. But that's *my* problem now, not yours, remember?"
"No, I won't just stand by
and let you fight, maybe die, alone."
"Then we fight
together."
"You saw what happened,
Buffy. If anything, I'm a liability to you. You take chances to protect me, and
that's not just bad for you, it's bad for the people we were meant to
help." He watched as her heart broke, slowly, a little more with every
word he spoke.
"So what? You just took a
whole 24 hours to weigh the ups and downs of being a regular Joe and decided it
was more fun being a superhero?"
He wanted to hold her for the last few seconds that he could. Had he had more
time, he'd have made love to her again, just to feel her.
"You know that's not it.
How can we be together if the cost is your life, or the lives of others?"
He pulled her into his arms. "I know… I couldn't tell you. I wasn't sure
if I could do it, if I woke up with you one more morning."
"It's not about… not about
me, is it? About before when you wer-"
"Shh. It was never about
that, Love. I didn't leave because of the past. I left because it was too hard
for me to be around you, to feel the soul fighting for your love and the demon
fighting for your blood… it was tearing me apart."
She nodded and he saw acceptance
and sadness flood her eyes. "I understand. So, what happens now?"
"The Oracles are giving us
back the day, turning back time, so I can kill Mohra before his blood makes me
mortal."
"When?"
Angel glanced over at the clock.
"Another minute."
"A minute? NO! No, it's not
enough time!" Her eyes filled with fear and he couldn't stand to watch all
her dreams vanish before his eyes. "No."
"We don't have a choice.
It's done."
"How am I supposed to go on
with my life knowing what we had? What we could have had?"
"You won't. No one will
know but me."
"Everything we did."
"It never happened."
Buffy looked up at him.
"But it did. It did. I *know* it did. I felt your heart beat." It
*did* happen. She knew it had. She would remember. She had to. She didn't
understand how something so wonderful could be taken from her. Again.
"Buffy…" Before she
knew it, his lips were on hers and when he pulled away, she glanced at the
clock. Twenty seconds until it was over.
"NO! Oh god, it's not
enough time!"
"Shh, please… please…"
"No. I'll never forget.
I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forge-
Buffy was nodding. "So
let's just stick to the plan. We keep our distance until a lot of time has
passed. Given enough time, we should be able to…"
"Forget." He
whispered, trying to maintain composure, and *not* tell her the truth.
"Yeah. So I'm gonna go…
start forgetting." He bit back the tears, which was easy enough to do when
Mohra crashed through the window. For a split second, Angel considered jumping
in front of him and begging Mohra to cut him. But Angel grabbed the clock from
his desk quick and smashed the jewel with it.
"That was unreal. How did
you know how to kill it?"
"It's Mohra demon. I… I had
a lot of time to catch up on my reading."
"Yeah. Okay. So I guess
we've covered it, right?" She was mad at him. The contempt in her eyes,
and fear, were unbearable. He wanted to see the love in her eyes. The love and
forgiveness she'd found and he realized that he stole that from her as well.
"I guess we did."
"And that's all there
really is to say."
If only she knew how much had
been said. He turned back to her but she was gone. She'd never get the
explanations and peace he thought they'd made with the past. And it saddened
him. "Yeah. That's it."
Buffy ran out to her car and
broke down in tears as the pain ripped through her system. She'd left. It had
to be over.
//So many years
come and gone
And yet the memory
is strong
One word we never
could learn
Good-bye
True love is
frozen in time
I'll be your
champion and you'll be mine
I will remember
you
So please remember
I will remember
you//
On
to the Next Part of the Buffy & Angelus Chronicles
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