I Will Always Love You
SERIES : the
Buffy & Angelus Chronicles
PAIRING : Buffy/Angelus,
Buffy/Angel (at end)
RATING : NC17
SPOILERS : major spoilers, I’ve
used actual show quotes from all four seasons of Buffy & Angel season one.
DISCLAIMER : I do not own these
characters. Nor do I own “I Will Always Love You” (Whitney Houston).
NOTES & WARNINGS : Entire
series has : rape, torture, character deaths & pain (these things are not
in every part).
=====================================================================
BETWEEN THE PROM
AND GRADUATION
"I feel like I can't breathe Willow,
I think about him and I can't breathe."
"Buffy, I... I know, it'll all be all
right, you'll see."
"And you know what the worst part
is?"
"That he's right?"
"Yeah, he's right." Willow
stared at her friend, the one who had lied to them, left them then lied some
more. She tried to understand Buffy, she really did, but it was horrible to
think about. Buffy had betrayed them all. "Willow?"
"Hmm? What?"
"Where'd you go?"
"Nowhere, I just..."
"Willow, things have been weird
between us, I know. And I don't know what to say, I mean, I'm sorry about all
the lies. I know you don't like Angel, no one does and why should you?"
"Buffy, it's not that, I like Angel,
he loves you, I know it wasn't him. Giles and Xander hate him, but I'm okay, I
mean, it's kinda wiggy but..."
"Then what is it Willow? You've been acting
strange around me for weeks, are you mad?" How could she even ask that? Of
course she was mad. Buffy had slept with Angelus, knowing he was torturing all
of them and killing her goldfish. "Willow? Just tell me. I don't want this
distance to be between us anymore." They continued to walk, patrolling, as
they often did together since the break up. "Willow?"
"Buffy how could you? I mean, I know
it's none of my business, but how could you really? Knowing what he was doing
to all of us, and you still..."
"What are you talking about? Angel
hasn't been doing anything to us recently, he is good." Willow couldn't
believe that her friend was oblivious.
"WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT? WHAT AM I
TALKING ABOUT? I'M TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU FUCKED ANGELUS! THAT'S WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT! HOW COULD YOU BUFFY?" The tears were streaming down her
face and she ran off into the dark to her home, where things made sense.
She couldn't say anything to her friend.
She was sick of justifying herself to everyone. Buffy continued to walk. She
turned down an ally and stopped in her tracks. "Hey."
He turned around and looked at her.
"Hey. What are you doing here Buffy?"
"What I'm not allowed in this ally?
What are you doing?"
He walked toward her and her eyes were
red, she had been crying. "Are you okay Buffy?"
"Not like you care, but no."
"Buffy don't pull that with me, you
know..."
"Save it, I've heard it all before
and I don't need it again. I've had enough lectures lately to put a two year
old in a convent." He cracked a smile, never quite understanding how her
mind worked.
"Tell me?"
"No."
"Buffy, you can talk to me."
"Yeah, cause we can be friends,
right? Let's be friends, that wor... OF COURSE! SPIKE! DAMN HIM!"
"Buffy, what? Is he back again?"
"No, well sort of I guess, he's just
got a big mouth."
"What are you talking about?"
"He told Willow, she's all pissed at
me now, again, as if hiding you wasn't bad enough. But now she's mad, that's
why she's been so quiet with me since he was here. I wonder if she's told everyone
else."
"What?" He asked, not following
her thought.
"What what?"
"Told them what Buffy? That we are
friends?"
"No, that we were way more than
friends way more than once."
"Oh."
"I mean, I already got that lecture
from Giles, and now Willow. Who's next? Oh and tell your counterpart thanks for
telling Giles, I really appreciate it."
"Well you're the one who fucked him
Buffy." He brushed past her.
She looked at him, the choice of words
scared her, he'd never been that mean. He just left her there in the ally. She
deserved it; she had betrayed them all.
"Willow? Buffy's here!"
"Tell here I'm not home."
"Willow! I can hear you, I know
you're there, please..."
"Fine." Buffy walked up the stairs
to Willow's room.
"Will, we need to talk, I have to
talk and you can listen."
"Fine." Willow closed the door
and stared at her. "What?"
"Willow, you have to understand
something, Angel just left me, no warning, he just left. He changed and I was
lonely and I couldn't share that with anyone."
"What about your best-friend? What
about me?"
"How could I talk to you about sex?
You haven't had any yet."
"Sure, throw it in my face
Buffy."
"Willow, I didn't, I don't mean to
hurt you and I'm sorry, but it just happened by accident. That storm, do you
remember, when I got stuck in the Bronze during patrol? That was the first
time. Then one night, he came into my room and pretended to be Angel, he told
me Jenny had cured him and we made love. Then this one night, he came into my
room and told me I was his, so I started reading more about him and vampires
and I thought, what if I was his? So I did this spell, a true love spell and it
led me to him. So after that, it was kinda like a drug. I went there after school
and after patrolling and..."
"And you betrayed us Buffy! You slept
with him, I mean once I could oversee and when he pretended, I could understand
that too, but what about all the other times? How could you do that to
yourself?"
"Because one night I was making love
to my soulmate and the next I had to kill him. I couldn't take it. I cracked.
It was Angel, but it wasn't. I don't know. It was a love hate thing. I hated
him when we were outside, I loathed him, despised him, but when were
alone..."
"YOU LOVED HIM?"
"Willow, it's crazy, I know,
but..."
"GET OUT BUFFY! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
THIS ANYMORE!"
Buffy walked around town, she was truly
alone, no friends left, no hope of love, she was truly alone. The love of her
life was so angry that he couldn't even talk to her. And her watcher? Her
watcher was immensely disappointed and with good cause. Her mother didn't
understand what had been going on for the past five years, the ascension was
coming, and Faith was basically a loose cannon. She had no where to go, she
walked not knowing precisely where, but somehow her feet carried her to an
apartment, long since abandon.
She opened the door and turned the light
switch, which didn't work anymore. She went in and sat on the bed, still
covered, a reminisce of what used to be, before things got messed up.
"Buffy?" She jumped up.
"Buffy, is that you?"
"Angel, what are... how'd you get
in?"
"I don't know, I just felt I should
come here, then I saw you in the hallway. It's so dark in here."
"No kidding. It's nice though, it
hides the pain."
"Believe me, I spent a lot of time in
the dark and NO, it doesn't. It makes it worse, much worse."
"That right?"
"That is experience."
"If I'm not mistaken, there should
be..." she heard him shuffling around, "yep..." and soon enough,
there was a lantern lit. He set it on the floor. "Come here often
Buffy?"
"No. Just that one time afterwards.
You?" He sat on the floor.
"Me? Occasionally, to get a book or
two, the guy that use to live here had quite the collection."
"Well, when you live over two hundred
years, I guess you would have time to read."
"I've got time, plenty of it, it is
definitely not something I lack. Something you take for granted when you're
alive, there's never enough time, especially now. It makes me laugh. When
you're alive, time is something you throw away, you don't learn to treasure
just how precious it is, and how quickly it will disappear. You should never
leave things they way they are if you want to change them. Speaking of, you
talk to Willow yet?"
"Yes, I talked and she's even more
angry now, she kicked me out of her house. She seemed to adjusting to the idea
until the L-word came up, then she got mad. Not that she doesn't have a right
to be, hell I'm mad at myself for being so weak. What a wreck my life has
become! At least I only have a few more years to go."
"Why do you say that Buffy?"
"Because slayers die young, so I
figure, how much more can I possibly fuck up my life? Not much more. That's for
sure, I mean I've made some mistakes, some doozies too. What could I possibly
do to top them? Not much unless I got married to some slime demon or something,
and even then, if it's a good slime demon, even that wouldn't be all bad. I
could just be evil like Faith, she seems happy enough."
"Buffy... don't go there. Being evil
isn't being happy; it's just not knowing what happiness is, and not caring. And
one day Faith is going to wake up and see what she's been doing to herself and
she's going to regret it. And it'll be worse, cause she'll know she had a
choice to change and she didn't. I wasn't so lucky."
"No, you didn't, but I did. I had a
choice. I had several choices I made, poorly and I was wrong and because of
that, how many more people died? You shouldn't blame yourself for Ms. Calendar,
that was my fault."
"How was that your fault?"
"Because if I had been able to stake
him in the department store, that would have been the end of it and we'd all
have moved on and everything wouldn't be so messed up."
"How could you do that Buffy?"
He said, placing his hand on her knee. "No one can just forget their
feelings like that Buffy. It wasn't your fault, it was mine all along for
falling in love with you and not thinking twice about it."
"No, it wouldn't have mattered, I
would have done whatever I wanted, I guess I still do. I feel like my insides
are just twisting and turning all at once and it hurts so much, I just want it
to stop." She broke down and he got up and held her on the bed. "I
just want the pain to go away. Why does it always happen to me? Why don't I
deserve to be happy?"
"Buffy, don't think that, EVER. You
do deserve to be happy, you will be happy, when it's your time." He
stroked her hair gently as she cried into his chest.
"But I was
happy, for one night. And then it all got taken away, just like that. Why don't
I deserve it? Am I supposed to be like this forever? Lonely? It's not
fair."
For once, finally, he truly understood
what was going on and why she had done what she'd done; she had been trying to
stop the hurt he caused when he had left. She was trying to make the emptiness
inside disappear. "Angel... I..." she looked up at him with those
gorgeous eyes and he knew.
"Buffy, don't... I know... I mean, I
understand... it's okay."
"I don't want you to leave because
you're mad."
"I'm not. I understand."
"I never forgot you Angel, never, I
was confused. I just wanted the pain to go away."
"I know that now, Buffy, I
know."
FLASH FORWARD A FEW DAYS
She walked in the room and her heart
jumped for him, bled for him, yearned for him, cried for him. She sat down next
to him on the bed.
"Buffy?" She put her hand to his
face. "Is it you?" He asked.
"It's me."
"I didn't want to go without seeing
you." She put her fingers to his lips. She couldn't hear those words, not
from him. She knew what had to be done.
"Angel, I can cure you."
"It's okay. I'm ready."
"Angel, listen to me. Sit up."
He sat up painfully. She'd never seen him in pain before, not this kind anyway.
"You're gonna live. You have to
live."
"What do I have to..."
"Drink." She took her jacket
off, reading the fear in his eyes. "Drink me."
"No." He sat up quickly, shaking
his head. She knew he'd resist at first, not that he hadn't done it before, but
that was Angelus, not Angel.
"It's the only way."
"No. Get away." He stood up
refusing her, but she had to get him to, no matter what. The mere thought of
him drinking from her again made her quiver, it made her wet. She wanted him
again, so much. It was so intimate, so personal.
"It'll save you."
"It'll kill you."
Why was she asking him to do this? He'd
rather die than sink to his level. He'd rather die than give her the
satisfaction. She wanted him to, he could smell it, feel it in the air, her
sex.
"Maybe not. Not if you don't take it
all."
"You can't ask me to do that."
"Angel, listen to me, you have to,
it's the only way. You've done it before..."
He growled loudly, it hurt his body to,
but he did, "NO! HE DID IT! NOT ME AND NOT AGAIN!"
"I won't let you die. I can't. Angel,
the blood of a slayer is the only cure."
"Faith's..."
"I tried. I killed her."
"Then it's over." He used all
his strength to drag himself out of the room until he lost his balance and
landed on the table.
"It's never over! I won't let you die.
Drink! Please..." He wouldn't. She looked up at him; he could see the hurt
in her eyes, the disappointment. Her hand snaked around his neck and she pulled
him to her. Her tongue entered his mouth running over his teeth, exploring him
until he reluctantly pulled away. He was shamed to admit that he wanted to so
badly, but then he would be no better than Angelus, and he was. "Angel,
please... I love you so much; you can't leave me like this. Drink."
"No." Her hands had so good on
his skin, she was crying, he held her for a minute, she was crying into his
shoulder and her breath felt so good. He wished things were different and he
could just make love to her once more, but he was too weak, too sick.
She pulled back from him and before he
knew it she had punched him in the face. He wouldn't, he refused. She punched
him once more and it hurt more than usual. She hit him once more, hard and he
looked back at her in game face.
She pulled him to her. "Drink."
"No." She grabbed him and pulled
his lips to hers. Her warm tongue ran over his lips and slowly pushed inside
his mouth once more. It was so right, but he couldn't, but he did. How could he
not?
His hands were around her waist, and it
felt too good. She knew he was still mad at her, probably always would be. His
tongue met hers and he felt her desire as well, she could feel his growing
erection pushing into her through their clothes. She pushed her tongue into his
fang and she tasted the blood. He did too, he immediately began sucking on her
tongue and she ran her hands up his arms and shoulders, and back down running
her nails down the length of his arms, pressing lightly into his delicate pale
skin.
She pressed her body into him more and he
answered her with a growl, putting his hands on her ass consequently drawing
her closer to him. It was now or never. She pulled the strap down from her tank
top and pulled away, licking his lips as she withdrew her tongue. He growled.
She put her hand behind his head and pulled him into her neck. She closed her
eyes waiting for him. He stood still for a moment. He wasn't going to. She
licked his neck, leaving some blood on it then bit down into it with her blunt
teeth and gasped as he finally invaded her body once again.
He began drinking, inhaling her life, she
felt her knees going weak, she was falling.
**********
She felt the tip of his cock, rubbing
against her clit, teasing her. "DO IT! PLEASE! I need you...
please..." But she could do nothing against his strength. She pulled on
the chains that held her hands to the bed and he laughed sadistically. Suddenly
he thrust inside her hard and she arched up into him, desperately searching for
contact with his cool body.
She felt herself stretching to accommodate
his girth. He pushed in harder and she felt his hands massaging her thighs and
clit. His tongue running over her breast, now covered in her own blood.
**********
It tasted so good, splashing in his mouth.
He felt them falling to the ground. His knees hit first followed by the rest of
him. His weight settled between her spread legs. She moaned as he continued to
drink.
**********
She squeezed him and he growled. He pushed
in harder and she opened up to him more pulling her knees up to her as much as
she could. She flexed her muscles around his cock, buried deep inside her fiery
wet core. Her pain was the best kind. She pinched his nipples with her nails,
nails he'd grown to love. "Please Buff..." and she knew what he
wanted before he asked. She put her nails at the top of his shoulders and
dragged them down harder than ever and he jolted inside her more and she
screamed at the pain.
**********
He felt her tiny fingers gripping at his
sides and he thrust down onto her as if he was able to enter her fiery depths,
but that was a place he could only dream about. Nonetheless, she pushed upward
and ground herself against him. He reached down as he continued to drink and
rubbed his hand hard over the fabric above her clit and she arched into his
touch, thrusting her pelvis up to his.
"GOD!" She screamed as she felt
him touching her, thrusting into her through the fabric, his weight heavy on
top of her. Things were getting hazy for her. She reached her hand out and
grabbed the first thing that her hand met. She bucked against him as he ground
into her while her hand squeezed whatever it had been.
The only thing she could hear was the
sucking sound next to her ear. She felt his tongue and his cool lips working
their magic on her neck. She felt it coming, her release. She raised her legs
to wrap them around his waist, in order to push him into her more but she
couldn't. She came hard, her body thrashing underneath him in an intense
orgasm. She kicked her legs out and slowly descended into darkness to the sound
of her life being sucked out of her body. She smiled content.
He felt her as she bucked underneath him,
in the throws of what appeared to be an orgasm. He smelled her cum, a smell he
loved. She wasn't moving anymore, she wasn't pushing against him, wasn't
responding to his touch. He forced himself off, he didn't want to stop, but he
had to. "Buffy?" He said, pleading with her to answer him, but she
did not. What had he done?
FLASH FORWARD A FEW DAYS
//If I should
stay, I would only be in your way
So I'll go, but I
know
I'll think of you
every step of the way//
He was sorting stakes, making sure they
were sharp. He held one up and stared at it in the light. By all rights it
should be stuck through his heart. He ran his finger along the edge to the tip.
"Don't." He turned around and
met her eyes.
"Don't what?" He asked. An
absurd question to be asking the woman he claimed to love more than life
itself, whom he had almost murdered.
"Don't think about it for one minute.
I brought it on myself, all the problems and anger everyone has, it's because
of me. I did this. It wasn't your fault."
"Buffy..."
"NO! I did this to myself. I did it
and you shouldn't blame yourself I knew what I was doing, on all accounts. It
wasn't your fault. It was mine."
"It takes two, I should have been
stronger."
"Maybe we both should have
been." She walked toward him and he backed away. He couldn't be close to
her again.
//And I will
always love you
Will always love
you, you, my darling you//
"Dya get whacha needed?" He
asked her, no doubt trying to change the subject.
"Yeah I did." She looked at the
pile of stakes. "This isn't gonna be enough."
"Giles is on it." The room was
suffocating her, or maybe it was her own guilt. He wouldn't be leaving if she
hadn't fallen in love with the two that lived inside him. "How are
you?"
"I heal fast. Thank you." She
walked back toward him, carefully gauging her distance. "So are we sure
that everyone’s good with their positio..."
"I'm not gonna say goodbye."
What? "If we get through this, I'm just gonna go." She felt the tears
swelling up inside her, and the twisting inside her stomach. "You
understand. There's just too much ther..." she put her hand up and he
stopped. She glared at the floor as she felt him leave.
//Bitter sweet
memories, that is all I'm taking with me
So goodbye,
please don't cry
We both know I'm
not what you, you need//
She looked up, she felt him, his eyes
watching her. She glanced toward the fog and he was standing there, like an
angel. She stared deep into his eyes and found forgiveness and sorrow.
//And I will
always love you
I will always
love you, you//
Her eyes met his. He couldn't find any
words to express how much he loved her, or how much this hurt him, even if he
wanted to. But it was for the best. She needed a life; she needed to grow,
while he never would. He kept telling himself that. She was so beautiful,
surely the most gorgeous in the world, in all of time, there would never be
anyone better and he missed her by two hundred years. He stared deep into her
eyes from a far and knew he’d never be home again.
//I hope life
treats you kind
And I hope you
have all you dream of
And I wish you
joy and happiness
But above this, I
wish you love//
They gazed into each other’s eyes for what
seemed like hours. Nothing could adequately express what they felt for each
other. The pain. The longing. The burning desire. The deep love. Admiration.
Commitment. Betrayal. Anger. Forgiveness. But above all, the sense of
belonging, of being at home.
//And I will
always love you
I will always
love you
I will always
love you
I will always
love, you
I will always,
love you
I, I will always
love you
You, darling I
love you
I'll always,
always love you//
And as he turned and walked away, tears
fell onto the ground, off two faces. The faces of two soulmates, being torn
apart.
~El Fin~
On
to the Next Part of the Buffy & Angelus Chronicles
Back to the Home of the Chronicles
FICTION
BY TITLE