Last Time
SERIES : the
Buffy & Angelus Chronicles
PAIRING : Buffy/Angelus,
Buffy/Angel (at end)
RATING : NC17
SPOILERS : major spoilers, I’ve
used actual show quotes from all four seasons of Buffy & Angel season one.
DISCLAIMER : I do not own these
characters. Nor do I own “Last Time” (Fuel).
NOTES & WARNINGS : Entire
series has : rape, torture, character deaths & pain (these things are not
in every part).
=====================================================================
He watched her body sway as she
walked down the stairs. He'd been watching her, waiting for the right time. It
needed to be done. This… it needed to be over. He'd no longer listen to Spike
complain to Dru. This *would* be over. Soon.
She approached the
redheaded child and he slowly weaved his way through the crowd to hear their
conversation.
//I'm not the
first you sucked down
I drank your pleasure slow
Then stumbled out from your veil
Still I've come for you tonight
Choke my faith and stab my pride
And tell myself that//
"You're bailing?"
"Yeah. I'm gonna stop by
the library and see if Giles wants me to patrol, and then sack it."
"You've been doing that a
lot. Patrolling and sacking. In fact, you've kind of been 'all work and no play
Buffy'."
Buffy wasn't sure she knew how
to play anymore. "I play. I have *big* fun. I came here tonight, didn't
I?"
"You came,
you saw, you rejected."
"You mean
that guy? Just not in date mode right now."
"Well, maybe
you need to date to get in date mode."
"I don't
think I'm ready for that, Will."
"You're
thinking too much. Maybe you need to be impulsive."
"Impulsive?
Do you remember my ex-boyfriend, the vampire? I slept with him, he lost his
soul. Now my boyfriend's gone forever, and the demon that wears his face is
killing my friends. The next impulsive decision I make will involve my choice
of dentures."
"Okay, the
Angel thing went badly, I'm on board with that, but that's not your fault. And
anyways, love isn't always like that. Love can be... nice!"
Buffy smiled and
turned to leave. Angel went badly. Understatement of the entire span of time.
And how could Willow say that? It *was* her fault.
************
"Buffy, maybe
we should-"
"Shh… just
kiss me."
************
It *was* her fault.
He watched her as she headed out
and he followed her. Already, he longed for her body around his aching cock, for
her hands on his back, for her whimpers and moans. Soon enough. He would do
what had to be done to finish this. Forever. He growled as he walked behind her
and she stopped and turned around.
There was nothing. She kept on
her way until she heard another growl. She turned. Nothing. She turned back
around to continue on her way and ran right into him. "Going somewhere,
Lover?"
"Yes." She stepped to
the right and he met her. She stepped to the left and he did likewise.
"Get out of my way."
He stepped aside and she took a
couple tentative steps ahead before he said, "It is, you know."
"What?" She asked as
she froze in her spot.
He walked up behind her and blew
on her neck before grazing his fangs across the base. "Your fault."
//This is the last
time
This is the last time
This is the last time now
I'll bleed for you//
Buffy could feel him against
her, his fangs, his fake breath, his body. And part of her craved it. Part of
her bled for it. Screamed for it. Begged for his cruelty. Pleaded for punishment
she knew she deserved.
"No." The *other* part
of her whispered.
"Yessss." He hissed
against her skin. She choked on her tears as his hands slipped around her
waist. One hand slid down to cup her sex and the other to her left breast, the
one that carried his scar.
"No." She whimpered.
"It isn't."
"It is. I know it." He
said before whispering, "and *you* do, too" into her ear. "You
wanted it." She felt his hand squeeze her breast. "You wanted him
inside you. You wanted him to give you pleasure. You wanted him to be the
first. But he didn't want that. He wanted to wait, but you begged."
***********
"Buffy, I
really think we should wait."
"No. Angel,
we've waited too long. I want to feel you, all of you, inside me. I'm
ready."
"Buffy-"
"Please, I
need this… I need you."
***********
She started crying
as she thought back to that night. "You demanded it of him. *You* did this
to him. *You* killed him." Buffy started sobbing as he pushed her to the
ground. She looked up at him and couldn't move. "*You* made me. *You*
brought me here. *You* want me. It's *your* *fault*."
With that, he
turned and walked off. He smiled as he walked away but inside… he felt the
creeping of humanity, of feelings. He wanted to go back and tell her it didn't
matter whose fault it was. But he kept walking. He needed to break her. It was
the only way they could be together. One more week and she'd be begging for
death.
LATER THAT NIGHT
"Angel…" She whimpered
as she tossed and turned on her bed. He smiled as he finished the drawing. This
was a stroke of genius. He placed the picture on her pillow as she whimpered
and cried. It made him sick, how she cried for him. Not three weeks ago, she'd
been screaming out *his* name while sleeping. It made him mad.
"You killed me,
Buffy." He whispered in her ear, "It's all your fault." And then
he left.
THE NEXT NIGHT
Buffy was almost
happy that there was something new to concentrate on. A mystery: boys killing
girls, in the school. Something else to focus on, something to keep her from
seeing Angel's eyes everywhere she went.
Something to keep
her mind off the picture and her dream. 'You killed me, Buffy. It's all your
fault.' The words haunted her because they were true. She knew it. And the
picture… his cock deep in her mouth, the nervousness in her eyes… something
she'd done for Angel. *Her* Angel. Angelus had made sure to draw her ring on
her hand. She'd taken the ring off the night after she realized that Angel was
gone.
She'd made Angel
happy. She had done it. Her fault.
//Preservation or predation
As I'm reeling I don't know
Crumbled I spill out of your hand
I want to fall
And you see it all//
She walked towards the cafeteria
and thought about what was going on. Or tried to But she just kept hearing her
own words, ringing in her ear. 'He's a murderer and he should pay for it.'
And murderers should pay.
EARLY THAT EVENING
She was on her way out the door
to get to the school. She was meeting the gang, in order to make the tripod
thing that Willow had talked about. She stepped out onto the porch and he was
sitting on the steps.
"Did you get my
present?" He asked.
"Leave me alone." She
started past him.
"Oh, okay. I'll just ring
the bell and talk to your mom."
Buffy whipped around and pulled
out a stake. "Leave my mother alone." She ordered.
"Oh, I'll leave your mother
alone. I'll leave her dead, all alone."
Buffy swung the stake at him and
he pushed her hand down so she embedded it in his stomach. He inhaled sharply
at the expected wound and she pulled away quickly, dropping the stake to the
ground. He watched her eyes as the disbelief and guilt flooded them. He *did*
feel bad that he had to break her *this* way, but it was the *only* way. She
was too strong. She'd be able to resist the methods he'd used to win Drusilla.
With Dru, he'd killed her family and friends off and left them for her. But
Jenny's death had had no affect on Buffy. He figured out that he really did
have to work her from within. To kill her, you have to love her. Luckily,
he'd realized that he *did* love her, in his own way. And *that's* what ensured
her rising and her eternity.
Angelus grabbed her hand and
shoved her fingers into the wound, knowing that the pain she felt now would
only last until she was put in the ground. She pulled away and looked down at
her hand. "Looks like you've got both of our blood on your hands
now." He sneered.
He took his fingers that were
bloodied and flicked them at her, leaving a few drops of blood on her face
before walking away.
Buffy cried all the way to her
bathroom as she was her hands fiercely, until they were practically raw. She
washed her face and absently brushed her fingers over her wrists. She wondered
how long it would take to bleed.
//And you'll just
laugh when I say
This is the last time
This is the last time
This is the last time now
I'll bleed for you//
LATER THAT NIGHT
"To forgive
is an act of compassion, Buffy. It's, it's not done because people deserve it.
It's done because they need it." Would Angel forgive her for killing him?
For turning him into the one thing he truly hated? For making him what he
despises?
"No. James
destroyed the one person he loved the most, in a moment of blind passion. And
that's not something you forgive. No matter why he did what he did. And no
matter if he knows *now* that it was wrong and selfish and stupid, it is just
something he's gonna have to live with."
Buffy didn't hear
what Xander said as she walked into the kitchen. She stifled the tears.
She looked at the
flyer for the dance.
I need you.
LATER THAT NIGHT
He watched her for a second
before she turned around. Drusilla had said tonight was the night. He still
hadn't told his two childer that they'd have a new sister soon. They didn't
need to know that. Still, Dru had said that the slayer was dancing with death.
And Angelus was ready to dance with her. It was time.
"Fun fact
about wasps. They have no taste for the undead. Not that a sting would do me any
damage, it's just... tonight's special. I wanted to look my best for you."
"You're the
only one. The only person I can talk to."
"Gosh, Buff.
That's really pathetic."
As Buffy looked at
him, she looked different. The pain in her eyes, it was a different pain. An
older pain than he'd ever inflicted. "You can't make me disappear just
because you say it's over."
"Actually..."
He walked closer to her, practically feeling her hot blood in his mouth.
"I can. In fact..."
TEN MINUTES LATER
His tongue filled her mouth a
final time as she opened her eyes. She remembered a blinding light. A dream. It
was a dream. "Angel." She whispered.
What the fuck
happened? One second he had been ready to deliver the final blow and- Angelus
growled loudly and pushed Buffy away roughly before taking off.
THE NEXT DAY
************
"I just want
you to be able to have some kind of normal life. We can never have that, don't
you see?"
"I don't give
a *damn* about a normal life! I'm going crazy not seeing you. I think about you
every minute."
He touched her
cheek. "I know. But it's over. It has to be!" He said before turning
to leave.
"Come back
here! We're not finished!" She grabbed him by the arm and turned him
around. "You don't care anymore, is that it?"
"It doesn't
matter, it doesn't matter what I feel."
"Then tell me
you don't love me! Say it!"
"Is that what
you need to hear? Will that help? I don't. I don't. Now let me go."
"No. A person
doesn't just wake up and stop loving somebody!" She pulled the gun out and
pulled the hammer back. "Love is forever. I'm not afraid to use it, I
swear! If I can't be with you..."
"Oh, my
God!" He turned to run.
"DON'T WALK
AWAY FROM ME BITCH!"
He ran out and
barged out onto the balcony. "Stop it! Stop it! Don't make me!"
He stopped next to
the balcony railing. "All right. Just..." He turned around. "You
know you don't want to do this. Let's both... just calm down. Now give me the
gun."
"Don't. Don't
do that, damn it! Don't talk to me like I'm some stupid..."
The gun went off.
Angelus flinched from the wound. And she watched, helpless, as he clutched his
chest and she saw his hand coverd in blood. "Buffy." He whispered
before falling backward.
She raised the gun
slowly, but felt a hand push it back down. She turned and found herself face to
face with Angelus. "Angel."
"Don't do
this."
"But-but I
killed you."
"It was an
accident. It wasn't your fault."
"Oh, it *is* my
fault. How could I..."
"Shhh. I'm
the one who should be sorry, James. You thought I stopped loving you. But I
never did. I loved you with my last breath. Shhh... No more tears."
He pressed his lips to hers and
they kissed through the tears. "I
love you, Angel."
"I love you, Buffy."
************
Buffy woke with a start as his
face changed and his fangs bit her. "NO!" She realized it was a
dream. It hadn't been her Angel. He was gone. But she needed to taste him
again. He had gone away too soon and he wasn't coming back. So it didn't matter
if Angel couldn't forgive her. He would never *have* to. She ran a finger over
her wrist again and looked down to her hands. She could still feel his blood on
them, *see* it on them. Angel's blood. Angelus' blood. One in the same.
And she craved that blood. She
needed him. He was the only person who understood her. That night would be the
last time she slept alone. She didn't care anymore. And she wept.
//And everything I feel I know you know
And everything that heals I know you know
And everything that steals I know you know
And everything that kills you know//
Angelus screamed
as he woke up. "NO!" Her taste was ripe in his mouth. He panted and
looked over the drawings of her he had. The school had not turned out as
planned. Buffy hadn't been ready. She needed to realize that Angel was gone.
Once she knew that, she'd come back to *him*. She'd crave him. She'd realize
that she needed him. That would happen soon; it was only a matter of time. And
then, she'd take her last breath.
//And tell myself that
This is the last time
This is the last time
This is the last time now//
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