SERIES : the
Buffy & Angelus Chronicles
PAIRING : Buffy/Angelus,
Buffy/Angel (at end)
RATING : NC17
SPOILERS : major spoilers, I’ve
used actual show quotes from all four seasons of Buffy & Angel season one.
DISCLAIMER : I do not own these characters.
Nor do I own “Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday” (Boyz II Men).
NOTES & WARNINGS : Entire
series has : rape, torture, character deaths & pain (these things are not
in every part).
=====================================================================
Light streamed in through the window and
she closed the curtains as she felt a familiar presence in the room. His hands
wrapped around her waist and she leaned back into him. He rested his chin on
her head after kissing her gently. No words had been spoken in a day; they had
slept and held each other. She hadn't been ready to talk, she had no words.
She remained in his arms, the only place
she felt truly safe. He understood what she felt, guilt, remorse, grief for
what she had done, and the kind of pain that wouldn't go away. The kind of pain
that twisted itself through her bones and crushed her from within. "Angel,
I love you." She said as she broke the twenty-four hour silence.
His arms held her slightly tighter and he
was silent. She turned around and looked into his eyes and he pulled her close
and she hugged him. She closed her eyes and put her head on his chest and just
let the safe feeling take her over. "I love you too Buffy."
"I suppose we should talk ab..."
and his lips descended upon hers and their tongues dueled for territory until
his won and she opened her mouth to his exploration. She wrapped her hands
around his head and ran it through his hair and he pulled away.
"We can't and it won't solve
anything." He stated.
"I know, it would make it worse, as
if it could get any worse."
"It could always be worse, I could be
him."
"I suppose, I'll shut up now. Hold
me?" And he opened his arms to her again.
"I don't want to leave here Angel.
I'm afraid if I leave this room I'll go back into that darkness and I won't
ever be able to come back."
"I know." And she knew he did.
"Buffy it wasn't your fault."
She pulled away and sat on the bed.
"Don't tell me it wasn't my fault Angel, you can't tell me that and then
blame yourself for hurting me."
"I did hurt you."
"NO! If this whole thing isn't my
fault, then these bruises aren't your fault. You would never hurt me, not like
this. I know that now, God I know that. I feel like the past couple years have
been a nightmare. The things I said, the things I did, the things I let him
do..." she broke down again in tears and he rushed to her side.
"Buffy, look at me, you didn't ask
for this. No matter what you said or did, you DID NOT give him permission to
hurt you, to rape you. You didn't ask for that."
"But what about after? I should have
ran so fast, why didn't I? Oh God, Riley!"
"Riley's in the hospital, Spike took
him after..."
"After I freaked out and suffered a
mental break down? You can say it, one thing I have no problem admitting is
that I DO NOT have my mental health and that's okay. That's the easiest part.
What about Parker?"
"He's dead. Spike took him and left
him for the Police to find."
"He didn't deserve that, how could I?
How could I do that? I'm suppose to protect people form vampires and there I
was helping one. And how could I have ever told him I loved him?"
"Because you did, you do." She
looked at him and shook her head. "No Buffy, it's okay. You can say it, I understand.
If you lead a thirsty horse to water, it will drink whatever you tell it to. I
thought before that... I don't know, but I know now that although you said you
knew the difference, you didn't."
"But I did. I did Angel, I betrayed
you, I betrayed us. I betrayed everything that I believe and everything that is
sacred to me and I did it with a song in my heart. Isn't that what you said?
That night that Darla attacked us, when you told me about the curse. You said I
had no idea what it was like to have done the things you'd done and to care. I
guess I sort of do now, huh? Only I had a choice and I choose to hurt
people."
"Buffy, you may not have had a demon
inside you, but you were hurt, you were broken, that's what he does, did.
That's what he wanted, he wanted to turn you, make you crazy like he did with
Drusilla. You didn't have a choice, for a hundred years I perfected ways of
driving people insane and I... he hit you where it hurt, your heart. He had my
face and voice and he seduced you."
She put her hand on his cheek and he
leaned into it. Her hand was so warm, kind and timid and he could feel her
pain. "How did it happen anyway? Were you cursed again?"
He let her go and reached into his pocket.
"See these? Doxymol, a happy inducing pill, simulates pure
happiness."
"Simulates?"
"I had a drink with woman who wanted
to be a vampire, so she slipped some of this in my drink to loosen me up and it
activated the happiness clause and there I was chasing Cordelia and Wesley
around the office. They knocked me out and chained me to the bed only the drug
was still working when you came. After we... you fell asleep and I got more
drugs, so I've been popping pills the past few days."
"So what happened?"
"I stopped taking them."
"Why? I mean, he stopped himself,
why?" He took the note from his pocket and gave it to her.
"He wrote this, before the drug wore
off, it's for you."
"What's it say?" Just then there
was a knock on the door.
"I'll go out, you can read it."
"Well you know what it says, you don't
have to leave me alone."
"No, the door..."
"Oh, coming back?" She asked
scared.
"Yes." He opened the door and
slipped out to find Spike standing there. "What?"
"She okay?"
"Why do you care?"
"Cause she's saved me a couple times
and she could dust me if she wanted. You could too, I suppose, so I came to
tell you I talked with Red and little Xander and explained what went down, what
you told me to say and Red said soldier boy was healing and he was going back
home for a while to heal, he's leaving tomorrow."
"Did he say anything about
Buffy?"
"She didn't say. I wouldn't imagine
you'd want to see someone that watched as you and some other guy were nearly
tortured to death, but..."
"I get it."
"Listen Peaches, I don't want to get
dusted here..."
"I'm not going to dust you, if Buffy
does, that's her choice and I won't stop her, but..."
After a moment, Spike spoke. "We've
had some good times, haven't we? Lots of fun."
"Yeah tons of fun." Angel went
downstairs, his childe following him.
She sat on the bed and opened the letter.
Dearest Buffy-
I couldn't possible explain what
I am doing, as I don't understand it and perhaps I shouldn't dissect it too
much. Know that I wanted to hurt you, perhaps because of the feelings you
created in my rather empty heart. I never meant to hurt you, I simply wanted
to, but I have, more than I thought I could, I fear. So know that when it comes
to you Buffy and love for you, Angel and I are one in the same. Be happy and
know I am sorry for what it is worth.
Eternally
Yours,
Angelus
Sorry? He's sorry for raping her? For
letting her hurt people? She crumpled the letter and curled up on the bed. Her
mind couldn't wrap around what had happened to her in such a short time. What
had happened with her? She had changed. She had been lonely and she would be
again. What happened the past few days is one more reason Angel and her could
not be friends.
She went into the bathroom and took a
shower. She looked down at her body, at scars and bruises that were still
trying to heal. She had so many bite marks she couldn't count them, but only
one that didn't make her sick, only one that proved to whom she belonged. She
toweled off and got dressed in jeans and a purple sweater. She picked up the
letter once again and ran her fingers along the top.
"So, it seems that since I can't
fight, and can't kill, and for some reason I actually like the Slayer, it seems
as though I'll have to apologize."
"You? You don't apologize for
anything, why on Earth start now?"
"Because you get caught up in the fun
of the kill and the taste of the blood, and I do thank you for that, but in the
end? It doesn't matter."
"Why Spike! You seem to be growing a
heart..."
"I know, one little chip in my head
and I'm growing feelings, and for the Slayer no less. Dru was right, I'm going
soft. I don't know how you do it Peaches."
"What?"
"Survive with this soul of yours,
must be awful."
"It is. You may not be able to kill
but at least you aren't haunted by the faces of all the people you've
killed."
"So what are you going to do?"
The two vampires were sitting on the table next to each other in the hall where
Parker had been killed the day before.
"Well, ultimately I'll go, I have no
choice, I have to. We can't be together and it'll just hurt her more and she
shouldn't have to hurt like she does."
"Well, she seems to hurt a lot more
when you're gone."
"Yeah, but in ten years she's gonna
want things I can't give her, hell in five years and it's just as well she
accept that sooner than later, when there's more stuff involved." He was
silent. "Hey Spike, I'm sorry about that whole hot poker thing. And I
don't think you're worthless, not now, not ever. You were always a good kid
Spike, a bit disobedient and annoying, but good."
"My my, Peaches, I think I'm hearing
things."
"Yeah well, you have saved Buffy a
couple times, although I know you'd rather drain her."
"No, things wouldn't be the same
without cutie, she's my favorite Slayer, none of the others were as
spunky."
"Spike you have to promise me
something. Not out of duty or obligation to your Sire, but just because you
want to."
"What's that?"
He had to admit the words coming from
Angel meant a lot. To hear he was a good kid from Angel? Angel put his hand on
Spike shoulder and they looked at each other. "You have to watch out for
her as long as you've got that chip in your head. I'm not going to be here and
she'll probably be dealing with what happened long after I leave and she'll be
off her game, you have to watch her. Promise me you'll watch out for her and
protect her."
"I will." And he meant it.
Angel's hands took his face and their
foreheads connected. "Thank you William." It had been so long since
his Sire had called him that, it was nice. At the same time Angel sensed it, he
did to and the two immediately broke their contact. Spike turned to the stairs
and Buffy had come down.
"Hey. You're dressed." Angel
stood up and went over to her and gave her a hug.
"And showered. Impressed?" She
asked walking toward the table where Spike sat.
"Very."
"Hi Spike."
"Cutie, I.. I'm sorry for doing
anything I did that lead to your..."
"My break down? I think it was a long
time coming, but thanks. Hell must be freezing, pigs must be flying cause Spike
just apologized to the Slayer."
"Don't rub it in." He said
smiling.
"Well, what time is it?" She
asked.
"Almost dusk, time for the ghosties
to come out love."
"Ghosties? That would be
refreshing." She smiled and sat on table next to Spike as Angel sat next
to her. "So I guess I should go talk to my mother and the gang."
"Buffy, I hope you don't mind, but I
sent Spike to talk to them and explain some stuff, like what happened to me
with the drugs and what was going on between us and about the r..."
"Shh... don't say it, I don't want to
talk about it."
"Buffy..."
"With all due respect cutie you
sh.." She put a hand to each side on their thighs.
"It's okay, I'm okay. I just... I
can't, please." The two nodded their heads at their Slayer. "And
Riley?"
"I talked to Red and she said he was
going home for a while to recuperate."
"Then I'm going to the
hospital." She stood up. "I'll see you two at Giles' in an
hour?"
"Buffy, I don't think that's a good
idea."
"I tend to agree with Peaches there
cutie."
"I appreciate your concern, really,
but I have to go and try to makes things right."
"Tell him we're sorry."
"I will." Angel didn't want her
to go, he didn't think it would be good for her, but she felt she had to, and he
could understand that. She leaned into him and grazed his lips with a gentle
kiss. He was glad she didn't ask for more, he couldn't give her more, not
knowing that he would leave soon, for the second time. "I'll see you
later."
She slowly opened the door and cried as
she entered. He was sleeping and she just stared down at him and turned to
leave. "Buffy!" She took a deep breath and turned around to him.
"I wasn't sure if I should come, but
I... I don't know, I wanted to apologize for what it's worth."
"Are you okay Buffy?"
"How can you ask me that Riley? Look
at you."
"Nothing we weren't exposed to in
training."
"Yeah but from humans not from
vampires."
"Still... are you okay?" She
approached him and sat in the chair. "You, you have bruises."
"Yeah, but they'll heal. Are you okay
Riley?"
"A few broken bones some first degree
burns and some stitches. My dreams of a football career are shot, but I'll
live."
She broke down cupping her face in her
hands as she cried. "God I'm so sorry Riley, I let this happen, I can't
believe what I let happen, I..." She felt his hand take hers.
"Buffy it wasn't your fault. Willow
explained what happened to me, she was here earlier and I don't blame you, I'm
just glad you're all right. Are you?"
"I'm sore, but I'll live." She
tried to smile.
"So that was Angel huh? Ex-boyfriend
Angel."
"That WASN'T Angel, Angel is nothing
like him. Angel is good."
"Buffy, Angel isn't good, not just
because, it's because he was forced to be by some stupid curse."
"I know you're not his biggest fan,
but he's sorry, so is Spike. Spike was just doing what he had to in order to
save himself from Angelus."
"Oh so now we split the personalities
so we can keep everything separate?"
"Riley, you couldn't possibly
understand and I'm sorry, but attacking Angel isn't helping me right now, I'm
sorry, I have to go." She stood up and went to the door.
"BUFFY!" Her hand hovered over
the doorknob. "Buffy, please, I... I'm leaving, I'm going back home to
recover, for therapy and some home cooking."
"I know." Her back was to him
and tears were streaming down her cheeks.
"Buffy, come with me, get away from
the memories here, come with me. We could heal together, you could meet my
family. I love you Buffy. Come with me. "
"I don't." And she opened the
door and slightly turned back, "I'm sorry Riley." And she left.
Willow opened the door. "Angel,
Spike, come in. Where's Buffy?"
"Oh that's great Willow, invite him
in, great, let's go and invite all the vampires in so we can be sure we'll all
die." Xander walked up to Angel and punched him in the jaw. "You're
not welcome here. Go away."
"I..." but he had nothing he
could say that would make it better, so he slinked back and hung his head.
Spike advanced more daringly.
"Hey! Little Boy... you don't know
what you're talking about and you have no right to talk to him that way."
"Defending Spike! That's rich, fight
him to the death, jump on the We-Love-Angel bandwagon, help him out, then play
all nice and defend him? You're not welcome either."
"You don't kn..."
"SPIKE!" His childe glanced at
him. "Let it go. We're here to meet Buffy, she wanted us to come, she
should be here soon and she doesn't need this."
Willow advanced as Xander stormed off to
the kitchen with Anya at his heels. "How is she?"
"I'm not sure, she seems to be coming
around. She insisted on going to see Riley. I don't know if that's a good idea
or not, but she wanted to and I didn't want to stop her. She doesn't need
orders, least of all from me."
"Have you talked to her about what
happened?"
"Some, yes. She blames herself and
she has so much pain in her eyes. And..."
"And you're leaving again." He
nodded. "When?"
"So, what? You come back and go all
evil, rape her, beat her, make her kill people and then you're going to leave
now that you're all back with your soul?" Xander pushed Angel.
"Xander, don't do that." He
said. The boy was playing with fires he didn't understand.
"NO! I WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU DO THIS
TO HER? HUH? HURT HER, RAPE HER, BEAT HER, TAKE HER BLOOD AND RUN? WHY? TO
PROVE WHAT A MAN YOU ARE? YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A MONSTER WHO DOESN'T DESERVE
ANYTHING BUT A DECAPITATION!" He punched Angel's face and his immediate
reaction was to punch him back. Things got out of control after that and he kicked
Xander in the shin and he responded by elbowing his face.
"STOP IT!" She screamed as she
walked in to the scene. She ran in the middle of the fight, pushing them both
back hard. "STOP IT!" She said.
"My God Buffy, go look at yourself in
the mirror and tell me why you insist on defending him."
"Because, Xander..."
"Because you like the feel of his
dick?" Xander froze. "Buffy, I can't believe I said that. That was...
I'm sorry."
"Xander, I can't fight with you on
this. This wasn't Angel's fault, he didn't knowingly do something that took his
soul away, like last time, it wasn't his fault, he didn't know. The fault lies
with me."
"Buffy, I can't let you take the wrap
for this, it's no ones fault, things just happened, and got out of
control."
She couldn't handle it, seeing everyone
fighting, she'd seen enough fighting. Willow sensed that and rushed to Buffy
and gave her a hug. "I was so worried about you Buffy, are you okay?"
"I will be, in time."
"What happened with Riley?"
"Riley? He is gonna make someone very
happy one day. He asked me to go to Iowa with him."
"Wow. Just like that?" The two
girls sat on the couch.
"Just like that. He said we could
heal together. He said he loved me."
"What did you tell him?"
"He said, 'I love you' and I said, 'I
don't.' And then I left."
"That's it?"
"That's the story."
"Was he mad?"
"At me? I don't think so, though I
don't see how he could not be, but he said it wasn't my fault and that he would
heal. His knee is pretty busted, I think his career in the army is out, and
he's got lots of therapy to go through and they are going to do one of those
skin graft things on his arm so it doesn't look so burnt. But you know what he
said? He asked if I was okay, ME, he wanted to know about me. I mean a great
guy like that, and I torture him nearly to death."
"Buffy, you didn't torture him, that
was me."
"FINALLY! AN ADMISSION OF GUILT FROM
THE GUILTY MURDERER!"
"XANDER! If you can't be nice, don't
be here at all, please, I don't need this now."
"I'm sure Riley didn't need it either
Buff, but he got it because you decided you couldn't kill your demon lover. I'm
sorry about what happened to you Buffy, but none of it would have if you hadn't
slept with him in high school."
"XANDER!" Angel stepped in front
of him. "I wouldn't go there if I were you."
"What are you gonna do? Break my
kneecaps and burn my skin off? Hack me up with a chainsaw and suck my
blood?"
"You aren't helpin' here mate."
Spike said, pushing Angel back. "If you're not here to help Buffy, then
don't be here."
"Oh this is rich Spike. YOU'RE GOING
TO TELL ME ABOUT HAVING MANNERS? AND RESPECT?"
"Xander..." Willow walked over
to him and took him arm. "Xander, Spike's right, it's not helping."
"Maybe we shouldn't help. How many
times should we forgive her demon lover Will?" Just then Angel pushed
Xander back and Xander swung at him.
"STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP, PLEASE
STOP!" Buffy screamed before falling to the ground.
"BUFFY!" Angel rushed over to
her. "Buffy, let me take you home." She nodded as he picked her up.
He looked at Xander as he walked by.
"That's good Dead Boy, take her home,
don't loose your soul... wouldn't want your evil twin back AGAIN!"
Angel walked with Spike at his side and
they arrived back at the mansion. "Spike, I'm taking her up to rest. If
anyone stops by, let me know."
"Okay." He replied and sat down
with the paper. He had seen a lot of people in pain before and had thought it
pretty funny, but seeing the Slayer like that? He had to admit he had always
liked her. She was so full of life and was strong too. He enjoyed fighting with
her, having her outsmart him, he liked her. He was glad they hadn't been
successful at ending the world AND having her on Angelus' side had been wrong.
Maybe he liked her more than he should, what with being a vampire and all, but
his Sire had done a number on her, and he was going to have to pick up the
pieces. Why? Because he promised.
"Here, lie down and rest." He
placed her in the bed, she was shaking. "Are you cold?" She nodded.
"Maybe you should change." She got up and went to her bag. He had
been expecting her to ask him to leave but she took her shirt and jeans off in
front of him. He winced as she revealed herself to him, the welts still looked
pretty fresh. "Buffy, maybe you should go to the doctor."
"No. I couldn't."
"Buffy, you don't have to tell them
how, but you look pretty bad." He hung his head and looked at his hands,
the hands that had hurt her. He remembered the words that had been spoken, the
sound of the whip hitting her skin, and how much he had enjoyed it. He cursed
himself and his hands.
"No, it's... I can't let someone
touch me like that Angel."
"Buffy, you might need stitches or
something."
"No." She walked over to him,
still bare to his gaze, to his touch and she stood in front of him and took his
head in her hands. "Angel, I can't. I can't." Next, she took his
hands in hers and placed them on her hips. "I need you to touch me
Angel."
"Buffy..."
"Shh..." she said, leaning to
capture his lips. She unbuttoned his shirt and slipped it off his shoulders.
"Angel, I need to feel your hands on me, not his, I need you to wipe it
away, I need you to love me... please." Tears ran down her cheeks and he couldn't
deny her this, he should, but couldn't. He slid his hands up around her back
and down her arms over her shoulders. She flinched as his fingers brushed over
the welts on her arm. He leaned up and kissed them gently as his hands
continued running over her stomach. His hands ran up her back again and he
unhooked her bra and it fell to the ground. He closed his eyes at the bite
marks that adorned her beautiful skin and welt marks that accompanied them.
"Buffy..."
"Look at me Angel, look into my
eyes." And he did.
"You did not do this to me. You DID
NOT do this to me. I know you didn't." She leaned down and took his lower
lip and began gently sucking on it. Her fingers ran over his shoulders and into
his hair. He knew she needed more than he could give her. He wouldn't, couldn't
give her what she needed, but he would give as much as he felt was safe. Her
kiss deepened as she slipped her moist tongue into his coolness. He let her
take what she wanted, she prodded inside his mouth and he could feel her
passion and her acceptance. The realization that it had not been him who hurt
her came through her kiss. She slowly sat down in his lap and he turned her so
he was partially lying on top of her on the bed.
She trembled under his caress and he let
his fingers run circles around her nipples and navel. His mouth began a trail
of kisses over her body. His hands slid down over her abdomen and on her thighs
and down her legs. He captured one of her nipples in his mouth, suckling
lightly, kissing gently and he moved on to the next. Her back arched into his
touch and she moaned. He kissed up her neck and found her soft lips once again.
He looked at her beautiful face and she was crying softly. "Buffy? Are you
okay?" She nodded her head while biting her lip. "Buffy, we..."
She put her finger to his lips.
"I know, but please... it won't... I
need you to touch me Angel." He looked deep into her eyes and wanted to
make her forget what had happened. He wanted to make them both forget. He
gently kissed her forehead and her breath hit his neck, warm. He was there to
make her feel loved and desired. This was about her. He wanted to bring her to
orgasm as much as he could, so she knew that love did not have to hurt, that he
didn't want anything from her. He kissed her deeply as his hand slid down to
her thigh and spread her legs so he could have access to her warmth. He slipped
his fingers under her panties and removed them. His finger slid into her and
she arched into his touch. He moved his fingers in a small circular pattern
until he slipped them in as far as he could.
She knew they couldn't make love, she
wanted to, but they couldn't. She just needed to feel HIS touch. She needed to
have him touch her in the gentle way, have him worship her and make her come,
to reclaim her body as his. She was sore everywhere, but his touch didn't hurt
her, his kisses, his lips, were heavenly. He erased the pain and emptiness she
felt.
She clenched her muscles around his
fingers, she was close and he looked down at her. She was beautiful, her eyes closed,
her mouth slightly parted, moaning, and little gasps escaped her mouth. He
wanted to see her face in the throws of her orgasm, he wanted to feel her come
and see her face when she did. His efforts doubled and he felt her release as
she thrust her hips up toward him.
His fingers did not give up as he blazed a
trail of cool tender kisses down over her body until his tongue reached her
soft folds. He lapped at the liquids escaping her body and he licked her,
running his tongue over her before pushing into her. He took his thumbs and
pulled back the skin slightly and took her clit into his mouth and heard her
cooing his name. She thrust into his face, and she hit orgasm after orgasm as
he continued.
"Angel... Angel... Angel...
Angel..." she just chanted his name over and over. Just when she thought
she couldn't come again, he would kiss her or caress her thigh of whisper her
name into her core and she would. He finally lay dormant for a few minutes and
her body relaxed, the heavy scent of her sex filled the room. She felt more
kisses. "Angel... please... Angel... I can't..."
His face resurfaced and kissed her gently.
His chocolate brown eyes stared back at her, filled with love. "I love you
Buffy."
"I love you my Angel." He lay
beside her and she cuddled up next to him and he covered her with the blanket.
He laid there listening to her heartbeat,
listening to her breathing slow and become steady at last. She was asleep. He
waited, couldn't fall asleep. He wasn't sure if the familiar pain would come or
not. He was hoping that the loss of his soul happened because of the solace
he'd found within her and since he had not gone there, that he was safe. It
became apparent that his suspicions were correct because he could smell day
coming and the pain had not come.
He was certain Buffy's healing had begun.
Perhaps she would one day find some peace he could not, but he was certain it
wouldn't be with him, it couldn't be. If he stayed, even for her, the
temptations would be too great and the next time she was naked, he wasn't sure
if he could hold his desire off as well as he had the night prior. It had been
difficult, he'd wanted her so bad, but she needed that and he could give that
to her, but one time was all it would take and he would be killing again. He couldn't
stay with her, he had to leave again. He closed his eyes and slowly drifted off
to sleep.
//How do I say
goodbye to what we had?
The good times
that made us laugh
I want them back
I thought we
cared to see forever
But forever's
gone away
It's so hard to
say goodbye to yesterday//
She slowly woke up to the sound of birds
chirping outside the window. Her senses began giving her data and she felt the
cold body next to her. She opened her eyes and he was sleeping, she smiled.
Waking up to him had been something she hadn't been able to do before. She
began to cry, she knew what would happen, what had to happen. She understood
this time. He had left because he couldn't be what she needed, he couldn't give
her a quasi-normal life, and she couldn't move on if he was around. He had left
because she needed to heal, and he did too. He would leave again so she could
get her life back in order. She needed to get back to her friends, and into her
life again. He couldn't be a part of that. He left so she could be strong, and
he would again for the same reason. She couldn't rely on him to solve
everything. She had to be strong and she accepted that this time.
She leaned down and kissed his chest, ran
her tongue over his nipples and down to his stomach and he began laughing.
"Stop that." He said through his laughter. "Morning."
She looked up and smiled. "Good
morning." They kissed. "Angel, I want to thank you for last night. I
wish we could ha..."
"Shh..." his fingers covered her
lips and she knew he knew. "Buffy, I have to tell you..."
"I know." She said.
"When?"
"Tonight would probably be best. The
longer I stay, the harder it will be and..."
"I understand. Thanks."
//I don't know
where this road is going to lead
All I know is
where's we've been
And what we've
been through
If we cared to
see tomorrow
I hope it's worth
all the pain
It's so hard to
say goodbye to yesterday//
He nodded and she stood up and he took one
last look at her body before she put clothes on. He threw his shirt back on and
she looked out the window for an hour, as he sat on the bed and watched her. He
knew this was best, she did too this time. He could see that in her eyes. She
walked back over to him and they laid on the bed in each other's arms. Nothing
was said. Silence said it all. Her healing had begun, but she had to finish it
on her own. He couldn't fix everything for her, she had to do it on her own
this time.
Dusk fell and she opened the curtains and
he stood behind her. She leaned into him and he held her until he mustered
enough strength to walk away from her again. He pulled away and she turned and
looked at him with a tear streaming down her cheek. He kissed her on the
forehead and grazed her lips once more. He walked to the door and glanced back
before leaving.
She stood at the window and heard his car
drive away. She put her jacket on and closed the door. A while later, the door
at Giles' opened and she smiled as her friends embraced her.
//And I'll take
with me the memories
To be my sunshine
after the rain
It's so hard to
say goodbye to yesterday//
He arrived back at the office and put his
feet up on the desk and leaned back as he closed his eyes.
//And I'll take
with me the memories
To be my sunshine
after the rain
It's so hard to say
goodbye to yesterday//
~El Fin~
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