Do What You Have To Do

 

SERIES : the Buffy & Angelus Chronicles

PAIRING : Buffy/Angelus, Buffy/Angel (at end)

RATING : NC17

SPOILERS : major spoilers, I’ve used actual show quotes from all four seasons of Buffy & Angel season one.

DISCLAIMER : I do not own these characters. Nor do I own “Do What You Here To Do” (Sarah McLachlan).

NOTES & WARNINGS : Entire series has : rape, torture, character deaths & pain (these things are not in every part).

 

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"Look on the bright side, it'll all be over soon."

      "Yes my love, it will." He was ready now.

 

FLASH FORWARD TWO HOURS

 

      "OH MY GOD!" She thrashed around as he pummeled into her, deeply, hard, fast. He was pumping in and out of her; wet cold kisses raining down on her face. "DO IT!" She screamed and he took her cue and sank his fangs deep into her breast this time and drank from her as she went reeling into multiple orgasms. She felt his cool essence shoot into her body. Her body spasm med around her, shaking violently as she rode the waves of ecstasy he sent shooting through her body.

      She slowly came down from the high of in toxins that he sent reeling through her. She was panting, gasping for air, when she felt him withdraw his fangs and cock from her and she whimpered, mourning their loss. The feeling of being empty again, apart from him. He lay beside her and she cuddled up next to him and he wrapped his arm around her pulling her closer to his body. She pulled the sheet over them and purred contently. Silence expanded between the two lovers and her breathing steadied.

 

      He lay next to her, having fed off her five times in the past twenty-four hours. She healed quickly, thanks to her slayer superpowers. She was asleep now, he was sure and he began his stealthy escape. It was after dark and he had not hunted with Dru in two nights and she was getting suspicious. He sat up, slipping out from her arm quietly.

      "Mmm... Angelus?"

      "I didn't want to wake you, sorry."

      "Where are you going?" She rubbed her eyes and sat up.

      "I just want to take a walk."

      "We may be fucking, but I can't let you go out hunting. I'd have to dust you if you were going hunting."

      "Then tell yourself I'm going for a walk, I'm going to walk. I won't hurt any of your friends, if that's what you're thinking."

      "Now listen to me," she stood up and he admired her by the candle lights that illuminated the room, "I won't let you leave." He had thought of this scenario and quickly changed his attitude.

      "Buffy..." She looked at him, "Spike and Dru have to feed, otherwise they'll wither away and die."

      "And that plan is flawed because?"

      "Because it's not nice to let your children die."

      "And Dru is completely incapable of killing her own dinner?"

      "Sometimes she gets confused, and she never brings anything home for Spike." He wrapped his arm around her and kissed her lovely neck. "Although I could invite them up for the Slayer-all-you-can-eat-special..."

      "Point taken, but you can't go with them, I won't let you."

      "Buffy, I'm the alpha male here, they are mine, like you, and this is not up for negotiations. What would you rather I do?"

      "Me." She said, her fingers finding his zipper. He had planned this, he took the handcuffs out of his back pockets and without her realizing what was happening he had her on wrist locked to the bed. "Angelus... this isn't funny."

      "It's not meant to be. Sorry Buff, I've gotta go, got a date. Stay put, I'll bring you back something, I promise, maybe some nice jewelry, or a dress, some nice shoes... what do you want?"

      "Please don't go. We can try that role playing again?" She asked suggestively.

      "Sorry, I can't, and don't bother looking for the key, it's not in the box." He kicked the dagger out of the way, so she couldn't cut them off, not that it would work, it was all iron.

      "Hey! I have school in the morning..."

      "I'll be back by then, relax."                He closed the door behind him, leaving the key on the desk and went downstairs and got Dru, leaving Spike alone once more.

 

      He hated this, letting Dru go, but he had to bide him time. He stood up, a feat he had not done in a while. He was curious as to what Peaches was keeping so sacred in his room. He walked up the stairs and opened the door slowly. "BLOODY HELL!"

      "SPIKE!"

      "SLAYER! I was joking, but he really is keeping you up here."

      "Stay away, or I'll..."

      "You're chained to the bed, I don't think you're going to do much to me." He walked slowly to her, she was half-dressed and she was very beautiful. He noticed welts on her legs, Angelus' handiwork he was sure. He saw numerous bite marks adorning her body. "He's keeping you here?"

      "Tonight anyway, I wouldn't suppose you'd help me out, I have finals I have to study for, he put the key over on the desk I think."

      "Now why would I do that?" He asked, sitting next to her on the bed. "Why would I let you go, when I could have a piece of the action? We always shared him and I, Dru mainly, but others as well, sometimes she'd share with us..." he placed his hand on her knees and slowly moved it upward.

 

      She had to do something. She quickly lifted one of her legs over his head and took his neck between her calves. "You're going to help me out, or I'll break you neck and rip your head off. How's that?"

      "BLOODY HELL! LET ME GO!"

      She released him, "NOW GET THAT KEY! Or I'll tell Angelus that you touched me, he'll be really mad at his childe you know." Spike jumped up and grabbed the key from the desk.

      "Fine, but I was never here, they don't know I'm mobile yet."

      "Fine, you keep quiet about my being here if you see any of my friends, and I'll shut up about your being here at all, agreed?"

      "Yes."

      "Now get out so I can get dressed." Spike left and she locked the door behind him and got dressed. She had to get home and call Willow like she promised, then she would patrol. She left a note for him on the bed with a black rose, with a few sprinkles of blood from her new cut.

 

FLASH FORWARD THREE HOURS

 

      "Spike?"

      "In here pet, have a nice time?"

      "Oh yeah, we brought you back something yummy." Angelus dragged the girl into the mansion and threw her at his feet.

      "Here, but I'm not feeding you, I'll be upstairs."

      "Yeah, I'll bet you wanna go upstairs." Spike said.

      "What is that supposed to mean?"

      "Well whatever you've been doing up there is more important than your little quest to destroy the slayer right? I mean you haven't been out torturing her friends lately, she must be worried."

      "You let me worry about the Slayer, Spike, you worry about Dru."

      "I do."

      "Good!" He ran up the stairs and opened the door. "Buffy?" He walked over to the bed and picked up the note. "Dear Angelus, Managed to get out, I have to go study for finals. I'll come back after my test in the morning. Love, Buffy." How had gotten out? The key was still on his desk. She must have figured out a way, or maybe there had been a second key he didn't know about. He took off his duster and flopped down on the bed. "DAMN!" He had been looking forward to coming home to her. It was almost daylight, he slowly closed his eyes.

 

      She slowly opened the door, trying to see if Spike or Dru were there, but she didn't see them. She had taken her final and now deserved a reward. She walked up the stairs and opened the door; he was lying on the bed, sleeping, bare-chested. She smiled.

      She took the handcuffs that had held her to the bed earlier and gently locked his wrist to the bed. She reached down to the floor and picked up the bottle of holy water and sprinkled some on his chest and watched it burn.

      "WHAT THE FUCK?" He sat up. "Buffy! How'd you get out?"

      "That's for me to know and you to find out." She sat down next to him, running her fingers along the burn marks. "Four bodies and a girl missing, your work?"

      "The girls body is probably downstairs. Spike was hungry too."

      "You left me here, and I'm very mad. How are we supposed to keep this love hate relationship going if we only see each other naked?"

      "I'd like to see you naked."

      "Yeah, well, I thought we'd try something new."

      "Yeah, what'd you have in mind?" She smiled and dropped more water on him and he growled.

 

      This was spoiling his plans. He had wanted to turn her today; it had been more than enough time. But he could play first, then he'd do it, she always liked him to bite anyway.

      "Well, have you ever put alcohol on a cut?"

      "I think why?" She sprinkled more holy water on his chest, before letting a full stream cover him and he screamed and thrashed around on the bed. He hated it and loved it. She wasn't afraid to do things to him. She knelt by the side of the bed and he heard a small popping sound. She resurfaced and she had a wine bottle.

      "Cause I want a drink." She let some trickle onto his burns and it hurt, damn it hurt so much. He wanted her to soothe the pain with her tongue and he wrapped his legs around her waist trying to pull her toward him. "Beg for it lover. I wanna hear how much you need me."

      "I do."

      "Beg me." She began unzipping his pants, slowly, her hair falling down to tickle the sensitive wounds she had inflicted. "Beg me, or it'll only get worse." He wanted it to get worse, he wouldn't beg. He closed his mouth and she smiled wickedly at him. "No? Fine, then I'm not responsible." She laughed and tossed her hair back. He admired her, he golden hair falling, framing her face as she went to taking the pants completely off him. She straddled his thighs, wincing at her own pain. She wore leather pants as well, she had bought them for him, only for him, they were tight, so tight that when she sat, it hurt to breathe, and she smiled at the inviting pain.

      She began to work him, stroke his, squeezing him in her hands. He wanted her so badly but the longer they waited, the more it hurt, so he waited. He would beg if necessary, he would break the bed in half if necessary, but he had grown fond of her inventive games. For the past few weeks, they had played several games. She grinded herself against him, and he could feel her heat seeping through the pants to his skin. It was boiling, setting him practically on fire.

      She leaned over and licked him slowly and quickly got up. He groaned. "Beg for it, and you'll get what you want." She laughed, swinging around one of the bed pole.

 

      She loved his will power not to give in to her. He waited until he couldn't wait anymore, then she would let him wait some more and watch his face in agony. He was so hard and she admired him, his length, his girth, the sheer power of his body, all the hate and rage inside that made him explosive. It made her wet, so wet and she was waiting, hoping he would beg, but she wouldn't give in. She swung around the pole at the end of the bed and grabbed her cross necklace from the floor, where she now dropped her shirt.

 

      If it were possible, he got even harder when she lost the shirt and crawled over his body with the cross in her teeth. She looked like a cat, and she was purring, attempting to growl, he thought. She nuzzled his neck and the cross touched the bottom of his chin, and his shoulders. She growled softly at her and she giggled.

 

      She felt the tip of his erection graze her stomach as she crawled to him and met the hunger in his eyes with her own. He still refused to beg. She purred at him, and grazed the cross over him. She moved to his mouth and grazed over his lips and she watched the smoke rise before spitting it out on the floor. She met his lips and tried forcing her tongue into his mouth, but he was closed to her. She reached down and grabbed his cock and squeezed it hard and he yelled in pain and she jammed her tongue into his mouth, running it along the top of his mouth, and around his teeth, playing with his tongue, sticking it as far in as she could. A metaphor for what she wanted from him later and he groaned as she grinded herself against him, her wet heat over him, into him.

 

      Her breasts pressed into his and when she left his mouth, she leaned up, offering him one, he eagerly accepted her offer and sucked the tip into his mouth, sucking on it hard, flicking her nipple with his tongue, biting it lightly. She pulled away from him once he had found a rhythm and he growled loudly. She laughed again, straddling his chest, and leaning over, took one of his nipples between her teeth and biting down hard. His body thrust upward toward the source of his pain and she moved her hands along the sides of his rib cage up around his shoulders. She pressed her nails into his skin and raked them down over his bare chest, now healed from the water burns.

      She took the wine bottle and let some trickle onto him and bent over, licking him, swirling it around before sucking it off him. She lapped at him like a cat and slid down slowly, sprinkling some wine over him every couple seconds until she reached his cock, harder still than the last time she had touched it. She grazed the tip with her tongue before taking it deep in her mouth and he groaned. She knew what would get him to beg. She felt his free hand come down, pushing her head onto him.

 

      Now he was in trouble, he knew. She flung her head back, throwing his hand off her and got up. He had been inside her, and now he wasn't. She shook her head in disappointment. "You weren't a good boy." She said in a raspy voice. He could tell, she wouldn't hold off much longer. She grabbed the extra set of cuffs and his hand kneed her breast, trying to convince her not to, but she grabbed it forcefully and chained it to the metal bed. "Bad boy." She grabbed the whip. She snapped it and it came crashing down on his chest leaving a rather sizable mark. "Apologize." He refused, he didn't and it came down hard on his thigh and he winced at the pain. "Apologize." he didn't again and it crashed upon his cock and he screamed.

      "I'M SORRY!" He screamed and she smiled at her small victory. He watched entranced as she jumped up on the bed and unzipped her pants and slid them down slowly, revealing she had nothing on underneath. His eyes grew wide at the sight of her, so beautiful, ripe for his enjoyment, wet, dripping for him, dripping with need. She wouldn't last much longer. He would not beg.

      "Good." She tossed the whip aside. "Now where was I? Oh yes, I was about to fuck you, if you beg." He remained silent and her eyes pleaded with him to beg, but he didn't. She climbed on him once more and took him into her mouth to the hilt and sucked him hard, biting him while she did. He bucked against her, squeezing her with his thighs, but she broke free of them and smiled at him. "What do you want?" He was quiet. "TELL ME!" She demanded. "Mr. Quiet is Mr. Disappointed." She would leave him; she would give in to her own desires.

      She sat on his chest and laid down on him, spread her legs in front of his eyes and inserted her own fingers into her body. He watched as she moaned and played with herself, pressing around, searching for the spot of instant gratification. Within seconds, she found it and he was whining. She came on his chest and he could smell her aroma, musty and sweet.

 

      She got up. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow." She wished so badly he would give up his pride just this once; he had in the past and swore to her he would never do it again, but he always did. She started picking her clothes up and he whimpered and growled.

      She heard very softly, "Fuck me Buffy." She paused and put a hand to her ear.

      "What? What was that? I didn't hear."

      "Fuck me Buffy." He said louder this time.

      "Why? You didn't want to."

      "I always want to." He mumbled.

      "Well, why don't you tell me what you want." She straddled him again, stroking his raging erection, playing with him.

      "I want to buried deep inside your body, I want you to squeeze me so much it hurts. I want you to fuck me so hard even I am screaming in agony. I want you to ride me like you'll never live to see another day."

 

      "Now that's more like it." She slowly eased onto him, excruciatingly so, he wanted so badly for her to just fuck him, but she wouldn't. He hadn't asked for it earlier, now he had to pay and he secretly loved it. He felt her stretching around him, her body still too small to accommodate him immediately. She was tight around him and she flexed her muscles, squeezing him more and he groaned. "How's that?" She asked. He couldn't think, only nod and growl.

      She then began riding him, impaling herself onto him, thrusting him deeper and deeper inside, screaming at the sensations she was causing. Her nails raked across his chest, and on his thighs as she picked up the pace, faster and faster, harder and harder. He could see the sweat running down her beautiful face. She put her hand under her clit and rode that as well. She was screaming his name and he thought her own name once.

      He felt himself nearly there; he wanted so badly to bite into her somewhere intimate. He wanted to bite into her soft folds that gave way to her passage, but he couldn't. He could do noting but thrust himself up into her and let her take what she wanted. Suddenly, she pulled off. He growled louder than ever before.

      "Beg me for it."

      "Please Buffy... please..."

      "Not good enough. "

" I want to turn you." She looked at him; he hadn't meant to say that. Quickly, he covered his tracks as best he could. "Please... let me come... please... I need to so bad... I'm so close... please..." She smiled again, letting him understand his loss in the war. She began fucking him once more and he was so close, he just couldn't put himself over the edge, he needed blood. "Please... Buffy... a little..." She put her wrist to his mouth and he vamped out immediately and clamped down on her wrist and shot his cum deep into her body, as she came too.

      She relaxed and pulled her wrist away quickly and lay next to him, keeping her neck away from his teeth. She was panting, trying to calm herself down. "You're not going to." She said when her breathing had slowed.

      "Yes I am."

      "No." She sat up and looked at him. "You're not." She got up and got her clothes on. He watched her getting dressed, taking the last looks at her, he was sure. He was still in game face when she walked over to him, completely dressed.

      "Buffy... come with me, stay with me forever... it's not so bad, as long as you don't have a soul."

      "Goodbye." She leaned over to kiss him and he bit into her lips. She jerked away, tearing her lip. "Goodbye." She dropped the key on the floor next to the bed and left. "I'll let them know you're rather tied up if I see them." And with that, she walked out.

 

FLASH FORWARD FIVE HOURS

 

      "Nice walk pet?"

      "I met an old man, I didn't like him. He got stuck in my teeth. But then the moon started whispering to me, all sorts of dreadful things."

      "What did it say?" Angelus asked joining the two he sired.

      "Oh, looks who's awake?"

      "What did the moon tell you? Did you have a vision? Is something coming?"

      "Oh yeah, something terrible."

      "Where?"

      "At the museum, a tomb, with a surprise inside."

      "You can see all that in your head..."

      "No you ninny she read it in the morning paper."

      "Oh my." He was getting an idea.

      "That's what's been whispering to me."

      "Oh yeah, don't worry though, soon it'll stop, soon it'll scream."

      "Yeah, speaking of screaming Peaches... you've been spending an awful lot of your bloody time in your room." Spike said.

      "Well, I can't help it if you can't go up there, but I like my privacy."

      "If I didn't know better, I'd think you were keeping someone up there."

      "Like who Spike? Another cripple? Or better yet one of the slayer's friends?"

      "Maybe the Slayer." Spike said.

      Angelus growled. "Now why would I do that Spike?"

      "I don't much know, but you reek of humanity and it's sickening really. Dru doesn't need this. Why don't you just cut us loose and you can shag your girl all you want."

      "Let's go Dru, I'm hungry." Angelus grabbed onto Dru's wrist and pulled her away. "Don't worry, sit-n-spin, we'll bring you back a snack, promise."

 

FLASH FORWARD ONE DAY

 

      "I'll do a couple sweeps and then I'll stop by... yeah Xander was pretty much being a ... Willow! Where did you learn that word? My god, you kiss your mother with that mouth? I don't know... I don't know what I want to..." she looked down and spotted the ring her Angel had given her. She suddenly felt as if she had betrayed everything Angel and her had shared. "I'll see you in a little while, okay?"

 

//What ravages of spirit conjured

This temptuous rage

Created you a monster

Broken by the rules of love//

 

      "It's a big rock. Can't wait to tell my friends, they don't have a rock this big."

      "Spike, my boy, you never did learn your history."

      "Let's have a lesson then."

      "Acathla the demon came forth to swallow the world. He was killed by a virtuous knight; pierced the demons heart before he could draw a breath to complete the act. He turned to stone, as demons sometimes do. He was buried where neither man nor demon would want to look, unless you're putting up low rent housing. Boys!"

      "He fills my head. I can't hear anything else."

      "Let me guess, if someone pulls out the sword..."

      "Someone worthy..."

      "The demon wakes up and wackiness ensues."

      "He will swallow the world and every creature living on this planet will go to hell. My friends, we're about to make history. End."

 

      "Spike? Spike my sweet, the fun's about to begin."

      "I will drink. The blood will wash in me, over me, and I will be cleansed and I will be worthy to free Acathla. Bare witness as I ascend, as I become... everything that I am, everything that I have done had lead me here. I have strayed. I have been lost. Acathla redeems me. With this act we will be free."

 

//And fate has led you through it

You do what you have to do//

 

      "Someone wasn't worthy."

      "DAMMIT!"

      "This is so disappointing." Dru whined.

      "There must be something I missed. The incantations, the blood... I don't know."

      "What are we doing to do?"

      "What we always do in a time of trouble, turn to an old friend. We'll have our armageddon, I swear."

 

      "Hello lover. I wasn't sure you'd come."

      "After you immolation-o-gram? Come on, I had to show. Shouldn't you be out destroying the world right now? Pulling the sword out of al franken or whatever his name is."

 

//And I have the sense to recognize

That I don't know how to let you go//

 

      "There's time enough. I wanted to say goodbye first. You are the one thing in this dimension I will miss."

 

//Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul

I'm ever swiftly moving

Trying to escape this desire

The yearning to be near you//

 

      "This is a beautiful moment we're having, can we please fight?" He wanted to fight her, but every time he did, he thought about her tight little body squeezing his cock and he wanted the throw her on the ground and take her. He had to fight this urge he had. It was over.

      "I didn't come here to fight."

      "No?"

      "Gosh, I thought we could get back together. What do you think? Do we have a shot?" He paused to gage her reaction. "All right, we'll fight." He fought her, but she holding something back. "Gee, is it me or is your heart not in this? Maybe I'll just go home and destroy the world."

 

      "I think Mr. Pointy will have something to say about that. Come on, let’s finish this, you and me." She wasn't sure if she would be able to stake, she had to wait for Willow as long as possible.

 

//But I have the sense to recognize

That I don't know how to let you go

I don't know how to let you go//

 

      "You never learn. This wasn't about you. This was never about you." What the hell was he talking about? The library? "And you fall for it every single time." She went running, knowing her tryst with Angelus had just officially ended.

 

      He watched the watcher. If only Giles knew what kind of nasty things Buffy liked. Maybe he would tell him. He began to wake up. "Hi Rupert, I wasn't sure you were going to wake up, you had me worried."

      "What do you want?"

      "I wanna torture you. I used to love it and it's been a long time. I mean the last time I tortured someone they didn't even have chain saws... oh yeah, Acathla, he's an even harder guy to wake up than you are. I mean I performed the rituals, said all the right phrases, blood on my hands, and got nothing, a big doil for all my trouble... I figure you know the ritual, you're pretty up on these things, you could probably tell me what I'm doing wrong. But honestly, I hope you don't, cause I really wanna torture you."

 

      "I can make the pain stop Rupert."

      "I'm not going to tell you."

      "I'll make you scream then." He threw a punch at his face. "Speaking of screaming, Rupert, ever know how much Buffy screams? She's an animal in bed."

      "These tricks aren't going to work."

      "Fine, where has she been the past couple weeks Giles? Ask her what happened in the Bronze the night of the storm, or in her room, I left a picture for her, after I fucked her, and she's a good fuck, you should try her some time. Course, she doesn't spread her legs for just anyone, I mean she didn't for Angel, for what a couple years, but all I had to do was dance with her and she was all over me like white on rice. She couldn't get enough. She chained me to the bed one night. That was fun, quite the little surprise for me. If Angel only knew what he was missing." He laughed as he left the room for a few minutes to find Dru, he wanted to fuck.

 

      The two were on their way to her house. "So you and Angelus? Go figure."

      "Spike, can the shit, I don't want to hear it."

      "Oh come on cutie... Dru and I know, we heard you every bloody day up there."

      "Spike, let's keep our thoughts on the work at hand, I don't want to be with you long enough to think."

      "So what, Angel's good enough, but not good ole Spike? Is that it? Favoritism?"

      "Spike... shut up, or the deals off and I'll go kill her right now."

      "Fine... fine, have it your way."

 

FLASH FORWARD FIVE HOURS

 

      "Hello lover." Just saying that and seeing him standing there in the shirt and leather pants, sent her into memories of fucking him, riding him so hard, having him buried deep inside her less than a week ago.

 

      "I don't have time for you." He wanted time with her, but he would have time soon enough now. He was glad she had come; he knew she wouldn't let him down.

      "You don't have a lot of time left."

      "Coming on kinda strong here. You're playing some deep odds here. Do you really think you can take us all on?"

 

      "No I don't." Spike made his move. She was glad, she hadn't been sure if she could completely trust him, but he had come through.

 

      "That's everything. No weapons, no friends, no hope. Take all that away and what's left?"

      "Me." Not for long, she would die soon, so he could take her with him.

 

//A glowing ember, burning hot

Burning slow, deep within

I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you

I know I can't be with you

I do what I have to do//

 

      She thrusts the sword into what was once the face of her lover, both of them. They continued to fight. Buffy cannot bring herself to kill him but she knows she must. 'He is a monster.' She kept telling herself that, 'I don't love him.' But the more she told herself it was true, the more it wasn't, and she knew it.

 

      She fought well, she always had. He was waiting, biding him time. He had to do it soon, if it were to work. He wanted her forever; he had to turn her before Acathla took a breath. He had it all planned out in his head; he'd try pretending to be Angel once more, in order to get close enough to drink. She had him down on the ground, sword raised and he was ready to pull the curtain when suddenly a huge pain surged through his entire being and he looked at his love for the last time through his evil eyes.

 

      She had no idea what was going on. He just screamed and in his eyes, she saw a radiant light fill them. "Buffy? What's going on?" She stared at him, wondering what was going on. He stood up, "Where are we? I... I don't remember."

      "Angel?" She asks, not wanting an answer.

      "You're hurt." His hand brushed her arm and she felt a surge of love, warmth, something she had not received from him in the recent months. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her. "Oh, Buffy, God... I... I feel like I haven't seen you in months. Everything's so muddled. Oh Buffy..." he said as he kissed her shoulder.

      He was back, the curse had worked, Angelus was gone, Angel was back. She began to cry, tears streaming down her face. She received his hug, unsure if she was entirely sad to see Angelus go. She opened her eyes to the low grumbling sound behind him, and saw Acathla's face change, his mouth opening, and eyes began to glow red. She had to kill him.

      "What's happening?" He asked her, as she pulled away.

      "Shh. Don't worry about it." She said, brushing her fingers over his lips and cheek. She held his cheek in her hand and kissed him softly. The kiss became more passionate as she felt his cool tongue enter her mouth once more, not forcefully as it had in the past, lovingly, as if requesting permission to kiss someone so angelic. She pulled away as the vortex got bigger. "I love you." She said once more, for the last time.

      "I love you." He answered back.

      "Close your eyes." She said and he closed them. She kissed him gently, holding back the tears and drew the sword back and thrust it into her lovers stomach. She broke inside, died inside as his eyes shot open in surprise and pain. He didn't ask for this, this was her doing. Her fault. She had not thought about the possible repercussions of their relationship.

      "Buffy..." He said and she couldn't do anything to help him as he was engulfed by light, and swallowed into the pits of hell, where he would lie for eternity.

 

 

      She couldn't think, she couldn't breathe. She had loved only two men in her life, exactly two, who shared the same face, the same body, but were from two different worlds. One light, one dark, one evil, one not. She had loved them both, and killed them both.

      She sat on the bus, watching her life disappear into the haziness. She held the ring on her finger and made a promise to never love anyone else, she couldn't. She now knew what it was like to be worshipped and revered in two men’s eyes, loved and hated. Without the contrast, her life would have been empty, meaningless, without being able to appreciate the mere differences two lovers can provide. She was empty inside now, without either.

      She closed her eyes and cried herself to sleep knowing she was truly alone.

 

//But I have the sense to recognize

But I don't know how to let you go

I don't know how to let you go

I don't know how to let you go//

 

~El Fin~

 

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